Fear of failure

[desertmom 297]

Hi

It is so wonderful to have found this forum.I really need some perspective and think this is the place to get it.

In 2005 I was banded and started having problems almost from the start.I had incredible heartburn and pain in my midrif area front and back.The struggle with the fills was crazy and there was either total restriction or NOTHING. I lost a lot of weight low carbing just because I was too embarrassed not to.I exercised like a maniac and well got pretty close to my goal weight.

After 3 years I decided to completely unfill the band and start self medicating to get my life back.The dr didnt want to remove the band as he believed nothing was wrong and his motto was:no pain,no gain.

The band has been empty for 3 years.I have had some stuck food at times but other than that no problem.I also regained almost all the weight.

In 2010 I started seeing a therapist and learnt (for the first time in my life) how to eat normal.Normal food,normal portions.Not cutting out anything but controlled with everything.I lost 70 pounds in 9 months.I was preaching NORMAL to everyone...lol

In December 2010 I LOST NORMAL....how crazy is that.I just gave myself permission (a conscious choice) to eat whatever I want for one week.AND NORMAL WAS GONE.I have not been able to get back to eating like that again and the therapist says it is an emosional issue,hehe,which one I dont know or understand but I am back to square one.I have only regained about 5 pounds of the 70 in the past 6 months so regaining is not a big issue for me at this point.I know how to maintain.

My band is sceduled to be removed on the 19th of June as I had a fright a few weeks ago where it just closed up on me and I couldnt swallow for 24 hours.Dr still insist it is nothing,not possible...had a scope and band seems fine.After arguing with the surgeon he will now remove it.(I hope he doesnt kill me)

I WANT THE SLEEVE SO BADLY BUT I AM SO SCARED OF FAILING WITH IT.I am scared of a leak,I am scared of the pain...I am just so anti surgery that it contradicts saying I want the sleeve but I really do.

I am a big eater and a snacker and an emosional eater.I just dont know if I will even survive another failure...I will have to move somewhere where no one knows me...lol.Now I read the research papers that is slowly coming out on the sleeve as a standalone surgery and the regain rate is so high in the 5 year studies,something recent sleevers dont really seems to worry about at all.

My BMI is 36,8.I weigh 240 pounds.I am still 75 pounds lighter than at my first consult for the band but that is little consolation.

How do I get over this fear of failure?The therapist suggested I remove the band and make no decicion for the next 6 months but my head says do it all in one shot,right now...be brave.(and then I just laugh at myself as I am a coward at the moment)

Can the sleeve work for me in the long term?

Any thoughts,insights,ideas will help me a lot as I feel stuck right now.I've seen a surgeon that will remove and sleeve at the same time but will have to decide in the next well,2 days.

Thanks for your input.

[kekerene 35]

I had very similar issues with my band. Either too much resitriction or not enough, throwing up meals, reflux, heartburn, lost weight then regained it all. I am sick of it. I found out 2 weeks ago that my band has partially slipped. I am having a revision all in 1 shot on June 23 by Dr. Aceves in Mexico. I cannot wait to get this band out. I think it has to be a decision that you make for yourself. I am sure you will decide on what is best for you. Feel free to email me if you have any questions. Best of luck to you.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

It is a tough choice. It is hard enough to get the courage to have WLS and then to coontemplate a second surgery because the firs one failed is devastating. I got the sleeve as more of an insurance policy to keep me from balooning up after the band was removed. I decided to have it all done at once because I didn't want to go through ANOTHER surgery afterwards.

This decision is personal and you will know what is best when you are ready. Personally, the sleeve was the best thing I could have done for myself. The recovery is hard, but there are great results and no more pain.

It is understandable, though, if you want to have the band out and not replace it with anything. Keep reading the board and look for those of us that have had revisions. There is life after the lapband!!!!

Good luck--

[MissMinnie 5]

HI,

I had those feelings too. Dr Aceves and Dr Campos assured me that the sleeve would be different than my band. So after almost 4 months it is very different and I am very glad I had Dr Aceves do my revision in 1 surgery.

