Ashamed to say it :(.....yet being sleeved anyway

[ursieursie 1]

Im scheduled to be sleeved in June, yet I feel I am the only one who eats the way I do. Im really in no position to say I wont have this surgery. The surgeons told me I was going to die. Im in a very dangerous situation right now cause my intestines r out of line (hanging way below my pelvis) and they r afraid of strangulation. At the same time, I need 3 other hernias and a hiatal to be repaired! I have every other co-mobility on the list, no joke. The problem is...I know we all have our stories, and we've all been through hell one way or the other, but...I feel like Im the only one who eats the way I do. I mean, I cant even stick to the pr-op diet, but thats not only it....My body craves protein...and im ashamed to say it but here it goes....ppl say ohhhh thats good u crave Protein, but the amounts of protein I eat, obviously at 330 LBS now (coming down from 475 in 1998 giving birth) is getting me no where fast. I can literally eat a whole chicken and 2 bags of salad for a meal. I wont even say for lunch, cause I never sat down and had Breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have gone as far as eating an 18 lb turkey at one sitting. I know it sounds impossible, or even untrue, but it's not. As a teen, I ate a dozen hotdogs with Buns at one sitting. That is the kind of head hunger I have been dealing with all my life. I have been seeing therapists all my life for eating disorders. Soooo what makes me think, although the Dr's are all telling me im going to die now, I will be ok after this major sleeve surgery??? Will I make it?? People r heavy, they eat a lot, my whole family is morbiidly obese, but they eat second and third helpings, and a piece of cake or ice cream here and there, and dont exercise and thats what makes others heavy, but people r amazed at how I eat. I can literally put pounds of coldcuts and cheese away at a sitting. How will I manage with the sleeve? Is this possible? Is there ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE LIKE THIS???? My friends, therapists, family has said all my life....Ursssss, this is UNHEARD OF! I cant decide if I should take this chance with a 12 yr old. I know either way im doomed, but the Dr's r saying the surgery will save my life. I can't see how??? Iv'e had 16 other abdominal surgeries, full blown bowel obstructions (talk about pain and naseau 24/7 and still!!!) Major infections like cellulitis, and even MRSA (medium strain) I mean what the hek!!!!!! Plz.. any advice, suggestions, opinions, especially if you've been in my situation, is greatly appreciated. Sorry for the novel, but no one wants to hear my story anymore, cause I cant help myself. Thx for listening.

[kellyw74 258]

I think what is going to save you is that with this surgery, YOU PHYSICALLY CAN NOT EAT LIKE THAT!! There will be NO WAY you could eat an 18lb turkey after surgery. You will not even be able to eat 1/4 lb of turkey!! I am 2 weeks out and can barely eat 1/2 cup of Soup in 20 minutes.

I use to be a BIG eater too. Never to this type of capacity, but I could put away some food. I knew that this was going to be the answer to my prayers. If I could not eat it, then I wouldn't. If I ate too much it is just going to come back up and who wants to do that all of the time? You will never be able to eat like that again.

Sure, you will be able to have some turkey or a hot dog again one day, but never to that capacity. If you are that big of an eater, this WILL work for you because you WILL NOT be able to do that anymore. I would encourge you to get in counceling to work on why you eat that way because you will probably have issues with not being able to eat, but there are people out there trained to help you deal with that!

Best of luck to you and keep us posted on your journey!

Kelly

[Valentina 2,642]

Good morning! I see that you don't live that far from me. I live in Warwick and go into Manhattan about weekly straight down Rt 17.

Anyway, I just want to add whatever support I can give to you in any way that you decide you need it.

I have read and re-read your posting. I would have to say thatf I were as you are now, I would say,"what the hell! I will have my new sleeve. What choice do I have and why not go for it?" Give yourself and the sleeve a chance. You will probably be pleasantly surprised with yourself. And with the hernias you will probably be able to get the after weight loss to have the cosmetic surgery to tighten up all those tummy muscles.

Stay positive. I know, as I start my pre-op diet today, that sometimes that it extremely hard to do. But make being positive you new "career". Work at it!!

If you want to PM me I would love to hear from you. Anyway I can help you, if I can, let me know.

Valentina

[AutumnLily 77]

Is it head hunger or physical hunger that makes you eat these large portions? Sounds like you are on the right track seeing a therapist about your addiction.

