No support from boyfriend and family

[bikerchick519 202]

I have been researching weight loss surgery for years and have decided on the sleeve with Dr. Kelly in Mexico. It looks like the middle of November is when I will be going. My boyfriend, of 3 1/2 years, is totally against it. He doesn't think I need surgery and thinks I look fine as I am. I'm 5'7" 250 lbs. He is also very concerned about it being done in Mexico. He refuses to go with me to have it done, stating his reason is, he just can't support it when he is so against it. My daugher has lost 30 pounds on weight watchers and is now becoming a personal trainer so she doesn't understand why I need surgery either. She thinks I can just do it the old fashion way with diet and excercise. I've been on every diet known to man, most of them twice. I've always gained the weight back and then some. I am definitely doing this but wish I had their support. My middle daughter will be going with me and she is the only one who is supportive. She is also overweight and understands my need to do this.

[Tiffykins 673]

Sometimes you just have to realize that you are doing this for YOU, and no one else. I realize it's great to have that support, but some people just won't get on board with your decision. We're all here for you, and lean on your daughter for support.

[thinoneday 445]

families are weird this way. . .just go ahead and get your surgery date. . . this is their way of showing that they are insecure and afraid for you. . .my hubbie and daughter were the same way . . . but they ended up coming to the hsoptial with me nonetheless. . . it'll be ok and they will eventully come around. . . also men are odd, they are incredibly insecure and when they see that you are going to try yet another way to lose weight, but this one might actually work, they get all weird and think you are going to leave them. . . sooo stupid if you ask me. . . but if he cares (loves) you enough, he'll come around. . . good luck and know that we are here to support you!

[bikerchick519 202]

Thank you, you are right. My mom, aunt, uncle and grandmother were all overweight and diabetic. My 5 year younger sister is 5 '9" 300 pounds. We are a large family with bad genetics it seems. I don't want to be diabetic and I know this is the right thing to do for me. I'm finding this website very helpful and supportive. Thanks again.

[bikerchick519 202]

thinoneday, thanks. He is very insecure about losing me so that may be part of the problem. Hopefully he will come around and if not, so be it.

[SmokyMtnGal2011 10]

Have you talked plainly to your beloved about your feelings and letting him know you are doing this for your health and to feell better??? My beloved was semi-supportive and scared he may lose me. I do everything I can to reassure him my "outside shell" is changing, not the "inside soul" of me!!! I love him with all I am and try to make sure he knows that daily. He has since been very supported and encouraging. Talk to him and make sure he knows how much you love and need him more than ever to be there for you thorough your journey. Keep us posted on your journey.

[bikerchick519 202]

Have you talked plainly to your beloved about your feelings and letting him know you are doing this for your health and to feell better??? My beloved was semi-supportive and scared he may lose me. I do everything I can to reassure him my "outside shell" is changing, not the "inside soul" of me!!! I love him with all I am and try to make sure he knows that daily. He has since been very supported and encouraging. Talk to him and make sure he knows how much you love and need him more than ever to be there for you thorough your journey. Keep us posted on your journey.

I have told him how much it means to me that he be there with me. He went through a really bad motorcycle accident 3 years ago and I never left his side. I even had to help him shower and get dressed, I cooked and cleaned for him and his son. I've tried to tell him I was there when he needed me and now I need him there with me but he says I'm chosing this and he didn't chose what happened to him. He's just not willing to go with me. But that's ok. I know I'm doing what's best for me and my health. Thank you for responding, I'm grateful for the support on here.

[SmokyMtnGal2011 10]

I am glad you are still going to do the VSG for you. I am very glad you have a daughter who will stand with you through this. You are very lucky!!!! I am sure the relationship will work out for you, the most important thing is YOU and doing what is best for YOU!!!!!! Best wishes!!!!!!!

[abby 0]

i understand your situation

but sometimes you gotta be strong and just do things yourself , trust your gut

my bf was 100% against it , my family were opposing in every way

i just kept reading people success stories and how they handle themselves during the tough period

it was easier that away

i went to my appointment by myself , done the surgery and now almost 5 months out ,, just myself

its nice to have someone who understand your reasons and empathize

but at the end it's just you ! fighting temptations and overcoming the long journey

am happy that your daughter will be there for you

bless her

and all the best

[bikerchick519 202]

i understand your situation

but sometimes you gotta be strong and just do things yourself , trust your gut

my bf was 100% against it , my family were opposing in every way

i just kept reading people success stories and how they handle themselves during the tough period

it was easier that away

i went to my appointment by myself , done the surgery and now almost 5 months out ,, just myself

its nice to have someone who understand your reasons and empathize

but at the end it's just you ! fighting temptations and overcoming the long journey

am happy that your daughter will be there for you

bless her

and all the best

Thanks Abby, you are right. They can support you and be there for you but in the end you have to make your own decisions about what you eat and whether or not you exercise. It is definitely up to me to make this happen.

