Loss of friends

[CT Fats 82]

Hello All

I was just reading about members psych evals in another thread and someone mentioned that their therapist told them they will DEFINATELY lose friends after the weight loss. My therapist told me the same thing at my session. I really can't envision losing any of my friends because I lost weight! I have a couple friends who dropped some major poundage and I didn't get jealous or hate them, infact I couldn't have been happier for them. So how many of you successful sleevers have lost good friends after weight loss? Were they close friends, any jealous comments? Please share.

[Nancy Rivers 24]

I've never had many friends. Only one or two "close" friends through the years who have gone out of my life. The last close friend that I have/had started parting ways with me a few months before I had the surgery - so if she ultimately does move out of my life, it won't be because of this surgery.

[SFOTraveler 42]

i lost more friends after having kids (none of my friends have kids or are married), then I did after surgery. In fact 100% of my friends and fam have been supportive and seem thrilled for me.

[CT Fats 82]

Thats what I would have thought. It seems like everyone would just be supportive and happy for you.

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

Thats what I would have thought. It seems like everyone would just be supportive and happy for you.

Not everyone .. . I can vouch for that. My best friend for 13 years over reacted like a drama queen when I told her I was having WLS. I could have kicked myself in my big butt for even opening my mouth cause I was not going to tell anyone but my sister and of course my husband was with me to every visit. In a weak moment I cracked and shared my secret with my best friend.... as soon as the words were coming out of my mouth I regretted telling her.

She insisted I could lose weight through diet and exercise... I can still see her shaking her had no and telling me surgery is not the answer.... UGH... That was December of 2010..... my surgery was in January, she did come and see me when I was home about 5 days, as soon as she walked in the door she had nothing but negative comments, telling me to get up and go walk 2 miles, asking me if I was sore or hurting and was it worth the pain, still shaking her head in discust that I had to have surgery to lose weight. Over the next 2 months there was very little communication between her and I and now its August, I havent talked to her since May.....

Before anyone asks or says something - she is 5' 7 and weighs about 125. She always was tall & thin from the first day I met her. Last year she got a personal trainer that she worked with to "firm up"... she now works out 4 times a week, she is totally into eating health food, etc... you would think being my friend that we would have even more in common now.... but something sure did change... Sorry for rambeling but I wanted to make my point, yes... I totally believe you could lose friends as the wieght comes off, you are changing, you are not the same person anymore.. etc.

[CT Fats 82]

To be thin

Do you think she was concerned with you undergoing surgery or did she just wanna be the "skinny one" in your friendship?

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I have been extremely lucky in that I have not lost a single good friend since I've had my VSG and have lost all my weight.

In fact I have a really close girlfriend here at work who does have a weight issue, and yet she always remains supportive and is my biggest cheerleader here. She once asked for tips on weight loss and I've convinced her to read the Atkins book as well as the South Beach book. She has started the Atkins book. She's even highlighting a lot of passages. Yes, she knows about my surgery, but I've explained to her that its more than cutting the stomach. You have to have a plan too, and I told her mine was of the hi Protein / lo carb type. I hope she does well!!!

I suppose I have a knack for seeing the genuine in people. I don't really go out of my way to associate with folks who come off phoney or superficial. I'm kind to all of course, but my real true friends are few and I know for them they'd be my friend no matter if I'm 900 or 90 Lbs... and I'd be the same way for them in return.

[Nichelle 21]

This is a true test of who your real friends are and who is just around because they are. I already notice a different taste in others mouths when I come into work. Some are sweet and others bitter. I think as long as I stay true to myself. Those who love me and are my friends will stay by my side. This may be the first time in my life that I may get to be smaller than my sister and she has never been happier for me. I may also be the first time in my adult life that I am reaching a point where I will be smaller than my mom and she has never seemed so spiteful. I hope all will work out for the best in the end.

[sasicas 194]

The person I considered my best friend bailed on me. She was supportive of the surgery until the week before, I had a moment of weakness and said I might back out, at that moment she no longer supported it. She had started doing everything she could to lose weight, and she was a lot smaller than me to begin with anyways, but it seemed like she couldn't stand the idea of not being the skinny friend. She came to the hospital the day of my surgery and that was the last time I saw her. She would talk to me like normal on the phone for the first few weeks but as I lost weight she just took off. I called her a few times over one weekend, she didn't answer, she didn't answer texts. She called once on Monday and I decided to wait and see if she would call again as I was not about to fight for a friendship when clearly she had begun distancing herself. She never called again. I reached out to her on Facebook a few times trying to find out what was going on, she never responded. She has since moved and I am sure I will never hear from her again.

I have another friend that was very unsupportive of me, he said over and over I could do it on my own. I rarely hear from him anymore and it's usually only when he's upset about something. He's not even someone I would consider a friend anymore.

I have dealt with a lot of snarky comments too, some just joking, many are just low blows. You would think my "friends" would be happy for me to get healthy and fit but jealousy can be a very ugly thing and girls apparently don't like becoming the "fat" friend. Ugh!

This surgery really has shown me who my real friends are.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Sasi, I know that hurts a lot when people you trusted and initially cared for move on over such superficial reasons. However, it's better to just know that's all your friendship was ever really about. Being the "fat" friend... You honestly don't need friends like that in your life. It really is their loss.

You will someday find friends who love you for YOU, which you might have some already. Focus on those ones, they are the ones who deserve your attention now. I almost cringe at the term "best friend". What does that even mean? My "best friend" is my husband. Other than that all my other friends are equal to me, I don't love, cherish or confide in any one more than the others.

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

To be thin

Do you think she was concerned with you undergoing surgery or did she just wanna be the "skinny one" in your friendship?

You know that is a great question and I honestly do not know... and I for one always have my brain moving 100 different ways, please trust this truly bothered me that my good friend reacted that way and then like totally stopped being a friend.

So..to anaylize,, she always was and is the skinny one, I will never be as skinny as her nor do I want to be...and the surgery went just fine so she should be happy for me now. I truly do not know, but it hurt my feelings and it has shown me how good of a friend she was,,,to not stand by my side...

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

The person I considered my best friend bailed on me. She was supportive of the surgery until the week before, I had a moment of weakness and said I might back out, at that moment she no longer supported it. She had started doing everything she could to lose weight, and she was a lot smaller than me to begin with anyways, but it seemed like she couldn't stand the idea of not being the skinny friend. She came to the hospital the day of my surgery and that was the last time I saw her. She would talk to me like normal on the phone for the first few weeks but as I lost weight she just took off. I called her a few times over one weekend, she didn't answer, she didn't answer texts. She called once on Monday and I decided to wait and see if she would call again as I was not about to fight for a friendship when clearly she had begun distancing herself. She never called again. I reached out to her on Facebook a few times trying to find out what was going on, she never responded. She has since moved and I am sure I will never hear from her again.

I have another friend that was very unsupportive of me, he said over and over I could do it on my own. I rarely hear from him anymore and it's usually only when he's upset about something. He's not even someone I would consider a friend anymore.

I have dealt with a lot of snarky comments too, some just joking, many are just low blows. You would think my "friends" would be happy for me to get healthy and fit but jealousy can be a very ugly thing and girls apparently don't like becoming the "fat" friend. Ugh!

This surgery really has shown me who my real friends are.

I can so relate to your friends /family/ coworkers.... ugh..... I have a sister-in-law that seems to always be around at the moment someone may compliment me for losing weight...she is the first to speak up and use a real tone to her voice like she is scolding a 2 year old.. and she says "yeah she (me) had Weight Loss Surgery"... and then she gasps!

[sasicas 194]

Sasi, I know that hurts a lot when people you trusted and initially cared for move on over such superficial reasons. However, it's better to just know that's all your friendship was ever really about. Being the "fat" friend... You honestly don't need friends like that in your life. It really is their loss.

You will someday find friends who love you for YOU, which you might have some already. Focus on those ones, they are the ones who deserve your attention now. I almost cringe at the term "best friend". What does that even mean? My "best friend" is my husband. Other than that all my other friends are equal to me, I don't love, cherish or confide in any one more than the others.

Thank you, I try to remember that she truly was not who I thought she was. It just kills me. I am not the sensitive type and it takes a lot to get to me, she is one of the only people to ever get to me and actually hurt me. I think a lot of what bothers me about how it went down is that I had shared my entire life with her, I confided in her, I felt I could trust her more than anyone, she knows things about me that no one else knows. Obviously my husband is the other person I trust but men don't always care to know things or have an interest in things that I needed to talk about. *sigh* Generally I am very cautious as to who I open up to and it bugs the snot out of me that she actually gained my trust, then showed her true colors, it makes me wonder how in the world she manipulated me in such a way as to make me think she was a real friend. I hope she never decides to go spreading my business to anyone....

Anyways, guess I needed to get that all out Thanks.

[sasicas 194]

I can so relate to your friends /family/ coworkers.... ugh..... I have a sister-in-law that seems to always be around at the moment someone may compliment me for losing weight...she is the first to speak up and use a real tone to her voice like she is scolding a 2 year old.. and she says "yeah she (me) had Weight Loss Surgery"... and then she gasps!

Ugh! Why do people have to be like that! It's as if some people just never got out of high school. Who cares how we lost weight, I just want people to be happy for us for being healthy and doing what we needed to do.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Thank you, I try to remember that she truly was not who I thought she was. It just kills me. I am not the sensitive type and it takes a lot to get to me, she is one of the only people to ever get to me and actually hurt me. I think a lot of what bothers me about how it went down is that I had shared my entire life with her, I confided in her, I felt I could trust her more than anyone, she knows things about me that no one else knows. Obviously my husband is the other person I trust but men don't always care to know things or have an interest in things that I needed to talk about. *sigh* Generally I am very cautious as to who I open up to and it bugs the snot out of me that she actually gained my trust, then showed her true colors, it makes me wonder how in the world she manipulated me in such a way as to make me think she was a real friend. I hope she never decides to go spreading my business to anyone....

Anyways, guess I needed to get that all out Thanks.

*Hugs* You so deserve better than that. As for her telling your business well I sincerely hope she doesn't do that! Come here anytime to vent!! This is such a rough journey in a lot of ways... so much changes and no one knows better than some one else who is going through it too.