The sleeve will reduce your stomach capacity and you will not be able to eat anywhere near the amounts of food you are now. That being said are you fully prepared and understand that you may grieve the loss of food. There is a chance for depression. I would suggest that you research everything about the sleeve and its benefits and possible down falls so that you know it is the right surgery for you. A doctor telling you vs you knowing you want it will help you with the journey.

I am saying all this because from reading your post you do not sound like you want to do the surgery but are being told you have to do the surgery.

Become informed and you will know if this is truly the tool you want to help you lose the excess weight.

[NJMOMof2 17]

I think that along with the sleeve surgery you should look into joining a group like Overeaters Anonymous or go seek therapy for compulsive overeating. I was well on my way to being super obese and would eat 8 candybars in one day. I had a year and a half of therapy in a group setting for people with food issues. It has helped me tremendously. You have to ask WHY you eat the way you do and learn tools to re-train your brain. There are certain foods that you will not be able to have in your house but that's okay.

The good thing is that you will physically be unable to eat a lot of food. Its now time to nuture yourself and love yourself.

Good Luck

Nina

[sasicas 194]

Make sure you think long and hard before going through with surgery. You HAVE to be willing to give up eating the way you are now. The sleeve is NOT a cure all. It is simply a tool and you can seriously do some damage to yourself if you force large amounts of food down. You have to be willing to follow the guidelines for eating and not try to force a few extra bites.

Are you ready to eat a 1/4 cup of food a couple of times a day? Can you mentally handle that? I am 3 months post op and eat about 1/4 cup of Protein and maybe a spoonful of potatoes 3 times a day. A normal breakfast for me is a string cheese. You have to be ready to deal with it.

If you go through with surgery it will be key for you to be in therapy. You will grieve the loss of being able to eat what you want, when you want, how you want. It will be key for you to be involved in a support group too.

Like I said the sleeve is just a tool and you have to know it will not fix all your problems. It can be a very big struggle to watch others eat and knowing you cannot eat that way. This surgery is for life, there is no going back once its done.

[grannyk 58]

Ditto to all of the replies here. It sounds like you desperately need this surgery physically, but be sure you are at least partially ready mentally before you actually get sleeved. With your extreme compulsion to eat massive amounts of food, you will need to prepare yourself for mandatory restriction. Eventually you will be able eat almost any food you want or love, you will just eat much less of it. I can now have two bites of Peanut Butter instead of half a jar, two bites of mashed potatoes instead of two cups. Keep you eye on the goal and yourself in counseling to deal with the drastic change, and I would bet my last $$ that you will end up happy you did this. I know your family will be glad to have you around, and the forum will always be here for your to rant, rave and just remind you that you are not the only one on the journey of a lifetime...Kathe

[Griselda 7]

This WAS typical me at fast food restaurant. (McDonald's, for instance) One quarter pounder value meal, super sized, AND a mcchicken sandwich, chocolate chip Cookies. Then, hour later, three candy bars, then, start thinking about what I was going to eat for dinner. Then tell myself, "oh, I am not that hungry, I will just have a bowl of cereal" (which means a large bowl and usually two or three bowls and is half the box). I would think "oh, I didn't eat much today"

Wendy, large chili, baked potato, fries and a hamburger and a frosty and an "unsweetened tea".

pizza, a whole one or a whole one less one piece.

I didn't think I could do the preop, but I did, and I feel so much better. You do probably need overeaters anonymous.

I used to 'preeat' before I went out to eat with people so I didn't make a total pig of myself in front of them.

I am thankful I can finally have control.

[ahoy 3]

Hi, ursieursie. I have actually heard about some people who eat like you described. It was a family that had a genetic anomaly... and in their kid, a teenager I remember, it all came together in a perfect storm, and he was hungry all the time, never full, and ALWAYS eating. It was in the news big time a few years ago. Turns out the kid lacked a hormone called "leptin" which makes you feel full. Here's what I found on Wikipedia:

Leptin binds to neuropeptide Y (NPY) neurons in the arcuate nucleus, in such a way that decreases the activity of these neurons. Leptin signals to the brain that the body has had enough to eat, producing a feeling of satiety. A very small group of humans possess homozygous mutations for the leptin gene that leads to a constant desire for food, resulting in severe obesity. This condition can be treated somewhat successfully by the administration of recombinant human leptin

Have you ever been tested for this? If not, you absolutely should be, right away. And they should probably try treating you with leptin regardless because it might help. You said you've been like this all your life... and that's one sign that it might not be just head hunger.

Please don't give up on yourself.

