3 Months / 70+ lbs / Halfway to Goal!

[TStew 25]

My goal is probably overstated (to weigh what I weighed in high school) and I’m now over halfway there so I’m writing to share with those who may be interested in what I’m experiencing after the first half of my journey. I’ve lost about 70 lbs in three months. Approximately 25 lbs a month is amazing! Especially considering I rarely get to the gym and I’m not at all obsessive about what I eat.

I just passed my three month surgiversary and I’ve yet to begin full on exercise. I work out about once a week but I am more active on a regular basis than before. However, I NEED to start working out with weights because my skin looks and feels so gross! I feel like a bit of a failure in the sense that I’m not making much of an effort to really take advantage of this wonderful tool and help my body adjust the best it can. I’m hoping that by acknowledging this fact in a public forum will get me off my ass and in to the gym! Please kick my ass with your comments because I need it! J

Let’s start with the fact that nobody knows I had this surgery. Well, my doctors and therapist know and it’s not that I really care who knows but my family was not at all supportive so I decided to keep it from them because I don’t want to deal with their negativity. And I don’t think it’s any business of my coworkers and I don’t really have any close friends these days. Sad but true.

Now food. Since I’ve started eating out and have very little problems with any foods, I stopped my food log because it was rather difficult and time consuming when I had no idea of the calorie and nutrition level of what I was eating. The good thing is that I eat such small amounts and I try my best to keep it healthy (Protein first) that I don’t think it matters. At least it doesn’t matter all that much because I’m still losing. I’ve only had the slime once and that was about a week ago when I inhaled two eggs instead of the usual one. It was gross. I kept burping and burping and then began coughing a bit and threw up this big glob of phlegm like substance. Well, I didn’t see it but it felt like phlegm. Sorry, I know it’s gross…. I can pretty much tolerate anything but I notice some discomfort with nuts. I eat bread and even have an occasional sweet but it’s all in moderation. My diet really consists of a Protein shake in the morning with lots of Vitamins or some steel cut oatmeal from Jamba juice if I don’t have time to blend my shake in the morning. For lunch I will have 1 to 2 scoops of tuna or chicken salad from Panera (they will sell it as a side item for $1.79 per scoop) or leftovers. For dinner I’m all over the place…. If I eat out I will have steak, chicken, or fish and if I’m home it’s usually some cottage cheese or a scrambled egg with cheese and I’ll usually have a piece of Sugar Free Chocolate for dessert. Sometimes I feel like I can eat a lot and other times I can barely get in a few bites. I guess it all depends on what I'm eating and how my stomach feels. I've been trying to wean myself off of the Nexium in the past two weeks and it's not easy. I often get that feeling that something is rising up in my chest but it seems to pass relatively quickly. I'm going to buy some prilosec or something for bad days but I really don't want to be taking any meds every single day.

General well being. I feel great! Sometimes I get low on energy but my pain level is decreased (I have fibromyalgia) and I’m much less depressed. I suspect that my Vitamin D level may have a lot to do with the decreased depression. I’ve been struggling to raise my levels for years (was taking 1000 IU once a day and 50,000 IU once a week and only got it from 12 to about 24. I began taking a spray from Dr. Mercola a few months back and now it is at 42. Now I’m beginning to get a little sun here and there so I’m hoping I will manage to get it to 60 or 70. I have not begun taking vitamins in pill form as I'm afraid they will hurt my stomach. What do you think? Am I far enough along yet? I open some vitamins up and add to my morning smoothies but I'm not taking enough. I have others in sprays (D and B12) and I LOVE those!

Social life. I’m much more outgoing and feeling like my old self. It’s almost a little sad how much nicer people are to me now. They open doors and hold elevators and smile at me all the time…. I’m sure part of that is the positive energy that I’m radiating but I’m sure a lot has to do with the fact that we live in such a shallow and superficial world and all of a sudden I’m more worthy now that I’m better looking. Sad but true. I met a guy in March and we’ve been dating and having fun. This is the first guy I’ve been involved with since last July. Unfortunately, I think he’s grossed out by the loose skin and the sagging boobies. Sex is not a big part of our relationship and I guess I don’t blame him for being turned off. I am seriously looking in to breast surgery because I’ve never been happy with them and now they are deflated and gross. They don’t look bad in a good bra but when the bra comes off they’re not attractive at all. He doesn’t mean to make me feel bad and he pretends there is no problem but I’m very sensitive and intuitive and I can feel it and it really does make me feel bad. He changed a lot after seeing me naked for the first time! I know he still likes me a lot but I think he is struggling a bit with being turned off by my body. I’ve tried to speak to him openly but he denies any issues – I even told him that I don’t blame him for being turned off and that sex doesn’t have to be a part of our relationship and we can just be friends and have fun together but he claims that nothing is wrong. It doesn’t seem like being in a relationship can be a positive thing for me while I’m going through this transition but we have a lot of fun and do a lot of things and that is very good for me because I’ve been very isolated for so long. Another thing that bothers me is that this guy is tall, dark, and very handsome if you don’t know what a huge dork he is and he’s a huge flirt and gets tons of attention from women and that makes me feel very self conscious and unworthy. I plan to start dating more so that I can be around people who make me feel good instead of making me feel like crap all the time.