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.

[desertmom 297]

Thanks for the replies.I have been thinking very hard about my reluctance to remove and sleeve in1 surgery.I AM SCARED.Of a leak and of....this might sound stupid...heartburn.

Nothing helped for the heartburn i had the first 3 years,nothing.It was aweful and I cannot imagine ever feeling like that again.Unfortunately in my research i have come across a lot of heartburn issues and it petrifies me.The leak is just as scary to me as a friend that GBP after band had a leak and it was a nightmare for her.

So,short and long is I am a coward....will think on it hard tomorrow and Friday...I can still change my mind until Saturday I reacon.

Xxo

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I had my revision surgery on Sept 15, 2010 and it was also done all in one. The only thing is that if there is significant damages on your insides from the band it is best to have it done in two. I didn't have a lot and my surgery only lasted a little over 90 minutes. He did have to clean up some adhesions however.

Feeling scared or trepiditious is very normal. You just have to figure out how important all of this is to you. If you're not truly ready you'll do best thinking on it for awhile.

All the best to you! Please keep us updated.

[Madison 59]

Wow this brought tears to my eyes. I promise you, you're not the only person dealing with these fears and decisions. I also found a therapist in 2009 and lost the same amount of weight by eating "normally." It was amazing, but I eventually fell off track given life's unpredictable circumstances.

"I WANT THE SLEEVE SO BADLY BUT I AM SO SCARED OF FAILING WITH IT.I am scared of a leak,I am scared of the pain...I am just so anti surgery that it contradicts saying I want the sleeve but I really do. I am a big eater and a snacker and an emosional eater.I just dont know if I will even survive another failure...I will have to move somewhere where no one knows me...lol"

I wish I could drag my sister on this forum, she'll swear to you that I said the exact same thing before and after I got my surgery done. It's barely been two weeks, and while I sometimes regret it, I feel it was the bravest and best choice I could have made for my life.

I know it might be hard to see it this way, but you did not fail. You still didn't fail anything because you're still trying. The only time we truly fail is when we completely give up on ourselves and quit trying to make a change. You're still trying, you can't possibly fail if you haven't declared the battle over yet.

This is going to be a long post, but I would like to fully address all of your concerns.

What are the emotional/environmental factors that caused you to regain weight? No matter what weight loss option you choose, if you don't find a way to eliminate or healthily deal with these factors, then you will always be in a constant struggle. For me it was several things. I was morbidly overweight because I was severely abused until I was 18. I gained weight because it made me bigger than everyone and able to protect myself. If I ever felt threatened by someone when I was dieting, I would go home and gorge on foods (despite never realizing why!). Other than counseling, my remedy for this was to buy a heavy stand and promise myself that I would continue taking self defense courses when I was "small." I also ate to fill an emotional void from neglect and not having anyone in my life. I remedied this by finding other people like me, by taking care of animals, by volunteering, and by developing hobbies. I have many, many other obstacles I had to fight through, but these are just common examples of what others might go through.

Think about all of the times you've gone off track with your healthy lifestyle, and how you felt and what may have caused it. Are there any similarities you see? You might need an outsider to spot these for you, as even I had NO idea that I was only over-eating after feeling threatened by strangers.

I'm a worrier, I'm terrified of pain. I have constant anxiety and panic attacks. I hate surgery, and don't really trust doctors. I would never be able to forgive myself if something horrible went wrong during a surgery. I would feel so humiliated if I didn't succeed despite going through drastic measures.

But I still did it. It was the scariest, biggest, and possibly the best decision I ever made in my life. In just three weeks I see huge changes that I have never experienced before, even after losing 80 pounds on my own I never felt this way.

I read through all the risks and complications of VSG, and decided that the pain I was going through being overweight was a lot more dangerous than the 1-5% risk factors associated with this surgery. Yes, you will feel pain for the first week. But it will subside with medications, and it won't kill you. And it doesn't compare to the pain associated with being overweight and feeling like there's no hope.

Don't rush into the decision, make sure you're 100% sure about making a complete lifestyle change.

