Well this is weird... and a little bit shocking!

[coops 1,790]

.

This time around I remembered that issue and employed a therapist to get okay with being noticed before it freaked me out again. I still find it odd that I was so adverse to being noticed by men- I've had no sexual trauma, abuse, etc. in my life. Here's my issue: my sister was always considered the "pretty one" (she's 5'11" and 130 lbs.) while I was the "smart one". My therapist believes I somehow got it into my head that thin women are not smart. Therefore, losing all the weight threatened how I most identified myself. I think she's right. Anyway, I shared all that because I think it's fascinating how such small things lead us to hang on to the comfort of our former size.

And, don't even get me started on how losing weight has changed how I'm viewed/treated in the workplace.

Amanda

Amanda, I am completely and utterly with you in this, as this mindset was very much alive and kicking in my youth!! Perhaps I need to focus on this too... thanks for sharing x

[thinoneday 445]

Okay let's face it, when I was 330 Lbs I'm sure the only time a man (besides my AWESOME and FAITHFUL Husband) ever looked at me was to think... Wow that girl is really big!!! Of course I didn't get any comments but I could feel it. I sure was treated a certain way by men too. They were never polite and really seemed like they didn't even want to talk to me unless they absolutely had too.

However, I've notice in the past few weeks I've been getting the "look" ALL THE TIME!! Men trying to get my attention anywhere and everywhere. Spiking up stupid and meaningless conversations and going for the "kill". However, as I point to my ring finger and tell them I am oh so married they want to know why I went and did such a silly thing as that (get married). Yes I've gotten SEVERAL comments like that. Funny huh?

Not only that, they literally go WAY out of their way to hold doors open for me and let me go first, etc...

I'm not so sure I like the attention to be honest. I mean, it's nice to know that underneath all that fat I can still be found attractive at 37 years old by men of ALL AGES I'm not kidding you. I even catch young teenage boys looking at me!! OMG!! LMAO!!! Now THAT is entertainment.

I didn't even know if I should post this here, it's very strange and I don't see this being discussed much at all, but I guess it goes with the territory. Anyway, I wonder if I got so large because I felt comfortable in my big cocoon.

Anyone else feel this way too? I feel... "naked" now.

I am right there with you! Just on the weekend I went to see my daughter and was wearing a cute skort and sleeveless t shirt. . well we went to get gas for her car, she asked if i could go and get her a soda, so out of the car i went thinking nothing but about the soda when this carload of young men honked from the street. . . i looked and notice them waving, i just continued along to the soda . . well didn't they turn the car around and come over to the gas station to "check out" the chick! ERRRRGG it made me furious but at the same time i was very amuzed to know how young people are now a days. . .don't care who they check out anymore. . .heavens i could be their mother! Then off to the grocery store daughter and I went, well there the men were googling too and smiling, so i just kept my eyes on the cart and didn't look anywhere. . .i checked out myself several times to make sure nothing was showing, or unbuttoned or something. . .god I was uncomfortable. . . i don't like it at all and like you Diva, i really felt naked and like i was being scouted out as a hoe or something. . . i told my daughter i would never wear this outfit ever again . . . she felt bad for me and told me i should feel proud of myself cause she felt proud to be my daughter. . . awwww she is so sweet. . . . ugh

[Wheetsin 714]

Didn't you guys also feel awkward getting attention fat, though? Maybe it was different attention, but still attention. I know I did/do. When I get attention, I never assume it's positive attention: e.g. I think someone is looking at me because I'm so large, or because the way I'm sitting - my stomach must look really gross, or...

Other than the type of attention you're getting, it sounds kinda the same.

"People stare at me because I'm fat, and it makes me uncomfortable" or "People stare at me because I'm attractive, and it makes me uncomfortable." On a fundamental level - not much difference. You are - and will be for a while - having to make one hell of a culture shock adjustment.

Long ago I was working on an MS in Clinical Psychology. I studied a lot about the different motivators for becoming and/or remaining obese. I ran across a book called, "I want to be thin, I want to be fat..." Especially for those of you dealing with the changes that your new body is brining (both external and internal changes) it might be an interesting read.

