Need some opinions

[M2G 1,836]

So my husband and I are both sleeved. I'm 8 months post-op and he is almost 4. I have chosen to only tell a very limited few people about my surgery, as I feel that it is my private business medically what I do with my body. I wouldn't expect people who have had breast/prostrate/lung/etc. cancer to walk around advertising all of their medical information and I feel like my VSG is the same.

The problem is that obesity is hard to hide and people tend to question you when you are visibily losing weight.

My husband feels a bit differently, he has no problem telling someone he had surgery. He has already opened his big mouth to two male friends that I am good friends with their wives. So even though he was talking about HIMSELF having surgery, I'm sure they are looking at me and putting the puzzle together. I didn't want to share with these women about MY surgery. But he sort of blew it. And I called him on it and was frustrated.

Now this Fri. we are having a group of friends over for dinner and they are mostly his close friends and their wives. So we sat and had the conversation about what to tell. He was like "what am I allowed to say" and I feel bad putting a gag order on him just because I feel it is private. The funny thing is HE is usually super-private about everything so I'm baffled at why he wants to share his personal medical info. Ugh.

What do you think? Do I just let him babble on about what he feels like he wants to share and just not say anything about myself? I'm torn on this one and just looking for opinions. Thanks!

[Nancy Rivers 24]

If he wants to tell people he had surgery, he should be able to. If anyone asks you - you can just say that you are doing a "sympathy" lifestyle change to support him (you decided to exercise and eat the way he is supposed to in order to make it easier on him and give him support). In a way it's not lying as the two of you are going through this together, and it is a lifestyle change.

[wishes 125]

I think I agree with Nancy. It is his surgery too, and if he wants to share that, it is his prerogative. However, I know you do not want to share it, so just say you are both following the same plan and it is also helping you lose weight.

[M2G 1,836]

Thanks ladies. I think he feels like a fraud saying that we are doing 'lifestyle' changes but we are. I could testify under oath that I am watching calories, carbs, fat, drinking tons of Water and exercising...and it would all be TRUE!

Ugh!

<br><br>But I get what you are saying, that he can blab all he wants about surgery and I don't have to admit that I had it as well. Although I'm sure anyone who can add 2+2 could figure this "mystery" out as well. Bah.

[thinoneday 445]

So my husband and I are both sleeved. I'm 8 months post-op and he is almost 4. I have chosen to only tell a very limited few people about my surgery, as I feel that it is my private business medically what I do with my body. I wouldn't expect people who have had breast/prostrate/lung/etc. cancer to walk around advertising all of their medical information and I feel like my VSG is the same.

The problem is that obesity is hard to hide and people tend to question you when you are visibily losing weight.

My husband feels a bit differently, he has no problem telling someone he had surgery. He has already opened his big mouth to two male friends that I am good friends with their wives. So even though he was talking about HIMSELF having surgery, I'm sure they are looking at me and putting the puzzle together. I didn't want to share with these women about MY surgery. But he sort of blew it. And I called him on it and was frustrated.

Now this Fri. we are having a group of friends over for dinner and they are mostly his close friends and their wives. So we sat and had the conversation about what to tell. He was like "what am I allowed to say" and I feel bad putting a gag order on him just because I feel it is private. The funny thing is HE is usually super-private about everything so I'm baffled at why he wants to share his personal medical info. Ugh.

What do you think? Do I just let him babble on about what he feels like he wants to share and just not say anything about myself? I'm torn on this one and just looking for opinions. Thanks!

I totally understand your privacy thing. . .but the success rate is so awesome that it's hard to hide the fact as you say. . . he is so proud of his success that he just wants to shout it from the rooftops and he is proud of your success too. . . it's hard when it's best friends and lies do snowball (the truth will set you free) but it's really a decision you have to make. . . my hubbie didn't want me to tell anyone either, but i do anyhow, this surgery isn't easy and it's so nice that you have hubbie to support you. . .so what if he's a blabber mouth. . .it's a great thing you two did together and together both of you will succeed with the weight loss. . . who knows maybe one day the two of you could advocate for others struggling with obesity. . . good luck!

[M2G 1,836]

Well, I waffled back and forth but in the end decided to keep the gag order in place. His friends all walked in and started saying OMG, look how skinny you are (to him), etc. and asking HOW he did it, etc. He played according to MY rules (feeling badly about this all now) and said, high Protein, low-carb, lots of exercise and Water. Which is all true.

But I do feel bad that I did not allow him to mention his surgery.

Then about halfway through the evening, a couple of them start saying (to me) wow, you are looking smaller too, your butt is tiny and your face is so skinny, you guys must be doing this together, etc. And I said yes, we were all about Portion Control and exercise (again ALL true!)

So what's done is done. I really did NOT want to sit around ALL evening and talk about our surgeries. I KNOW that would have happened if we had mentioned it. Next time we are all together (mid-Aug.) if he still feels like sharing then I won't stand in his way. I tossed and turned all night feeling guilty about the gag order. :confused_smile: