My story - my struggle with myself

[Silverlining 2]

4 July, 2011

I was never slim but was never so huge, I have reached 229 pounds with 5 feet and 5 inches height at 33 years of my life.

Many things which I faced in past 4 - 5 years:

1. Almost stopped attending social gatherings/functions.

2. Did not go out with my family.

3. No photographs, if very essential will always try to catch hold of some scarf, long hanging cloth to hide my bulges.

4. Avoided getting on to fun rides with my children.

5. Stopped talking to my husband for long as I felt guilty sometime for spoiling his life.

6. Did not invite anyone home, because everyone will observe the weight I gained and ofcourse, same discussion and lectures on diet, exercise etc.

7. Stopped eating at public places like restaurant.

8. Felt unwanted (although that was not the case actually)

9. Started feeling problems in moving around.

10. Depression

12. Stress

and much more...

In later 2009, I learnt about the sleeve surgery and I immediately wanted to go in for it. I was so excited about it that I called up my husband (who was about to reach back home in 15 minutes) and wanted to tell him that there is something which can help me. After discussion with him and telling him of some acqunitance who went through it, he was scared and advised me to try diet and exercise. I have tried that already but its a "come and go and come" weight.

Finally, after meeting more people and after a very deep thought I have decided to go for SLEEVE. Convincing my parents took some time as they think that my kids are very young (6 and 4.5) so I should not take chances, just incase its life threatning. But I am glad to have such lovely parents, I was falling short of funds , they said they will be happy to see me in good health and will pay for it on a loan basis (which I can repay as and when I have funds).

Still they were scared, then one fine day I got some of my tests done and all reports were within normal values, during this time my parents visited me, I took my dad to the doctor where he got to meet other patients (sleeved that day) and some of their relaties(who were sleeved earlier). Talking to the doctor and his team for about an hour made him comfortable and more that me, he was eager for me to go for it.

My mom was scared 2 days back till she talked to one of the sleeved lady. After convincing them the life seems much easier. They are the ones who will be supporting me in my post-op days till the time I feel comfortable with the whole thing and change. I think a fortnight. With all the tests and reports coming up with normal results, I think my sleeve surgery is going to be without any complications.

My husband is out of country on a long assignment, although I mentioned to him that I am getting this surgery done, but he has not shown any interest in knowing more about it. I think that is another aspect of my situation. Even my hubby dear has lost interest in what happens to me and what i do. What concerns him is his kids. Well, yes it does hurt me but may be he does not want to discuss about my obesity and hurt me more... I am just thinking positive and look forward to have a healthier and happier relationship with my hubby.

Looking for a new life after 15 July.

Guys and gals wish me luck and I wish you all also the very best.

There were so many things untold in my mind which I shared with you all here and am feeling already lighter than 229 pounds. :D

Silver lining after 15 July..

[Becca 108]

Welcoime! So glad you are here. This forum was such an amazing form of support for me and still is! I can totally related to many of the list of things you are facing that lead you to surgery. My husband is a theatre director and I would not go to his shows because I didn't want to embarrass him due to my weight. You are making such a great decision for you and your kids. I am able to do so much more now with my family. I don't get tired like I used to and my kids and I are always having so much more fun now. My mom/family was very scared and nervous about the surgery. I sometimes was scared too. It is quite crazy to think about having a majority of your stomach removed. I did great with my sleeve surgery and I am doing so well. My family has all come around and they now understand why the sleeve was the right choice for me. I love having a smaller stomach. It is great to get full on a small amount and I love not obsessing with food anymore. Most importantly, I am SOOOO happy! Good luck with your upcoming sleeve date! YOU WILL DO GREAT!

[AutumnBlueCarmen 4]

I'm the same weight as you and an inch or two shorter. I can relate to a bunch of the things on your list. I never let my weight stop me...because inside I feel much smaller than I actually am...and then all of a sudden I will see a picture of me and not recognize myself. I'm really tired of being the biggest of my friends etc. We can find our silver lining together! Good luck and can't wait to see all your updates!

[KristeyK 3]

I think for a lot of us who are married, not wanting to embarrass your spouse is a huge thing that has turned our lives upside down. I mean, I don't want to be the cause of my hubby being laughed at. Who does? I haven't let it stop me from DOING a lot, but I am also not the extrovert that I used to be, and I kind of miss that girl.

You are totally doing what is right for you. Your husband could seem "meh" about it due to the fact that he is so far away. Also, he may not want to hurt you by saying the wrong thing, so he doesn't say anything at all. Good luck to you in your journey. I hope we continue seeing you here!!!

