Ashamed to say it :(.....yet being sleeved anyway

[ursieursie 1]

Thanks for responding to my post Ahoy. I never even heard the word leptin, so I will definitely look into it now. It is my whole family that ate like this. My dad (deceased now) told me stories of how he used to go to the hot dog man for lunch and down like a dozen or more!!! till the guy told him JOEY....GO HOME! UR GONNA GET SICK!!! It's terrible, but again thx so much for the info.....and good luck to u on ur journey

Hi, ursieursie. I have actually heard about some people who eat like you described. It was a family that had a genetic anomaly... and in their kid, a teenager I remember, it all came together in a perfect storm, and he was hungry all the time, never full, and ALWAYS eating. It was in the news big time a few years ago. Turns out the kid lacked a hormone called "leptin" which makes you feel full. Here's what I found on Wikipedia:

Have you ever been tested for this? If not, you absolutely should be, right away. And they should probably try treating you with leptin regardless because it might help. You said you've been like this all your life... and that's one sign that it might not be just head hunger.

Please don't give up on yourself.

[ursieursie 1]

Wowwwwww, ok....so I see I am not the only one who eats like this. My sister had the gastric bypass 5 yrs ago, and lost a total of 100 lbs pre and post op. She says she is the only one that loss that little amount of weight, and she says u cant imagine what I eat now urs. She claims she is eating as much as b4, soooo I know it's all in the head, but with these surgeries, u cant eat that much. The only reason y my sister is eating as much is cause her surgeon left her pouch bigger than he would have normally, cause he was aware of the eating that went on in my family and was afraid to restrict her totally!!! I do need to get involved with some sort of program like OA or something! Anyway, thx for sharing Griselda. Keep up the good work. Very inspiring story. thx

This WAS typical me at fast food restaurant. (McDonald's, for instance) One quarter pounder value meal, super sized, AND a mcchicken sandwich, chocolate chip Cookies. Then, hour later, three candy bars, then, start thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner. Then tell myself, "oh, I am not that hungry, I will just have a bowl of cereal" (which means a large bowl and usually two or three bowls and is half the box). I would think "oh, I didn't eat much today"

Wendy, large chili, baked potato, fries and a hamburger and a frosty and an "unsweetened tea".

pizza, a whole one or a whole one less one piece.

I didn't think I could do the preop, but I did, and I feel so much better. You do probably need overeaters anonymous.

I used to 'preeat' before I went out to eat with people so I didn't make a total pig of myself in front of them.

I am thankful I can finally have control.

[ursieursie 1]

You're soooo right Grannyk. I do need this surgery physically. It's the mental/emotional part of it all I cant handle, but in a way I feel like I will go crazy not being able to eat all that food, but im not doing it any other way....so I feel like I need this restriction in my life and I should give it a shot. I have a 12 yr old, and no family members left since I was born after 18 yrs of marriage, so if anything happens to me.....I have my poor son to worry about. That is what is making me crazy all together...but ultimately I feel like I should just take that chance. Anyway, thx for sharing/reading my novelllllllllllll lol Keep up the good work

Ditto to all of the replies here. It sounds like you desperately need this surgery physically, but be sure you are at least partially ready mentally before you actually get sleeved. With your extreme compulsion to eat massive amounts of food, you will need to prepare yourself for mandatory restriction. Eventually you will be able eat almost any food you want or love, you will just eat much less of it. I can now have two bites of Peanut Butter instead of half a jar, two bites of mashed potatoes instead of two cups. Keep you eye on the goal and yourself in counseling to deal with the drastic change, and I would bet my last $$ that you will end up happy you did this. I know your family will be glad to have you around, and the forum will always be here for your to rant, rave and just remind you that you are not the only one on the journey of a lifetime...Kathe

[ursieursie 1]

Sasicas, I will never be ready to eat small amounts of food. I can never do it on my own. I will be having open surgery anyway, with them repairing my hernias, so as the surgeons said.....lets just do it once and for all and get it over with. I know I will be neurotic. It will be major, major for me, but I am at that point in life where I feel like im literally going to die and something needs to be done! I keep having hernias which get stuck, then winds up to be a bowel obstructions and they cant go in anymore. I have no muscle left holding anything together inside. If I have this surgery, and make it out alive, I will have no choice but to do it. Im not doing it any other way. Iit's very scary, as im sure we all experienced. My sister had the gastric bypass 5 yrs ago, and claims she is eating as she used to pre-op....so, I know its alllllll in the head, and I know there is no going back. I also know it didnt quite hit me totally yet!!! Anyway, thanks so much for sharing. You r so right in what ur saying, and I realize it has to be a 100 % commitment! Keep up the good work and thanks for all the thoughts and info

Make sure you think long and hard before going through with surgery. You HAVE to be willing to give up eating the way you are now. The sleeve is NOT a cure all. It is simply a tool and you can seriously do some damage to yourself if you force large amounts of food down. You have to be willing to follow the guidelines for eating and not try to force a few extra bites.

