Cludgie's Confessional

[cludgie 81]

Ok, so I want to thank Lil Miss Diva A; For starting this group and being uber encouraging, and B: For giving me the idea for this thread!

I have been struggling a LOT recently, but I think that old habbits die hard, and have I really been honest with myself? Have I been as good as I could? Or have I been expecting my sleeve to do all the work alone?

So today has been an ok day, and is day 1 of "the final Count down".

I have a holiday booked at the end of August, and I would like to be "normal weight" by then, so that is 11 weeks to lose 19 of my remaining 30lb.

So here are my confessions; I have started to snack on sweet stuff recently (oh how those nibbles add up!), I have also probably added in too much alcohol (my one glass of wine at the weekend has become 1/2 bottle, and 1/2 bottle mid week - bad bad empty calories!), and I've still not cracked this excercise thing, so am far less active than I should be.

And what am I going to do abut it?

Well I am going to be honest with myself, and I am going to be honest with you guys, so that I can't bury my head in the sand!

Food today =

75g cooked ham, 100 calories, 15g Protein, carbs 6g

70g Breaded chicken Thing, Calories 253, Protein 15g, carbs 20g

Drinks Today=

2 x Very Large mugs coffee

1 x "Normal" mug coffee

So milk consumed approx = 85 Calories, 8g Protein, 12g Carbs

Excercise today = Total Fail

Lessons learned =

1. I need to move more

2. I need to ditch the milk in coffee (never realised the carbs in milk!!!)

Actions for tomorrow =

I will get up 30 minutes early and do 30 mins cardio before work

I will have a coffee free day!

Fingers x'd for tomorrow!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hey Cludgie! The first day is always the toughest because you have to reflect what could be changed in order to get to goal faster. I'm not perfect by any means so I know I did this too. I haven't really written down to a T but I seen some things I can NOT eat or drink or whatever. You're right, milk does a lot of carbs!

Well here's to the rest of your journey! I know you can do it!!!

[cludgie 81]

Ok, so day 2, actually felt harder than day one! I think it is because I am under a lot of pressure at work, and usually I'd smother the stress with food, and because I am cutting out the bad habbits which have crept back in I feel all the more deprived, however this too shall pass!

Todays stats:

183 (-1lb woop!)

Food: 50g cooked ham, Protein Shake, low fat cheese omlette.

Drink: 1 small cup of coffee, 2 1/2 pints sugar free cordial, 1 large cup oxo.

Calories for the day (including milk): 520

Protein today: 60g

Carbs: 16g

Basal metabolic rate - 1617 calories

Excercise - cycled 10k on the stationary bike before work (300cals burned)

I make that a total of minus 1397 calories today.

Phew that makes the abstinence feel better!!!

[chilo1 62]

OMG Cludgie, I'm in your same situation, only difference is thta I'm doing quite well on the exercise. My problem is 1)bread, whole meal but still full of carbs, I snack on bread a couple of times a day

2) Alcohol, Rose wine, at least a bottle a week, mostly on weekeneds.

My appointment with Consultant is on the 21st July, so I am hoping to shed a few lbs by then!

Good luck to us!

[cludgie 81]

Ok, so yesterday super busy, and super pi@&%d off so didn't stray, but didnt count either! However the scale shows me up a lb so back to 184

This morning still at 184, but more positive, so cycled 17k on the stationary bike and 35g of Protein for Breakfast.

I know this sounds dim, but for the "ideal" day what are my targets for minimum Protein, max carb, and minimum Fluid. I try to reduce carbs and max out fluids and protein, but my Dr never told me figures to aim for.

Thanks for helping folks!

Cx

[cludgie 81]

Right end of day reached, here we go...

Weight 184

Calories today :425

Carbs today: 15.8g

Protein today: 47g

Liquids: Approx 3 pints.

Excercise:

10 mins brisk wlaking (-53 Cals)

30mins/17k hard cycling (-436 Cals)

Basal metabolic rate = 1617 cals

Total for the day = Minus 1681 calories

Please, please please God grant me a good loss in the morning!:pray2: :amen:

[bookleen 5]

Right end of day reached, here we go...

Weight 184

Calories today :425

Carbs today: 15.8g

Protein today: 47g

Liquids: Approx 3 pints.

Excercise:

10 mins brisk wlaking (-53 Cals)

30mins/17k hard cycling (-436 Cals)

Basal metabolic rate = 1617 cals

Total for the day = Minus 1681 calories

Please, please please God grant me a good loss in the morning!:pray2: :amen:

WOW!

That seems severe!

I don't think you are eating enough.

In my opinion you could almost double what you are eating and still lose.

What do others think?

Bookleen

[bookleen 5]

Good Morning Cludgie,

I was just wondering how are you and how did the scales behave?

I have stopped drinking with my meals and I can feel the restriction better now again.

Bookleen

[cludgie 81]

Hiya, thanks for asking.

Well I can say I TOTALLY fell off the wagon this weekend!

Friday I went out for my best friend's leaving party, and my attempt at not drinking was met with abject horror by said friend, so in typically me style I decided that it would be fine as long as i substituted food calories for alcohol calories!

So off I trot with an empty stomach, 5 glasses of wine, 1 cocktail, 2 parma violet flavour vodkas, and two bottles of WKD, and my good intentions lie in ruins!

However Saturday morning I tentatively crawl onto the scales to find I am down to 181!!!!!!