[Raine 170]

When I was in my twenties this was a day of my eating:

On the way to the train station stop at the local luncheonette and have 3 eggs bacon home fries large OJ and coffee

Then stop at the bagel store and get an onion bagel loaded with butter or cream cheese and eat it on the platform

Get to work and go to the cafeteria and have a western omellette with potatoes and coffee

Mid morning have a big bag of my choice of chips and munch on them til lunch

lunch time, well what ever I wanted then.

Mid afternoon finish off the bag of chips and then also get some sort of cake as a "snack"

After work, stop at the hot dog stand and get a hotdog or a knish and eat it before I got back on the train

Off the train I would stop at the pizza place and have 2 slices and a large soda

Get home and my Dad would have a full dinner waiting for me

In the evening I would make dinner and drink plans with my friends and go to a restaurant and have the whole kit and kaboodle, app dinner desert

On the way home from that I would stop at the deli and get a 12 inch ham hero with chips and soda.

Note that most of my eating was done by myself with no one close to me witnessing.

So you see, everyone has their excesses and that is how we all ended up in this situation. That being said I would also look into what ahoy has mentioned just as a precaution.

I am now in my 40's and through my 30's curbed a lot of that because I too got every comorbity known to man, to the point of taking 20 pills a day. I was sleeved 3 1/2 weeks ago and started this journey last June at 240. I am happy I did this and let me assure you I have had bouts with the head hunger and your new stomach will not let you eat that much anymore without getting sick.

Good luck and keep us posted, this forum is made up of peoplen who truly care about what everyone else is going through and will do their best to help and support.

[christina420 3]

Im scheduled to be sleeved in June, yet I feel I am the only one who eats the way I do. Im really in no position to say I wont have this surgery. The surgeons told me I was going to die. Im in a very dangerous situation right now cause my intestines r out of line (hanging way below my pelvis) and they r afraid of strangulation. At the same time, I need 3 other hernias and a hiatal to be repaired! I have every other co-mobility on the list, no joke. The problem is...I know we all have our stories, and we've all been through hell one way or the other, but...I feel like Im the only one who eats the way I do. I mean, I cant even stick to the pr-op diet, but thats not only it....My body craves protein...and im ashamed to say it but here it goes....ppl say ohhhh thats good u crave Protein, but the amounts of protein I eat, obviously at 330 LBS now (coming down from 475 in 1998 giving birth) is getting me no where fast. I can literally eat a whole chicken and 2 bags of salad for a meal. I wont even say for lunch, cause I never sat down and had breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I have gone as far as eating an 18 lb turkey at one sitting. I know it sounds impossible, or even untrue, but it's not. As a teen, I ate a dozen hotdogs with Buns at one sitting. That is the kind of head hunger I have been dealing with all my life. I have been seeing therapists all my life for eating disorders. Soooo what makes me think, although the Dr's are all telling me im going to die now, I will be ok after this major sleeve surgery??? Will I make it?? People r heavy, they eat a lot, my whole family is morbiidly obese, but they eat second and third helpings, and a piece of cake or ice cream here and there, and dont exercise and thats what makes others heavy, but people r amazed at how I eat. I can literally put pounds of coldcuts and cheese away at a sitting. How will I manage with the sleeve? Is this possible? Is there ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE LIKE THIS???? My friends, therapists, family has said all my life....Ursssss, this is UNHEARD OF! I cant decide if I should take this chance with a 12 yr old. I know either way im doomed, but the Dr's r saying the surgery will save my life. I can't see how??? Iv'e had 16 other abdominal surgeries, full blown bowel obstructions (talk about pain and naseau 24/7 and still!!!) Major infections like cellulitis, and even MRSA (medium strain) I mean what the hek!!!!!! Plz.. any advice, suggestions, opinions, especially if you've been in my situation, is greatly appreciated. Sorry for the novel, but no one wants to hear my story anymore, cause I cant help myself. Thx for listening.

[christina420 3]

Wow you are certainly in alot of pain. I

So sorry. Wish I could reach out and hug you. You have a child? That should be your deciding factor to do this surgery. You must let you child see you heAthy mind body and soul. Nothing is more important than that. If it were me it would be well worth any amOunt of risk. Do it for your kid! You may surprise yourself and be successful this time NEVER give up and especially never give up on yourself.

