Anyone still undecided?

[optasia 3]

I have an appt. with the surgeon this week and there is a possibility that they can get me in for surgery by August. Problem is, I'm still undecided. I've been going through the motions , but still don't know what to do.

What I know:

I do know I simply don't want to have the surgery.

I do know that I need to lose 100pnds.

I do know that I have to lose the weight, count calories and exercise whether I do the surgery or not.

I do know that I lost 80pnds before (ok, fine. And gained some back).

I do know that I have currently lost 20+pnds with little effort.

I do know I need to do this for myself and my family

What I don't know:

I don't know if I can be consistent and keep going (weight loss wise) on my own.

I don't know that I can commit to such a stringent diet following the surgery (well, I would for fear of hurting my stomach, but I may not be a happy or nice person and that scares me).

I don't know how to react to people who don't understand the surgery (if I had the surgery).

I don't know how I'd handle eating in front of people.

I don't know how I'd feel about myself if I did do it. I felt such great pride when I lost it on my own before. YES, I know wls is just a tool and it requires just as much work.

I don't know how well I'll recover or if there will be complications (duh. no one knows, but I had to write this)

I don't know how much of this weight loss thing is in my head. I CAN lose weight by eating in moderation. It's not a physical thing FOR ME. So, if it's more in my head (for whatever reason), then maybe I should go at it from that angle.

I don't know. If I don't do it this Aug, and decide later I do want it, it would have to be the following summer. That's a long time to wait. I also have friends doing it (No, I don't want to do it because of them). I know when I see their rapid weight loss I'm going to feel bad that I'm not losing it as quickly (if I don't do the surgery).

Completely undecided. Thanks for letting me vent.

[sarsar 824]

I think you need to make this decision for yourself. The first thing you wrote is that you know you don't want to have the surgery. If you already know this then I, personally, don't think you should have it right now. I felt unsure when I first met with the surgeon in the US. The nurse told me that if I am not totally sure then I need to wait. She said I needed to be totally sure I took this major step. Obviously I decided to have the surgery and I am glad I did but it is not an easy thing to do. It's not an easy way out. It's tough but for me it has been worth it.

Your questions are normal and I we all have them. Again, if you don't want to do it don't. Wait until you are ready even if it means waiting until next summer.

[Amanda131 214]

WOW, Optasia, reading your post was like being in my head six months ago. No, really. I actually started this process THREE times before I finally followed it through to the actual surgery. Part of me now wishes I would have gone through with the surgery on my first run because I would have felt this amazing so much earlier but I also realize that I needed to be in the right place mentally before I could be successful in this journey.

One of the things that really helped me this time, is that I began to make decisions based on what the "me" six months after surgery would think. I basically recognized that the "me" pre-surgery wasn't brave enough to do this but the "me" post-surgery would be grateful. And, I was SO right. Once I decided I was having the surgery I never once let myself think about it again because I knew I would talk myself out of it.. (Each time I bailed before, I decided to lose the weight myself. I would lose about 80 lbs and then gain 90 back. I did this THREE times. Ugh. So, I knew I could lose it and that I couldn't keep it off.)

You have to find peace with the choice to have surgery, but please know that there are many of us who went into this still terrified and things worked out beautifully on the other side (at least for me!).

Best of luck- feel free to message me anytime.

Amanda

[iegal 460]

Dear Undecided;

You have a great list of "what you do know" and "what you don't know" but I am confused. Your firrst is "I don't want to have surgery" Question = if you do not want surgery then why are you seeing a surgeon? What do you want? Stop - really think about this. What I read from your statements:

1. You want to lose a significant amount of weight
2. You want to be healthy
3. You don't want to rush into anything

You mention you can do this without surgery, so take the next year and really give it a good shot. If you can do it, you will lose the weight and keep it off. But tell youself if you do not lose the weight in that year and fail yet again, that you are going to schedule surgery to save yourself from you. Get of the rollercoaster and take charge. Surgery or not, you can have all three items above. Your choice on how you accompllsh the tast ahead.

I have no regrets, except I wish I would have done had VSG surgery earlier. Good luck!

