Situation with wife and weight lost.

[lash44 313]

My wife always did not have to watch her weight, she is a tall sexy 180 lbs. and eat all day. As of late she have gained approx 10 lbs or so but it looks good on her.

We are both in our late 50's. The thing is now I am at 189 lbs and still losing (thought I had stopped at 195) from 275 pre-op weight. Always she had the advantage

because of her metabolism and I out weighted her for about 100 lbs., until now. I am within 10 lbs of he body weight and I feel she is getting a bit concern about her body

now. I been trying to reassure the sexy lady she have nothing to worry about, but that's not working. For now she is going to the gym and mostly modifying her diet. Any suggestions what

I can do to boost her confidence and relax her feelings about her weight or go along with her program (happy wife equals happy hubby).

Continued thanks,

Lash

[SouthernSleever 228]

I would encourage her to "get healthy" with you. Just because she is of normal weight doesn't mean she's healthy and it would take the emphasis off of the weight portion. Work out together, compliment her arms getting toner or whatever. If she gets healthier there's nothing wrong with that!

[smkeller 3]

Good luck there Lash. You are entering an area where even the Gods won't go.

My wife always did not have to watch her weight, she is a tall sexy 180 lbs. and eat all day. As of late she have gained approx 10 lbs or so but it looks good on her.

We are both in our late 50's. The thing is now I am at 189 lbs and still losing (thought I had stopped at 195) from 275 pre-op weight. Always she had the advantage

because of her metabolism and I out weighted her for about 100 lbs., until now. I am within 10 lbs of he body weight and I feel she is getting a bit concern about her body

now. I been trying to reassure the sexy lady she have nothing to worry about, but that's not working. For now she is going to the gym and mostly modifying her diet. Any suggestions what

I can do to boost her confidence and relax her feelings about her weight or go along with her program (happy wife equals happy hubby).

Continued thanks,

Lash

[Rev Me Up! 75]

Such a tough one - it is a weird mental hurdle to be heavier than your man (from a womans perspective). Keep reassuring her that she looks good and that you still think she's sexy. Keep up with the affection and it will help ease her through this time.

Keep it up and she'll start to accept it.

Good luck--

[lash44 313]

Smkeller,

I like your reply

Lash

[lash44 313]

thanks

lash

[Forensikchic 528]

thanks

lash

I have a lot to say about this one. I am having the same problem with my husband! He lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago and weighed about 215... he is 6'2". He is much healther now but then he started to gain a little back.. got up to 230. I weighed 234 three weeks ago and I had my surgery last monday. I am starting to loose already. He and I were walking and he said I should make my first goal to weigh less than him. He started watching what he ate from that day forward (presurgery). As I would weight in our bathroom and announce my weight loss, he would go in there and weigh. It has turned ugly the last few days. Yesterday, he jumped on the scales and said I weight 217.7! I weighed the exact same! I was excited! He said NO WAY! I am like, do you want me to reach my goal? YOU suggested it! So he has been competing with me because he doesnt want me to weigh less!!!!! I cant believe it! I said you are not supporting me, you are going against me! Of course I want him to loose back down and get healthy, but right now I need his support and for him to want me to do well. This morning he weighed and announced he was 214.9. of course I didnt loose 3 pounds overnight and was 215.9. So he went to work with a smile knowing I still weighed more than he did. I am so hurt about this. What gets into peoples heads???? I am very sad about it but I dont know what to do. Lash, I hope this doesnt happen to you but it sounds like it is. She is getting jealous that you are going to be in better shape than her so she is diligently working on it. Its a good thing but it can be taxing on a marriage. I know you want her to feel good about herself and be proud and supportive of you at the same time. Thats what I want too. I want him to be proud of himself too. My point is that when he lost his weight... we have celebrated and bragged for two years. I cant even get started good, til I am being made to feel he is against me and trying hard for me NOT to make my goal that he proposed for me... what to do, what to do.

[lash44 313]

Forensikchic

First congratulations on your surgery, as we all know it's the first step is most important. Everything else must follow the first step. Now about our situation, we should not have to compete with our spouse with it come to health and wellness. We want our mates to be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Yet things seem to change when insecurities and emotions replaces logic. Is it a societal rule that a the wife must weigh less than the husband? Or do they feel as one's life change is their lost. I was not aware of this problem within the marriage weight lost community. Any type of surgery requires family support and unity, not resentment of one's accomplishments.

