Spouse or Sig other

[CT Fats 82]

Hello All, Just curious has anyone who has lost a great deal of weight and become healthy start to see their spouse or sig other in a different lite? I personally like a woman with some meat on her, but im wondering if anyone lost weight and was no longer attracted to their heavy spouse. I know that a lot of heavy people end up together cause of societys taboos on the overweight and similar lifestyles. I heard Chris Rock say once that people are only as faithful as their options, so when you lost the weight and more options came along did you feel tempted to take them and leave your other.

[SmokyMtnGal2011 10]

CT That is a great question!!!! I have wonder that myself but haven't been able to type the question. I will be watching to see the results of your query.

[Tiffykins 673]

There is a forum on obesityhelp.com called Sex before and after weight loss surgery that has touched on this topic. I've seen that it happens frequently when the husband loses weight and the wife doesn't. Typically, the cases I've seen for the women, is that they want their husbands to lose weight for health reasons and to be with them longer vs. not being attracted to them anymore.

I personally, even at 270lbs, never found heavy/obese men attractive and didn't date heavy guys. I liked built, big framed men, but overall height/weight proportionate. Then I went off and married a man with a 16-17% body fat, 6ft tall, and whole whopping 165lbs. He met, fell in love and married me at 270lbs so I weighed 100lbs more than him. Luckily, he's been supportive even with the loss of my curves, boobs, and everything physically he knew of me when we met.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

The sleeve is such a big change, I can see how it would affect a relationship. My ex was a big guy - former rugby player that added weight after he stopped playing. If I was still married to him, it would be tough for me to find him attractive or live with his eating habits. We were divorced 2 years before my sleeve, so it isn't an issue, but I am trying to be honest about the reaction I might have had.

My current partner is a tri-athlete and in great shape. We got into a relationship when I was heavy and he has been very supportive. Eating-wise, his habits are not so good. He eats a lot because he exercises a lot. The sleeve has not had any affect on our relationship at all. He likes me any way he can get me :-) I feel the same about him.

I guess, re-reading my post, my real opinion is that if you have a solid relationship it wll probably not be affected. If you are with a heavier partner because you were settling - it does not bode well for the future. UNfortunately, sometimes people don't realize they are with someone for the wrong reasons until it is too late. The weight is only one part of the change. I know I felt empowered with my first WLS and that changed the way I thought. More confidence will change your behavior too.

Good luck--

[CT Fats 82]

Thanks for the honest reply. You said your new paramour has bad eating habits. If the day comes when he is no longer active and packs on the pounds do you still see yourself being attracted to him physically not emotionally?

[hugsamber 8]

My boyfriend and I met when I was 170 pounds. He was 230. We both gained weight as the years went on. My heaviest was 291 and his is 265. I now weigh what I weighed when we first met almost 6 years ago. He loved me at all my sizes. Just as I still love him at his heaviest. I think he is more self consious now that I have lost weight, but I reassure him and am plenty affectionate. If anything I support him when he wants to work out but never push him. I just want him to be happy and healthy and he wants the same for me. I am still attracted to him if not more than when we first met!

[Lovely Lo 4]

I'm with tiffykins I have never been attracted to guys that were overweight! Both of my longest relationships were with physically fit men! I wonder if my boyfriend will feel differently about me though once I'm smaller? :/

[Tiffykins 673]

I'm with tiffykins I have never been attracted to guys that were overweight! Both of my longest relationships were with physically fit men! I wonder if my boyfriend will feel differently about me though once I'm smaller? :/

I can only share with you my experience. My husband hates me tiny. He hates it with everything in his being. Literally, he loves that I am gaining weight in the pregnancy. He jumped up and down when the scale showed a 15lb weight gain. He has always preferred "thick" girls, all of his exes were bigger girls, I was just the biggest he'd ever dated. He admits that my personality/character traits/behaviors have not changed with my weight, but he doesn't like me below 150lbs. Well, he just learned to deal with it because I got down to 125lbs and a size 2. He likes me best around a size 7/9.

He has a preference, and I no longer fit into that preference. However, I told him that I had a preference of taller, dark-haired, hairy chested, older men, and then I met, fell in love and married his scrawny 6ft tall, 6 years my junior, 165lbs framed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, bare chested offerings, and he needed to realize that he fell in love with me, not my size just as I had fallen in love with him, not his physical attributes.

It's been a tough 2 years with me dropping weight, and sizes changing. The big, round, soft women he "knew" doesn't exist anymore, but he still loves me, still thinks I'm beautiful, and loves everything about me.

