Told my Mom

[MissBliss 29]

I wasn't going to tell my mom about my WLS plans. She is 86 and lives far away from me and my family. I love my mom and she is wonderful but I didn't want to worry her. Then I realized how hurt and angry she would be if I told her after the fact. So last week I told her. She was very easy going and I thought "well, that was easy!" ...nope, not so fast.....she called me back today and wanted to talk to me about my plans. She feels that if I exercise and diet and work hard at it that I will lose the weight. She feels like I haven't tried hard enough. I told her I heard what she was saying and that I appreciated her concern and I know that she was coming from a place of love, but wow I felt like crap after I hung up with her. Intellectually I understood the phone call, but emotionally it was devastating. But I will stay strong with my decision and keep jumping through my hoops and move forward towards the insurance approval and surgery date! Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent! XO

[treequeen 13]

Well after you lose weight during your approval process... you will hear a lot of "since you are doing so well... maybe you don't need the surgery" I got that at least 3 times today at a grad party. I just tell them no.. and I've lost (and regained) this same 30 #s like 10 times and I need a long term solution.

Try not to let it get to you. You know what is the right decision for you and those who love you will come around and accept it.

[MeMeMEEE 206]

I am going through the same thing with my mom! I actually told her months ago and now that my 6 months of medically supervised diet is done and I am close to getting a surgery date she starts saying the same things! I explained to her the sleeve is a tool to help me KEEP the weight off. I lost 75 lbs on WW a few years ago and was able to keep 70% off for about 3 years and then gained and gained until I was 40 lbs heavier than before. So I KNOW I can do it - I just need a tool to help me keep it off. I explained that to her also. When she started in again I told her my decision wasn't up for discussion and that I would answer any questions she has but she is not talking me out of it. I explained I have been seeing my Dr for 6 months as well as a nutritionist and social worker and my surgeon once. I told her a team of people approved me for this surgery and my decision is firm. Hope my experience can help you!

[LisaM 3]

I agree with treequeen. We've all lost and gained over and over. It's not like we don't have the dieting and exercising down. We want a lifetime solution, not a quick fix. Your mom will come on board, especially once you've lost the weight.

[wishes 125]

Aw, go you for staying strong!

[KathyD49 2]

I wasn't going to tell my mom about my WLS plans. She is 86 and lives far away from me and my family. I love my mom and she is wonderful but I didn't want to worry her. Then I realized how hurt and angry she would be if I told her after the fact. So last week I told her. She was very easy going and I thought "well, that was easy!" ...nope, not so fast.....she called me back today and wanted to talk to me about my plans. She feels that if I exercise and diet and work hard at it that I will lose the weight. She feels like I haven't tried hard enough. I told her I heard what she was saying and that I appreciated her concern and I know that she was coming from a place of love, but wow I felt like crap after I hung up with her. Intellectually I understood the phone call, but emotionally it was devastating. But I will stay strong with my decision and keep jumping through my hoops and move forward towards the insurance approval and surgery date! Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent! XO

Miss Bliss, I SO know where you are coming from! My Mom is 90 and in pretty near perfect health. Still lives in her own home, does her own meals, laundry, drives, etc. I debated about telling her, and finally decided not to mention it to her. The one thing that has happened to my Mom as she has aged, is that she has developed the habit of worrying about almost everything. I talked it over with my sister, and we decided that it would be best not to tell her, as she would worry it to death! So I haven't told my Mom anything about the surgery. I am now three weeks and one day post op, and she knows nothing about it. I was home for 2 1/2 weeks after the surgery (I make my home in Iowa, but live and work in California most of the year), and took her out to lunch before I left to come back to California. I was sure she would notice that I had lost, cause at that time, I had lost about 34 pounds (20 on pre-op diet and about 14 or 16 after the surgery.) Also I was sure she would notice how little I ate, and that most of it was liquid. She didn't notice a thing! And I am thankful for that. I had decided that if she notced either my weight loss or my lack of eating and questioned me about it, I would tell her. I am not the first one in my family to do this. My cousin not only has had a RNY, but he is a Bariatric surgeon, and has done the RNY for his younger sister. But she didn't notice a thing, so she is still blissfully ignorant of what I have done. She won't see me again till October, when I go home on a short vacation, and I hope by that time I will be down at least 70 pounds. ( I have lost 45 already.) Try not to be devastated by what she said! She loves you and wants the best for you, and if she is like my Mom, fears the unknown for her children. Several years ago I lost like 80 pounds on Weight Watchers (and gained it all back plus some), and she told me then she was so glad that I did it the "natural way" instead of having surgery and "altering my body" She is just worried about long term consequences from surgery. Try to remember that only YOU know what is best for YOUR body! And it is you who has to live with the outcome. I have talked to a LOT of people who have had VGS or RNY and NO ONE has told me that they were sorry, or that they would undo it if they could! Best of luck to you as you walk this new path! You're in my prayers!!!