Now what should you do, that's a difficult road to travel. But NOT an impossible path to journey though. First continue with your post op regiment, your health is most important to you and your family. Your wellness should help heal all wounds in time. Next communicate, oh did I mentioned exchange a few words, listen, and talk. Then talk and listen some more. A good time for this when you two are walking and/or working out together. Maybe go out and get a Kids Happy Meal as long it within your diet plan (sleever's are cheap dates). You (we) must find a way to convey to your spouse that one healthy weight is more important than some strange notion that if a man body mass is less than his wife, it's bad for the marriage. Understanding what's going between his ears can help too. Why does he feel your weight must be different from his. Only you and he can answer that. And work on it from that point. Being insecure plays a major role in our situation, I can see this is one those unspoken and unwritten problems with WLS. It's the same when one spouse get a big promotion or get a better job. It's all how we handle it. Insecurity is when one is unsure of themselves or lacking confidence. We must find a way to encourage and restore the assurance with our mates. Finally, satisfaction is a link to this emotional chain. He must be satisfied with new life style and well being.

Some WLS program's includes a support group and if my situation continues I will discuss it at one the sessions. I hope this help you and as we try to journey toward weight lost serenity.

Take care and continued thanks,

Lash

I have a lot to say about this one. I am having the same problem with my husband! He lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago and weighed about 215... he is 6'2". He is much healther now but then he started to gain a little back.. got up to 230. I weighed 234 three weeks ago and I had my surgery last monday. I am starting to loose already. He and I were walking and he said I should make my first goal to weigh less than him. He started watching what he ate from that day forward (presurgery). As I would weight in our bathroom and announce my weight loss, he would go in there and weigh. It has turned ugly the last few days. Yesterday, he jumped on the scales and said I weight 217.7! I weighed the exact same! I was excited! He said NO WAY! I am like, do you want me to reach my goal? YOU suggested it! So he has been competing with me because he doesnt want me to weigh less!!!!! I cant believe it! I said you are not supporting me, you are going against me! Of course I want him to loose back down and get healthy, but right now I need his support and for him to want me to do well. This morning he weighed and announced he was 214.9. of course I didnt loose 3 pounds overnight and was 215.9. So he went to work with a smile knowing I still weighed more than he did. I am so hurt about this. What gets into peoples heads???? I am very sad about it but I dont know what to do. Lash, I hope this doesnt happen to you but it sounds like it is. She is getting jealous that you are going to be in better shape than her so she is diligently working on it. Its a good thing but it can be taxing on a marriage. I know you want her to feel good about herself and be proud and supportive of you at the same time. Thats what I want too. I want him to be proud of himself too. My point is that when he lost his weight... we have celebrated and bragged for two years. I cant even get started good, til I am being made to feel he is against me and trying hard for me NOT to make my goal that he proposed for me... what to do, what to do.

[Bandme1 12]

My wife always did not have to watch her weight, she is a tall sexy 180 lbs. and eat all day. As of late she have gained approx 10 lbs or so but it looks good on her.

We are both in our late 50's. The thing is now I am at 189 lbs and still losing (thought I had stopped at 195) from 275 pre-op weight. Always she had the advantage

because of her metabolism and I out weighted her for about 100 lbs., until now. I am within 10 lbs of he body weight and I feel she is getting a bit concern about her body

now. I been trying to reassure the sexy lady she have nothing to worry about, but that's not working. For now she is going to the gym and mostly modifying her diet. Any suggestions what

I can do to boost her confidence and relax her feelings about her weight or go along with her program (happy wife equals happy hubby).

Continued thanks,

Lash

Aww, what a sweet husband. I would say keep the compliments flowing and maybe turn trips to the gym into mini-dates... something you can do together as a couple.

[Forensikchic 528]

Forensikchic

First congratulations on your surgery, as we all know it's the first step is most important. Everything else must follow the first step. Now about our situation, we should not have to compete with our spouse with it come to health and wellness. We want our mates to be healthy, wealthy, and wise. Yet things seem to change when insecurities and emotions replaces logic. Is it a societal rule that a the wife must weigh less than the husband? Or do they feel as one's life change is their lost. I was not aware of this problem within the marriage weight lost community. Any type of surgery requires family support and unity, not resentment of one's accomplishments.

