Being Treated Differently

[buchannon 17]

I've lost a ton of weight. Everyone tells me I look like a completely different person. I feel happy and I think a lot of "being treated differently by people" has to do with my attitude and not completely with my looks.

However....

I find it mildly depressing how different the world has become just because I'm not a fatass any more. Acquaintances I haven't seen or heard from in years are suddenly talking to me again. People I have never talked to at work are friendly and make the initiative to converse with me.

I'm not complaining, I just find it.... a tad sad I guess.

Any one else experience this?

[Khy 16]

Well I don't have my sleeve yet so I am still heavy. I guess what really irks me is people assume I am really stupid because I am fat. I even find other fat people making the same assumption!

Khy

[Foxbins 625]

When I was fat, people perceived me as "not fun" and older than I am. Maybe because I look now like I can physically do anything they can, I get invited to do more active things (I was active when I was fat, I just ran and swam by myself). By being one of the group, now I am "fun" and interesting to talk to. Before, no one bothered to talk to see if I was interesting. I'm also perceived as being younger!

It's been a curious experience.

[wishes 125]

Khy, yeah, that is the worst for me. There are so many instances where I have been assumed incompetent just because of my weight. It REALLY pisses me off.

[lifechanges 3]

Yes, I have noticed this as well. It is very sad how differently overweight people are addressed. The other thing I have noticed is that I work for a company that has a lot of over weight ladies. I'm now experiencing them hating on me because I have lost weight. I tell ya you can't win in any case it seems.

Good luck to you on your new adventure as being thin!

[mnbsleeve 87]

Yes, yes, yes! I can tell when people right me off or assume I'm an idiot because I am fat! I feel invisible most of the time and when people find out or figure out I'm a Ph.D candidate it feels like they're still trying to figure out how that could happen. Like there must must be something fishy about my job and my studies rathen than I have brains, and motivation, after all. It's one of my pet peeves and one of the BIGGEST reasons I did this surgery.

[mnbsleeve 87]

I wanted to add something to my post above. A really healing moment for me was during my psych eval when the psychologist, without me brining this up, validated this experience. He gently let me know that I should be prepared for folks to react negatively to my weightloss (professionally speaking) since it was possible that those folks may have been dismissing me or my ideas because of my weigth and now would possibly feel threatened. He floored me with this because it's one of those things I've always kept inside (feeling dismissed) for fear of "sounding paranoid." But, I was sure was happening!

[Wheetsin 714]

I honestly haven't experienced people thinking I'm stupid/incompetent. At least not that I know of. Who knows what's said when I leave the room.

For me, it's maybe the opposite - I've been told I intimidate people, and "talk fancy" - and I'm very matter of fact, which sometimes translates into "know it all" or "snob" -- which really isn't me at all. I've been told by friends that before they knew me, I intimidated them -- but they can never pinpoint why. I think it has to do at least partially with my height.

I've also been told, "You don't carry yourself like a fat person, and you don't act like a fat person." What does that mean, exactly?!? A lady I worked with years ago told me I didn't walk llike a fat person.

I have had people assume I'm poor. I have had people assume I don't understand the basics of nutrition, and assume that I live mostly off of pre-packaged foods (sooo not the case, I'm a total foodie). I have had people assume I work in an unskilled profession. I have had people assume that something must be wrong with my husband (relatively fit, relatively attractive, professional) for being married to me - or have assumed he is in it for selfish reasons (as in - I must be loaded and he is mooching off me).

I've had people assume I have poor fashion taste. Since they're thin, they don't understand that what you wear when you're really obese is a function of what fits, not what I want to wear.

[juliarh 35]

I honestly haven't experienced people thinking I'm stupid/incompetent. At least not that I know of. Who knows what's said when I leave the room.

I've had people assume I have poor fashion taste. Since they're thin, they don't understand that what you wear when you're really obese is a function of what fits, not what I want to wear.

This has been my experience too -- lots of people have said "but you don't act fat" -- what does that mean??? Yeah, it's weird -- I never really wanted to buy into the whole "fat people are treated differently" mentality because I thought that, well, I think I thought that it wasn't true -- but it was true, unfortunately.

And the whole what I'm wearing -- I can't tell you the number of people who say "wow, you look hot." well, it's not like I didn't like these clothes before, I just couldn't wear them. sigh.

yeah, it's sad, but I think underneath it all, we all knew this to a certain extent which is one reason we got the surgery. or at least I did. sigh.

[mnbsleeve 87]

Well said! You really summarized this well. I am sad to say I have definitely had these experiences throughout the years. BTW, it cracked me up when you were told you "didn't carry yourself like a fat person!" What?!?!? LOL In terms of the "talking fancy" that's what I mean. People assume that being fat means you must not have a good vocabulary! (among other things) Does "talking fancy" only happen when you're thin?! I experience those remarks as condescending, as being talked down to. Like Julie said, these things are sad but they do happen. It's harder when you're alone with it and no one wants to acknowledge it.

I honestly haven't experienced people thinking I'm stupid/incompetent. At least not that I know of. Who knows what's said when I leave the room.

For me, it's maybe the opposite - I've been told I intimidate people, and "talk fancy" - and I'm very matter of fact, which sometimes translates into "know it all" or "snob" -- which really isn't me at all. I've been told by friends that before they knew me, I intimidated them -- but they can never pinpoint why. I think it has to do at least partially with my height.

I've also been told, "You don't carry yourself like a fat person, and you don't act like a fat person." What does that mean, exactly?!? A lady I worked with years ago told me I didn't walk llike a fat person.

