Clients making passes....at me?

[brandynd 6]

So...is this an NSV? I'm not really sure....so I'm going to put it here anyways. I'm down about 60 pounds from pre-op and feeling great, which in an of itself is an awesome accomplishment. I've noticed though that I'm getting a certain amount of attention from our male patrons at work and I'm not really sure I know what to do with it. Yesterday I was handling billing questions from a guest, when he asked me if he could take me out to famous dave's for lunch. I thanked him for his generosity, and told him that I already eaten. He then looked at me and said "Well I could pick you something up and keep it in my room....you could always come up for dinner later.." and then winked at me! Ummm....okay.

I have another male guest who came into the office yesterday afternoon asking for change. I went in back to the safe to get it out, and he proceeded to tell my GM of all people how "I'd like to take that little girl home to momma." He spent the rest of the afternoon walking past my office and staring....he even ran into a door frame he was so busy looking! Not to mention this guy was old enough that he should be hitting on my mother...not me.

WTH?!? I'm nowhere near goal yet, and I don't see much of a difference in the way that I look, and while it's nice to know that people think I'm looking better I really don't know if I'd consider this an NSV because the way that these men are looking at me makes me feel like crap. I'm so much more than the way that I look, and all the attention makes me really uncomfortable. That and how anybody could find my work attire sexy is beyond me. I'm still wearing slacks that are WAY too big (I'm a poor college student and am putting off buying a new pair as I'm dangerously close to the next size down from what I am now, and don't want to buy something that'll only fit for a short amount of time), a hideous button down shirt with the company logo, and a black sweater that really doesn't have a shape. All in all, I refer to my work attire as hobo chic (that whole, I don't really care, but I'm not so unsightly it's unprofessional thing...it's a balance, whatever).

Alas, I am choosing to pay attention only to the bright side of this situation, and view this as me gaining my old confidence back, and getting my mojo going again! I'm hoping that it's the old addage "When you feel good you look good." Is that how it goes? Whatever.

Has anyone else experienced an increase in unwanted attention at work? Best way to go about addressing it without coming off as a snob?

[ranchersdaughter 9]

Hi!

Wonderful subject and one not often discussed but should be!

I am a female welder in a world of male welders. The ratio of men to women at work is about 125 to 1!!!!

It's been my experience that men of all ages, sizes and shapes will hit on an attractive female, regardless of the circumstances.

There are no tried and true techniques as to how to handle it, but I've come up with a few that work well for me, as I'm married, and the last thing I need is a dog in heat at work.

I'll use your example as an example! When that gentleman asked you to lunch, and brushed off your brush off when you said you'd already eaten by offering to buy you dinner and keep it in his room for you, I would have immediately asked if he could be sure to buy enough for your boyfriend too, as he would be picking you up from work later......smile big, wink and grin!

This not only adds some humor to the situation without being rude, but also puts a mediater aspect on things (whether you have a boyfriend or NOT!) pretend like you do. Then the gentleman can bow out gracefully, will probably make a joke about not wanting to share you with your boyfriend and go on his merry way. Your job and integrity are still intact and you were polite.

Keeping a smile on your face and finding some way to derail the come ons with humor, and also set the man at ease so he doesn't feel totally emasculated, is the easiest by far.

Good luck and congrats on the attention! It might not be wanted but it's proof positive that your surgery is working!!!!!

Christal

[Kath-A-Leena 2]

It's really great to be looking good and attracting male attention but please don't think you need to put up with sexual harassment at work or anywhere else. I hope I'm not being too "motherly" here. I'm not even a mother. But I have worked in the travel industry. If leering and inappropriate comments from male guests are making you feel uncomfortable, you should speak to your GM about it. You didn't mention how he/she responded to that guest's comment but I hope they tactfully told him his comment was inappropriate. Some men traveling on business can have a tendency to misbehave. I'm sure there's nothing in your job description that says you have to be their target.

Good luck and congratulations on your continued success.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I have noticed way more guys "checking me out" the last couple of weeks. One guy held the door for me from when I was walking from my car to a coffee shop from way out in the parking lot, and guys are saying HI to me on the street. Cute guys. NOT NORMAL for me. I like it, but mostly its been nice and not pushy. I don't mind a little harmless flirting, but NO means NO. I think we will probably get used to it....just know your boundaries and have a plan for when it goes over your personal limit.

[pasquini 369]

You know the interesting thing here is as a male, I see it sooo differant.

I wouldn't have gone to lunch with a women that tried that approach with me, but I would LOVE IT! Lol. I would not feel at all uncomfortable, and it would probably make me walk even taller. :-) heck yeah! Of course I want to be sen for me inside but heck the first time some woman does a double take or hits in me like that I am celebrating!!! :-). Take it for what it is. Your looking good and men see it, grin, laugh, enjoying feeling desirable and enjoy the new you!

[Amanda131 214]

The last time I lost a big chunk of weight the male attention made me so uncomfortable that I think that it was a big reason I regained it... It made me uncomfortable to be seen without my "protective" fat layer. I was married so I wasn't looking for a mate and somehow the attention made me feel disloyal- crazy, I know. I've spent a lot of time with the therapist rehashing that so I don't do it again.

A bit of advice for discouraging the attention at work: I worked as a bartender through college and dealt with men who not only bared their souls to the barkeep but wanted to date her as well. I started wearing a plain band on my left middle finger that I slid over to my ring finger prior to any shift. I never lied or told anyone I was married but that ring led many of them to assume I was taken. Problem solved.

[doggz109 41]

We all know that there is more to a person than the way they look.....unfortunately your outward appearance is also what most people see first.

Also keep in mind (coming from a guy) that not all guys are into the stick figure model look either. In fact....very few guys really are. So just because you don't think you look good doesn't mean that someone else doesn't think you are the cats meow.

You are probably much more attractive than you actually feel and that is why you don't understand the sudden attention. I say roll with it.