[Anakin Jay 39]

To give you guys a male perspective on this, you shouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Yes, the way they're acting is a bit rude and disrespectful, but they're not judging you. It's not that your clothes are particularly slutty, or anything. An attractive woman could be dressed up in a carrot costume, and as long as we could still see enough of her to know we're attracted, our actions would probably be exactly the same.

Different guys handle the hormones differently, some get trapped starring like a dear in headlights, others get an adrenaline surge and feel the need to show off... thankfully MOST of us have enough self control to just think "Wow, she's really attractive" and let it go.

At any rate, it's a compliment. You're attractive enough to stimulate a subconscious release of hormones in males. That's a good thing, and something to be proud of, not ashamed.

[june13sleever 223]

I only got to 180 once in my life, and I was still a size 14 bottom and 12 top. I am 5'10. I will never be an 8 bottom

This was from 2003 to 2006. This feeling was so awesome that when I gained all the weight back I have been depressed ever since. I got to taste what skinny feels like and MAN IT FEELS GOOD. I had more dates than I knew what to do with, and I went on them and literally was on top of the world. I remember some jerko saying I would be a 10 if I just lost more in my tummy. Hey...A little tummy is sexy. Well I can not wait for this feeling again. I LOVE IT. NOBODY likes fat people. It is so sad, but I got better job offers, people didn't even care about my background I could have flown a plane and they would have been like ok...You got the job. It isn't right because not all fat people are lazy slobs that are slackers at work. So this time I want to get to 160. I don't ever remember being 160 ever. AND I AM GOING TO MILK IT FOR ALL ITS WORTH. I am going to take the motivation I have and instead of getting caught up in the dates...I am going to do it big. I want to DANCE. I want to sing. I want to ACT. I want to be on the radio. When you are skinny and pretty no one even cares about you. I actually always used to feel sorry for really skinny and pretty girls because time after time they dated men who would just date them because they looked good and didn't care about their insides. BUT I HOPE this happens to me because this time...Oh ok...I would love to date you...Can you get me an audition for that movie It is tough world out there and being fat for me...Just isn't an option anymore. So for those that this is the first time being skinny...Don't allow yourself to be a fat girl on the inside. I made that mistake for three years. Now I am going to be a skinny b***h.

If someone stares at you STARE RIGHT BACK AT THEM AND WINK! SHOW OFF YOUR STUFF. Don't stick out your toungue or turn away. WEAR THAT SHORT SKIRT and rock those heels. THERE IS NOT ONE MORE DAY TO WASTE BEING A FAT GIRL ANYMORE.

[thinoneday 445]

oh my, you go June13sleever! I'm not that brave, actually i am very very shy. . . you'd never know to look at me that i'm THAT shy. . . so shy that i can pass out. . . at work, i'm a "nip it in the bud" supervisor who "gets stuff done . . . i work in a rough place and can put a rowdy patient in their place in two seconds flat, but put me out there by myself. . . nope i would pee on myself . . . i'm really really shy ! could never do what you want to do. . . but you go for it! You go and rock on and be a girl of the world! Good luck!

[MINI-Me 196]

I tend to get mad at the attention. Just like feedyoureye ... I was worthy of attention and notice before. I'm the same person inside that I've always been.

Maybe that's why I always thought "thin chicks" were snotty - they were simply tired of all the superficial gawking!

[JourneyOfAFatKid 6]

It is tough world out there and being fat for me...Just isn't an option anymore. So for those that this is the first time being skinny...Don't allow yourself to be a fat girl on the inside. I made that mistake for three years. Now I am going to be a skinny b***h.

If someone stares at you STARE RIGHT BACK AT THEM AND WINK! SHOW OFF YOUR STUFF. Don't stick out your toungue or turn away. WEAR THAT SHORT SKIRT and rock those heels. THERE IS NOT ONE MORE DAY TO WASTE BEING A FAT GIRL ANYMORE.

