Sabotage....

[cwalker 12]

The crazy part about it is that he has been very supportive of me through out my whole journey, starting with the band. I'm starting to wonder if he is just being really selfish or if it is some kind of subconscious effort to sabotage me...

I had to go to the other room post op to get away from the smells but sadly my DH refuses to eat diet/healthy. I cook his meals like he has always ate them, cornbread..fried pork chops..gravy..oh yeah and homemade biscuits on the weekend. UGH!! It doesen't bother me unless it's invovlves chocolate then I simply hide it and throw it out or I WILL eat that.lol

[new_beginnings_ 16]

My kids and husband still get all the junk they need, but outside of the house. Maybe just ask him for help until your cravings are better, or pick the junk you don't like. My family is having pizza right now, and before my husband ordered, he ask me if I would like to go and take a nice relaxing bath. I got the hint, so here it am. Let me know if you find something that works for you. I don't think it's about will power at first, it's about learning how to be the most successful you can be with your life and personality. Good Luck. I am struggling along side ya!

Yeah the problem is, I pretty much like ALL the junk he likes... I guess that is the root of my weight problems... It's really hard not to give in to the cravings when it's placed right in front of my face... I'm doing good though, I can't say that I am perfect but I am trying really hard not to give in to the temptations. Glad to know I'm not the only one...

Just keep reminding yourself that you are becoming healthier. Maybe he is just trying to test your will power? I know when I stopped drinking soda ( cutting back from a 2 liter of Mt Dew a day habit to NOTHING) on Jan 1st, hubby would buy himself a soda....but the longer I have went without it, the less he drinks. Yes, every now and then he will bring one into the house and I just want to beat him up and steal it from him but I keep remembering, if I drank any soda my streak would be over. I am on 4 months without soda now! Why ruin that for a 15 min sugar high?

That's awesome! I was off sodas from my band surgery but after I gave up on my band, I had started back drinking them. I have gotten back to the habit of not drinking any soda since my pre op diet but I know how addictive they are. The sodas don't bother me as much as the sweets, thank God because my husband is always drinking soda.

[new_beginnings_ 16]

I'm not a therapist, but I think that he's gone way beyond "subconscious". What the h*ll does he think he is doing???? Maybe it's time for some direct and honest questions and ANSWERS.

My SO is clinically depressed, but even so that does not give him the right to be sooo unfeeling and unsupportive to the point of being cruel. We had a "lively" Q & A last night. That is the reason I didn't get back to you last night. The "air" is much clearer around here this morning I live way up here in upstate NY, but for whatever it's worth--you have MY support. Please, keep in touch. I care.

Valentina

Yeah I know how 'lively' our conversations can get sometimes too. I think he was just being selfish so I just need to get myself together and not give in to the junk. Thanks for the encouragement! It means alot!

I don't think its fair to ask him to change his eating habits because you have to. My husband is 6'0 and 141 pounds soak and wet. When I was 330 he loved me and now that I'm 230 he still loves and support me though he eats a box of little debbie snack cakes a day. We have asked them to sacrifice so much already. From our emotions, money for surgery, time, waiting us when we feel stuffed, that I don't think is fair to ask him to stop the pizza or Cookies. I (though we are in different stages) don't disconnect myself from tiny sweets. When my husband eats icecream and asks if I want a taste, I get a taste and keep it moving. It makes him happy knowing I'm okay with his less than stellar eating habits.

I'm not saying that I am perfect because I have and quite a few 'tastes' since my surgery but I think that he could be a little more sensitive to the fact that I am struggling with all these sweets in the house. There are a lot of things that I have sacrificed over the years including my health so i'm sorry if I seem like I am being insensitive about his junk food. I am working on my will power so hopefully it wont be an issue for long, also I get the 'dumping' if i eat something too sweet, so that helps as well.

