Friends... did you lose any :(

[Tamz 8]

Hey all

I am happily moving right along ... my solid food start date is July 14 so I am counting down! The first thing I am going to eat is bbq shrimp and some green beans!! yummy lol anyways.. I wanted to hear if anyone has had the same problem I have had. . . I dont see a lot of posts about this, so I thought Id bring it up.

I have a friend who I've known since i moved to Texas almost 3 years ago, and we have been super close.. always together. She is also overweight - not as much as me - but she is. Except .. she has this whole " i like my butt and my boyfriend doesnt want me to lose weight, and if i wanted to do it i could, i Just dont want to" kinda attitude. the last few mos we have not been talking much (for other reasons) and we have grown apart a bit. Anyways, when I told her about my surgery date on June 9th she was like ohh im so happy for you cant wait to see how you look etc etc so on and so forth and she wanted to come to the hospital with my for my surgery...... well .... long story short - we didnt talk at all the week before my surgery, and on the day of my surgery she deleted me from her Facebook, and I havent spoken to her since. She has her own issues in her life that made me turned off to the idea of being her friend.. but still .. we were so close, I didnt want to lose her as a friend completely.. I thought maybe we'd get over the rough patch. At this point, I just dont care. I see how hateful she is, jealous, and just cant be happy for anyone else. In fact.. I plan on taking her my old clothes in a few months and asking her if she wants them so I cant fit them! lol .. ok thats mean, but Ive considered it!

Has anyone else lost any friends or anything like this? It makes me so angry... how can people be so hateful.

[SuperMom 33]

I know just where you are coming from. I thought I had a friend at work (we had been friends for 6 years) lost her mind when I told her. She started screaming at me at work so loud that someone came running to see what was wrong. She told me if only I would do Weight Watchers I would loose all the weight (funny since she is 60 lbs overweight and sticks to ww? and one of my inlaws is diabetic and 350++ lbs and follows ww???) Anyway....she screamed at me three times AFTER I had the surgery (which was great so now everyone at work knows my business) She is going through some bad times and I guess I could have yelled back but chose not to. Anyway the last straw was the other day when she told me "you know you are going to gain all the weight back" and "you know you really weren't TRYING to loose the weight". So we have always gone to lunch together but now I choose to go with someone else. The first week back to work she told me "so THATS all you are going to eat?" at my cup of chicken noodle Soup. She would not meet my eyes for two weeks and you know what? I am sad to loose a friend but oh well. I have a life and a wonderful supportive husband and great kids (which she does not and is prob part of the problem??)and am very happy with my life choices and if she is going to be angry and hateful, she can do it by herself. It is HER loss!

I am happy with my decision and am tickled to get up in the morning everyday to see where the scale is which has never in my whole life happened!!!! I have more breath and more energy and am fitting in clothes I have not worn in years because I had outgrown them!

Man you just gave me an idea of what to do with my "fat" clothes and if I were a little more hateful I would give them to her!

[lovemyboys 3]

My friends are all pretty excited for me and can't wait to see how everything turns out. On the other hand my husbands family wouldn't take it too well.....if they knew!

[Bandme1 12]

Oh wow... she sounds like the wasn't really a friend to begin with. How terrible. I guess people just become insecure and either get jealous or they think that you are going to get all skinny and not want to be friends with them anymore. If she only liked you because you could be her fat friend, that's not someone you want anyway.

I have a few friends that I'm kinda of curious to see whether our friendship makes it (my surgery is in 3 weeks). I know they like the ego boost of sitting next to a fatty. It definitely makes them look better. So we'll see how that goes.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

With friends like this who needs enemies?

Really.

IMO, we have all made an incredible and major decision to completely change our lives. Sometimes cutting the fat doesn't necessarily mean our own. Get rid of all the toxic people in your life because you are going to need a lot of love and support in this journey. It is NOT easy!! It IS all about YOU right now, and if someone can't accept that due to their own selfish and jealous reasons... oh well.

Good luck to you all, and just know this, you are WORTHY of good friends and family who will treat you with respect and the way you treat them. If they cannot do this, then to heck with them.

[snowfie9 6]

I've only lost 35lbs so far but everyone has been really supportive. People that want to lose weight will ask me all kinds of quesitons about my surgery but I haven't had a single backhanded comment yet.

I just can't understand how people can be so mean.

[Tamz 8]

Thank u all so much !!!!

[ybnormal 21]

I've only lost 35lbs so far but everyone has been really supportive. People that want to lose weight will ask me all kinds of quesitons about my surgery but I haven't had a single backhanded comment yet.

I just can't understand how people can be so mean.

I had one of these today and from all places, my sister. Her comment was "oh great now you're going to get skinny, just another reason for me to hate you." and then "you're so pretty, when the hell are you going to get old and ugly?!" urgh. We're no longer speaking. Sometimes the toxicity comes from within your own family.

Renee`

[Caliblonde 25]

I am so sorry that you have had this experience. I am currently experiencing a similar situation with one of my friends.