GIRL. Im pretty sure we are destined to be best friends. You are obviously a woman after my own heart. I couldnt agree/relate with you more on EVERYTHING YOU SAID! I have tasted what it was like to get attention from men other than my loving husband and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! i cant wait to get back to that... It reflects in my marriage... I want my husband to remember what it was like to have a wife he could be proud of (not that he isnt now) but when met i was much smaller and i was quite a catch! (just ask me lmao) I want to feel like that again... I hope that doesnt sound TOO vain, but I wont feel too horrible if it does...lol

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

In all of this I suppose we can feel confidence without feeling doubt or what others might deem as being vain. We did work very hard for what we have now, or what we are becoming! It's certainly a lot different that what I remember.

Men or ANYONE for that matter treated me different. Plain and simple. Maybe I feel a little bitter because as feedyoureye did say, I'm the same exact person on the inside as I ever was. But yet, now that I'm not fat I'm all of a sudden not invisible? I'm treated MUCH differently by everyone. I still did a really good job at work, made mistakes here and there but was always a hard worker. The results of my mistakes are kind of blown off now. Sure... I've noticed this. Not complaining!! Just sayin' is all. Consistency folks, that's all I'm really after here.

[Redheadedone 3]

Hello to everyone! Many, many moons ago I went on Nutrisystem and went from 294 pounds down to 184. At 5'10" I thought I was bad business back then. . . . . .lol. I have always been extremely outgoing and am told by many that I am very funny. Several things struck me when the weight came off. First, men started treating me like EVERYTHING I said was suddenly SO funny, witty, insightful etc. I was in my 20's at the time, didn't have to pay for a drink, open a door, lift anything heavy and was actually kind of amused at the some of the behavior I was seeing. As someone who has always been overweight I enjoyed it but think, like many of you have said, was not really mentally ready to handle all of that. I also took a look at myself this morning in the mirror. Now granted, I work 16 hour shifts at a hospital on Saturday and Sunday but since I having regained 60 pounds of previously lost weight I realized, I don't bother as much with make-up or making sure my hair is cute or anything. Don't get me wrong I don't walk around looking awful but it's almost as if I feel like. . . .why bother. Conversely, when I was losing weight, I'd put on make up to fill my gas tank because I felt AMAZING! Not cocky, just much more confident so I have to wonder if that plays a role in the attention as well.

Amanda, I have to respond to what you posted about you and your sister. Growing up it was always "Jennifer got the looks and Wendy got the personality". My sister was beyond beautiful, she was always athletic, stayed in great shape and had hair that basically looked amazing wash and wear. It took a long time to break out of the mindframe that all I got was the personality. I think I'm finally ready to see where all this brings me and pray to find the right man that appreciates what's on the inside as much or moreso than the outside.

[aaa 3]

Can totally relate to this and I agree, it's so, SO weird! I'm a lot further from goal than most but I just can't comprehend it. I've only just come out of the mindset of "Why is that guy staring at me? What's his problem? ******!" and now I'm like, ohhh, maybe they're staring for NICE reasons! It's super weird to be one of those girls who thinks everyone is just nice and accommodating all the time because they look 'normal'. I'm used to people looking at me in disgust and making rude comments as I pass! And now I don't feel as embarrassed when I'm checking someone out and they notice. I'm not ashamed to maintain eye contact and even smile sometimes now as I feel like their reaction won't be one of total disgust even if they're not interested.

Any ways about it, it feels nice to be known as something other than the funny one or 'oh, but you have a nice face', even if that makes me sound a bit shallow. It's always a well-needed ego boost

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Didn't you guys also feel awkward getting attention fat, though? Maybe it was different attention, but still attention. I know I did/do. When I get attention, I never assume it's positive attention: e.g. I think someone is looking at me because I'm so large, or because the way I'm sitting - my stomach must look really gross, or...

Other than the type of attention you're getting, it sounds kinda the same.

"People stare at me because I'm fat, and it makes me uncomfortable" or "People stare at me because I'm attractive, and it makes me uncomfortable." On a fundamental level - not much difference. You are - and will be for a while - having to make one hell of a culture shock adjustment.