[gettingpissed 0]

I have been researching weight loss surgery for years and have decided on the sleeve with Dr. Kelly in Mexico. It looks like the middle of November is when I will be going. My boyfriend, of 3 1/2 years, is totally against it. He doesn't think I need surgery and thinks I look fine as I am. I'm 5'7" 250 lbs. He is also very concerned about it being done in Mexico. He refuses to go with me to have it done, stating his reason is, he just can't support it when he is so against it. My daugher has lost 30 pounds on weight watchers and is now becoming a personal trainer so she doesn't understand why I need surgery either. She thinks I can just do it the old fashion way with diet and excercise. I've been on every diet known to man, most of them twice. I've always gained the weight back and then some. I am definitely doing this but wish I had their support. My middle daughter will be going with me and she is the only one who is supportive. She is also overweight and understands my need to do this.

It's annoying isn't it? You have to talk yourself and your loved one's into getting VSG, though it turns out their are harder to convince that yourself.... Whether it's fear, jealousy or just plain change, people can come up with 1000 reasons not to get sleeved. I know, I just finished about 7 months of trying to convince my family and friends. Everybody seems to have a role in a family setting, hell my mother's nick name for me was Fatso. My friends are the same. That was my role, now that I'm stepping out of it and there is resistence. I'm going through this for me not anybody else. If it sounds self centered so be it, but I'm due for a change and I DESERVE a CHANGE. Good luck!!!!

[nowatgoal 77]

I'm really proud of the fact that you are going to do this for YOU regardless of what your boyfriend or daughter feel about it. I was with my last boyfriend for 5 years and I really wanted to have WLS. He was an exercise addict and kept telling me to just exercise more and the weight would stay off. I didn't feel like I could have the surgery without his support because he was SO adamant about how he felt. It would make him angry when I even mentioned the subject. Well, I should have been ADAMANT about how I felt. I am now engaged to a wonderful man, truly the love of my life. When I brought up my wish for WLS he was immediately supportive. He said that if I had really done my research and felt strongly about this, then he would do whatever he could to help make it happen. I don't mean to say that you should leave your boyfriend, because he's probably just worried about you and the drastic nature of surgery, but do continue on the path of what is right for you. I wish I had done this years ago, without being so concerned about what my significant other felt. Perhaps, after the surgery, when he sees the weight dropping off and how great you are feeling, he will come around. In the end, do what makes YOU happy.

[bikerchick519 202]

It's annoying isn't it? You have to talk yourself and your loved one's into getting VSG, though it turns out their are harder to convince that yourself.... Whether it's fear, jealousy or just plain change, people can come up with 1000 reasons not to get sleeved. I know, I just finished about 7 months of trying to convince my family and friends. Everybody seems to have a role in a family setting, hell my mother's nick name for me was Fatso. My friends are the same. That was my role, now that I'm stepping out of it and there is resistence. I'm going through this for me not anybody else. If it sounds self centered so be it, but I'm due for a change and I DESERVE a CHANGE. Good luck!!!!

He definitely does not like change so maybe that's part of it. I don't see the big deal but I've always been ok with change if it's for the better. This is about me and what is best for me. I'm going for it. Thanks.

[bikerchick519 202]

I'm really proud of the fact that you are going to do this for YOU regardless of what your boyfriend or daughter feel about it. I was with my last boyfriend for 5 years and I really wanted to have WLS. He was an exercise addict and kept telling me to just exercise more and the weight would stay off. I didn't feel like I could have the surgery without his support because he was SO adamant about how he felt. It would make him angry when I even mentioned the subject. Well, I should have been ADAMANT about how I felt. I am now engaged to a wonderful man, truly the love of my life. When I brought up my wish for WLS he was immediately supportive. He said that if I had really done my research and felt strongly about this, then he would do whatever he could to help make it happen. I don't mean to say that you should leave your boyfriend, because he's probably just worried about you and the drastic nature of surgery, but do continue on the path of what is right for you. I wish I had done this years ago, without being so concerned about what my significant other felt. Perhaps, after the surgery, when he sees the weight dropping off and how great you are feeling, he will come around. In the end, do what makes YOU happy.

Thanks Sara, I'm doing it for me. He will come around eventually.

[nowatgoal 77]

Thanks Sara, I'm doing it for me. He will come around eventually.

I keep looking for a "LIKE" button on this forum!