Now what should you do, that's a difficult road to travel. But NOT an impossible path to journey though. First continue with your post op regiment, your health is most important to you and your family. Your wellness should help heal all wounds in time. Next communicate, oh did I mentioned exchange a few words, listen, and talk. Then talk and listen some more. A good time for this when you two are walking and/or working out together. Maybe go out and get a Kids Happy Meal as long it within your diet plan (sleever's are cheap dates). You (we) must find a way to convey to your spouse that one healthy weight is more important than some strange notion that if a man body mass is less than his wife, it's bad for the marriage. Understanding what's going between his ears can help too. Why does he feel your weight must be different from his. Only you and he can answer that. And work on it from that point. Being insecure plays a major role in our situation, I can see this is one those unspoken and unwritten problems with WLS. It's the same when one spouse get a big promotion or get a better job. It's all how we handle it. Insecurity is when one is unsure of themselves or lacking confidence. We must find a way to encourage and restore the assurance with our mates. Finally, satisfaction is a link to this emotional chain. He must be satisfied with new life style and well being.

Some WLS program's includes a support group and if my situation continues I will discuss it at one the sessions. I hope this help you and as we try to journey toward weight lost serenity.

Take care and continued thanks,

Lash

I decided to talk to him on the phone during lunch today... since I cant eat yet... I told him how I felt about how he had been acting. He finally saw that he wasnt not being supportive doing this . He said he just wanted to be under 210 and he was focused on that so much so that he put me on the back burner and didnt consider my feelings. I told him I was glad he wanted to be healthy but surely since he had his turn for two years he could support me in my turn. He appologized to me about it and said he wanted to support me too and he wasnt trying to compete with me. I think we came to an understanding that we will support each other but not at the expense of the other one. I think he might do better now. I think this surgery and me losing weight just lit a fire under his ass to get to his goal weight too, even though he just has about 4 or 5 pounds to lose now. Thanks for listening. Tammi

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Well I for one have always wanted to weigh less than my husband. I personally do feel in my own little wrold that I *should* weigh less than him. I do now so that's neither here nor there. He was very happy for me when I reached and passed him up. I'm also clearly smaller than him in all the photos of us together. It doesn't appear to bother him at all. He just glows and is beside himself on how I"m looking these days.

However, he has recently agreed that it would be a good idea to maybe get in shape himself. I have him on a low carb diet and he's doing really well with it. Its only been 3 weeks and his belly is already gone. I'm h appy for him too and thoguh he doesn't weigh in nearly as much as I do he figured he'd wait for a month to see. He may have caught back up with me again, who knows... LOL

[lash44 313]

Great,

All things in time.

Lash

I decided to talk to him on the phone during lunch today... since I cant eat yet... I told him how I felt about how he had been acting. He finally saw that he wasnt not being supportive doing this . He said he just wanted to be under 210 and he was focused on that so much so that he put me on the back burner and didnt consider my feelings. I told him I was glad he wanted to be healthy but surely since he had his turn for two years he could support me in my turn. He appologized to me about it and said he wanted to support me too and he wasnt trying to compete with me. I think we came to an understanding that we will support each other but not at the expense of the other one. I think he might do better now. I think this surgery and me losing weight just lit a fire under his ass to get to his goal weight too, even though he just has about 4 or 5 pounds to lose now. Thanks for listening. Tammi

[Rootman 1,101]

Same thing happens when she ages and things start drooping, she gets self conscience. I do my best to ravish her and make sure I love her body no matter what she weighs and no matter how it "hangs". I tell he often how lovely she looks and follow it up with plenty of physical attention. She's just a little dinky thing at 4' 11" so there is no way I'll EVER get close to her 119 lbs.

It works for us.

[thinoneday 445]

My wife always did not have to watch her weight, she is a tall sexy 180 lbs. and eat all day. As of late she have gained approx 10 lbs or so but it looks good on her.

We are both in our late 50's. The thing is now I am at 189 lbs and still losing (thought I had stopped at 195) from 275 pre-op weight. Always she had the advantage

because of her metabolism and I out weighted her for about 100 lbs., until now. I am within 10 lbs of he body weight and I feel she is getting a bit concern about her body

now. I been trying to reassure the sexy lady she have nothing to worry about, but that's not working. For now she is going to the gym and mostly modifying her diet. Any suggestions what

I can do to boost her confidence and relax her feelings about her weight or go along with her program (happy wife equals happy hubby).

Continued thanks,

Lash

be there for her and go to gym with her. . .hug her a bunch (I'm sure you do that already) but just let her know how much she is appreciated and loved. . do stuff together. Maybe doing all of this makes her happy too. . good luck

[lash44 313]

Rootman,

You are so correct, if it works for you that good.

Same thing happens when she ages and things start drooping, she gets self conscience. I do my best to ravish her and make sure I love her body no matter what she weighs and no matter how it "hangs". I tell he often how lovely she looks and follow it up with plenty of physical attention. She's just a little dinky thing at 4' 11" so there is no way I'll EVER get close to her 119 lbs.

It works for us.