Please don't get a sleeve done within 2 days. It is an amazing surgery and probably the best thing that can happen to you, but it will be extremely hard and terrifying if you haven't spent at least a few weeks mentally preparing for it. I don't want to talk you into doing it, you have to decide this for yourself, but I am asking you to take the time to prepare before making any big decisions.

As long as you're still trying, you haven't failed yet. All the people who have performed miraculous changes were nothing special, they came equipped with everything you have. You need to believe in your own strength and the amazing things your body is capable of. You will be extraordinarily successful, you just need to be carefully prepared and have a solid support system. Feel free to e-mail me with any questions, I hope this helps.

[Smarty 0]

Desertmom, I too am thinking about the revision and the idea of a leak scares me, but I feel like for the most part after a few months the risk for that is gone. But, I don't think I can live with a lifetime of heartburn/reflux that I'm having with the band, so I understand what you're saying. I'm going to get the little bit of fill I have removed and see if that helps my heartburn/reflux, and I'll continue trying to make the decision. I'm afraid the Dr will suggest RNY so I don't have heartburn/reflux issues and it scares me, but I think I would do that before I would stay this size and gain more.

[desertmom 297]

Again, I am so greatful for all the replies.

Madison,I was also abused as an older teenager and have lived my life (not consiously) to protect myself...it could be me that wrote your post.

To the world I am this "can do" person but well,it took losing the "normal" to figure out that situations that makes me feel physically unsafe and threatened makes me deal with everything 100% effectively and then come home,withdraw and eat.I am working through all this with therapist but heaven knows I am a "pull yourself towards yourself" kind of person and always thought if you have forgiven, the situation is dealt with,move on.

So,here's the thing because of all this I struggle to trust people and this poor dr. That will remove the band is no 1 on the paranoia list at the moment.

He is here in Dubai and I will just have to cancel this surgery with him should I decide to sleeve as well.Then I have to make arrangements to go abroad to have the conversion to sleeve in a few weeks time.

I started writing that I will take the band out and wait 6 months then i will sleeve but that is not rally what i want to do even though I realize that is most prob what will happen.

Thanks again for your input and insights.I find I admire all of you so much for doing what needs to be done and moving forward.That feels like the most important thing one can do when you battle with a huge weight issue like this.

Xxo

I will have the band removed

[Yorkie Fan 16]

Desertmom - I can tell you I had those same fears. My band caused every complication known to mankind. My surgeon was more than happy to remove my band. So, I had my band removed in April 2011 after having it for 18 months. In that surgery, my surgeon was going to do my sleeve at the same time. However that was not an option as I had a ton of swelling from my band. So I waited to have my sleeve.

I am now just over a week post-op from my sleeve. I am in love with it! I have had very little pain. My surgeon does multiple injections of lidacane prior to waking you up from surgery. These injections provide numbness in your abdomen for about 1-2 weeks.

The fear of failure with a second WLS is not only real but difficult to deal with. I know that my band is what failed not me. I am positive that you did not fail your band, but that the band failed you! Keep in mind that if you follow your diet and remember that this will change your life for the good, you will do great! My advice is to go ahead and remove your band. Give yourself as long as it takes to make the decision to do a sleeve. Having had 2 months between surgeries really cemented my faith in the sleeve and that everything would turn out great.

If you need to talk, send me an email. I'd be glad to share and listen.

Nichole

[desertmom 297]

Nichole

Thank you for your advice.This is exactly what I am going to do.The band will come out on Sunday and I will speak to the sleeve surgeon while on holiday in South Africa.I will get a date and plan my life so that all this doesnt cause my whole family stress,which it does at the moment as it has not been planned in advance.

In the meantime I will work on my food issues with my great therapist so that when I do the sleeve I will be well prepared and not scared anymore.I am so happy that you are doing well with the sleeve.Reading all the happy posts does a lot to restore my faith that the sleeve will help me with the Portion Control that I so desperately need.

I will follow your progress and hope that this is the journey the band was suppose to have been...transforming.

xxo