BIG secret... good or bad?

[indy sleever 6]

I have so much to say about this and keep trying to make a response but it is just far too long. Whether to tell or not is a very important subject for some of us. I am one of them.

Here is the short version of a very long string of thoughts...

When I am fat I feel judged. I hate that feeling. People want to be sooooo helpful.. "Just eat less.. exercise, cut out carbs, just walk every day, don't eat after 7pm...do this do that... GAWD!! I know so much about weight loss and how to achieve it that I could write a book! Don't we all? If there was a way to KEEP it off we wouldn't be here. And that's the problem.. keeping it off LONG TERM. This is what I want so I turned to the sleeve.

So, here I am... newly sleeved. Now I am faced with the same problem as you..and MANY of us. Do I tell people? I don't like being judged because I am fat... so why would I want to tell people I had the sleeve to lose weight? I would be right back to being judged, just for something else. And the thing is, if people know you have had the sleeve they will likely gossip. Is there a person alive who doesn't think that this is a juicy piece of gossip? Because it is.. it just is. People talk... I don't want to be the talk of the office. I want to be seen as a person, not a fat person, and not a fat person who got the sleeve because she couldn't do it the old fashion way.(by the way, if the old fashion way worked then the diet industry wouldn't be making billions of dollars off of us) I just want to feel free of all that. I know a woman at work who had the bypass and when people mention her they always mention the bypass as well. She is not just Wendy, she is Wendy who had the bypass. I personally think that is crappy.

I want to be who I am..not the surgery I had to get there.

xo

I feel EXACTLY the way you do! I am so sick of weight loss and diets being the topic of every conversation... with family/friends/coworkers. It never ends. It seems it consumes my life. So much to the point that I am doing this surgery to finally be past the weight issue and just move forward. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am having this surgery to lose weight. That is not the reason I am not sharing. I just don't want it to be the only thing people want to talk to me about. I just want my family and friends to be happy for me and this accomplishment when I have achieved it and not be talking to me about the sleeve. I too just want to be seen as a person... not a fat person or a person who had the sleeve. I hate that I can't share this with my family... but I just can't. And I am afraid that if I share with any friends it could make it back to my family and I know that would just hurt their feelings (we live in a small town). This is such a sensitive subject. I go in next week for surgery. I am so excited to start my new life! You are so right that this is a juicy piece of gossip... because it really is. I do not want to see a person "checking me out" just out of curiousity because they heard I had WLS... regardless of how I lose the weight I want people seeing me for me. So ready for this journey to begin Good luck to you!

[Heller2u 11]

I am so grateful for this posted topic! It hadn't even occurred to me not to tell anyone (shows what a blabber mouth I am, he he), my entire immediate family, Mom, sisters, aunts, nieces, etc. know. But I've been struggling with how to tell my bosses (who happen to be pediatricians). I know they're going to have their opinions and pros / cons, etc. After reading this topic, I realized that I'm taking the time off as vacation, which I'm entitled to do and they don't need to know any other details.

There's one particular girl at work who has been dieting for 2 straight years and now claiming she has all different types of ailments thyroid, gallbladder, etc. that are preventing her from losing her last 20 - 30 lbs. She reviews and judges everyone's meal at the lunch table and calls people out if they've been dieting and slip...she's very rude. I am now especially happy to NOT include her in on what will now be "my little secret" at work.

Thanks for the idea...what a concept...keeping my mouth shut (might be why I'm overweight too, ha ha).

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I told my husband and my boss first - while I was doing research and qualifying for WLS. I told my boss because of the time away from work for doctor's appts. Once I had made my decision and gotten approved, I told my family and a couple of close friends. Right before surgery, I told the people that work for our family business. Once I got back to work, I told the folks I work with. I have told some friends on Facebook individually, but haven't made a public announcement about it. Do what feels right for you - it is no ones business but your own.

[itscometothis 12]

I feel EXACTLY the way you do! I am so sick of weight loss and diets being the topic of every conversation... with family/friends/coworkers. It never ends. It seems it consumes my life. So much to the point that I am doing this surgery to finally be past the weight issue and just move forward. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am having this surgery to lose weight. That is not the reason I am not sharing. I just don't want it to be the only thing people want to talk to me about. I just want my family and friends to be happy for me and this accomplishment when I have achieved it and not be talking to me about the sleeve. I too just want to be seen as a person... not a fat person or a person who had the sleeve. I hate that I can't share this with my family... but I just can't. And I am afraid that if I share with any friends it could make it back to my family and I know that would just hurt their feelings (we live in a small town). This is such a sensitive subject. I go in next week for surgery. I am so excited to start my new life! You are so right that this is a juicy piece of gossip... because it really is. I do not want to see a person "checking me out" just out of curiousity because they heard I had WLS... regardless of how I lose the weight I want people seeing me for me. So ready for this journey to begin Good luck to you!

All of the love and luck to you, too.. we deserve this. We deserve our weight loss and our privacy.. and to be whole people.. xo

[smkeller 3]

That's pretty much what I did too. I even left internet bank info, passwords and such for my twenty year old son. He was the only one who knew. I didn't tell my wife because she was not supportive of the idea, let alone the actual doing. It's been two weeks, and we've talked once.

I told no one. I went to Mexico alone and left a letter in my house for the authorities to find if I died there and threw it away when I got home. It has been seven months since surgery and I doubt that I will ever tell. It's no one's business but mine.