[optasia 3]

Thanks everyone! What I meant by 'I do not want to have the surgery' is.... I wish I could do it on my own. And of course I don't want to be cut open and risk my life (even more so). Who does?!? I don't want the surgery, but I need to do something that will stick and give me a shot at a long, healthy life. If nothing else works permanently, then maybe surgery is what I'll have to do. So, in re-wording my post....I do not WANT to have the surgery, but maybe I HAVE to. I started the process of going to Kaiser classes to get info and to force myself to think about my health every week (I do it daily, but checking in is nice). The surgeon's office contacted me first. I had no clue they would fast track me.

Amanda....I love your thinking! I DO need to think ahead as to who I will be and how I'd think about doing something so risky.

This is what I want if I had the surgery....

I want to have it, recover fairly easily (no guarantees, I know), and simply use the tool to eat in moderation. I don't care to pig out. I just want to eat the things I like in moderation (3 oz is even ok) and be satisfied. Period. I find the list of Do this and Don't do that overwhelming. How much Protein, how much Water, how many carbs, when to eat, when to drink, when to walk...I guess it all comes down to baby steps. One day at a time.

Thanks again everyone!

[Sleevie WonderLand 41]

The main question I asked myself when pursuing WLS is about sacrifice. Am I really ready to sacrifice just being able to put anything in any quantity in my body for the rest of my life? Am I ready to deal with just having a small portion of my favorite foods rather than overfeeding myself just to satisfy my bottomless stomach and hungry brain for the rest of my life? Hell to the YEAH! If it means I'll be improving mine and my family's quality of life, I'm so ready to do it. I know there are alot of physical and mental changes that will have to come with this surgery to make it work, and I'm committed to make them all.

Surgery is nothing to play with. It's definitely a decision that you should carefully make and know the "goods" and "bads" that come with it. In this case for me, the "bads" dont really seem that bad. If you're not ready, then dont do it. You wouldnt marry a person that you werent 100% sure that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with (thru good and bad times), so look at this surgery kinda in that way. Could you live with your sleeve till death do you part?

I wish you the best of luck either way!

[Marie from Michigan 11]

Three years ago, I lost 80 pounds with the Medifast liquid diet program. After I lost the weight I maintained for about 2 months and then slowly started to put the weight back on. I was putting on weight while journaling, counting calories, and attending weekly support groups. After a while I just gave up, stopped exercising and just ate anything I wanted (well almost). In the next 2.5 years I put back on about 70 of the 80 pounds. Last November I had a heart to heart with my GP. She told me that only 3% of patients with my co-morbidities (hypertension and diabeties) are able to keep off significant weight loss. I mentioned weight loss surgery and she was supportive. She said she never suggests it to her patients since they have to be at the right place emotionally to consider it. I began to research and 6 months later had the surgery.

I knew that I could lose the extra weight again if I put my mind to it. But I also knew that without this important new "tool" I would eventually gain the weight back. I am gambling that this very small stomach will do the trick. I also know that I have to identify the "triggers" that allowed me to stop exercising and eat foods not helpful to my goals. I am working on that now and am getting some insight.

It there a professional you could talk to to sort out your feelings? The surgery and recovery was not easy. And, I didn't have any significant complications. Unless you are 100% committed to this path, I wouldn't have the surgery.

All the best.....

[To Be Thin 2011 80]

Three years ago, I lost 80 pounds with the Medifast liquid diet program. After I lost the weight I maintained for about 2 months and then slowly started to put the weight back on. I was putting on weight while journaling, counting calories, and attending weekly support groups. After a while I just gave up, stopped exercising and just ate anything I wanted (well almost). In the next 2.5 years I put back on about 70 of the 80 pounds. Last November I had a heart to heart with my GP. She told me that only 3% of patients with my co-morbidities (hypertension and diabeties) are able to keep off significant weight loss. I mentioned weight loss surgery and she was supportive. She said she never suggests it to her patients since they have to be at the right place emotionally to consider it. I began to research and 6 months later had the surgery.

I knew that I could lose the extra weight again if I put my mind to it. But I also knew that without this important new "tool" I would eventually gain the weight back. I am gambling that this very small stomach will do the trick. I also know that I have to identify the "triggers" that allowed me to stop exercising and eat foods not helpful to my goals. I am working on that now and am getting some insight.

It there a professional you could talk to to sort out your feelings? The surgery and recovery was not easy. And, I didn't have any significant complications. Unless you are 100% committed to this path, I wouldn't have the surgery.

All the best.....

