Keeping reasons for surgery from supervisor/co-workers

[OilSooner 23]

So, I was going through the process for getting the sleeve when I was laid off at my previous employer. I was sad that I had to postpone my surgery, but as soon as my benefits kicked in at my new employer (last week) I called the doc and got the process going again. It will probably be a 3-4 months before I am ready for surgery.

My problem is that I dont want to let my new supervsor or co-workers know what I am having surgery for. I dont want my manager to think that I am having an "elective" surgery that will require time off just as I am starting at a new job, and I also learned from telling my previous co-workers that I really would rather them not know for several reasons.

So, what should I do? I know some will respond that this is not an elective surgery, and should be treated like any other surgery, and I agree with that. But, I am also a realist and know that not everyone (esp those who dont have a weight problem) sees it the same way.

I have considered faking a benign mass in my stomach that has to be removed. But, I hate to lie. Yet, its the best I have come up with so far.

Finally, I would also like to just stick with "personal reasons" for the surgery, but the reality is that if you're not completely open, people catch on to the fact that you're hiding something.

Thanks for your advice.

[TijuanaPlication 87]

Don't tell them what surgery you're having. It's none of their business. I just said that I was having surgery and that was it. I've not told anyone what the surgery was.

[bleelawry 0]

I'm in the same situation. I've been at my job for 6 months and I've finally got everything worked out and I'm scheduled for 6/27. I have told a few choice people whom I know I can trust and no one else. My boss has been prying but it really is none of her business and really is illegal to ask. Do what you feel is right for YOU. People are going to think what they want to regardless. Good Luck!

Bridget

[Wheetsin 714]

Your employer will need to know you are having surgery. They will not need to know the procedure. Your supervisor cannot ask you details. This is a legal thing, not an etiquette thing.

If you really want to tell them something, you can tell them you're having a similar procedure. For example, gallbladder removal is also done laparoscopically, and would give you the same incisions (minus the stomach stuff, of course). Hital hernia repair can be done during gastric procedures, and some people claimed they were having it done.

I'm not fully decided on the sleeve, but mostly. People know I have a lap-band already. I expect reactions to the sleeve would be much more severe, and I suspect that if I go through with it (most likely will), I will not tell people about the VSG. I'm considering just saying, "There's a problem with my band they need to fix." Well, my band is slipped, so this is true. Resulting weightloss, I could always explain as "since my band got fixed, it's so much easier -- it was so hard to lose with it unfilled" or similar. But it wouldn't bother me to lie, either. I'm just not sure I'd remember what I said without all that grehlin to pump my brain

[medmgr 4]

I agree with what has been said - it is illegal for them to ask. If pushed (and they always do) tell them you are really not comfortable discussing the matter as it is private - but make sure you are legally covered when you go on leave. Make sure that they know what dates you are planning to be out and find out if you limit your benefits by not contacting HR to let them know you are planning surgery.

In my case, I will have to call the benefits line to let headquarters know I will be out of the office in case something goes wrong. I will be out “3” work days since my time off will include my my Friday off, the weekend and the July 4^th holiday – but it is a total of 7 actual days, which is their threshold for requiring notification. I had originally planned to take vacation time – but if I did and there were complications, I could end not being covered on short term disability.

My boss has already asked me a couple of times what the surgery is for - I am obstinate and will not tell. Even people I trust around the office (and I have been here for 22 years) I am only telling I am having surgery but not what. Like it or not, in the large corporate culture I work in, looks are a factor in promotion and there is a stigma that equates being fat to the same as being lazy. Getting bariatric surgery to help with weight loss is not respected, you are only supposed to get thin thru dieting and excercise. Which, the sleeve is just a tool in helping us do that.

[GreginMI 76]

Well as part of my pre-op tests I had to have a gall bladder ultrasound. I told my boss that I had to have it because I was having some symptoms and my doctor wanted it checked. Then before I went for surgery I told him I was having to take a medical leave of absence to have my gall bladder removed. After my surgery I told everyone because I didn't care if they knew, I just didn't want a million questions to answer or people trying to put doubt in my mind before the surgery.

[Neoteric Verve 65]

H.I.P.A.A. is all you have to say! They can't ask and you don't have to tell.

[Jax 2]

When I had my lapband surgery last year, I only told my family what I was doing. At work, only because I had to say something, I told them I was having a hernia repaired. This worked out well becuase I was able to say I had to eat different while my stomach was healing. I am doing the same thing this go-round with my VSG. That dam hernia is back!