Are you ready to eat a 1/4 cup of food a couple of times a day? Can you mentally handle that? I am 3 months post op and eat about 1/4 cup of Protein and maybe a spoonful of potatoes 3 times a day. A normal Breakfast for me is a string cheese. You have to be ready to deal with it.

If you go through with surgery it will be key for you to be in therapy. You will grieve the loss of being able to eat what you want, when you want, how you want. It will be key for you to be involved in a support group too.

Like I said the sleeve is just a tool and you have to know it will not fix all your problems. It can be a very big struggle to watch others eat and knowing you cannot eat that way. This surgery is for life, there is no going back once its done.

[ursieursie 1]

Thanks for all the advice Kelly. I definitely need counseling, and will the rest of my life!!!!!!!!! This eating has taken a major toll in my life, as im sure it has most of us, and we all have our stories and issues!!! but yes, therapy is a must. I feel like Im at that point in life where I need to do something or im going to die, and I cant cause I have a 12 yr old and no family members left. I think I need that restriction in my life of the sleeve, cause I dont see it happening any other way. I keep thinking maybe it is a God send...since I am going to be open anyway having hernias repaired, so might as well go for it once and for all! Anyway, keep up the good work. I have read most of ur posts, and see that u r a go getter, and know exactly what u want in life!!!! Thanks for the advice/sharing Kelly

I think what is going to save you is that with this surgery, YOU PHYSICALLY CAN NOT EAT LIKE THAT!! There will be NO WAY you could eat an 18lb turkey after surgery. You will not even be able to eat 1/4 lb of turkey!! I am 2 weeks out and can barely eat 1/2 cup of Soup in 20 minutes.

I use to be a BIG eater too. Never to this type of capacity, but I could put away some food. I knew that this was going to be the answer to my prayers. If I could not eat it, then I wouldn't. If I ate too much it is just going to come back up and who wants to do that all of the time? You will never be able to eat like that again.

Sure, you will be able to have some turkey or a hot dog again one day, but never to that capacity. If you are that big of an eater, this WILL work for you because you WILL NOT be able to do that anymore. I would encourge you to get in counceling to work on why you eat that way because you will probably have issues with not being able to eat, but there are people out there trained to help you deal with that!

Best of luck to you and keep us posted on your journey!

Kelly

[ursieursie 1]

Thanks for responding to my post Valentina. Im happy to hear from u. You made good sense by saying what the hell.....thats just how I feel right about now. Nothing else has worked, and I feel like hell !!!! I have a 12 yr old boy, and only a sister who has her issues. Everyone else is gone, cause I came after 18 yrs of marriage. Ultimately, you r right Valentina....I should just say ....the hell with it, so it already, and get it over with and God willing.....I will at least make it out alive!!! I would love to pm u and talk more. My email is ursiegirl2007@aol.com When r u being sleeved ? Im scheduled to be sleeved in Hackensack. Anyway, Good luck to u Valentina....and keep up the good work Thanks for all the advice and for taking the time to read my novel

Good morning! I see that you don't live that far from me. I live in Warwick and go into Manhattan about weekly straight down Rt 17.

Anyway, I just want to add whatever support I can give to you in any way that you decide you need it.

I have read and re-read your posting. I would have to say thatf I were as you are now, I would say,"what the hell! I will have my new sleeve. What choice do I have and why not go for it?" Give yourself and the sleeve a chance. You will probably be pleasantly surprised with yourself. And with the hernias you will probably be able to get the after weight loss to have the cosmetic surgery to tighten up all those tummy muscles.

Stay positive. I know, as I start my pre-op diet today, that sometimes that it extremely hard to do. But make being positive you new "career". Work at it!!

If you want to PM me I would love to hear from you. Anyway I can help you, if I can, let me know.

