I still want...

[Nichelle 21]

I am currently about 6 weeks out and just wonder if this was the best decision. I did a lot of preperation mentally for this, but I don't think you can ever be quite ready for what you are in for. I know we are all pretty young on this forum and maybe you can relate. Lately I have had this feeling that I may have done this too early in life. I know that most people on here will say and have said that their only regret is not doing it sooner or they wish it had been avaliable to them at a younger age. However........ I am young. I make mistakes. I still want those silly uncontrollable nights. I want to have a drink or two or three with friends, I want to eat at night when i'm up studing for my final like other college kids, I want to eat pizza and not be a weird person who just pulls toppings off, I want to drink a BEER, I want to order a meal from the menu and eat it because as of now it looks like I just pushed things around with my fork, I want to be able to go to a buffet not to just stuff my face but to enjoy a variety of food, I want to try more than one bite of the few foods on my plate and not be stuffed to my eye balls, did I say I wanted a cold beer yet. I know, I know, I know that all of these things are probably reasons why I am here in the first place, but I was big before I knew I was bigger than those around me. I was big when I was a child and sometimes I feel like I am paying for a mistake that is not neccessarily all my fault. I'm not asking for a pity party. It all just seems so unfair.

I now have this weird infatuation with watching other people eat. I still like to see good food being enjoyed, not just sit on my plate and go cold. Its weird, right? Am I the only one notices this. It's not in a weird way that I stare at people eating. Its just more I want others to enjoy their food even if I'm done and full doens't mean they have to be.

Ok, I suppose I'm done with my rant. I feel much better now that I got it out. I hope others can relate. I know that I'm not alone in this and I am still very early on in the process. I still in my heart (which is more important to me than what my head thinks) know that this was the BEST decision for myself. I don't think I want, I know I don't want all those things I listed above combinded and multiplied by three more than I want to be THIN which may be oddly unhealthy thinking, but is true.

I just hope this to shall pass and be replaced with skinny jeans, summer dresses, & bikinis!!!

[SleeveGirl-TX 183]

I'm still pre op. I'm in my mid-30s. I WISH I had done this when I was only 275 and 23... and I haven't even done it yet (Tuesday is my day).

I get what you are saying. I think it's almost like a mourning period. I went through it last month. I ate at all my favorite restaurants, making sure to actually TASTE and enjoy the things that I love. The truth is, from what I can read, you CAN eat normal things again, it will just be 6-12 months until you can. BUT you have to do it in moderation. No chips and salsa EVERY night, but a planned night out is fine. We have to relearn about food and what it's used for (and it ain't to be my friend 24/7, a lesson I'm still working on over here). We also have to learn what a real portion is to our new bodies. That's going to be hard, no doubt! All those silly nights out didn't do me any good. LOL

Hugs, sweetie. I was exactly where you were at the age of 23, only without this option.

At the end of the day YOU have to be ready for it. If you are doing it to be thin or to fit in, it won't work, in my opinion. I think this whole thing is as much of a mental "game" of sorts. I assume you have eating issues like most of us around here, right? Have you visited with a counselor? I had NEVER visited one before in my life before last month when I realized I needed to and found one in my area that deals specifically with health and weight issues. Love her.

[Tiffykins 673]

I can relate only because I'm that social butterfly, have a packed calendar of lunches, brunches, potlucks, social outings, Girls nights out on a couple times a month rotation, and even though I'm an old (34), married, mom of 1 and with one on the way, I can tell you that the social aspect was the most difficult for me.

I missed partying, just like I'm going to miss it when Sprout gets here in November. My birthday is just 6 weeks after Sprout's due date, and if I heal quickly, and am able to do it, I'm going to party like a rockstar because I'll be 35.

As for the watching people eat, it skeeves me out to watch other people eat., It always has. I think it's because I was always wondering if people were watching me eat my enormous portions pre-op.

What I can tell you is that you are really early out, and here in a few months, a more regular "young adult" lifestyle can return in some form. You might not be able to play beer pong, or drink beer upside down from a keg, but you will be able to have some of what you consider normalcy.

For me, I spent all of my 20s FAT, HUGE actually in comparison to all of my friends. I was the fat, fun girl, and while I never allowed my pant size to define me, nor did I let my obesity keep me from a huge party life, I can only imagine how great I would have felt living life in smaller pants through my 20s. I dated rampantly through my 20s, I danced and partied, and had a grand old time, but I would give anything to have not had to deal with not being able to shop with my skinny girlfriends at Forever 21, The Gap, Charlotte Russe etc etc.

I know it seems bleak at the moment, but I promise you'll get there, and the struggles that you're experiencing will subside. No one can tell you until you experience yourself. I promise, I do understand, but I think you would regret waiting until you were my age to live a more normal life through your 20s.

Hang in there, it does get better ! ! !

[Shanny 70]

I can dig it. I miss socializing. I have a hard enough time in my house trying to stay away from the stuff that my son and my girl eat. I don't trust myself going to cookouts or the like. It's not fun. On Memorial Day I went to a cookout. Everyone there was drinking (I don't drink, but I did want a beer that day) and eating delicious looking food that smelled wonderful. I had just eaten 3 oz of tuna before I got there. Now tuna is no substitute for homemade pork bbq! Only I couldn't have it. Instead, I stayed outside, away from the food and played cards. Man, I wanted to be socializing with everyone else, but I was in a bad mood because they were having fun, and although I wasn't hungry my mind was STARVING!!!!

I feel your pain, but I love my sleeve and the 74 pounds I've lost. I still have my slip ups. The closer I get to my goal the more I slip. But, I'm making it up in exercise and moderation. It's definitely a mental thing, but it's worth it.

Good luck to you!

[Nichelle 21]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I will definately take into consideration everyone's mutal agreement on this being a good idea. I did have a small revelation over the weekend. I got to enjoy the complany of good friends and family. A big pool party at my aunt's place with all the father's: grandfather, dad, and brother-in-law. It was a great time and I felt great. I participated in the pool volley ball and had a great time and kept up with everyone's pace. I even got picked first for grandpa's team. Feeling better, and looking better. Oh and big nsv, I got into a size 18 pair of shorts I just dug up from the button of the drawer and decided to try on over the weekend. Thanks again!