A little disappointed with myself...

[Lisha 1]

When I first told my friend I was having WLS I told him that I had no plans to keep it a secret, if someone asks, I will tell them. We talked about how it's likely that I will get some negative responses and he suggested I give everyone the same response when they ask about my weight loss. I thought it was silly but the more I read about everyone's experience the more I think it's a good idea. Create something you're comfortable with and you won't waver on. It's less likely that your subconscious will take over. Hope this helps!

[jasleeve 440]

youre are so damn right. i love when people make great valid points as this. this surgery is about us. they are just not educated enough and are not motivated enough to make such a change!!!! screw them!

as far as people ignoring you, thats just disgusting!!! because you lost weight thru surgery? give me abreak!!! i hate ignorant people.

It's not considered cheating when people get a kidney or heart transplant or take insulin for diabetes. Why should WLS be any different? I know how you feel because I'm very upfront with my surgery and when I see someone making that face I usually stop them in their tracks with 'I'm sure you think I'm cheating and maybe I am but at least I'm no longer obese & unhealthy and managing my weight is no longer a struggle. I look good, I feel good & I'm going to live a longer & healthier life on my terms and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks.' And honestly, I don't give a damn what people think - most of them are just jealous anyway!

I've lost 62lbs since surgery in April and 87lbs from my highest weight so I get comments about my loss all the time. I volunteer at my kids' school and there are a few heavy/obese teachers and a couple of otter staff members who wont speak to me since school started a couple of weeks ago but I consider that their loss if they want to wallow in their own misery & unhappiness.

[jasleeve 440]

the only thing you cheated was misery and an early death!

I have started training for a half-marathon and am doing so with a running group. I actually wanted to do this last year and joined the group only to realize I was too fat to run. I worked out with the walking group for a while before I realized I was too heavy to even do that. Fast forward 12 months and I am now there again almost 80 pounds lighter and running 5 miles. Big victory, right?

Today, I saw some of the women I used to walk with. Of course they asked how much weight I had lost and then the inevitable, "How'd you do it?" I hmmed and hawed for a moment before just saying I had wls. I have a huge issue with needing to be honest so I rarely conceal surgery when others ask. (I'm not saying concealing is wrong, it just doesn't work for me.) Anyway, once I said wls I saw the curl of one of the women's lip... you know the one. The one that says, "Oh, you cheated." And, it's fine that she feels that way. What wasn't okay was that I felt that she was kind of right. In that moment, I felt like I kind of cheated, too.

And, that just pisses me off. I know how badly I needed this and how hard I've worked for my success. I can't believe my head/heart would betray me like that. I don't know if I am making any sense, but it was really disheartening to have my own head de-valuing all of the hard work I have done. Moral of the story: Stay tuned into yourself and don't let yourself provide any of the negative talk. There are plenty of others willing to do that for us.

Thanks for listening/reading.

Amanda

[jasleeve 440]

i said the samething & after reading more, i see you beat me to it. lol.

The only thing you cheated was an early death! You go girl! Congratulations on your progress -- you're already a winner!

[Metri 0]

Some people just DON'T need to know, it's nobody's business and it's your personal choice to let them in. Besides my hubby, I didn't tell anyone for the longest time because I didn't think they would be supportive and I didn't want to hear it. My parents were shocked, thinking it was all their fault that I was 'overweight'. Still only a handful of people know about our life changing decision (my hubby is going to eat the same foods along with me). I read your blog earlier and it helped me stand up to my mother today. Years ago we had a deal that if I lost 40lbs she would quit smoking. Today, I asked her to same thing and she replied, 'no it's different because you are cheating'. I flipped my **** and explained it's not cheating, it's putting your body at harm by having surgery to make yourself happier and healthier in the long run. Just wanted you to know that you ARE helping others and don't worry about what other people think. I can't tell you how many people have done this surgery within the last year that are actually talking about it because it's "taboo" or "not socially acceptable".

[sugarmamma7 2]

I don't think its cheating at all. We are forced with the same choices we make everyday on food. It is a constant struggle. Yes we are forced to eat smaller portions, but we still have to do the work to live an more healthy lifestyle. Would going a getting a personal trainer or a dietician be cheating? I think not we are just using the right tools so that we can be sucessfull! Don't let those women bother you, they are just jealous! Sending hugs your way...

