the wife...jealous

[BigDonSloba 0]

The wife tells me today that she is 100% against my surgery and threatened to leave me if I go forward with it!! WTF! She says she likes a heavy guy and I didnt mind being big but now Ive got health problems to go along with it. High blood pressure, shooting pains in my legs and im prediabetic. She let it slip when she was yelling at me that girls will be all over me, which no matter how much I wish were true will never be the case. Is she really worried about me/us or is it a jealousy issue?

[melaniec 0]

Is she heavy too??

[sasicas 194]

I would guess it is just jealousy and insecurity. Is she heavy?

[BigDonSloba 0]

Yes she is heavy, but I assure her that that is what im attracted too. Even in high school when I was a football player 190lbs of chieseled teenage muscle (sigh) I always went after bigger softer girls. Thats not gonna change.

[Jinjin 21]

Yeah she's jeolous! My husband didnt like it as I got bigger after having his 3 kids gaining 50 lbs each child and having trouble loseing the weight. But now that I'm loosing and he's seeing my confidence rise he's becoming jealous.. We are gonna have issue to work out : / especially next year when I get some new girls...

[sasicas 194]

Well that explains it then, it would absolutely be her insecurity in her own body and jealousy that you will look "better" than her. Don't know if you are heavier than her right now but I can tell you from my own experience that being heavier than my husband was not a fun experience.

He also shows jealousy now, not so much because I am thinner than him but he is much more protective that someone is going to swoop in and "steal" me from him now that I'm not fat. Flattering and annoying at the same time.

[Shea 13]

Have you asked her if this was something she might want to try, and maybe you guys could do it together? If she's already upset it is a good possibility that she may not come around until she feels good about herself too. A woman always wants to feel like she's cuter, and sexier than her man. We want to be everything to him and not only is she thinking other women may want you but she doesnt want your eyes to wonder elsewhere either. You can say that you wont and you may not but in her mind she's thinking "he wants to be thin so what is going to keep him from liking thin women too." There is nothing you can do about her insecurities she has to work on them herself but you can suggest things like doing this together and keep reassuring her that she is the only one for you, not just once but all the time with words and actions. We never get tired of hearing that you love us even if you get tired of saying it. If you want this relationship to work you are going to have to help her work through this.

[myrori 55]

My guess she is scared of losing you and scared of change. Having a morbidly obese spouse myself I know his insecurities ran high. He only verbalized them once with the question "are you going to get skinny and leave me?"

However as we change our eating habits and exercise habits it forces our spouses to take a good long hard look at what they are doing or not doing. She was comfortable with food and exercise abandon. If you did not care, then she did not have to either and all that feels safe and comfortable to her.

What she is really fighting here is forced change and what she knows as comfortable and normal.

Not for one minute I do not suggest you put off your surgery! We all come to face our reality at different times, if ever. I know it seems wrong that she not be supportive during such a major change in your life, but it realty at this point is about her feelings and not yours, right or wrong as that maybe.

Stay strong, seek support via support groups and go head strong into your journey to health!

[Mr-Smith 7]

Hmm, I can't speak to the spouse thing but my daughter of 9 told me she didn't want me to change either. She will have to adjust, like you my health issues are stacking up and she will be glad I did this when she is 30 and I'm still around to be her dad.

[mnbsleeve 87]

I think it's tough because, like Myrori said so well above, it's forced change. We don't just change how we look but our lifestyles become different. We become more interested in different things, or we finally try out activities and experiences we've put off or felt unable to do or try prior, we get more active and we also loose interest in certain activities -- like eating or maybe more sedentary things. All that spells a new life and when you share a life, its a big one to re-negotiate. It's a transition, like many others. But it's doable! You guys may need some counseling support to help get through the initial rough spots. The really hard part is that if you were to postpone or even abandone the idea, there's a good probability that you would resent her big time. And then *that* would interfere in the marriage equally. Hang in there!!!! As Myrori said, get some support. I think it's important to not do this alone!

[GreginMI 76]

Great reply. Well put.

My guess she is scared of losing you and scared of change. Having a morbidly obese spouse myself I know his insecurities ran high. He only verbalized them once with the question "are you going to get skinny and leave me?"

However as we change our eating habits and exercise habits it forces our spouses to take a good long hard look at what they are doing or not doing. She was comfortable with food and exercise abandon. If you did not care, then she did not have to either and all that feels safe and comfortable to her.

What she is really fighting here is forced change and what she knows as comfortable and normal.

Not for one minute I do not suggest you put off your surgery! We all come to face our reality at different times, if ever. I know it seems wrong that she not be supportive during such a major change in your life, but it realty at this point is about her feelings and not yours, right or wrong as that maybe.

Stay strong, seek support via support groups and go head strong into your journey to health!

[BigDonSloba 0]

Great advice guys. I know I can not afford to put off this surgery not and expect to live long enough to walk my babygirl down the isle. I told her I would be more than willing to get some counciling and i try to affirm my love for her daily. I don't want to come off to you all like I hate my wife or see her as an amtagonist she is my world and I just wish we were able to share this journey together.

[smkeller 3]

Yes, my wife didn't like or accept my wanting to get WLS. I finally just went not telling her. She had said that I would get skinny and attractive and leave. Just insecurity. She didn't speak to me for a week after I came back, but now things are normal. It would have been nice, though, to get support for it. I had at least four co-morbidities.

Great advice guys. I know I can not afford to put off this surgery not and expect to live long enough to walk my babygirl down the isle. I told her I would be more than willing to get some counciling and i try to affirm my love for her daily. I don't want to come off to you all like I hate my wife or see her as an amtagonist she is my world and I just wish we were able to share this journey together.

[Change ;) (Celena) 0]

Well I am in the same boat with my husband, he is very insecure and has told me that he likes me heavy and if I loose weight he will not be attracted to me anymore. I think it is a jealousy thing and a fear thing, because they think we are going to get all sexy and not want them anymore. My husband also told me after 3years of me wanting to get the surgery that the real reason he didn't want me to was he was SCARED I wouldn't make it through the operation, so Im not sure , it is alittle of everything I guess , BUT OUR HEALTH SHOULD BE OUR MAIN CONCERN !!!!! CELENA:)

[smkeller 3]

The truth is that fat is simply not attractive even if you are Brad Pitt or Sophia Loren.

Well I am in the same boat with my husband, he is very insecure and has told me that he likes me heavy and if I loose weight he will not be attracted to me anymore. I think it is a jealousy thing and a fear thing, because they think we are going to get all sexy and not want them anymore. My husband also told me after 3years of me wanting to get the surgery that the real reason he didn't want me to was he was SCARED I wouldn't make it through the operation, so Im not sure , it is alittle of everything I guess , BUT OUR HEALTH SHOULD BE OUR MAIN CONCERN !!!!! CELENA:)