Lots of communication has been the key to use navigating through the changes.

[Lovely Lo 4]

Thats amazing advice communication I know he wants me to be healthy an that he loves me I just know he's attracted to curvy women! I guess if I lose my boobies I'll get fake ones I can improvise that way. plus I'm not to sure how I'll feel without them lol. I'm only a month out and on a serious stall and my doctors office is rushed and not very informative! I lost 11 lbs on my week pre-op diet and another 20 between week 1&2 post op but the scale has not moved since! So I have awhile to go before being smaller is actually adressed!

I can only share with you my experience. My husband hates me tiny. He hates it with everything in his being. Literally, he loves that I am gaining weight in the pregnancy. He jumped up and down when the scale showed a 15lb weight gain. He has always preferred "thick" girls, all of his exes were bigger girls, I was just the biggest he'd ever dated. He admits that my personality/character traits/behaviors have not changed with my weight, but he doesn't like me below 150lbs. Well, he just learned to deal with it because I got down to 125lbs and a size 2. He likes me best around a size 7/9.

He has a preference, and I no longer fit into that preference. However, I told him that I had a preference of taller, dark-haired, hairy chested, older men, and then I met, fell in love and married his scrawny 6ft tall, 6 years my junior, 165lbs framed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, bare chested offerings, and he needed to realize that he fell in love with me, not my size just as I had fallen in love with him, not his physical attributes.

It's been a tough 2 years with me dropping weight, and sizes changing. The big, round, soft women he "knew" doesn't exist anymore, but he still loves me, still thinks I'm beautiful, and loves everything about me.

Lots of communication has been the key to use navigating through the changes.

[Heatherr 149]

It doesn't matter and won't on either side in my marriage. My dh is average and will never be a large man. My dh likes curves and probably prefers me at a siz 10-14, but beng larger and smaller hasn't changed anything. He is jealous of the men buzzing about again.

[Tiffykins 673]

Thats amazing advice communication I know he wants me to be healthy an that he loves me I just know he's attracted to curvy women! I guess if I lose my boobies I'll get fake ones I can improvise that way. plus I'm not to sure how I'll feel without them lol. I'm only a month out and on a serious stall and my doctors office is rushed and not very informative! I lost 11 lbs on my week pre-op diet and another 20 between week 1&2 post op but the scale has not moved since! So I have awhile to go before being smaller is actually adressed!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm getting new boobs HA. But, my husband doesn't care about boobs at all. They are totally for me.

The stall will break, just keep doing what you're doing.

[Texasmom65 23]

My husband also loves curvy/thick women. But he knows how important this is to me, to be healthly and just feel better about myself. One of my biggest concerns on whether or not to have this surgery was how he would feel about me when I get thinner. We have had long coversations about it. He assures me he won't leave me because I get thinner.

Plus it would be stupid on his part, I'm to damn good to him. LOL I just can't wait until he can pick me up and do wild and crazy things...hehehehe.

My husband is 6'4 and about 280. I'm only 5'1. So its gonna be fun.

[Lovely Lo 4]

I bet you are excited!! I'm going to keep pushing on! Congrats on having a baby! I know I want babies in the future but I refused to take that chance and put me and the baby at risk while I was overweight! so seeing you sleeved and preggers is an inspiration!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm getting new boobs HA. But, my husband doesn't care about boobs at all. They are totally for me.

The stall will break, just keep doing what you're doing.

[pamblan 2]

This is such a fabulous topic. When we got married I was overweight and he vowed to love me through thick and thin....or so I thought. 18 months ago I lost a substantial amount of weight, my husband became OBSESSED with my progress. It is all we talked about. Then as per my usual behaviour pattern the weight slowly but surely crept back on and all of a sudden the person who he pledged undying love to changed. He was disappointed and really questioned my committment to my health. I need to add that during the months of weight gain I had opened a new bridal shop and was continuing my current job as a flight attnedant....there was noooooo freakin time for exercise. I felt like a failure and I spiralled into a bit of a funk....well quite a deep funk. The I found out about the Sleeve. Yes, I am doing this for myself first and foremost. Will my marriage survive...I hope so but I have learned that I am a wonderful person whether I am 210 pounds or 150 pounds. I need to do this for my health....moreso my mental health and I will go from there. Thank you for starting this topic. I can really relate to it.!!!

[CT Fats 82]

Glad you all are enjoying the topic. All of your insights have been valuable. It's good to know that personality seems to reign supreme and the looks seem to come in second. Keep them coming!