Thin on the outside, still fat on the inside??

[FishingNurse 1,210]

I am having my surgery Aug. 1 2011 and I couldnt be more excited!

I feel fairly preapred for what is to come physically.....

But then my roommate brings me back down to earth saying things like just because you are thin doesnt mean everything will be great in regards to self esteem. So for anyone that has changed a lot on the outside, does the brain follow, or do I run the risk of keeping my "fat girl" mentallity???

Any thoughts are appreciated! Thanks

[Raine 170]

Its a process. Your brain will take time to catch up to your body and any insecurities you have will fade with time and work if you have people around you that are supportive and positive about what you are doing for yourself. If you have people like your roomate around all the time reminding you that you have low self asteem then you will dwell on it and it becomes like a hungry monster and you question yourself and the things you are doing. I am sure she doesn't mean it that way, but encouragement and reenforcement of oneself is what someone with lower self esteem needs. Its part of building up the new you. Mind you, discovering they why's is part of the battle too, but being obese is usually the main culprit.

[SleeveGirl-TX 183]

About a month before I had surgery (I am just 5 days out), I decided that the physical changes were going to need some emotional help. I sought out a counselor that deals strictly with weight loss issues and started seeing her. Like I told her, I may not need her. I may be fine, but chances are that I'm going to struggle. My weight is not just a physical issue and I'm prepared to deal with the mental changes that need to take place as well.

I was happily surprised that while my insurance doesn't cover the surgery, they do cover visits with the physiologist. It's hard for me. I don't do feelings all that well, so I struggle, but she's making it easy on me and we're just doing small stuff here and there.

[lisa65 0]

Find a new room mate. Id confront her with why she's trying to sabotage you. Why so negative.

[Tiffykins 673]

I can honestly tell you that to this very day, I am more self-conscious about my body than I ever was at 270lbs. So, as much as it sucks, she is 100% correct.

Being skinny does NOT or will NOT fix the head issues. Being skinny doesn't make everything in the world "right as rain".

I can say that I never allowed myself to be defined by my pant size. I was confident, loved life, was outgoing, social, never had a problem dating and none of that really changed when I lost weight. But, even in a size 2, I have a muffin top because of skin. My boobs look like deflated Water balloons. I have sharpei jowl wrinkles on the bottom of my buttcheeks. I over-analyze every single flaw, and nitpick the wrinkles on my face more than I ever did the back fat or enormous stomach I had pre-op.

My brain has caught up with me in regards to recognizing myself as a skinny woman. I don't grab bigger sizes anymore, I recognize that I don't need a Large top anymore, but none of that changes the fact that I still think my body is a wreck.

[FishingNurse 1,210]

Thanks Ladies!! Its nice to hear different opinions!

[AutumnBlueCarmen 4]

Lisa,

It is what it is! My favorite saying right now for some reason . Your roommate is right and she is wrong at the same time. Not knowing her I can't say her true intentions...but do make sure you tell her that you are going to need support through this and that her having a positive attitude will only help you. If she can't be positive then you definitely need a new roommate. Good luck, You will do great. Surgery won't fix your brain, but with the right attitude you can get that right too.

[KellyL 173]

While most of us will think of your roommate as bitchy, jealous, and unsupportive, she is correct. It depends on how she said it I guess. But at any rate, it is a good idea to look into therapy, a support group, or just some soul searching and self realization if you can't do therapy for insurance or $ reasons. Do some reading on self esteem and self worth. You can find a lot online. But this journey is definitely an emotional, mental, and physical one. I am hoping by working on all of it, that it will decrease my chances of weight regain later.

[AutumnBlueCarmen 4]

Kelly is right.....self searching is always good. A great book to read and work through is "the feeling good handbook" by Burns. It has been around a long time and is great for self esteem and dealing with other and their opinions. Good luck!

