female only Not in the mood -warning TMI

[fern 195]

Okay. This isnt for me. I guess I'm hoping the men speak up here too. My husband and I have both been overweight most of our time together. I've always had the sex drive. Unfortunately my hubby's has been getting fewer and farther in-between. Here I'm 3 months out, down 60 pounds and we've been together ONCE since surgery!!!! Once!! About 2 months ago. My hubby's weight is about 290. How much would that weight affect his libido?

[Valentina 2,642]

It's been 1 yr, 3months, 29days for me My SO keeps telling me (now, get ready for this) that I shouldn't take it personally!!!!! I can I not? He has NO idea how ugly and unloved and unwomanly his lack of interest makes me feel. He swears that he loves me and in every other way he shows complete devotion.

His Testosterone is low--a little. He had blood drawn that showed this. He has no interest in taking the gel to bring his level up.

Weight can effect libido, but my SO was 280 when we meant and had a wonderful libido.

I know how you feel. Sometimes the "loneliness" is almost unbearable.

I keep thinking how wonderful it will be when "we meet again".

Valentina

Okay. This isnt for me. I guess I'm hoping the men speak up here too. My husband and I have both been overweight most of our time together. I've always had the sex drive. Unfortunately my hubby's has been getting fewer and farther in-between. Here I'm 3 months out, down 60 pounds and we've been together ONCE since surgery!!!! Once!! About 2 months ago. My hubby's weight is about 290. How much would that weight affect his libido?

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, having both low testosterone and being overweight both put a jinx on the old libido. I've had problems with both and started taking test. injections and of course have lost 125+ pounds and my libido has risen significantly. Some prescription and even OTC drugs can effect it too. So go with hubby to the Dr's office and have him checked out and discuss it with them. It can be embarrassing so don't keep pestering him about it. Be gentle and genteel.

[KellyL 173]

Yes and age can of course play a big part in this. So add it all together. But there are definitely things you can work on together. Don't give up. My libido had decreased to almost nothing and I tried this supplement called DHEA. It worked well for me but ok thru your dr if you try it. I guess it works for men too. I haven't started back on it yet since surgery, gonna see how things go.

[Infernored 5]

I know my weight totally affected mine. When I was heavier I would just have the image of myself and how horrible I must look and couldn't even bear to mess around with my husband because I was overthinking it from the start. Feeling better now, but still overthinking it a bit.

[Amanda131 214]

Weight gain can cause testosterone levels in men to drop significantly. Pair that with the fact that many blood pressure/cholesterol and depression meds can jack with both sexual interest and equipment functioning and it's a recipe for disaster. I am like you and went through a similar issue with hubs. I finally convinced him to have his testosterone checked and his was ridiculously low. He found that embarassing for some reason but he also felt better knowing there was a reason for the lack of interest. The gel actually didn't work for him and he has to take injections once a week right now. The good news is that testosterone therapy has greatly improved his mood, his energy level and he dropped 50lbs. in three months on it. Oh yeah, that not interested issue cleared up pretty darn quick. FTW!

[fern 195]

thanks everyone. for rootman, i've been gentle as i think i can be. i try so hard not to pester. but it sure has an effect on me. i would love for him to go to the doctor. we's been getting really short tempered with the kids too and i know he's having a rough go with things in general. now.....how do i broach THAT subject??????

[Heatherr 149]

Very carefully.

What worked for me was to just lay it out and let it go. It gave him time to ponder and think and research. In the end, he brought up issues at his regular Dr. appt. without my knowledge that he was going to. Things have been much better and we now are back to "cuddling" 4 times +/- per week. Thank gawd. He's dead when I get hawt and back to being able to look good in sexy clothes.

Maybe off topic......but his libido seemed to come back full force when someone else showed much interest in me too. I'm not sure if there's a correlation.

[Jane_J 117]

This is a difficult subject for so many of us. Losing the weight means the status quo is broken and all relationship issues have to be renegotiated. I am in the middle of doing this now and I am finding it painful to be going through that teenage frustrated hot feeling for days on end, TBH it's doing my head in. At my age it's embarrassing!

[Neoteric Verve 65]

I think everyone is correct. As a male I've had a significant drop in desire. Sometimes we to feel inadequately able to "please" you. I am in the pre-sleeve phase and my primary doctor has suggested AndroDerm as well. While your hubby isn't near my size (425lb) it still is an issue. Maybe you can get him to explore VSG also. Similar experiences can have a bonding effect that you'll both love.

[fern 195]

Thanks ladies ( and guys). I actually asked him tonight if he ever thought about having vsg also. He said he had thought about it ( which is great!!) I know he's worried about when he would have surgery because he's in school right now for autobody, then trying to get a job ( which will involve heavier lifting. But at least he's thinking about it right?

[chef neil 25]

we's been getting really short tempered with the kids too and i know he's having a rough go with things in general. now.....how do i broach THAT subject??????

Hi-

not knowing the full situation...

I talked to my Dr. not about sex- I was as eager as a 14 year old boy...

until surgery...

anywayz- between her and a counselor they thought a low dose of anti depressents would help.

Remarkable how it did- when I saw the Psyc. for his opinion on WLS, he side stepped that and helped me with my stresses, which also was part of my weight issues. kinda amazed about how that all worked, and one pill daily makes me feel normal...

now to wait and see if my labido comes back, down 54 pounds- hello- did they remove my MOJO too???

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I ve suddenly noticed that I basically have no libido. I came to this realization is the most unfortunate way; while getting steamy with a guy that I've wanted since high school. We had mad epic crushes on each other when we were kids and we finally had the opportunity to consumate - it's straight out of a movie! I was totally into it and into him and yet mid stride (so to speak) it occurred to me that I was not responding physiologically in my normal way. I didn't get nearly as lubricated as I ought to have, and my arousal wasn't really there. Since then I have been watching my emotions and physio responses and have become alarmed, nothing turns me on. Nothing is erotic or arousing, I hav always been primed and rerring to go and suddenly, nothing. It is depressing. I am 116 lbs down, 50 pounds from goal, age 29.

[Jane_J 117]

I ve suddenly noticed that I basically have no libido. I came to this realization is the most unfortunate way; while getting steamy with a guy that I've wanted since high school. We had mad epic crushes on each other when we were kids and we finally had the opportunity to consumate - it's straight out of a movie! I was totally into it and into him and yet mid stride (so to speak) it occurred to me that I was not responding physiologically in my normal way. I didn't get nearly as lubricated as I ought to have, and my arousal wasn't really there. Since then I have been watching my emotions and physio responses and have become alarmed, nothing turns me on. Nothing is erotic or arousing, I hav always been primed and rerring to go and suddenly, nothing. It is depressing. I am 116 lbs down, 50 pounds from goal, age 29.

Hi Globie, thats a bummer. I find my libido came back with a vengeance amonth or so ago and has now gone again! I expect it to return at the most inconvenient time, that's life I reckon. Seriously give it a few months and see your doctor, make sure you atre getting all the vits and mineral you need too. Hope it resolves soon.

Jane x

[Jinjin 21]

Wow that would SUCK!! I still think about my high school cuties : )

I would def. Get some lub. Hope thats not to forward?!

Good luck

Jen