Valentina

[ursieursie 1]

It's definitely head hunger!!! I can honestly say...I dont think I even know what hunger is. I have been seeing a therapist most of my life for this eating disorder. I have been battling bulemia/anorexia since im small. I can proudly say I am bulemic free for 12 yrs now, but it has cause major damage physically. I know I will be totally neurotic over not being able to eat, but at this point in my life, I am so sick I go to sleep every night in hopes to wake up the next morning . I have a 12 yr old that I have to worry about, and he is the only reason I am strong at times, but as days pass, I am getting weaker and weaker. I have seen many bariatric surgeons over the yrs, but I was told I was never a good candidate for the surgery. Why all of a sudden am I a candidate for the sleeve, I dont know, but I feel it's worth a shot. Im scared out of my mind. Not of the actual surgery itself, but all the co-mobilities and then some, I am dealing with. I, to a degree dont understand how having the hernia repairs/reconstruction of the wall of my stomach, and the sleeve all at the same time, is going to do any justice????? I know this will be the hardest thing I have ever tried to tackle in my life, and realize there is no turning back. At times I feel I need the restriction, and that is going to be the only way to get somewhere, then again, I have my doubts too which I think we all experience, especially undergoing such drastic measures. I think ultimately I will just say ...what the hek, and just get it over with once and for all, and pray/hope for the best! Anyway, thanks for the advice, thoughts, suggestions, and for reading my novel . Keep up the good work

Is it head hunger or physical hunger that makes you eat these large portions? Sounds like you are on the right track seeing a therapist about your addiction.

The sleeve will reduce your stomach capacity and you will not be able to eat anywhere near the amounts of food you are now. That being said are you fully prepared and understand that you may grieve the loss of food. There is a chance for depression. I would suggest that you research everything about the sleeve and its benefits and possible down falls so that you know it is the right surgery for you. A doctor telling you vs you knowing you want it will help you with the journey.

I am saying all this because from reading your post you do not sound like you want to do the surgery but are being told you have to do the surgery.

Become informed and you will know if this is truly the tool you want to help you lose the excess weight.

[ranchersdaughter 9]

Ursie,

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty here! I feel your pain, but I have to tell you, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!!!!! There are worse things in life than not being able to control your appetite, of that there's no doubt!!!! I feel that you blame yourself for everything that has happened to you and anyone close to you. Darling, you may have big shoulders, but NOBODY'S that strong.

Listening to you, I get the sense that you are a victim of the apple not falling far from the tree. In other words, you developed the habits that you were exposed to every day, such as over eating. The problem with developing habits is that they are so HAAARD to break.

Take me for instance, I was a smoker. I hated it. Hated the way it smelled, hated the way it made me feel, and I quit a hundred times. The kicker was, I could quit and be doing incredible, until I got around a beer. hmmm...beer in one hand cigarette in the other and my months of being 'quit'? Out the window. So one day I quit smoking cigarettes and picked up a grape flavored cigar. Better? No. But I 'consoled' myself with the fact that I wasn't smoking 2 packs a day. Instead, when I wasn't puffing on a cigar...I would eat. Nice substitute. Not.

So when I decided to have my sleeve done, I also decided to quit smoking. My husband bought me an e-cig a week before my surgery and I haven't touched tobacco since. I still have the hand to mouth addiction, especially when I'm bored or nervous and I've chewed the mouthpiece to my ecig to shreds a few times, but I DON'T miss smoking! And with my sleeve, I DON'T miss eating EITHER!

Ursie, maybe this will help. Find a comfortable position, get very quiet within your head, heart and soul and spend about 3 hours FORGIVING yourself. Do it silently, do it at the top of your lungs, write it down, record it, cry, laugh, yell, scream, throw a pillow, but however you get rid of the tension and guilt and shame, make sure to just get it out!!

Then, do that as often as you feel you need to!!

Once you feel calm, and have a sense of peace within yourself, start researching the sleeve. Find out everything you possibly can, write down questions and ask your doctor. Get your head comfortable with the changes and get your soul quiet. Once you have come to terms with everything that you will go through, pre op and post op, I have no doubts that you will be STRONG enough to follow a pre-op diet!!! Even if it means drinking 5 gallons of chicken broth at a sitting, as long as it's a liquid going in, you've got it made!!!!!!!

Look at it this way. You gave birth to a child. God would never have given you that opportunity if He didn't feel you could handle it! You have raised your gift from God for 12 years! God wouldn't have given you those years if He didn't think you could handle it!

Be good to yourself, be a little selfish, cleanse your heart and mind and soul of the guilt and make the first step to a healthier, happier you!!!!!!!

Ursie, if there is ANYTHING, and I do mean ANYTHING that I can help you with on this journey, please do not hesitate to drop me line or call me!!!!!! ranchers.daughter@live.com, (505)264-4556.

We stick together here, thick thin good bad ugly beautiful, it doesn't matter.