[Amanda131 214]

I haven't had my surgery as of yet (shooting for late Sept). I actually thought that of myself, I'm cheating by having this surgery done. However I have changed my mind on this, thanks to my husband (thin and can eat anything). He said, if an alcoholic or a drug addict goes to rehab, away from their addictions no one would dare say they were cheating. That "intervention" saved their life. How is WLS any different? Some of us have real addictions to food that are slowly killing us. We all are doing what is right for US not them. This isn't a walk in the park, this is still very difficult process to go through. You did all the hard work yourself, i.e. eating healthier and exercising. People will find something wrong with our choices no matter what. Give yourself the credit that you deserve and NEVER let anyone down play your success!

Bebes-

Thank you so much for this perspective. I plan to put it in my mental toolbox and pull it out if this ever happens again. This even helped me feel more normal as it helped me realize that other addicts probably have feelings of failure for not being able to control their addictions as well. I realized reading these posts that this was the real issue for me. A fear that I had to "cheat" with surgery because I'm failure. Can anyone guess who here has serious perfection issues?

[Amanda131 214]

you are training for a half marathon! enough said!!!!

Right? THEY were walking while I RAN. Screw them!

[Bebes 0]

Sometimes we let what others think about us ruin the successes that we have in life. If people truly care for you, they wouldn't be judgmental on how you succeeded but that you did succeed. I was pretty nervous about telling some of my family members. I was relieved to find that they were very supportive of my decision. I know that I won't share that with everyone. But, if they do find out and they have something negative to say, then I will have to put them in their place. I don't need ANYONE to tell me what is right for ME. The only person that I needed their approval was my husband and no else. Putting boundaries up and pushing back may put people off, but they will respect you for it! Running is something I'm so excited to start up again, it has to be the most exhilarating and addictive (I do have an addictive personality) exercise there is. Keep up the great work, and hold your head up high!!!!!

Bebes-

Thank you so much for this perspective. I plan to put it in my mental toolbox and pull it out if this ever happens again. This even helped me feel more normal as it helped me realize that other addicts probably have feelings of failure for not being able to control their addictions as well. I realized reading these posts that this was the real issue for me. A fear that I had to "cheat" with surgery because I'm failure. Can anyone guess who here has serious perfection issues?

[Veda 12]

The oddest reaction I've gotten is when I told someone who weighs about 80 - 100 pounds more than I do; she just stared at me and didn't say a thing. A dear friend of 28 years says she'll still be my friend, but won't do a thing to support the decision like take me to the surgeon...This friend and I have been to WW together, talked about food/weight since we met, and I have listened to her struggles with alcoholism. My husband had an absolute hissy-fit, but now says he was being selfish and apologized - he will be supportive now of whatever decision I make. My 6' tall beautiful daughter who wears a size 6-8, naturally, said that she is totally supportive and has worried about me for the past 2 years. She said, "Mom why bother with trying to lose weight the way you have for years. Why not take the help?! It's not like you have to suffer in order to deserve being good to yourself." ALL of these reactions AND I haven't even seen a doctor yet! I'm at the first step of calling to find out about it after doing a lot of online research. The person I expected would not understand is my very thin daughter. She, however, could not be more understanding and helpful. I guess we just never know! "I had WLS, I don't eat very much and my stomach is smaller, it's none of your business, or ..." is our choice just like the choice to get the sleeve. Geeze, I talk like I've already had the procedure done!

[peacequeen 434]

I don't plan on telling anyone but if I did or if they find out..is it more socially acceptable to be fat? I mean, I get stares now along with comments "you have such a pretty face, if only..." We can't make everyone happy and besides, it's our body not theirs. I got myself the way I am and it's my responsibility to get me the way I want me. I can't let others judgements rule my life. I haven't had surgery yet so it's probably easy for me to say but I have to go into it with this mindset because I'm the type of person that let's what people think get the best of me. I'll probably tell people I'm eating alot less.lol..which will be true.

[Lakelady 2]

If there was a surgery that cured alcoholism or other addictions you better believe it would be performed frequently! I'm so thankful that this surgery helped me cheat (translaticfon, it worked) and experience this level of health and happiness.

Wow I never thought before surgery I'd have such exuberant posts but wow!

[SeattleSue 25]

I share your mixed emotions.