[jasleeve 440]

i once lost weight thru just dieting. i went from an 18 to a 6 in 4months... after losing the weight, i was still insecure but my insecurities werent as bad. you tend to worry about less but you still worry. thats where acceptance comes into play. you have to accept where you were, where you are, how far youve come & where you are going. no body says it will be easy but it will be worth it.

its like being in a relationship with a man that cheats on you. he may change & you will be happier cuz he seems to be doing right by you but if he ever comes home a hr late from work, you will always hear that little voice in your head saying hes up to his old ways.

thats when you need to trust him that hes not cheating. same for weight, you need to trust yourself that youre changing and trust that youre not how you were.

i hope this made some sense lol

I am having my surgery Aug. 1 2011 and I couldnt be more excited!

I feel fairly preapred for what is to come physically.....

But then my roommate brings me back down to earth saying things like just because you are thin doesnt mean everything will be great in regards to self esteem. So for anyone that has changed a lot on the outside, does the brain follow, or do I run the risk of keeping my "fat girl" mentallity???

Any thoughts are appreciated! Thanks

[MINI-Me 196]

Losing weight does not make life all roses and feeling the need to burst out into song.

What does it do? Makes me feel comfortable ... I can do things & not be completely out of breath ... I can run up and down the stairs without thinking about how much it hurts my joints ... I can go shopping all day long without my feet hurting (and now that small sizes fit, I do this A LOT!!!!)

I have much more confidence these days. I feel like people really listen to what I am saying and not just staring at the "fat girl". It's very freeing.

(But, like Tiff said, I over-scrutinize what I do have ... I look great in clothes, but naked - not so much! I have so much skin on my tummy and upper thighs. I also have definite parenthesis around my mouth from extra facial skin. I try to look past these "flaws" and focus on my energy, my health, and those cute size 4 clothes. Most days, it's all good! )

[SeattleSue 25]

We all arrived with our own baggage! For me, obesity is a symptom of something else I couldnt pin-point and couldn't face. I've started counseling and one of the first "ah-ha" moments for me was the comment, "Be kind to yourself...food has saved your life AND your sanity." Stand back and think about that for a while. Wow, 43 years and THAT is like falling down the rabbit hole! hahaha

food has saved my life and my sanity. OK. Now I get the whole 'self medicating' thing. NOW, I'll wrap my mind around being kind to myself and allowing others to help me in the weight area while I work on the root cause! I feel a burden lifting already.

There are friends I will not discuss WLS with right now. I KNOW I will look like a sharpe' puppy with rolls of skin. But I will be alive and living and not polarized any more. I will have to learn that I'm as valuable thin as I AM FAT. The change will be in the ride!!

[FishingNurse 1,210]

Thanks everyone!

[thinoneday 445]

I am having my surgery Aug. 1 2011 and I couldnt be more excited!

I feel fairly preapred for what is to come physically.....

But then my roommate brings me back down to earth saying things like just because you are thin doesnt mean everything will be great in regards to self esteem. So for anyone that has changed a lot on the outside, does the brain follow, or do I run the risk of keeping my "fat girl" mentallity???

Any thoughts are appreciated! Thanks

I've lost 150 lbs and since i've gotten really used to my new self, I'm in the mentality of "god, I'm fat, I need to loose weight". To stop that thinking I look back on pictures of how big i used to be and then tell myself i'm not that person anymore. . . but your friend is right, if you think that loosing all your weight will make you "happier" that is something you have to exam more closely. . .you'll be more happier with the success you've had initially, but remember even though you've lost tons of weight, your problems and emotions will still be there. After the honeymoon period is over, then life is just like normal and you go back to normal. The honeymoon period is where your loosing tons of weight, buying new clothes, getting compliments like crazy, getting passes made at you and basically getting alot of attention. . . then it slows down and eventually stops and your back to your life as you know it, but lighter. . . .hope that explaination helps a bit

[wishes 125]

I understand that one. I have been obese my entire life. How can I see myself any other way? However, what someone else mentioned is one the best pieces of advice ever, have supportive people around you to help build your confidence and self-esteem. This is called a journey for a reason. You will be going through physical, mental, and emotional changes, but you can get through it and be the person you want to be.