Love,

Christal

[ursieursie 1]

Thanks for the advice/suggestions. OA is a good thing. It's just a matter of getting there. I do the old procrastinating thing, which is no good, and I have to put my foot down and start now!!!! I am starting to get a better feel for the restriction of food by hearing more and more posts about the sleeve. I know it will drive me out of my mind, but ultimately I think that is what I need. Im getting no where fast, but I know, it's all psychological!!!! Anyway, thanks for the advice/sharing....keep up the good work i'll look into OA....thanks

I think that along with the sleeve surgery you should look into joining a group like Overeaters Anonymous or go seek therapy for compulsive overeating. I was well on my way to being super obese and would eat 8 candybars in one day. I had a year and a half of therapy in a group setting for people with food issues. It has helped me tremendously. You have to ask WHY you eat the way you do and learn tools to re-train your brain. There are certain foods that you will not be able to have in your house but that's okay.

The good thing is that you will physically be unable to eat a lot of food. Its now time to nuture yourself and love yourself.

Good Luck

Nina

[ursieursie 1]

Awwwwwwwwwww, thank u sooooooo much Christal Thanks for reading my novel Addictions r so very hard!!! but ur right, I grew up in a family that knew nothing about nutrition. Everything was eat, eat, eat!!! From the minute I opened my eyes, till the minute I went to sleep. I was ashamed to eat lunch in school with my friends cause my mother used to pack a hero on practically a whole loaf of italian bread that I couldnt even sink my teeth into it!, and enough to fall asleep in school from 1 to 3 pm. OHhhhhh just thinking about it all now makes me sick, but I want to thank u for all ur kind words, and advice and suggestions. I love how u explained it all to me. Im going to take ur advice, ,and take it slow, and come to terms with myself. I know it's all in the head, and u cant replace one habit with another BAD one! Ultimately, I have to do something. I think I need the restriction of the sleeve, cause im getting no where fast. I feel like im gonna die if I dont do anything, and since im gonna be open having the hernias repaired anyway, llike the surgeons said....lets just do it once and for all and get it over with..so I think thats the route im gonna take, and hope and pray for the best! Thanks for ur # and email address. Mine is ursiegirl2007@aol.com and my # is 908)441-2811. Keep up the good work....and thank u sooooooooooo much for all Christal

Ursie,

Thank you so much for your openness and honesty here! I feel your pain, but I have to tell you, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!!!!! There are worse things in life than not being able to control your appetite, of that there's no doubt!!!! I feel that you blame yourself for everything that has happened to you and anyone close to you. Darling, you may have big shoulders, but NOBODY'S that strong.

Listening to you, I get the sense that you are a victim of the apple not falling far from the tree. In other words, you developed the habits that you were exposed to every day, such as over eating. The problem with developing habits is that they are so HAAARD to break.

Take me for instance, I was a smoker. I hated it. Hated the way it smelled, hated the way it made me feel, and I quit a hundred times. The kicker was, I could quit and be doing incredible, until I got around a beer. hmmm...beer in one hand cigarette in the other and my months of being 'quit'? Out the window. So one day I quit smoking cigarettes and picked up a grape flavored cigar. Better? No. But I 'consoled' myself with the fact that I wasn't smoking 2 packs a day. Instead, when I wasn't puffing on a cigar...I would eat. Nice substitute. Not.

So when I decided to have my sleeve done, I also decided to quit smoking. My husband bought me an e-cig a week before my surgery and I haven't touched tobacco since. I still have the hand to mouth addiction, especially when I'm bored or nervous and I've chewed the mouthpiece to my ecig to shreds a few times, but I DON'T miss smoking! And with my sleeve, I DON'T miss eating EITHER!

Ursie, maybe this will help. Find a comfortable position, get very quiet within your head, heart and soul and spend about 3 hours FORGIVING yourself. Do it silently, do it at the top of your lungs, write it down, record it, cry, laugh, yell, scream, throw a pillow, but however you get rid of the tension and guilt and shame, make sure to just get it out!!

Then, do that as often as you feel you need to!!

Once you feel calm, and have a sense of peace within yourself, start researching the sleeve. Find out everything you possibly can, write down questions and ask your doctor. Get your head comfortable with the changes and get your soul quiet. Once you have come to terms with everything that you will go through, pre op and post op, I have no doubts that you will be STRONG enough to follow a pre-op diet!!! Even if it means drinking 5 gallons of chicken broth at a sitting, as long as it's a liquid going in, you've got it made!!!!!!!

Look at it this way. You gave birth to a child. God would never have given you that opportunity if He didn't feel you could handle it! You have raised your gift from God for 12 years! God wouldn't have given you those years if He didn't think you could handle it!

Be good to yourself, be a little selfish, cleanse your heart and mind and soul of the guilt and make the first step to a healthier, happier you!!!!!!!

Ursie, if there is ANYTHING, and I do mean ANYTHING that I can help you with on this journey, please do not hesitate to drop me line or call me!!!!!! ranchers.daughter@live.com, (505)264-4556.

We stick together here, thick thin good bad ugly beautiful, it doesn't matter.

Love,

Christal