Hate having to lie to my family

[mina 27]

now parents don't know i'm having bariatric surgery they just wouldn't understand. my sisters know i want to have it done but they think i've put the whole process on hold since i got denied by the insurance company (one of them hope it never happens, she don't want me having surgery). i visited my family at the end of april and by that time i had lost over 20 pounds (for preop purposes) and my mom was so happy for me. i was talking to her recently and she's asking how the dieting and weight loss going and i said to her by the time she sees me next (which will be november or december and i'm having the surgery in june) i'm going to be "skinny". i don't think i will ever tell my parents. i will tell my sisters after i have the surgery but haven't decided yet when i will tell. i don't like lying but i feel like i don't have a choice at this point.. i can't deal with their negativity on top of my own stress of having surgery for the first time in my life and doing so in a foreign country.

[2sweetnsugarland 9]

Hi Mina. Of course the decision is yours but I do hope you tell your sisters at least. You can even call them while you are being seated on the plane. Don't let whatever "anyone" says change your mind and remember that the decision is yours. Good luck to you on your weight loss journey and keep us posted!

[kellyw74 258]

I don't blame you for not telling! I am very close with my mom and she doesn't know I was sleeved 3 weeks ago. It was so hard for me not to say anything!! I also had a hernia reapair, so she knows I had surgery,but just not VSG.

I told nobody except my husband! People are so negative and ignorant about the surgery and have nothing kind to say. I did not want anyone to change my mind. I think that I will tell my mom one day, but probably nobody else. I lost 55lbs pre-op, my mom lives in another state and everyone else just thinks I am losing because of my dieting!

Good luck to you!

Kelly

[swizzly 901]

I didn't tell my family. Still haven't. (It's the second surgery I've had in a foreign country, but it's the country I live in lol.) I reckon I will eventually tell them next time I see them, as they will likely be curious about how I've lost weight.

[mina 27]

I really want to tell my sisters but: i keep seeing the one doing a happy dance when i told her it was on hold and the other one i told i was thinking about going to Mexico told me i was scaring her now and never brought the subject up again. so it will definitely be after i return from mexico before they know, how soon after i don't know. my close friends don't know either. i can't stand to hear one more time "you're not that big" since when is 5'6 245 pounds not that big? i have coworkers who know where i am going.

Hi Mina. Of course the decision is yours but I do hope you tell your sisters at least. You can even call them while you are being seated on the plane. Don't let whatever "anyone" says change your mind and remember that the decision is yours. Good luck to you on your weight loss journey and keep us posted!

[mina 27]

my family live in another state also. a few years ago i went home 70 pounds lighter (low calorie and excersise) so i would just say the same thing. i'm not ashame of the surgery but i don't have the energy to explain the procedure and listen to people's opinions about it.

I didn't tell my family. Still haven't. (It's the second surgery I've had in a foreign country, but it's the country I live in lol.) I reckon I will eventually tell them next time I see them, as they will likely be curious about how I've lost weight.

[mina 27]

i totally agree about people's ignorance! they don't ask questions they just start going off on what "they know". with my mom i have to make sure when i go home to visit, i don't undress in front of her! how would i explain the scars , my mom is very observant she would notice them, lol.

I don't blame you for not telling! I am very close with my mom and she doesn't know I was sleeved 3 weeks ago. It was so hard for me not to say anything!! I also had a hernia reapair, so she knows I had surgery,but just not VSG.

I told nobody except my husband! People are so negative and ignorant about the surgery and have nothing kind to say. I did not want anyone to change my mind. I think that I will tell my mom one day, but probably nobody else. I lost 55lbs pre-op, my mom lives in another state and everyone else just thinks I am losing because of my dieting!

Good luck to you!

Kelly

[AutumnLily 77]

Mina if they are as opposed as my sister would have been then for your sake I would not say anything. I too did not tell my family before I went because they would have made it more stressful. I had enough stress just going by myself. I was fine with the decision and told within one week that I was back to my sister. She said she would have tried her best to talk me out of it if I had told her before hand. Now that I had the surgery all she could do is either support my decision or not talk to me. She decided to support me. I let the rest of my family know within the next couple of weeks and they were supportive. If I too had told them before hand they would have hounded me to not do the surgery. They see the results now and are fine with it all.

[christina420 3]

You re not alone. I will never tell anyone except for one friend of mine. Im having mine in july and will NEVER tell anyone in my family! I just don't want to hear it.

[Dixies Mom 0]

Mina--I haven't told my parents, my brother, or my in-laws. There's too much negativity from all of them surrounding bariatric surgery. And what's funny is that my WHOLE family is morbidly obese with all the typical hispanic medical ailments... diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, coronary artery disease, etc, etc, etc. Nobody other than my husband and some of my girlfriends know. I haven't decided if or when I'm telling my immediate family. I just want them to be happy that I've taken a step in the right direction!

[Nancy Rivers 24]

I also haven't told my family and I have no plans to do so. Only my sister is online and she doesn't know I have a YouTube or Facebook accounts (I don't think she even knows what those are honestly). I know for a fact that if they knew, I would be hounded endlessly about not doing the surgery. She is a "retired" nurse who teaches nursing at a local community college and she is dead set against any type of weight loss surgery - saying that it's too new, not safe with too many complications, etc. She was also overweight and lost quite a bit of weight by dieting and thinks that I should be able to as well since she could. Well I am not her (thankfully).

I am living with a couple in Ohio (renting a room from them for work) and they know. Primarily because I need a ride to/from the hospital. He had had Lapband surgery about 4 years ago and ended up having it taken out last year due to a massive erosion and is still having issues with his stomach from it. They are supportive of my decision.

A few of my students also know (since I had to cancel class on Friday so I could go back to Michigan for some tests). My students are all adults - many older than me. I've had mixed reaction from them. Many will say "I hope it works out for you", but I know that there's a fair number that don't think I'm doing the right thing. But at least they have the decency to not try to talk me out of it.

I am debating telling my boss at this point. I wasn't going to, but he may be planning to have me teach a class in another location - and if so, I may need to tell him then. I'm actually a contract employee - so it's not a typical work relationship. He's always been supportive of me taking time off when I want it, but I've also made sure that it wouldn't hurt his bottom line as it were when I take my time off. I believe he would be supportive of my decision to have surgery, but I just don't want to tell him if I don't have to at this point. If I do, I won't lie to him and tell him that it's a different surgery as that could hurt our working relationship.

[myrori 55]

I think often times when family objects to wls it is more about how it makes them feel about themselves, rather than their concern for you.

[mina 27]

that is so true. it may be my own projections but i do feel that one of my friends who is also obese don't want to lose her miserable company (me) and one of my sisters don't want to not be the one with the body (she started exercising now since i visited one looking smaller).

I think often times when family objects to wls it is more about how it makes them feel about themselves, rather than their concern for you.

[mina 27]

my family is from the caribbean and is very traditional so trying to explain weight loss surgery , so not happening

Mina--I haven't told my parents, my brother, or my in-laws. There's too much negativity from all of them surrounding bariatric surgery. And what's funny is that my WHOLE family is morbidly obese with all the typical hispanic medical ailments... diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, coronary artery disease, etc, etc, etc. Nobody other than my husband and some of my girlfriends know. I haven't decided if or when I'm telling my immediate family. I just want them to be happy that I've taken a step in the right direction!

[Dixies Mom 0]

The weekend before my surgery was Easter weekend. We went to see my family for the holiday and I was on the liquid Protein diet. All I told them was that I was on a physician supervised diet. They didn't blink an eye. That's my story and I'm sticking to it....unless I feel the need to spill the beans!