Loss for words

[JoJo 1]

Hi everyone I hope all is well.

I wasn't sure I wanted to post this as I am sure its not the first time its been posted but I didn't really know what else to do.

My insurance was approved friday and I was happy -- very happy! I have been watching youtube journeys alot the last several weeks and doing what I can to prepare myself for what is to come. But what was to come wasnt really something I could prepare for and Im not sure how to get it to go away. Last night I was watching more videos and its not like they scared me everything turned out well for those I watched but I think my body and subconscious finally caught up with what was going to be happening on Wednesday (suregery date). I started feeling very sick to my stomach and had to actually go to bed it hurt so bad. I thought it was something i ate (my doctor doesnt require a pre op liquid diet). I woke up super early and couldnt go back to bed but I still felt really bad. So I began my day. I had a bite of apple to take a Vitamin even though I was completely not hungry and looking at food made me nauseous. I had to stop by the drug store for the prescribed liquid lortab and some other post surgery items and then went to the grocery store to get stocked up on what I will need over the next week or so. At the grocery everything on the shelves made me feel sick. I came home and forced myself to eat a cheese stick and yogurt but it didnt make me feel any better. I babysat my darling 1yr old niece - the one thing in the entire world that always makes me smile and feel good but I still felt bad. I was cold, my stomach hurt to move around, I was tired. But I put on a smile and did the unthinkable... I called her parents to get her early (that NEVER happens lol). My husband is out of town working and will not be here for surgery but my friend knew I definitely wanted steak for before I did this. As he was marinating etc I had to let him know that I cant eat it tonight. I turned down steak, crab legs and freaking grilled asparagus! I think I may have lost my mind!!! Anyways a good friend of mine to recently went through some weight loss and marital problems due to stress told me that I am acting just like she did. This is how she felt when she had her trouble so its most likely my nerves are shot. The thing is, Im not turning back, I need this, I want this and although I am scared its gonna happen. I dont know why my body is resisting so much. I feel helpless, I am an emotional roller coaster right now. I was crying because I felt bad I turned down dinner lol. I am usually very in control of my emotions and stuff and I am a strong woman but I am feeling beat. I want to turn this around. I want to enjoy my last (FAT) days . Im completely out of control here. Can just one person tell me Im not alone in this because at this point I am really scaring myself.

well sorry for ranting.

I hope you all have a lovely night and I will keep you updated on my progress. Do or die my sleeve has me Wednesday!!

[AutumnLily 77]

No apology for expressing yourself on here! I think things have gone quite fast and now that the reality is here you are experiencing a lot of nerves.

My journey was over a long period of time and I knew my surgery date several months in advance. So I was able to work through all the emotional rollercoaster that I think everyone goes through. You have only a couple of days to experience it. Plus the added stress that your significant other is not going to be there.

Keep us updated on your progress. I have no idea what you can do for the nerves besides deep breaths and maybe a relaxing hot bath. Maybe someone else will post something more substantial than what I have suggested.

[Lots Of Hope 4]

Hi, mine is on Friday. I do understand. I am very excited, nervous, impatient, grouchy, scared, obsessed with thinking about it, etc etc. I just keep reading other peoples post. It's hard not to be a little crazy with this. It's going to be life changing and that is big. My husband reminds me that I always resist change, and this is what it is....that is exactly what we want. We also know that we have a lot of hard work ahead of us, and that can seem overwhelming to those with already crazy lives. I hope this helps and I am not way off. Good luck, I am right here with you.

[snowfie9 6]

I haven't gotten quite that bad YET (I have a week to go), but I am starting to get nervous and having bad dreams.

It's the finality of the thing that is starting to sink in. There's no turning back. There's no reversal. No one's going to knit you a new stomach if you decide later you don't want the sleeve. Nothing will EVER be the same again. And it'll be for the better, for the most part, but it won't all be sunshine and roses. I will have to adapt. I will have to grow and change and adapt to a body that will increasingly become foreign to me.

I'm feeling the weight of the decision. The reasons I need to do this haven't changed, but I am starting to get nervous and anxious about the transition I know I'll need to make.

[Rev Me Up! 75]

I was terrified in the week before my surgery - it is completely natural. You may want to call your doctor and ask for a prescription of Ativan or some other anti-anxiety pill that will calm you down a little. It really helps!

