We have the rest of our lives

[Nichelle 21]

So I thought this would be a great place to put how I am feeling. Be warned it is a little bit of a rant for things that I still wish I could do or miss doing. I am currently about 6 weeks out and just wonder if this was the best decision. I did a lot of preperation mentally for this, but I don't think you can ever be quite ready for what you are in for. I know we are all pretty young on this forum and maybe you can relate. Lately I have had this feeling that I may have done this too early in life. I know that most people on here will say and have said that their only regret is not doing it sooner or they wish it had been avaliable to them at a younger age. However........ I am young. I make mistakes. I still want those silly uncontrollable nights. I want to have a drink or two or three with friends, I want to eat at night when i'm up studing for my final like other college kids, I want to eat pizza and not be a weird person who just pulls toppings off, I want to drink a BEER, I want to order a meal from the menu and eat it because as of now it looks like I just pushed things around with my fork, I want to be able to go to a buffet not to just stuff my face but to enjoy a variety of food, I want to try more than one bite of the few foods on my plate and not be stuffed to my eye balls, did I say I wanted a cold beer yet. I know, I know, I know that all of these things are probably reasons why I am here in the first place, but I was big before I knew I was bigger than those around me. I was big when I was a child and sometimes I feel like I am paying for a mistake that is not neccessarily all my fault.

I know have this weird infatuation with watching other people eat. I still like to see good food being enjoyed, not just sit on my plate and go cold. Its weird, right? Am I the only one notices this. It's not in a weird way that I stare at people eating. Its just more I want others to enjoy their food even if I'm done and full doens't mean they have to be.

Ok, I suppose I'm done with my rant. I feel much better now that I got it out. I hope others can relate. I know that I'm not alone in this and I am still very early on in the process. I still in my heart (which is more important to me than what my head thinks) know that this was the BEST decision for myself. I don't think I want, I know I don't want all those things I listed above combinded and multiplied by three more than I want to be THIN which may be oddly unhealthy thinking, but is true.

[JourneyOfAFatKid 6]

Nichelle,

I too have an odd infatuation with food, and I haven't even been sleeved yet. If someone is sitting around me and they have food and I don't, I find myself chewing on my tounge while they chew their food.

I am 24 with a 2 year old daughter and all I can think about is not letting her go through all the things that I did when I was little. I was teased and miserable for the first half of my life. I keep telling myself, "Self, how can you sit here and teach Jules (my daughter) how to eat right and make smart choices when you waddle and jiggle across the room, and stuff your face with everything that you see?"

I know that we are young and have our lives to live. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE going out with my friends and I REALLY love a nice cold Bud Light or shot of Tequila. But, would I really rather go out and drink 10 beers :beer_yum: just to get bloated and feel awful the next morning or would I rather lose 15lbs going out dancing my butt off and sweating like crazy?:dance: Hmmm...? Ok... well they both kinda sound fun, don't they....LOL

Anyway. The point I'm trying to make is, try and sort out your priorities.. You can still drink eventually... just in moderation. You just need to remember the important things in life. OUR LIVES SHOULDNT REVOLVE AROUND FOOD ANYMORE! What is this crazed obsession we have??? If you find the answer, tell me.

Let me know if you need anything.

:love:

Caitlyn

[Nichelle 21]

Thanks Caitlyn, I'll be sure to share if I ever find and answer to that daunting question.

[wishes 125]

I understand this is a rant, and that you want to get some things out. But I don't agree with you right now. I might just have my rose tinted glasses on.

I am 21 years old, and I like going with my friends to the club or going to the beach like any other Floridian, but around every corner with every bite of food... I am one step closer to diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, and the deluge of other problems that are in my family line. My father is diabetic and my mother is pre-diabetic.

I don't care about not drinking a beer again, and I LOVE BEER. I want to have healthy children. I want to get married in a beautiful white dress after trying on a lot of them! I want to shop, eat, live without shame of my weight. This is surgery is to change my life. I know we all have regrets and could, woulda, shouldas. But I am not rerouting my intestines, I am shrinking my stomach to 25% of its size. The sleeve is not reversible and I do not want it to be. I need the help, and I want to be free of my fat suit.

[Kasie 4]

I get it - my surgery date is in 7 days, and I am freaking out! 2 months ago I would have said that same thing about having no doubts and not missing anything however, 3 days into my high Protein liquid diet and I do miss things already. I think when I am six weeks out I will probably have similar feelings, but, I just have to keep telling myself in 6 months my life is going to be so much different.

[JourneyOfAFatKid 6]

I think that because I am still in the beginning stages of this process that I am still thinking that I can not wait to be rid of food. It has been my best friend/worst enemy for as long as I can remember and I am so ready to part ways. I hope I dont change my mind!

[Nichelle 21]

Thanks for all your replies. I just like to say to those of you pre op its just different on the other side. Simply said, I can remember be on here and just waiting to be on the other side. Feelings change on some topics so drastically and compassion instead of angst is replaced. There was no one or anything that could have stood in my way of surgery and getting what I wanted which is to say like 'wishes' rid me of my fat suit. However, there are those natural and I believe very normal feelings of loss. I just really needed to share them and have some agree that this is normal. I don't want to be alone in my feelings. I knew very early on that things that I mentioned above about missing were going to be gone. I knew this! Yet, I should and you should as well be able to grieve them and miss them still. I am a bartendar. I am around beer, alcohol, and fried food all day. I'm not complaining, but some others environment may be easier. It is hard and no one ever said it would be easy. I don't ever want to take this for granted so I'm glad it's not just easy. I just wanted to share the realities of this so others early post op and pre op can be mentally prepared for what is to come. Thanks for listening.

[Nichelle 21]

P. S. Wishes best of luck with your supervised diet. I have no idea how hard it must be to go through six months of this as my insurance did not cover my surgery. I had to self pay so jumping through hoops for these doctors must be difficult. Also Kasie good luck and safe wishes your way. I hope you a quick surgery and even faster recovery. You'll be on the loser's bench in no time.

[JourneyOfAFatKid 6]

WOW! Youre a BARTENDER??? NO WONDER!! lmao!

Im not even gonna lie to you, girl. That sucks! I can totally understand that... Stay strong!!! You can do it!!

[wishes 125]

Nichelle, I do understand your vent, at least where it is coming from. I hope it was not taken in a negative light, I just admit I can't understand where you are feeling right now. But I really admire you for your courage to A) Post your feelings and B.) Continue on with your awesome weight loss! This is a great thread, and it really helps reflect on some of the difficulties younger sleevers might have to face.

[Kasie 4]

Yikes! A bartender! I get it, I was a pastry chef for several years, and even though I LOVED it, i had to get away from it. It has been about 5 years now since I have worked in that industry, and some days I miss it (what's not to miss - all the free pastries you can eat! But most days I am so thankful that I am not around all the sweets anymore!