Out to eat

[sychadelic 10]

Hi all, I just needed to vent and get some opinions from others.

So, I went out to eat with my mother tonight to Ruby Tuesday's (can we say yum?) She had weight loss surgery almost 30 years ago and I have had mine. I choose to be kind of tight lipped about my surgery and she will openly tell anyone about hers.

So we ordered our food, appetizers for both of us and she was telling the waitress that we both have reasons that we can't eat that much, yada, yada, yada without ever "saying" we had surgery. She did the same kind of thing when we got to go boxes for our food. Now, granted she has done this explaining ever since she had her surgery, but it aggravates the dickens out of me. I mean, really, does the waiter/waitress really care what you order or how much you eat of it??! Do I owe them an explanation? No! However for some reason she feels she has to explain it, and now explain it for me as well. I have told her how I feel about it, but it doesn't change anything. It's just frustrating!

Anyways, how do feel about it - do you explain or not when you go out to eat. By the way, if I were asked if the food was okay, because of how little I ate, I would just say "Yeah, my eyes were just bigger than my stomach." Lol, how true is that now?

Thanks for the read, look forward to some opinions on this.

[Foxbins 625]

I didn't tell my friends and family--I'm not going to tell a waitperson. Besides, if I tip well, s/he probably doesn't really care, especially in a chain restaurant. Now, in a fine restaurant, I might call ahead and indicate that I would only be eating a small amount so the chef won't get crazy if the plate comes back with a lot of food on it, or I might only order an app or a Soup.< /p>

[Chicadee 10]

I feel kinda weird going out and eating so little. The only time the waitstaff ever said anything to me is the very first time I went out. They asked me if everything was ok and I said yes without any further discussion. Any other time no one has said a word but I am sure as big as I am and as little as I am eating they must be thinking something. I do get a couple meals worth of leftovers every time. I am a pretty cheap date now.

[SharonL 1]

I actualy had a waitress ask me one time if I had surgery. I answered honestly. It doesn't matter to me who knows. I was very open about it when I had the surgery. The waitress just noticed that I didn't order a drink and that I ate very little of what I ordered. She had a friend that had the surgery and asked me if I did.

My guess is that your mom is very proud of you and your choices and this is her way of showing it.

[Marie from Michigan 11]

Honestly, I wouldn't care if my Mom said that. She is in her 70"s and always feels the need to explain herself to total strangers. I just smile. I do find, however, that it works best to tell the waitstaff when you order that you are taking some home. For example, we ate out yesterday at Red Lobster. I ordered the baked flounder with brocolli and a baked potato. When I ordered I told the waitress that I planned to take the baked potato home and please to box it up right away. She brought it out in a "to go" container and my Mom took it home with her for lunch today.

I find that if you tell them upfront that you are taking some of the meal with you, it stops later questions about whether your meal was satisfactory. Also, in the summer heat I routinely take a small cooler with frozen Water bottles with me when I go out to eat. I am concerned about leaving leftovers in a hot car and I always stop at the mall or somewhere on my way home.

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

Wow... . I could totally see my mom doing this (if she had WLS)... why is it that moms feel like they have to tell so many personal things!

I am often asked by the waitstaff if something is wrong with my food because I ate so little of it. On one occasion the waitress was very concerned, asked me twice about it... a few mintues later the resturant manager came over and said the waitress was concerned something may be wrong with my meal........... I was really surprised, and at first just a little ruffled by it, then the manager proceeded to talk so calmly and was so sweet, she was truly concerned that something was wrong and she offered to take my meal off the bill since I obviously did not like it.... I felt so bad! I told the manager that I was not feeling quite right and needed my stomach to calm down some, but the food was great... I am not sure if she believed me or not... I was impressed with this restuarnt though... they cared that much that a customer was unhappy with thier meal... which is rare for most resturants

I am sure your mom means well,, and your pretty much not going to change her habit of telling people her story.. God Bless her,,, our moms are special arent they!!!!

[Kermit 8]

All I'll say guys, you're better people than me. I kept quiet for the whole 2 years it took me to have my surgery done.

6 months before D-day my husband opened by "mistake" one of my letters and wow!!!

For the next 2 weeks I heard:

- you're perfect as you're now

- you can die!!!!

...well, you get the idea. At that stage I was considering a band. Soon after I changed my direction and decided to go for VSG. I think you already guessed that I kept this to myself, too. I was under a very strong impression that my hubby would brick doors and windows to prevent me going ahead with it.

Sorry, but a girl has to do what a girl needs to do, sometimes.

I'm now in to my 4 week after a surgery and doing well. However, before I even came back from a hospital around 20 people heard from my other half about my life " threatening operation". All terms of descriptions were used with an exemption of a "bariatric". I'm sure that 90% of those people had a very good idea of what I had done. My attempt for keeping my privacy was disappearing alarmingly fast. About 5-6 days later I had to had a talk with my other half about his actions. Hm...

It went relatively well, I suppose. My "privacy" issues are not applicable now.

I'm still rather upset about it. I would've liked to have a choice about informing others....

Very suspicious part of my brain is trying to whisper to me that someone was looking for a sympathy for himself more than caring about my feelings. Of course, that's very uncharitable part of me and I dismissed this motion straight away!

I think I understand your feelings very well. On my part I love my husband and I want to believe that his actions were motivated by better reasons than my "darker" self was thinking for a moment.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

You certainly don't have to explain it. I have had one tough experience with a restaurant giving me a hard time about not eating much. Ironically, it is in a more fancy establishment that they will wonder about it. I was at a very nice establishment one night and I ate my 6 bites of Protein and was very happy. The chef saw the plate when it went back to the kitchen and sent someone out to quiz me about the food. Did I like it? Was there something wrong with it? Is there something else they can get for me? It was embarrassing because I was with work colleagues who have no idea. I had to get stern with the guy and tell him to stop bothering me.

For the most part, I only order appetizers now. Unless I am with my partner, then we split whatever he orders.

Well intentioned, but very uncomfortable.

Its no ones business.

[Tiffykins 673]

I don't explain it. I don't tell them that I had surgery. I refuse to use that little card to get a discounted meal.

A to-go box, and a " oh the meal was great, thank you so much, I can't wait to have the rest of it for dinner tonight."

End of story. Period. No other questions have ever been asked.

[Texasmom65 23]

I can understand your frustration, but also see your mothers side. We have a favorite resturant here in town and know all the waiters and owners. The first time we went in, everyone was concern why I didn't order much...and why I didn't eat much. Same thing the next time...over and over..so I finally told them. ONe of our favorite waitresses already knew, but it seemed we always got our other favorite waiters...LOL Now things are much better each time I go in.

But like your mother, I don't mind telling anyone...I don't say anyting unless prompted or asked. But I want to tell the world how the sleeve has changed my life. I'm not ashamed of it at all. Without it, I would still be over 200 lbs and not losing.

Good luck. Just do what you feel is right for you.