As soon as I began discussing having surgery close to 2 years ago, a close friend of mine (for 6+ years) began to drift away from me. She is also overweight but not as much as I am. She is VERY competitive and can be very toxic to me (i.e. saying mean things to me, saying mean things about my husband, generally trying to one up me). The best example is that when I told her my surgery date her response was "I'm going to have to start gong back to the gym to keep up with you!" In addition to being completely absent in my life for the past six months, she hasn't bothered to ask me about my surgery even one time in the past almost six weeks. She sent my husband a text saying after I got out of surgery saying that she was going to call to check in and never bothered. She called me once last week and asked "how are you?", then proceeded to say "oh, the reason I'm calling is to see if you guys want to go out to dinner". I have been debating on whether or not to try to salvage this relationship, but the more I think about it, the less I want to even try. She has no consideration for me whatsoever.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I haven't lost any friends over my surgery/weightloss, thankfully. One of my friends did stop working out with me after I invited her out for a cross-country run and completely dominated her. Not that I'm a great runner, but after shedding all that weight, I ended up returning to her like 10 times over our 30-min run, and now she won't answer any of my texts that suggest that we go work out together, haha.

But I've lost friends over other things over the years....I had a ridiculous fallout with someone 2 years ago, your post reminded me of it because there was also stupid Facebook drama involved, what with her randomly deleting me and then posting crap about me on a mutual friend's wall. It was very much a one-way relationship and I'm kind of glad it's over, I didn't do anything wrong. I think she was bitter about where her life was going vs. mine. Some people just aren't worth your time, they only want you there while things aren't going well for you. Then the second you become more successful than them in one way or another, their true colors come out. I guess you guys had some good times together at some point, focus on that, but accept the fact that this friendship is done - and this is probably for the best.

[GreginMI 76]

I think these kinds of reactions have more to do with them and less to do with you. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know it's sad to lose a friend but it was their choice, not yours. I find if I surround myself with people who are positive and happy it rubs off on me. I cut the negative people out of my life. Apparently sometimes they take care of that for you. Best of luck.

Hey all

I am happily moving right along ... my solid food start date is July 14 so I am counting down! The first thing I am going to eat is bbq shrimp and some green beans!! yummy lol anyways.. I wanted to hear if anyone has had the same problem I have had. . . I dont see a lot of posts about this, so I thought Id bring it up.

I have a friend who I've known since i moved to Texas almost 3 years ago, and we have been super close.. always together. She is also overweight - not as much as me - but she is. Except .. she has this whole " i like my butt and my boyfriend doesnt want me to lose weight, and if i wanted to do it i could, i Just dont want to" kinda attitude. the last few mos we have not been talking much (for other reasons) and we have grown apart a bit. Anyways, when I told her about my surgery date on June 9th she was like ohh im so happy for you cant wait to see how you look etc etc so on and so forth and she wanted to come to the hospital with my for my surgery...... well .... long story short - we didnt talk at all the week before my surgery, and on the day of my surgery she deleted me from her Facebook, and I havent spoken to her since. She has her own issues in her life that made me turned off to the idea of being her friend.. but still .. we were so close, I didnt want to lose her as a friend completely.. I thought maybe we'd get over the rough patch. At this point, I just dont care. I see how hateful she is, jealous, and just cant be happy for anyone else. In fact.. I plan on taking her my old clothes in a few months and asking her if she wants them so I cant fit them! lol .. ok thats mean, but Ive considered it!

Has anyone else lost any friends or anything like this? It makes me so angry... how can people be so hateful.

[MrsPositive 5]

I have had one close friend who had distanced herself greatly and I think she does not approve of the surgery. She is at her heaviest now though and single which is tough in and of itself.

My take is that any time you make positive changes in your life...even when you have success in any area...it pulls on people's comfort zones. It shows them they too could be more, do more or have more in life. It is what makes them go kinda bezerk on you potentially.

I think true friends will adjust given some time. I also think we are drawn together because of our similarities...and when you take your life to the next level like we all have...you gain new friends who are there too.

So sorry to hear all the yucky reactions from your old friends. I hope they come around or that you get new and better ones!!!

Joan

[susnl 17]

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been very blessed with great friends. They are all supportive and encouraging. I have a small group of close friends who are all married except one. This probably helps.

[fern 195]

My ( so called) best friend of over 15 years went into a tizzy when I told her about surgery. She is actually heavier than my start weight. She offered to join ww with me and go to the gym, blah, blah, blah. I thanked her but said I had made up my mind. I still offered to go to the gym with her, but she refused. I'm now out about 4 months and I've seen her 3 times. It actually makes me very sad. I wish she'd come back into my life. I don't keep alot of close friends ( never really have), and now, even though I'm so busy in life (with 3 jobs, 2 kids, and a hubby) it would be nice to be able to just call her up to chat and be normal : (

[Tamz 8]

I had one of these today and from all places, my sister. Her comment was "oh great now you're going to get skinny, just another reason for me to hate you." and then "you're so pretty, when the hell are you going to get old and ugly?!" urgh. We're no longer speaking. Sometimes the toxicity comes from within your own family.

Renee`

aww Renee that is terrible!! Is she always like that towards you? what a..... .. lol sorry.