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How do you see the world?



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"there for the grace of God go I."

I def think this....

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I am still pre op, but down 11 pounds. Since I have started this journey It seems that I am noticing for the first time, just how many people are obese, and when I see someone who is fit and in shape I think to myself, " I wonder if they had wls?"

I don't feel any different about other people, only myself. smile.gif

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I, too, have as my first thought, "Wow, that could be me, except for my sleeve." After that, I try to make eye contact and give a pleasant expression or smile; I remember feeling "invisible" to the world, and it's strange, invisible yet huge. I'm not at goal yet, but I'm 6'2", and people do notice me. Lately, I've seemingly become more visible, if this makes sense at all--anyway, I remember feeling so isolated even (or especially) in a group, so when I see someone who's obviously hurting--and do you know any truly happy morbidly obese people, because I certainly didn't/don't--I try to make a brief connection, just to smile.

Don't know why, really, other than I always felt so alone in my fat suit. It served its purpose well--it definitely did keep me "safe," but it also blocked a lot of simple contact, like having someone say "hello." Not a good way to live.

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I feel really sad when I see people who are really heavy. Sad for them because I know how horrible I felt at their size & how crappy the world treats you when you are that big. Also sad for myself because even though I know I am not that size anymore, alot of the time I still feel morbidly obese and carry around those feelings of guilt and shame. At the same time, I have a group of friends all of whom are morbidly obese & it is very frustrating to me that none of them seem to want to do anything about their weight. They all know about my surgery, but if anything, I think it has inspired them to gain weight not lose it. I feel bad because they are my friends & there are times when I look at them and think, "You are 30 years old, live with your parents, never had a boyfriend, & weigh over 300 pounds... Is this really the life you want? If not, why the hell are you stuffing your face with a double cheeseburger & fries?" I always feel guilty for these feelings because I know that many times you are eating for reasons that have nothing to do with hunger & I used to do the same thing.

Krista

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