Confused

[coops 1,790]

Hey fellow sleevers...

just thought I would put this out there for some feedback, firstly, if this, in anyway sounds negative... it is NOT meant to be!!! I am just looking for your thoughts and feelings on this.

I am a year out now and life is sweet. This is the best thing I have ever done for myself but I feel like I am now at a crossroads.

My weight loss is soooo slow it is painful! I know that my fastest and best time has gone and to be honest, since the New Year, things have been really hard and I have had to fight for every pound lost and inch gone! But that is ok... I am a fighter so I get on with it...

Now, I am wondering whether to stop fighting... just stop worring and get on with my life without making goal. I am starting to feel like a failure as each mini goal and weight loss challange that I have set myself, I have not achieved. There were other little goals that I set way back, that I also didn't make and this is starting to get to me e.g. When I booked the Take That tickets in October '10 I wanted to be a size 12(UK) for the gig... I didn't make it... I also wanted to be under 11 stone for my 40th birthday in April ... I didn't make it!

I don't like FAILURE...lol

So, my train of thought is slightly changing now... there is a part of me that would like to shift the rest of this weight... there is a part of me that is completely and utterly happy with how I am today and then there is this little competitive part of me that is desperate to get to about 135lb. I am also curious as to 1, how I will feel at this weight and 2, how I will look, as I haven't been that small since I was about 16yrs old!!

what do I do? Continue to fail or stop...

Then, my WLS nurse rang me... we discussed my slow weight loss, reasons for etc... she put a new spin on the whole goal idea, she said: 'Goal to me is when you are happy with yourself and you have a good quality of life; not so much about the scale or dress size.' This shocked me because I was expecting a telling off for not getting to goal in the year! In her eyes, I am successful as I have changed my life style and am now healthy and fit!

OK, so you're in my shoes... what would you do?

[thinoneday 445]

How i can relate to you coops! I hit my drs goal of 212, which was great, then i went to 200, good for me. Now you must understand i have a very atheletic build (no womanly shape, no hips, no curves) large bone structure and very tall for a woman (6 feet) . . . well to me I wanted to get to 180 or 175lb (which is recommended by the American Heart Association) but since January i swayed between 200 and 210lbs. . and have been swaying between those two numbers ever since (thank goodness it's not more.) So I was, like you, wondering what to do. . and as your nurse said, it's what your comfortable and happy with, not the dress size or the scale number. . so i am not telling you to stop. . . but i am now enjoying my life, it's a good quality of life and i can do things i haven't been able to do for a very long time. I'm happy and comfortable and if i'm to loose more weight, good for me, but if not, and as long as i don't gain, i'll be happy too. . . I know i have a great tool here which will be with me forever and that i'll never go back to eating or looking how i used to before my surgery, so i'm not worried. I check my weight weekly to make sure all is ok and if the scale tips a bit, i do the 5 day pouch test to the best of my ability and go on. . . . good luck in your decision and in the end you'll be glad you did. . . . cheers!

[Adri 40]

I think you should compromise and go for the surgeon's goal. Maybe you can do the 5-day pouch test to jump start your weight loss again. I am not saying this to be hurtful, and I have not lost anywhere near what you have...I envy your 62 lb. accomplishment!! But as a new sleever I am still holding onto the hope that someday I won't look fat. I had the vsg primarily to control my diabetes, but looking good would be a bonus. If you don't see in the mirror what you want to see, keep fighting the good fight!

[Foxbins 625]

I say, do what makes you happy. If you are happy with the way you look and feel now, and "dieting" and missing your goals is getting in the way of being happy, then stop worrying about a number. if, however, there is a part of you that will always wonder , "Could I have gotten to goal if I had stuck it out a little longer?" and that part will nag at you and make you feel like a failure, then I say stick with it, no matter how slow the loss. Which way will make you happier in the end?

[feedyoureye 3,087]

How would you act differently if you went on "maintenance" than you do now......? Is it mostly psychological?

[coops 1,790]

I say, do what makes you happy. If you are happy with the way you look and feel now, and "dieting" and missing your goals is getting in the way of being happy, then stop worrying about a number. if, however, there is a part of you that will always wonder , "Could I have gotten to goal if I had stuck it out a little longer?" and that part will nag at you and make you feel like a failure, then I say stick with it, no matter how slow the loss. Which way will make you happier in the end?

Oh my Foxbins... that is SUCH a good question! My hubby says I should keep going and get to my surgeon's goal... I suppose there is a part of me that is fed up with such a slow lose, but then the other part of me gets excited when I see the scale move a pound or two!!... *sighs*

[coops 1,790]

How i can relate to you coops! I hit my drs goal of 212, which was great, then i went to 200, good for me. Now you must understand i have a very atheletic build (no womanly shape, no hips, no curves) large bone structure and very tall for a woman (6 feet) . . . well to me I wanted to get to 180 or 175lb (which is recommended by the American Heart Association) but since January i swayed between 200 and 210lbs. . and have been swaying between those two numbers ever since (thank goodness it's not more.) So I was, like you, wondering what to do. . and as your nurse said, it's what your comfortable and happy with, not the dress size or the scale number. . so i am not telling you to stop. . . but i am now enjoying my life, it's a good quality of life and i can do things i haven't been able to do for a very long time. I'm happy and comfortable and if i'm to loose more weight, good for me, but if not, and as long as i don't gain, i'll be happy too. . . I know i have a great tool here which will be with me forever and that i'll never go back to eating or looking how i used to before my surgery, so i'm not worried. I check my weight weekly to make sure all is ok and if the scale tips a bit, i do the 5 day pouch test to the best of my ability and go on. . . . good luck in your decision and in the end you'll be glad you did. . . . cheers!