I had a small "reveal" at work after having the summer off. I popped into work for 7th grade orientation on Monday and it was so busy that my co-workers didn't have a chance to do more than see me in passing, but the shock on their faces definately registered a big, "Holy Cow!" I wasn't prepared for that. What I see in the mirror is someone who has 135+ pounds to lose...what they saw was someone who lost about 50# since they last saw me. I thought I was ready with the "diet and exercise" response. And honestly, nobody asked, but it's coming. I'm really doing some soul searching on this... My intent was NOT to share that I had WLS, and I had a whole list of exceptions for those that I "might" share with based on my own judgments of their need and/or motivation. That alone was a very revelatory and very personal thing to discover about myself.

For me, the scary truth is I think it is some inverted pride that triggers a shame response. Like I'm afraid to fully own the fact that "I couldn't do this without help." That may be too inflammatory for some to hear--but I'm still exploring this vein in my head and heart. The rational part of me say's strong people know how to ask for help. Like that old lyric, "...people who need people are the luckiest people in the world..." There is a great measure of truth to that. Knowing when to get intervention IS a mark of honesty, strength, humbleness...

I think Starry was the one who pointed out that Americans as a society will generally applaud expeditiousness and inginuity. Why the ground rules change for losing weight is beyond me... The thinking is definately wrong. I LOVE the statement of "...tried the hard way and it didn't work..."

I have a lot of thoughts roaming around. You are not alone...

I'm going to let this one mull on the back burner for a while. I basically have until Monday to put the issue to rest because that's when I am back to work officially.

[momokev 0]

Cheating? No, I don't see it as some miracle cure, while I sit on my behind, eating ice cream. We still have to do our part to make the most of this opportunity. I know a girl who's cousin had a lap band a month or so ago. She was qualified by medicaid after being turned once. This girl is a true food addict, and has GAINED WEIGHT since being banded. So no, it's not cheating, just a useful tool in which we can gain control of our lives.

Lisa

[Amanda131 214]

I share your mixed emotions.

I had a small "reveal" at work after having the summer off. I popped into work for 7th grade orientation on Monday and it was so busy that my co-workers didn't have a chance to do more than see me in passing, but the shock on their faces definately registered a big, "Holy Cow!" I wasn't prepared for that. What I see in the mirror is someone who has 135+ pounds to lose...what they saw was someone who lost about 50# since they last saw me. I thought I was ready with the "diet and exercise" response. And honestly, nobody asked, but it's coming. I'm really doing some soul searching on this... My intent was NOT to share that I had WLS, and I had a whole list of exceptions for those that I "might" share with based on my own judgments of their need and/or motivation. That alone was a very revelatory and very personal thing to discover about myself.

For me, the scary truth is I think it is some inverted pride that triggers a shame response. Like I'm afraid to fully own the fact that "I couldn't do this without help." That may be too inflammatory for some to hear--but I'm still exploring this vein in my head and heart. The rational part of me say's strong people know how to ask for help. Like that old lyric, "...people who need people are the luckiest people in the world..." There is a great measure of truth to that. Knowing when to get intervention IS a mark of honesty, strength, humbleness...

I think Starry was the one who pointed out that Americans as a society will generally applaud expeditiousness and inginuity. Why the ground rules change for losing weight is beyond me... The thinking is definately wrong. I LOVE the statement of "...tried the hard way and it didn't work..."

I have a lot of thoughts roaming around. You are not alone...

I'm going to let this one mull on the back burner for a while. I basically have until Monday to put the issue to rest because that's when I am back to work officially.

Thank you! So much of what you said is right where I am. It's the battle between what I know and what I occasionally feel. I, too, worked on a school campus when I had VSG and I did not plan to share that I had surgery but I am so damn honest that it just kind of came out. And, I can tell you from experience that if you plan to tell anyone then everyone will eventually know. My campus surprised me with how supportive they were when they learned that I had chosen WLS. I have since been promoted to the district office and when I visit they are all still super excited for my weight-loss success.

I don't regret choosing to be open and honest with others if for no other reason then that by being open I've helped two others chose to change their life with VSG. So, I try to remind myself of the positives when people like the woman I mentioned earlier in the posts get to me.

Like you, I am letting this stew and roll around in the back of my mind. I feel the big victory is being aware of the feelings so that I can make peace with them in a healthy manner. Thanks again for the great words of wisdom.

Amanda