KathyD49

[marymoon 18]

That's tough. I can relate - my Mom is 78 and a worrier, especially ever since my Dad died. I made the decision to keep my surgery from her until after the fact and although she was hurt that I didn't confide in her, I think she understood.

5 days after surgery I was driving her around town, hoping it would show her I was ok. I broke the news at Easter dinner when I was 1 week post op and she still freaked a little. She still worries but is very happy at how well the weight is coming off. She knows I couldn't keep it off any other way 'cause I had just lost 60lbs thru diet/exercise alone and regained 40lb.

I hope your Mom becomes more accepting of your decision.

[mina 27]

I knew my parents would never ever accept my decision... It's not part of our culture, So I made the decision to never tell them. I had my surgery 4 weeks ago, I won't see my family till thanksgiving. I told them I was dieting/exercise, which technically not a lie and to expect me to be skinny when I get home It wouldn't be the first time I went home smaller (last time I was 70 pounds less doing calorie count).

[sugarmamma7 2]

I know how you feel both my parents are against me having surgery. It sucks! They have both told me that I need to lose weight, but at the same time they are not supportive of the surgery! Niether one of them are obese so they don't know what it is like! I can't even find a bra that fits me lol. I can barely sit comfortable in a movie theatre seat or ride on a roller coaster with my kids! Just like the theme song "Parent's just don't understand" I am 34 and still seeking aproval from them I must be nuts! I guess we all just want support from our parents. I guess they will see when I look better and look healthier and I am able to live a longer life for my kids. So I totally understand how you feel!

[MissBliss 29]

Thanks for all the replies! It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how old we get, how far away we may be or how long it has been since we have seen them, that parental approval is so important! I just don't want to ever dissapoint them, but I have to take care of me first! Thanks again, all! XO

[5McK 10]

I haven't told anyone outside of my husband and my kids. My in-laws were visiting this weekend and I was SURE my youngest was going to spill the Beans at one point, but she held herself in check! Knew I was raising that girl right!!!

I wasn't going to tell my mom about my WLS plans. She is 86 and lives far away from me and my family. I love my mom and she is wonderful but I didn't want to worry her. Then I realized how hurt and angry she would be if I told her after the fact. So last week I told her. She was very easy going and I thought "well, that was easy!" ...nope, not so fast.....she called me back today and wanted to talk to me about my plans. She feels that if I exercise and diet and work hard at it that I will lose the weight. She feels like I haven't tried hard enough. I told her I heard what she was saying and that I appreciated her concern and I know that she was coming from a place of love, but wow I felt like crap after I hung up with her. Intellectually I understood the phone call, but emotionally it was devastating. But I will stay strong with my decision and keep jumping through my hoops and move forward towards the insurance approval and surgery date! Thanks for listening, I really needed to vent! XO

[kellyw74 258]

My mom lives in a completly different state than me. I did not tell her and still haven't. I will when I see her in a few months. I did not want the comments either. I knew that she would be concerned and worried as well, but she will be thrilled I am sure when she finds out I no longer have to takeb/p and diabetic meds and stick my finger 5 times a day!! AND that I have lost 88 lbs too boot!!

Kelly

[got2lovedisney 1]

I must be the exception...my mom is PUSHING me to do the surgery! Yes, she fears for me but she fears more the risks associated with my (raising) weight.

Even if she had disagreed though, I would stand firm and have the surgery...It's me that has to live in this body, me that has to carry around an extra person's worth of weight on my (creaking)bones, me that feels uncomfortable in social situations, me that has to deal with the aches and pains, me that has to worry about dropping dead at 42 of a heart attack, me that worries when (not if) I'll become diabetic, it's me that wonders if my 82 year old mom will outlive me, etc etc.

It's for me that I'm doing this. Do it for you!

[susnl 17]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, there are enough worries prior to surgery with insurance, ourselves,and life.

I am in the exception as well. My mom was completely supportive of the surgery; however, she thought I was getting the lapband. I just didn't correct her until after the surgery.

Now, I go her her independent living apartment complex and she yells out to the other seniors there "Here's my daughter who had the weight loss surgery, do you see all the weight she has lost" It's a little unsettling.

Of course, I do get the remark from time to time "I'm glad you finally did something about your weight, you were getting big". (Thanks Mom)

Give your mom time, she will be happy for you after it's all said and done and you are safely on the road to recovery.