[JoJo 1]

Thanks everyone for your kind words, I definitely needed the encouragement. I have decided not to investigate this operation or videos anymore than needed until my surgery. I am going to try my best to not think about it the next two days (yeah right good luck to me there!). Its good to know that I am not alone. My body just needs to get on board with this thing because its happening no matter what! I think your right about it happening fast, I think deep down until my surgery was approved I was happy to embark on my new journey but worried it wouldn't go through and I really needed it to and then after it finally went through my body was like WOW this is a for sure thing and its in a week! I thought the emotional rollercoaster came post surgery boy was I wrong lol I do have to go into the center today to get some supplements and things I will see what they think maybe there is something they can give me to calm my nerves that was really good advice. Im hoping I feel some sense of relief after surgery but I think that may be wishful thinking on my part. I probably wont feel relieved until about 2 weeks post op.

I really do love this site. Thanks to all of you!

[iegal 460]

JoJo;

I suggest you just review the NSV (non scale victory) & VSG Success Stories for the next two days. That will keep you happy.

This is sudden, but most of the pre-ops here would love to be in your shoes rather than up to a 6 month wait. Keep smiling!

[cutie0615 0]

I totally understand how you feel. I just posted on a another forum that I was thinking of backing out and mine is next Wednesday..a week after yours. Everyone on there replied to me with encouragement and support. Everyone is here for the same reason...we all understand.

It is a HUGE (no pun intended) decision, one that I have thought about and obsessed over( someone else on here said the same thing) for months and I am sure you have done the same as well.

We care about ourselves and the people who love us but yet we are not living a "full" and "happy" life because of our weight...I think it is time that we start LIVING and enjoying our lives and to me this is a step in that direction. The evidence of the research you have done does not lie and neither do the facts. This surgery will save our lives in the long run. We have to just keep telling ourselves that.

You will be in my thoughts & prayers on Wednesday

[Beadingnurse 116]

I am a nurse and I didn't view ANY of the youtube videos before surgery! I knew what was going to happen and didn't want to dwell on it. I too was scared and I think most of us were so you are in good company! I feel SO blessed to have had the surgery and can't believe how fortunate I was to be able to have it. It is the best thing you will ever do for yourself!

I am surprised at how "normal" I feel and I am not even 3 weeks out yet! I feel recovered and healthy and it is only when I start to eat that I am reminded that I now have a smaller stomach. It is interesting because before surgery we are so worried about the surgery itself and the decision to do it...immediately after surgery we are just focused on recovery. Now I feel like my real work is to learn to adapt to my new equipment. Every day is a learning process but a good process...even when I mess up and eat too much or too fast. I have seen folks on here post that they hardly ever think of it and I am a long way from that but I love, love, love this sleeve. I am just not hungry any more and that fact alone is worth the cost of admission!! Good luck with your surgery! I will look forward to reading your posts once you are home and up to posting!

[clkrn10 0]

My surgery is scheduled for next week, and I am having the same feelings. I obtained insurance approval very quickly (only 3 days), so I didn't have a lot of time to mentally prepare. I am definitely nervous, grouchy, worried, and excited all at the same time. I think what we are feeling is pretty normal.

[Michelle Cicerello 6]

My Surgery is Monday - a week away, and I am grouchy, worried, nervous, anxious as well, its normal I think its scary having surgery, no matter what it is for - Keep your chin up, just know that your not alone and we will be here for you whenever you need us

[lucill35 73]

My turn around time was fairly quick as I was a self pay, but I was going to Mexico. I thought i was totally okay with everything until about 2 days before I was leaving....started having major stomach problems resulting in mad dashes to the bathroom!!! I got to Mexico and was totally fine though. So calm that I didn't even need the happy pill they gave me to sleep the night before the surgery. I have lost almost 55 lbs since the end of January and am so happy with my sleeve. I went to an Easter brunch with my family and can still eat everything I used as well as what others are eating, albeit small amounts. I have never been successful at any weight loss program and have tried many. I love my sleeve!! I had no problems with recovery and almost felt like i wished I felt worse because then it would make it easier to reconcile having only Clear Liquids for 10 days and thick liquids for 10 more. I felt great the entire time. My surgery was on a Saturday and I had already scheduled a two week vacation for the next week but I probably could have returned to work after about 5 days. No problems!! I hope that your nerves/anxiety relax enough for you not to be miserable before the surgery and don't worry, you are making the right decision!

[JoJo 1]

Thanks again EVERYONE for all of your support!

I'm still not feeling well today but better than yesterday. I dont have much energy but forced myself out of the house to run some errands and I DID manage to eat my wonderful last meal of steak and crab legs so atleast part of my appetite was back. I suspect tomorrow will be the worst or it will just be so surreal that I will be in denial. Come to think of it that may be a good thing lol

You all are the best!! Thanks for making me feel so much better about this I appreciate you more than you know!!

I will definitely post once I'm home and up to it!

[Roseib 13]

Good luck. The waiting is the worst. Day of once you get to hospital there is so much prep it will go quickly. Will be sending positive thoughts your way!