Hiya Thin,

thanks for your input... I have been thinking of you recently, as I remember you saying that you had slowed down too... however you have lost 150lb... woman, that is another person!!!!

I think my body is comfortable here and is really resisitant to change... perhaps I just have to sit back and enjoy the ride...?? x

[coops 1,790]

How would you act differently if you went on "maintenance" than you do now......? Is it mostly psychological?

Now, this is a good question... And I don't really know the answer... I try to change my diet on a regular basis, whilst sticking to the 'rules' ie up cals down cals, alter exercise patterns, drink more Water....etc So in maintance I am not sure how it would be that different. Last time I spoke to my surgeon and he realised that I hadn't lost that much, he did say: 'You will find maintance easy!'

I also wonder if it is psychological and I am not sure how to work on that... I can't afford therapy! hmmmm, me needs to think about this!! =]

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Now, this is a good question... And I don't really know the answer... I try to change my diet on a regular basis, whilst sticking to the 'rules' ie up cals down cals, alter exercise patterns, drink more Water....etc So in maintance I am not sure how it would be that different. Last time I spoke to my surgeon and he realised that I hadn't lost that much, he did say: 'You will find maintance easy!'

I also wonder if it is psychological and I am not sure how to work on that... I can't afford therapy! hmmmm, me needs to think about this!! =]

Did you promise yourself any reward when you reached goal? Like a new wardrobe or something? Do you have any photographers friends? It might be nice to get some great photos of you boxing or in some slinky dress or however you like to see yourself at goal. I look at myself now, and I think "what if I stop losing weight now...can I have a great experience just the way I am?" I think I could. Many of the sleeve stats say the average excess weight loss is 57% or something like that. Im right there now. My weight loss has slowed down, but seems to still be going somewhere, so I think I can lose some more, but no guarantees it will be do my chosen goal. Good luck Coops!

[Amanda131 214]

Hey Coops!

First, I've never mentioned how much I love your screen name! My maiden name is Cooper and I've had many friends call me "Coop" and Coops" over the years. Ah, nostalgia!

Here is a thought- what if you change your measuring stick to things you have better control over? I know that we can eat right and exercise but we really can't control these crazy bodies- they have a mind of their own. I seen so many of us do all of the "right things" and still not have it show up on the scale. What if you were to set fitness goals? You seem to be very successful in the fitness realm. Perhaps setting some fitness goals that are a bit of a stretch and reaching them will help rebuild your confidence and lessen the feelings of failure? Or, set eating goals but don't tie them to weightloss, i.e. drink 64 oz. of Water a day, etc. I think if you set healthful goals like these that support weightloss but don't focus on it that you can truly control (unlike pounds lost) you can have the best of both worlds.

Just an idea.

Amanda

[MINI-Me 196]

What about a different approach? Why not stop dieting & "do maintenance" for a while.

If you find you can easily maintain and like what you see in the mirror and your labs, be done.

If you can maintain, but feel like you are ready to try losing again (say in 3 months), go for it. Nothing says you have to make a FINAL decision today.

Give yourself some time to enjoy your new body and decide what goal really is for you.

I am so proud of you. You have done so well and have had the best attitude. I really wish we lived closer (or on the same continent) - it would be so cool to meet you face to face and just "chat". You are awesome woman!

[chilo1 62]

Ohhh Coops, aren't we in the same boat!? I'm trying to just "enjoy" what I've acheived but I still want to reach goal, what do we do?? Keep me posted!

[Roseib 13]

Hi, Coops, I've said it before but here it is again. My doctor said that people don't necessarily end up at a weight that was their goal weight because their body "stops" (not his word) at a higher weight. Being overweight for some time makes a lot of us get stronger bones, etc., and we carry the extra weight naturally. He said your body will tell you when to stop or rather it will let you know when by not losing. Don't know about your bone structure -- maybe that doesn't apply to you, but maybe this is your size. Or, like Mini-me said, maybe your body just needs to rest a while before losing again. You look terrific!!

[M2G 1,836]

Sending you a PM right now. HUGS!

[M2G 1,836]

Just wanted to add...

I love what Mini-Me said about this doesn't have to be a final decision...you could try maintenance and then see how it feels to not always be trying to LOSE more and see how it feels. Once you aren't feeling like you have to be always chasing that number, you may find that your focus changes and you are indeed happy where you are. If a few months go by and you aren't feeling that self-love then maybe you can climb back on the losing wagon and see where you land. The one thing I know is true and that I love about the fact that we had surgery is that we ALWAYS get to keep our tool. We never lose our tool, and it is up to us how and when we want to use it. I LOVE THAT!