I have had people assume I'm poor. I have had people assume I don't understand the basics of nutrition, and assume that I live mostly off of pre-packaged foods (sooo not the case, I'm a total foodie). I have had people assume I work in an unskilled profession. I have had people assume that something must be wrong with my husband (relatively fit, relatively attractive, professional) for being married to me - or have assumed he is in it for selfish reasons (as in - I must be loaded and he is mooching off me).

I've had people assume I have poor fashion taste. Since they're thin, they don't understand that what you wear when you're really obese is a function of what fits, not what I want to wear.

[ShellBear 26]

I honestly haven't experienced people thinking I'm stupid/incompetent. At least not that I know of. Who knows what's said when I leave the room.

For me, it's maybe the opposite - I've been told I intimidate people, and "talk fancy" - and I'm very matter of fact, which sometimes translates into "know it all" or "snob" -- which really isn't me at all. I've been told by friends that before they knew me, I intimidated them -- but they can never pinpoint why. I think it has to do at least partially with my height.

I've also been told, "You don't carry yourself like a fat person, and you don't act like a fat person." What does that mean, exactly?!? A lady I worked with years ago told me I didn't walk llike a fat person.

I have had people assume I'm poor. I have had people assume I don't understand the basics of nutrition, and assume that I live mostly off of pre-packaged foods (sooo not the case, I'm a total foodie). I have had people assume I work in an unskilled profession. I have had people assume that something must be wrong with my husband (relatively fit, relatively attractive, professional) for being married to me - or have assumed he is in it for selfish reasons (as in - I must be loaded and he is mooching off me).

I've had people assume I have poor fashion taste. Since they're thin, they don't understand that what you wear when you're really obese is a function of what fits, not what I want to wear.

All these things are really sad and just plain irritating. But you know that old saying....."what do you get when you assume?.... an ASS of U & Me! lol

Some people just live in a bubble and don't even try to open their minds and break out of their own little worlds. I'ts up to us to enlighten them...or just step over them and move forward. Just a thought

Hugs to all

[ChooseToChange 19]

We have all been there. I grew up really fast when I realized at 10 that I kids didn't really want to hang out with the "fat girl" and adults felt sorry for me. I knew that I would have to make things happen for myself.

I finally have a career I can be a proud of and a team of coworkers that seem to actually support me. I am in sales with a great networking reputation. I believe that people remember me mostly based on my size and stature and I'm worried that I will have to come up with another gimmick. I am hoping that I will not have too long of a recovery time so I don't miss more than a month of the "networking game."

I am 3 weeks pre-op and I am looking forward to the new me. I am 29, 6ft tall and 406 lbs and I can do almost anything that anyone else can. When I tell people or explain what I am doing they say you don't look like you weigh 400lbs or act like a fat person. I simply say "thanks, I needed to hear that today." People are so ignorant I just let them be that way. I've been playing this game for almost 20 years.

I'm hoping this will change the perspective of potential employers. Momma wants a new title and a raise!!!

[anonynurse 13]

Yeah, we have all been there. But....playing devil's advocate here....and hear me out.....does getting compliments now automatically imply some kind of criticism of before? Because I hear people saying that a lot. Someone saying an individual looks hot doesn't always have a silent "unlike before...." tagged on the end.

While yes, I experienced some of what is being addressed above, I too can't deny that YES, I have changed since I lost the weight. I make eye contact. I feel less shame. I am more outgoing. I feel more attractive and I feel more worthy inside. It IS a two sided coin and social relationships are complicated. Add to that the human being really is a mammalian species, all of whom tend to shun, ostracize and attempt to minimize reproduction with species members who are ill, dying and in poor health.

I refuse to let how I was treated before occupy my thoughts. As far as I am concerned, I have earned how I am treated now and what happened before is gone. I can't change it except in how I treat others. And I see plenty of people who used to be fat who are now horrible to those who still are.

[thinoneday 445]

yeah i've noticed that and yeah it is sad. . . but you know what? I've been sleeved now almost 2 years and i notice that i have changed too. . . how i'm not sure, but they (work) tell me I've gotten more "stuck up since I've lost weight" Mind you these are overweight people who used to love me at my heaviest and now don't even as much as say hi anymore. . . so whatever, i wonder who really changed????

[Infernored 5]

I totally agree here. I am what I am. Before surgery, I was very shy, timid around strangers, anxious in public. I rarely sought out my friends to get together. I was nervous about going out places. Now I can't sit still. I get anxious if I have a day off and no plans, I am more outgoing, more affectionate, more satisfied with life and happier. I can't completely blame others for how they may have spoken to me in the past when I offered them nothing in return.

Yeah, we have all been there. But....playing devil's advocate here....and hear me out.....does getting compliments now automatically imply some kind of criticism of before? Because I hear people saying that a lot. Someone saying an individual looks hot doesn't always have a silent "unlike before...." tagged on the end.

While yes, I experienced some of what is being addressed above, I too can't deny that YES, I have changed since I lost the weight. I make eye contact. I feel less shame. I am more outgoing. I feel more attractive and I feel more worthy inside. It IS a two sided coin and social relationships are complicated. Add to that the human being really is a mammalian species, all of whom tend to shun, ostracize and attempt to minimize reproduction with species members who are ill, dying and in poor health.

I refuse to let how I was treated before occupy my thoughts. As far as I am concerned, I have earned how I am treated now and what happened before is gone. I can't change it except in how I treat others. And I see plenty of people who used to be fat who are now horrible to those who still are.