Marie --- you are so, so right in saying unless you are 100% committed to take this path with WLS -- don't do it. It is not easy, your life does change and you will have obsticles... my husband tells me at least 3 times a week he cannot believe how determined I am! I have to be,,, I have tried so many weight loss programs and diets... this is my life line, and I need to make it work. I am 100% committed. Which means I have to tell people no - I will not have cake & ice cream, but this is a great party and I'am so happy to be here! No, I will not eat a full plate or even a 2nd plate at our office potluck,, etc... WLS gives us a tool.. the committment has to be on your part 100%... good luck!!!

[Wheetsin 714]

Optasia - here are some thoughts. To be fair, I want to make it very clear that I do not have a sleeve. I do, however, have an AGB and have submitted paperwork for a revision to a sleeve (I wish they'd call me back...) Please take my thoughts as general to obese people & WLS in general, not sleeve specific.

What I know:

I do know I simply don't want to have the surgery.

I do know that I need to lose 100pnds.

I do know that I have to lose the weight, count calories and exercise whether I do the surgery or not.

I was in a similar state of mind before my AGB surgery. I hated that it came down to an operation to fix something I felt I should be able to fix on my own. I also hated that it was surgery, period (my first surgery, nonetheless). I needed to lose 200+ lbs. Had I needed to lose 100 lbs, it may have been a different story - though I suspect not (the theory of realtivity applies to fat, I'm sure!)

I do know that I lost 80pnds before (ok, fine. And gained some back).

I do know that I have currently lost 20+pnds with little effort.

I do know I need to do this for myself and my family

Most people who have had WLS have lost significant amounts of weight on their own. Virtually no one can maintain that loss. I once lost about 85 lbs, once about 120 lbs, and once about 80 lbs. Never once could I maintain the loss at all, really. I was in a continous "gain/lose" cycle that, at the very least, absolutely crushed my self-esteem and confidence in my ability to see a goal through (I'm not known for failing, I usually acheive what I'm after... my weight being one of the only exceptions, so I didn't understand why I could accomplish everything else, but not this...)

I mentioned earlier that most people who lose significant anoutsn of weight cannot maintain it. I'm not talking about people who lose 5 lbs. When people are morbidly obese, there is almost always an addiction in effect, and almost always depression in effect. And almost always, there is some perceived "gain" from being fat. People hate that I say it, but it's true. There's something being gained from it - usually related to control issues. Those are dangerous partners. Of those few who can maintain their weightloss, it's almost always because they have "hopped addictions" - taken their addictive behavior from one subject to another. Think of people who quit smoking and begin to overeat. Also, you will find eating disorders in most of them (e.g. only eat one meal a day, only eat 3 days of the week, etc.)

I'm not saying you can't do it on your own. All of us would have liked to do it on our own. I'm saying that it's not realistic to expect that you can in a moderated & healthy way, and it's not healthy to beat yourself up because you've been unable to.

What I don't know:

I don't know if I can be consistent and keep going (weight loss wise) on my own.

I don't know that I can commit to such a stringent diet following the surgery (well, I would for fear of hurting my stomach, but I may not be a happy or nice person and that scares me).

The AGB (at least on paper) requires a similar diet. Opposite, but similar. WIth AGB, as time goes on, our diet becomes more and more limited. With most other WLS surgeries, as time goes on, your diet expands. I think mots people doubt their ability to stay with food group & portion guidelines, but keep in mind that you aren't usually trying to do that while hungry or with instatiable cravings or while battling a food volume monster. I didn't think 4 oz of food sounded like much, until I tried to eat 4 oz of food and about halfway through felt like I had just walked away from a pre-op Thanksgiving dinner.

You will be happy & nice, as long as you are now -- and even if you aren't, you may still end up that way. I couldn't imagine being happy without my food to look forward to, but as soon as I started seeing my fat rolls go away and buying smaller clothes -- was I happy!!!

I don't know how to react to people who don't understand the surgery (if I had the surgery).

I don't know how I'd handle eating in front of people.

It's your choice whether to tell them or not. I tell people. I don't advertise it, but if someone asks I tell them, and if it's relevant to what's being discussed I will mention it. I've had my AGB for going on 6 years and I've run into a handful of people who didn't understand it (the technical info, as well as how "surgery" was a valid option for me). And the end of the day - don't react. If someone doesn't understand but wants to, educate them. If they don't understand and don't care to, smile and walk away.