So, I was going through the process for getting the sleeve when I was laid off at my previous employer. I was sad that I had to postpone my surgery, but as soon as my benefits kicked in at my new employer (last week) I called the doc and got the process going again. It will probably be a 3-4 months before I am ready for surgery.

My problem is that I dont want to let my new supervsor or co-workers know what I am having surgery for. I dont want my manager to think that I am having an "elective" surgery that will require time off just as I am starting at a new job, and I also learned from telling my previous co-workers that I really would rather them not know for several reasons.

So, what should I do? I know some will respond that this is not an elective surgery, and should be treated like any other surgery, and I agree with that. But, I am also a realist and know that not everyone (esp those who dont have a weight problem) sees it the same way.

I have considered faking a benign mass in my stomach that has to be removed. But, I hate to lie. Yet, its the best I have come up with so far.

Finally, I would also like to just stick with "personal reasons" for the surgery, but the reality is that if you're not completely open, people catch on to the fact that you're hiding something.

Thanks for your advice.

[Jax 2]

I would caution about using Gallbladder surgery as an excuse as you may really need it out later on! Either say nothing or say something that wont come back to haunt you later. I am also very superstitious/paranoid and would never say what you are thinking about having a "benign mass" because my luck, I'd really get a mass and it wouldn't be benign!!!!

[cwalker 12]

So, I was going through the process for getting the sleeve when I was laid off at my previous employer. I was sad that I had to postpone my surgery, but as soon as my benefits kicked in at my new employer (last week) I called the doc and got the process going again. It will probably be a 3-4 months before I am ready for surgery.

My problem is that I dont want to let my new supervsor or co-workers know what I am having surgery for. I dont want my manager to think that I am having an "elective" surgery that will require time off just as I am starting at a new job, and I also learned from telling my previous co-workers that I really would rather them not know for several reasons.

So, what should I do? I know some will respond that this is not an elective surgery, and should be treated like any other surgery, and I agree with that. But, I am also a realist and know that not everyone (esp those who dont have a weight problem) sees it the same way.

I have considered faking a benign mass in my stomach that has to be removed. But, I hate to lie. Yet, its the best I have come up with so far.

Finally, I would also like to just stick with "personal reasons" for the surgery, but the reality is that if you're not completely open, people catch on to the fact that you're hiding something.

Thanks for your advice.

I have a friend that used gastritis but gallbladder or hernia would be better.She has lost weight slowly so that @ 3 months out no one knows anything except she is doing low carb, sf anf exercising, her job isn't guessing at all.

[GreginMI 76]

I'm now 2 weeks post op and I'm telling everyone that asks what I got done. When I get back to work I won't have a bullhorn out announcing it, but if someone asks how I'm losing so much weight, I'll tell them. I don't want them to find out later that I lied and also I want to be able to help other people that need it and ask me about it at work.

[Texasmom65 23]

I'm glad you started this thread. I'm not in the same situation as you, but for some reason I'm having a problem with, "do I tell my co workers or not". I've been here for 13 years, a large physicains office/group. I've told my boss/friend and two other supervisors that I'm close too. And they know I haven't told anyone else. I'm pretty much an open book so not sure why I'm having this feeling of should I or shouldn't I. I've known these ladies for years. I don't think anyone would be negative at all. So that is why its strange to me.

Anyone else feel like this?

I'm sure I will break down and tell them, but will it be before the surgery or after? LOL

I just want to understand why I'm feeling this way. Does that makes sense?

[got2lovedisney 1]

I must be an exception because my co-workers and my boss are all very supportive of my surgery choice. No need to lie/omit/cover up here.

OP I do agree with what others have said...it's none of their business. In my case, told the lady in HR because I wasn't sure if our plan covered weight loss surgery (it does!) but otherwise, I probably would've told her anyways for STD purposes.

[Bryn Dawson 9]

My coworkers and boss are all pretty supportive too. I don't have any naysayers that I know of and if I do, let them nay, I don't care.

That being said, maybe say you're having a hiatal hernia repair? That may even be true, sometimes they're not found until surgery time. Also, they can recur so if it DOES happen later then you are still clear saying that's what it is. And the surgery is in the same area so would explain wounds if you have pain when you return to work, or want to show them off. I mean, people may not know what a hiatal hernia is, but it's better than being judged for having weight loss surgery.

Good luck!

[fluffychick 0]

I was just thinking the same thing. I got my surgery date it is July 13th, but I dont want the noseys in my business, and I dont want to have to answer a bunch of ridiculous questions about my personal decisions. I think I am loving the Hernia excuse that might be my winner!