[ursieursie 1]

Thank u all for responding to my post. I was so ashamed to post something like this here, but if not here, where else? so I thought ok, let me get some feedback on this topic. Anyway, u all have very good advice and suggestions for me, and I appreciate it . This surgery is so very major in all our lives, I know, but I have this massive compulsion with food. To boot....the reason for all these hernia repairs and the erosive esophagus was cause I have been battling bulimia since I am 5 yrs old!!!!!!! YESSS 5. I could remember feeling like there was something wrong, how my family ate like this, (feasts every day) and remember going in the bathroom after each meal, running the Water, putting on the radio, etc... to drown out noises. I had a cousin that lived upstairs who was older than I . I thought I had started this bulimic journey at the age of 12 cause I saw a movie about bulimia and thought ahhhhhhh.....the answer to my prayers. But...my cousin said NO URS...u were doing this from about the age of 5. She said she used to fight with my mother and tell her to stop feeding me. Anyway, there is a lot more to the story with the eating and all, but I know we all have our stories, and can go on forever....and some of us compulsive ppl can go on and on and on and on lol (all directed to me Ultimately, I do feel like I want to do the surgery. Im not afraid of the surgery itself, but all the ailments I have. I know it will be extremely hard for me, but I know I need to do something nowww!! By the way...I have been in therapy most of my life for these eating disorders, and by the grace of God and lots of physical ailments I have been bulimic clean for 12 yrs Although it will always be a part of my life, I had no choice but to stop cause I was so sick. I feel if I have this surgery, and makkkkke it, it will be the same thing....(restriction) and I will have no choice but to stop eating. I mean, im not doing it any other way, and definitely not getting any younger or better! Thank u all for listening. Again, sorry for the novel

[ursieursie 1]

You know ultimately Christina that is how I feel. I keep saying to myself....im gonna do it, im gonna just take a chance like anything else in life and just do it for my son.....and God willing, one day I will be finally able to walk with him and take him to the movies, and maybe even play football with him lol......instead of ONLY GOING OUT TO THE DINER WITH HIM TO EAT But ur right. Thanks for the advice. You have confirmed that im thinking on the right track...and I really need to do this and take that risk for a good cause. Thx again Christina and keep up the good work! name='christina420' timestamp='1306090613' post='153832']

Wow you are certainly in alot of pain. I

So sorry. Wish I could reach out and hug you. You have a child? That should be your deciding factor to do this surgery. You must let you child see you heAthy mind body and soul. Nothing is more important than that. If it were me it would be well worth any amOunt of risk. Do it for your kid! You may surprise yourself and be successful this time NEVER give up and especially never give up on yourself.

[ursieursie 1]

Thank u for ur kiind words Raine, and thanks for sharing. I know we have all experienced major events in our lives relating to food/addictions/etc.....I thought I was the only one who ate this way, but im seeing that im not alone. I was always under the impression that people got heavy by eating an extra meal or an extra piece of cake or ice cream, but I see that is not the case. Im glad u made the most important choice in ur life to do this wls, and ur on ur way to a new you. Thanks for all...and keep up the good work! Very inspiring story

When I was in my twenties this was a day of my eating:

On the way to the train station stop at the local luncheonette and have 3 eggs bacon home fries large OJ and coffee

Then stop at the bagel store and get an onion bagel loaded with butter or cream cheese and eat it on the platform

Get to work and go to the cafeteria and have a western omellette with potatoes and coffee

Mid morning have a big bag of my choice of chips and munch on them til lunch

lunch time, well what ever I wanted then.

Mid afternoon finish off the bag of chips and then also get some sort of cake as a "snack"

After work, stop at the hot dog stand and get a hotdog or a knish and eat it before I got back on the train

Off the train I would stop at the pizza place and have 2 slices and a large soda

Get home and my Dad would have a full dinner waiting for me

In the evening I would make dinner and drink plans with my friends and go to a restaurant and have the whole kit and kaboodle, app dinner desert

On the way home from that I would stop at the deli and get a 12 inch ham hero with chips and soda.

Note that most of my eating was done by myself with no one close to me witnessing.

So you see, everyone has their excesses and that is how we all ended up in this situation. That being said I would also look into what ahoy has mentioned just as a precaution.

I am now in my 40's and through my 30's curbed a lot of that because I too got every comorbity known to man, to the point of taking 20 pills a day. I was sleeved 3 1/2 weeks ago and started this journey last June at 240. I am happy I did this and let me assure you I have had bouts with the head hunger and your new stomach will not let you eat that much anymore without getting sick.

Good luck and keep us posted, this forum is made up of peoplen who truly care about what everyone else is going through and will do their best to help and support.