My body. It’s gross. My breasts are deflated and sagging, my arms are much worse than I anticipated and so are my thighs. I can’t stand the way my body FEELS. It’s almost like a layer of rubber or something and it’s just gross! I hope to God most of this snaps back on its own because I can’t stand it! I know it’s my fault for not exercising like I should be but I have so much going on lately. I’m looking for a new job, trying to complete repairs on my condo that have been years in the making and trying to adjust to a new social life. Even my face seems a bit saggy. I’m noticing weird things on my eyelids and lines around my mouth that weren’t there before. I’m using MSM powder in my smoothie every morning and that helps the skin structure and I use Tamanu oil on my face and scars. I can only hope for the best!

My hair. It’s been thinning considerably for years and I can see my scalp in the front and this concerns me. My hair has always been the most (and sometimes only) attractive thing about me. It’s very long and curly/wavy and although it’s not thick, I had a ton of it! Well, for the past several years I’ve had a lot of hormonal stuff going on and a ton of stress and the hair on my head was falling out and I was growing hair in places I didn’t want it. So, I’m at three months and I hear the real damage from WLS starts around 4 months and I’m really scared. I went out last night and bought Rogaine for women and I’m thinking I will use it for the next 6 months or so and see what happens. I can’t afford to lose any more!

General health. My labs are all good and my liver enzymes are back to normal. I had a gynecological surgery in Aug 2010 and had no idea my liver enzymes were high until the pre-op labs the day before surgery. My naturopath said it was probably due to the trauma of the first surgery and I began taking Choline 40% in my daily smoothies about 6 wks ago and the counts are now normal! Everything looks good and I’m about to get my three month check up. I began having liver pains about a month before WLS. I think it was due to my favorite food diet. I was eating horribly and feeling worse. I was having pains and afraid it was my gall bladder as well but now they are gone and I'm feeling great. That powder was a real miracle worker!

All in all I do NOT regret the surgery in any way shape or form. I’ve had no problems at all throughout this process and I don’t foresee any in the future. Even though I’m still disgusted with my body, I’m much less disgusted than I was 70 lbs ago. I went from a tight 18 to a comfortable 14 and I have tons of clothes all the way down to a 10 waiting for me because I never accepted this weight and kept all my non-fat clothes! I have so many cute clothes but they become too big very quickly! I‘m getting ready to sell a bunch of clothes on ebay because most are worn only once or twice and many still have tags. It’s so exciting to try on a pair of pants and have them fit comfortably when a few months ago I couldn’t get them over my thighs!!! It’s the best feeling in the world! If someone asked me about this surgery I would tell them GO FOR IT! I wish I would have done it two years ago and I wouldn’t be dealing with all the loose skin and I could have avoided many of the health issues that I dealt with the past few years. I asked a friend to send me some pics she took at a Christmas 2010 gathering in early Dec. I am HUGE and so disgusting! I will use that as my ‘before’ pic and post a recent pic soon!

In closing, I wish you all great success in your weight loss journeys!

[sunnyd 32]

Wow! Congrats on your weight loss. 70 pounds in 3 months is AMAZING! I loved reading about your dating situation. I lost a lot of weight a couple years ago (of course gained it back) but I had all the loose skin too (even with working out a ton) and was so self conscious with guys. I worry that will be the case again. But I'm with you- may be looking at cosmetic surgery when I'm at goal!

Sounds like you are doing great! Keep up the good work and you will be at goal in no time!

[TStew 25]

Thank you! You know, the worst part of it is that he mislead me (actually, he flat out lied) and told me he was attracted to bigger girls and even went so far as to tell me his ex girlfriend was 250 lbs and 350 at her heaviest. I told him I was self conscious and he did what he had to do to make me feel comfortable and it was all a lie. Now I feel like an idiot for ever getting intimate with him in the first place.

Wow! Congrats on your weight loss. 70 pounds in 3 months is AMAZING! I loved reading about your dating situation. I lost a lot of weight a couple years ago (of course gained it back) but I had all the loose skin too (even with working out a ton) and was so self conscious with guys. I worry that will be the case again. But I'm with you- may be looking at cosmetic surgery when I'm at goal!

Sounds like you are doing great! Keep up the good work and you will be at goal in no time!

[kbl 3]

wow tami you have done fabulous! i wish i had lost as much as you. i bet you look great. i know we are our own worst critic!!! as far as the guy....have fun and if this does not last there are lots of wonderful guys for you to date and have fun with. remember to be kind to yourself. so proud of you, your sleeve sister, kelly

[TStew 25]

Thanks Kelly! That is exactly what I'm trying to do! I'm trying hard not to over-analyze everything and just to enjoy myself and not worry.

wow tami you have done fabulous! i wish i had lost as much as you. i bet you look great. i know we are our own worst critic!!! as far as the guy....have fun and if this does not last there are lots of wonderful guys for you to date and have fun with. remember to be kind to yourself. so proud of you, your sleeve sister, kelly