[Silverlining 2]

Thanks a lot Becca, Kristey and ABC (AutumnBlueCarmen). Your words are really encouraging. Yes, I have decided and I know I will also live up again with you all...

Want that same shine back on my face and in my life.

Wish all the best to you all.

Take care !!

[ybnormal 21]

Have you ever made a list like this and shown it to your husband? I did. My husband had no clue WHY I had pulled back so much but the list explained it. Actually, he read my journal that ALL my thoughts and emotions went into and yeah, he read it. At first I was kinda pissed about it but then when I saw the results, I wasn't mad at him anymore, I just wondered why I hadn't left it laying around sooner lol

I feel for you because I'm a lot like you. I'm socially phobic on top of everything else but I'm taking baby steps to rectify that. I weighed in at 287 in Mexico the morning of my surgery and I thought omg...HOW did I let myself get so out of control?! Then I remembered I was there to do something about it. Instead of just being along for the ride of my life, I was being proactive. You are too and you should be so proud of yourself right now!

xoxo's, Renee`

[Maddie 9]

You've taken a bold step to better your life, Bravo! It sounds like you are in the right frame of mind to make this work. Best of luck to you.

[Silverlining 2]

Thanks Renee and Maddie,

A strange feeling... people are generally scared about surgery but I am happy.... I am already feeling a step taken towards new life.... but I have decided not to tell my hubby about the surgery unless he asks about it or my going missing and not able to attend calls for 10 hours....

But do I need to be SCARED?

[ybnormal 21]

If you're going to Mexicali you'll be fine. Any place other than that, I dunno, I only have experience with Dr. Aceves lol

Honestly, you'll be fine. You may want someone with you for the first few days, especially if you have small children. It's not because of pain, it just totally wipes you out. Don't forget, you're going through major surgery and it takes a bit to bounce back from that. The pain afterwards seriously only felt like I'd been doing situps for a bit to long and I was moving a bit slow. Other than that I had horrible nausea from the anesthesia but once that was fixed I was pretty much ok. You'll be fine, just make sure you have a wonderful surgeon.

Renee`

[Nancy Rivers 24]

Congratulations on getting your date and welcome to the site! I'll be having my sleeve done 3 days before you. I'm both excited and a bit nervous about the surgery. I think I'm nervous only because it is a major surgery and while the chances of something going wrong during surgery are incredibly small, there is a chance. I think that's normal though.

[KathyM 14]

Silverlining-

Welcome! I am so proud of you for taking this step to a better life! You are not only doing this for yourself, you are doing it for everyone you love including those two precious little ones! You have taken your time learing everything you can about the surgery and it is so great that you have taken the time to educate your parents as well so that they can feel a little less scared about it. I can completely relate to the self imposed social isolation that overweight people put on themselves, I did it...many of us on here did it. I don't know where you are with your relationship with your husband, but I am sure that he is afraid of several things, he is afraid of you having surgery and something happening to you, he is afraid of things not working again like so many times you have tried before and not succeeded and probably he is also a little afraid of you being successful. Change is hard for people and he may be afraid that if you change, you will not want to be married to him anymore or want someone different. That seems to be a common feeling for spouses of people on this forum. You say that he is on a longterm assignment away from home and in a way that might be good so you can spend some time just focusing on yourself and relearning some new behaviors with regards to your new lifestyle and new relationship with food. Don't keep him in the dark about things, but there really isn't anything you can do that will force him to be comfortable talking about it. Let him see that the changes in you that will be coming up are good and eventually he will come around. In the meantime, surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive (this is a great place for that!) and take care of you! This time next year you will be a whole different person and you are so lucky that your kids are young, you haven't missed out on doing things with them - you will be able to do so much with them!!

Good luck in your journey and keep your eye on the prize, it will all be worth it! The sleeve is the best gift you could ever give yourself.

Kathy

[Silverlining 2]

[Thanxx Kathy , Nancy.. who all took time to write back and advise.I will keep all these things in mind.

[Silverlining 2]

All the best Nancy

Congratulations on getting your date and welcome to the site! I'll be having my sleeve done 3 days before you. I'm both excited and a bit nervous about the surgery. I think I'm nervous only because it is a major surgery and while the chances of something going wrong during surgery are incredibly small, there is a chance. I think that's normal though.

[SeattleSue 25]

Awww Silverlining...you have started on a step toward life!!! I think just making this decision will help lift you and help you focus. You can do this and we will do it together!