[swizzly 901]

I told my doctors (GP, he had to refer me, and OB -- they were both extremely supportive), my husband, and a very few close friends who don't live near me AND who don't work with me. I didn't tell anyone else, still don't -- though I did finally tell my mother and sister a couple weeks ago, they were very nice about it. I am sure people speculate behind my back, but I don't care about that -- I just don't want to talk about it with anyone personally. I'm just a private person and don't like people in my business. The culture here is such that people won't anyhow ask personal questions very much, so that makes it easy.

[mamamckinzie 92]

Told only hubby, both kids, 2 cousins, and 3 bffs and my pcp & hepatologist. No one else needs to know. My body, my decision, my choice. I did not tell them when I started all my failed diets...why tell them about vsg?

[Guest Rosalind]

I feel that my battle with my weight is just that.....MINE. It has been my choice not to tell anyone except my husband and my oldest daughter(my bf). No one can help me choose what to eat. No one can exercise for me. Therefore, the only reason others will need to know is so they can "mind my business" and gossip. They will be looking for failure. Right now, I only have hope because no one is in my business. I don't want to hear "you can lose it yourself" or "so and so died from that surgery" or the whispers "you know she had that surgery". No thanks. I will mind my own business!:behindsofa:

[LindaS 316]

I've been writing about my struggles with weight and growing up with an overweight father and how to teach my kids to be healthy in their food choices since 2006. Even with all of that, I wasn't sure if I was going to make my decision to have weight-loss surgery public (on the internet). I still have not said anything about it on Facebook and don't plan to there. I have written about it on my blog.

I decided to tell people. With all of the writing I have done about my weight issues, I felt I needed to. It has been mostly good. It has given people who need help (like my sister) a chance to ask questions and maybe rethink things.

I've noticed some people immediately question it. One woman immediately named 3 people she knew who had had WLS and "looked unhealthy" now. I didn't even try to suggest that they looked unhealthy when they were overweight too. I wasn't familiar with who they were, so I wasn't sure if she considered them "unhealthy" because they were "too skinny" or because of other issues.

I did tell my family, and my family pretty much wasted no time telling others. My oldest daughter found out her new friend had WLS. I'm not worried about gossips. I've never been one to hide what I was thinking or feeling. People will find something to gossip about regardless. If you don't give them a reason for your weight loss, they will fill in the blanks themselves. I don't think not telling will prevent gossip, but I know telling isn't right for everyone.

I applaud those of you who are braving it out and going through all of this without support of close friends and family. It makes me even happier that forums like this exist to support all of us.

[SuperMom 33]

I told one friend at work who yelled at me. Even though we are talking again....it is still in the back of my mind how ugly she was. I took off a couple of weeks at work and going back and learning to eat slow and less in front of others was not easy. I am still dealing with it. Prob would have been better if I had not said anything. But I am the kind of person who speaks my mind and hate secrets. I would rather just be honest. Most of my friends are very supportive and I am thankful for that. I did not tell family as I did not want everyone showing up at the hospital! - not real proud of being so fat I had to have surgery - and I bet some of you know just how I feel. I told everyone after I was home and settled and that worked better for us.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I told pretty much everyone, and my mom told the rest! I have only had one so-so comment from someone I barely know..."are you sick?" and "I liked you better fat"!

I just know that I would want someone to tell me about the sleeve and how wonderful it is if I didn't already know... my DR was the one who told me about it... I was going in for RNY! Thank God he did! One person I told went out and got the sleeve one month after me because I told her, and I have another who is looking into it. If it helps them out, then who cares about the guy that liked me better fat!

[chelle622 0]

I told only my husband and 2 friends that have had WLS. most of my friends simply think I had a hiatal hernia surgery since the diet for the first 6 weeks is pretty much the same. I did not tell my family because my mother has always been the first to point out every pound I have ever gained or lost. She is also the worst gossip in my family and I did not want to deal with that before surgery. Since my surgery I have sent my mother, sister and brother an email explaining my decision to have surgery and asked for their support. I have not heard back from them so I am guessing they are figuring out what to say to me. HAHA, when they learn I already had the surgery. you will figure out who and when you want to say anything.

[NewLife2011 13]

not real proud of being so fat I had to have surgery - and I bet some of you know just how I feel.

Yep, exactly how I feel too...

[Guest Rosalind]

The question is.........why do you need support or approval from anyone who is not directly effected by your incapacity at home? This is still the "FAT GIRL SYNDROME" where we need approval or acceptance from others.

Believe me. I have done some deep soul searching. Some of the things I have let happen to me, I would have never let happen if I were skinny! i.e."FAT GIRL SYNDROME". Then, we let people insult us about being fat.......give us their old big ugly clothes...........the those same people say..."don't melt away" or........don't lose too much. :blah: PLEASE!!!!! I am free from the "FAT GIRL SYNDROME". For their sake, I am not telling anyone. One more stupid comment or offer of big clothes and somebody is getting told off!!:boxing:

[HDubSleevery 25]

I have only told my best friend. I knew she would be supportive. She recently lost her mother and told me that life is too short to live it miserably. I wasn't going to say anything at work, but everyone noticed when I went from eating cupcakes and bar-b-q meals to Protein Shakes. I told them I am having gall bladder surgery. Which is kinda true. I had gall bladder surgery earlier in my life so I am expecting the experience to be very similar physically. I couldn't eat anything with fat or grease for a few months or I would go running to the bathroom. I hadn't checked out the hiatal hernia diet but may need to use that too. I am not planning on ever telling my parents it is anything other than a diet.