Eating in front of people - if they know you've had WLS, be prepared for a lot of questions and scrutiny. How does it feel? Are you really full? Does it taste the same? Are you full yet? How come you ate more than that yesterday? Etc. If they don't know, and you don't want them to know, you can stick to some basics such as, "I'm not very hungry" or "Just want a snack." I do this sometimes when we eat out. It's easier to explain, "Not that hungry" than go through the story. And wait staff can be concerned if you aren't eating much of your meal. I ask for a to-go box at the same time as when I order, and just say "I know I'm going to need it."

I don't know how I'd feel about myself if I did do it. I felt such great pride when I lost it on my own before. YES, I know wls is just a tool and it requires just as much work.

It is a greatm prideful feeling to lose weight on your own and "win." But how have you felt when the weight has come back, plus?

For me, the defining thought about my WLS wasn't that I would lose weight, or eat less. It was that I would KEEP IT OFF. As I said earlier, I could lose weight. I could not maintain. I've maintained for about 3 years now, without any real effort. That feeling beats all others.

I don't know how well I'll recover or if there will be complications (duh. no one knows, but I had to write this)

I don't know how much of this weight loss thing is in my head. I CAN lose weight by eating in moderation. It's not a physical thing FOR ME. So, if it's more in my head (for whatever reason), then maybe I should go at it from that angle.

What do you mean, it's not a physical thing for you? Eating is always a physical thing. It's ac activity, and therefore it's physical.

There are two primary drivers behind overeating: emotions and behavior. Fat people are typically emotional overeatersor they are behavioral overeaters. Or they are emotional and behavioral overeaters. Emotional overeaters display tendencies such as -- eating when stressed, eating when sad, eating when bored, eating for comfort, etc. Behavioral overeaters -- you snack on something when you watch a movie even though you aren't hungry, because that's what you should do when you watch a movie. You eat around 7 even if you aren't hungry because that's dinner time. You eat while working on a hard project because thats the activity that helps you focus your thoughts.

Either way, with WLS there's still a mental change that has to happen. This is what your program's therapist should help you out with. Many people experience a period of mourning -- mourning their foods, or food quantities, as they would ourn a friend. I had times where I missed being able to eat a whole plate of something, but I had more times where I felt pride in being able to leave 80% of my plate untouched.

[Becca 108]

I know this is a difficult decision. I feel that since you are already here posting this, you know in your heart what you want to do. The sleeve has been by far one of the best decisions of my life. I have struggled with my weight pretty much my entire life. Sure I've been able to lose weight, but I could never keep it off. The sleeve is giving me the ability to lose and keep it off. I know you have concerns about the post op diet and life. You can just take those parts in little steps as they come. People will have opinions about what you do, but this is about YOU! Most people have been super supportive of my surgery. The few who haven't aren't friends worth keeping. I know you can do this! We are all here to support you through it!

[optasia 3]

Wheetsin and Becca, Thank you!!

Wheet...it isn't physical in the sense that my problem isn't overeating due to a physical issue (whatever that may be). I must eat for a head reason. I just don't know what it is. I LIKE to eat! : )

This is certainly something I am not taking likely. I think about it (and pray) every single day. I'm confident people can be successful either way. Plenty have lost significant amounts of weight without the surgery and kept it off. It's going to take LOADS of work and commitment either way.

I've never considered surgery until the last 5 mo or so. Obviously I'm going to have to continue with the process and give myself some time to decide and be at peace with it.

[GreginMI 76]

Wheetsin and Becca, Thank you!!

Wheet...it isn't physical in the sense that my problem isn't overeating due to a physical issue (whatever that may be). I must eat for a head reason. I just don't know what it is. I LIKE to eat! : )

This is certainly something I am not taking likely. I think about it (and pray) every single day. I'm confident people can be successful either way. Plenty have lost significant amounts of weight without the surgery and kept it off. It's going to take LOADS of work and commitment either way.

I've never considered surgery until the last 5 mo or so. Obviously I'm going to have to continue with the process and give myself some time to decide and be at peace with it.

Actually my surgeon told me that the statistics are that only 3% of the people that are at least 100 lbs overweight are able to lose the weight AND keep it off without surgery. That's pretty grim.