Long ago I was working on an MS in Clinical Psychology. I studied a lot about the different motivators for becoming and/or remaining obese. I ran across a book called, "I want to be thin, I want to be fat..." Especially for those of you dealing with the changes that your new body is brining (both external and internal changes) it might be an interesting read.

Wow, you just hit the nail on the head with one blow! I wear alot of structured dresses now and I wear good Shapewear underneath so the breasts-waist-hips ratio is noticeable and pleasing to the eye (depending on the mirror I'm using). I haven't yet noticed any specific attention from males, I think, I don't know! When I do get attention from anybody, I have to remind myself that it isn't automaticaly negative. When I walk into a room or take a seat in a crowd I automatically feel that those around me are thinking mean thoughts about the size of me. I'm a size 12 which is perfectly average in America these days and yes I feel so much more confident, put a little swagger in my walk even, but I can't help but have a part of me that craves ... acceptance? approval? naked desire? I don't know, but I'm going to try to find this book you mention.

[TexasT 99]

If someone stares at you STARE RIGHT BACK AT THEM AND WINK! SHOW OFF YOUR STUFF. Don't stick out your toungue or turn away. WEAR THAT SHORT SKIRT and rock those heels. THERE IS NOT ONE MORE DAY TO WASTE BEING A FAT GIRL ANYMORE.

Well, dear, it might be OK for you to do that if you're single, but I've been with the same guy for 31 yrs and I would never wink at a stranger - ha! I will rock the hot outfits though, but for the hubby's benefit only. Others can look, but no touching.

I want to ask the guys, because this happens to me too. Is the local grocery store THE come-on spot for guys now? I feel like the Kroger meat market is now a MEET MARKET and we ladies are the weekly special or something! All the single guys, whether they have kids with them or not, stare like I have spinach between my teeth or something.

If any single ladies are looking, just go to the grocery store, walk down the aisles VERY slowly, make eye contact and you should be able to meet someone. As for me, I keep the big rock on my hand visible and my eyes checking out the fat grams on my labels .

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Well, dear, it might be OK for you to do that if you're single, but I've been with the same guy for 31 yrs and I would never wink at a stranger - ha! I will rock the hot outfits though, but for the hubby's benefit only. Others can look, but no touching.

I want to ask the guys, because this happens to me too. Is the local grocery store THE come-on spot for guys now? I feel like the Kroger meat market is now a MEET MARKET and we ladies are the weekly special or something! All the single guys, whether they have kids with them or not, stare like I have spinach between my teeth or something.

If any single ladies are looking, just go to the grocery store, walk down the aisles VERY slowly, make eye contact and you should be able to meet someone. As for me, I keep the big rock on my hand visible and my eyes checking out the fat grams on my labels .

Perfectly stated!!!!

[claudia 1]

I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I'm starting to notice more attention from men and also that women are much kinder to me now. Sometimes I miss the invisibility cloak of fat, and I'm a little apprehensive about getting more attention as I get smaller. Skeevy men are so offputting.

I also feel uncomfortable with the attention/commentary I receive now. It's like you're up for grabs when you've lost weight: everyone feels entitled to advise and question you. Someone told me yesterday that 'OMG, you are totally smaller?! Where are you going?!' and then made this crazy gesture and looked behind me and all around like I wasn't really there. She said it really loudly in a shop and I just don't want to feel totally scrutinised and examined in public.

It does depend on my mood though - some days the comments elevate me and some days I'm irritated by them. I get comments on my lunch, my clothes and my hair from my colleagues - it's like someone has taken a highlight pen and marked me now and I'm uber-visible.

The poster who said earlier that she's paranoid she's got a button open or something - wow, that really resonated with me. I keep thinking things like that - checking my buttons and zippers to make sure I'm not exposed when people stare at me.

Ahh, that's enough complaining for today! I do feel wonderful - it's just these conflicting feelings are overwhelming sometimes. It's nice to know this is a shared experience.