I sat on the bathroom floor weeping with joy, the last time I was 12 stone something was the weekend i moved in with my husband, and that was 12 years ago, and at that time I'd got a major eating disorder, and was cycling and swimming for hours a day just to get that low.

And hey presto! I'm suddenly there again, but this time i am not killing myself to be there! :D

Yesterday we had house guests so had the ritual of chinese take away food, so i had duck (thinking Protein but no batter or anything carby = perfect option) only for it to make me really sick!

Never one to know how to quit whilst I am ahead I then stupidly decided that having failed to stomach food I could afford another night of drinking, so a pint of ginger cider, and two pints of WKD later my day is done!

Yes, I know how much of a total cock-up this weekend has been and just to remind me how stupid I've been I weighed back up at 183 this morning, so back out of the 12's!

But I am feeling good! Total disaster? Yes! Insummountable problem? No!

I messed up, I am moving on, no big deal (usually I'd be freaking out right now), although breifly, I saw the 12's there for a while which means I can get back there and stay there by not wobbling off the waggon!

I can do this!

I have no more big social occasions planned until my anniversary weekend on 1st july, and after that nothing until mid-end of August, so a long stretch of no distractions, and no excuses ahead!

Plus my one social feature of the week is ending this week, so I get my wednesday nights off to use more wisely, starting 29th I'm joining Zumba class followed by Fitness yoga class - can't wait!

Back on it, but the flicker of 181 was enough to really help me believe that this can work again!!

Wow, long post, sorry! Off to set up wii family trainer now and to get our arses moving!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hey there, good for you and getting right back up on that wagon!!! Remember, we are all sooo close! We just have to keep on fighting and when we do that we will be at the finish line faster than we even imagined. Hugs!!

Oh and CONGRATS on the 12 something stone too!!

[NJMOMof2 17]

When I have a sweet, my next day rule is to have none (not even sugar free). I gained all my weight with sweets and it like I am a crackhead (sorry, but it's true).

Keep plugging away..you have a lot to be proud of

[cludgie 81]

Well, super stressed out week, MASSIVE career dilemma, which has essentially messed with my head a lot coupled with erratic patterns at work = really hit and miss week food wise!

I've not counted things rigourously, but have limited carbs and pushed Protein as usual, so other than probably eating far too little I don;t think I have strayed too far from where I should be.

Anyways despite all of the above and TOTM I have managed to get back down to 181, so I am in the 12s and intend to stay here this time!!! (well, until I can claw my way into the 11s!!)

My goal for this week is a 2lb loss by Friday, the 1st is my 12 year anniversary with my DH, and we have tickets for a concert followed by a night (without the kids) in a luxury London hotel which he has booked as a surprise for me, and I obviously want to feel fabulous that night!

So I am on it, starting zumba and fitness yoga this week, and think that I'm deserving of some new nightwear and a new pair of jeans, so I will be burning a lot of calories hitting town later too

Have a good week all! xx

[cludgie 81]

Ha ha, just re-read my last post, I've been AWOL a couple of weeks and safe to say NONE of that happened.

I've been clawing my way back to sanity slowly, and having gained 3.5lb, taking me back up to 182, I am now 177 so undid the damage plus a bit woop!

So I am going to just keep trying this week (it seems that when I make big promises I fail to keep them so I'll make this one a little more low key!)

Have a good week folks!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Ha ha, just re-read my last post, I've been AWOL a couple of weeks and safe to say NONE of that happened.

I've been clawing my way back to sanity slowly, and having gained 3.5lb, taking me back up to 182, I am now 177 so undid the damage plus a bit woop!

So I am going to just keep trying this week (it seems that when I make big promises I fail to keep them so I'll make this one a little more low key!)

Have a good week folks!

How's it going? Just checking in on ya!

[cludgie 81]

Ok, so today I have had a good old fashioned wake up call!!!

I joined this group 2 months ago, and in that time have lost just 8lb, which is a loss (yay!!), but it is a poor loss, and why is it a poor loss? Because it reflects my recent complacency.

I am drinking a couple of times a week again, and I am emotional eating again.

Seriously WTF??? I have come all of this way, but seem to have a mental block when it comes to the final stretch, am I sabbotaging myself or just plain dumb?!?!

Classic Cludgie-ism, yesterday for instance = Breakfast - Skipped, lunch - a packet of pork scratchings and some Hershey's Kisses, and Tea - 3/4 of a chicken and cheese sandwhich, all followed by a LOT of pick n mix in front of the TV with my husband.

So negligible Protein, negligible Vitamins, and at least ten billion calories with zero excercise! - NOT A GOOD DAY!

Needless to say it is stopping! Today has been day 1 again, I just can not have come this far to throw it away because eating rubbish (even in smaller ammounts and more slowly) tastes and feels good! Its not worth it.

So today I got my Protein Shakes out again, and although I skipped breakfast, I had a shake for lunch and some roast pork on it's own for tea, so high Protein low carb achieved, and I have managed to have zero rubbish (even though hubby sat eating whoopie pies, and pick n mix beside me for most of the evening).

I would consider today a good day, 175lb, but feeling thin (Yay, I've been feeling fat for weeks), and self control re-gained.

I have also decided that as of monday I am joining a slimming and exercise class (I think that the age old threat of someone else weighing me, and an increase in my activity levels can only be a good thing).

Day one (again) - Check, bring on day two!