I had to go to the other room post op to get away from the smells but sadly my DH refuses to eat diet/healthy. I cook his meals like he has always ate them, cornbread..fried pork chops..gravy..oh yeah and homemade biscuits on the weekend. UGH!! It doesen't bother me unless it's invovlves chocolate then I simply hide it and throw it out or I WILL eat that.lol

I've got mine eating baked fish and brown rice tonight, yeah I know, he's doing good so I will give credit where credit is due... I know what you mean about the chocolate... that is my biggest weakness...

[Day Dreamer 23]

Anyone else's significant other trying to sabotage them?

Grrrrrrrrrr.... men! I am right there with you. My hubby is trying to sabotage in a different way - he all of sudden wants to get me pregnant... before my surgery?? Umm yeah NO! I had to lay the law and I normally don't do that. Sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself.

I like the idea of bagging it up and tossing it all out but I know that isn't fair. We can't expect our hubbies to diet just because we got sleeved. It would be nice if they were considerate and ate that stuff outside the house. But they could say the same to us - take your Protein shake outside. LOL. I suppose it will be a test of willpower - but you CAN do it!!!

[new_beginnings_ 16]

Grrrrrrrrrr.... men! I am right there with you. My hubby is trying to sabotage in a different way - he all of sudden wants to get me pregnant... before my surgery?? Umm yeah NO! I had to lay the law and I normally don't do that. Sometimes you just need to stand up for yourself.

I like the idea of bagging it up and tossing it all out but I know that isn't fair. We can't expect our hubbies to diet just because we got sleeved. It would be nice if they were considerate and ate that stuff outside the house. But they could say the same to us - take your Protein shake outside. LOL. I suppose it will be a test of willpower - but you CAN do it!!!

Oh yeah I've been hearing that one too from my husband and the parents... I mean geez, can I get myself together before I try to conceive a human life in this train wreck I call a body...

I know throwing all of the junk away would be mean and wasteful so I would never do that but I can dream can't I?

[Raine 170]

I hope you find a happy medium! It is hard but you are doing your best right now and everything is so brand new. I think in time it will get better, I don't think its sabatoge, I think its the Y chromozone, just dont ask why. Everytime my son sits down to one of the many great meals my hubby makes he looks guilty and says "Sorry Mom" I tell him don't be. If it gets too much for me I go somewhere else in the house or outside. They love me and want the best for me just as I am sure your husband does for you, but we are sensitive right now being so soon post op that everything will seem like a personal afront. I wish you all the luck! You are doing great and keep up the good work. Sometimes just venting helps

[new_beginnings_ 16]

I hope you find a happy medium! It is hard but you are doing your best right now and everything is so brand new. I think in time it will get better, I don't think its sabatoge, I think its the Y chromozone, just dont ask why. Everytime my son sits down to one of the many great meals my hubby makes he looks guilty and says "Sorry Mom" I tell him don't be. If it gets too much for me I go somewhere else in the house or outside. They love me and want the best for me just as I am sure your husband does for you, but we are sensitive right now being so soon post op that everything will seem like a personal afront. I wish you all the luck! You are doing great and keep up the good work. Sometimes just venting helps

Yeah I really needed to vent the other day and thanks to all the responses, I know i'm not alone in this. I hear that all this weight loss can make you extra emotional so I've been struggling with my mood lately. You know how it is sometimes, you can fly off the handle over something stupid. I just keep thinking how great i'm gonna look so i'm trying not to let the junk get to me. It's what got me here in the first place...

[anonynurse 13]

I am glad you are doing better.

I am in agreement with the thought that he is somehow responsible for what you eat or get tempted by is unfair. This is a personal journey. Not fair to make him change or get mad at him for not doing so when it has been years in the making. If what he eats is a temptation, it is your job to walk away from it, not his to give up stuff he likes. Believe it or not, he is grieving too. food was obviously a large part of your relationship and something you bonded over. His adjustment will take time as well. You are a different person to him now simpy from not eating the way you used to. He is going to have to get used to that. All you can do is model good behavior, praise the devil out of him when he is supportive, talk to him very vulnerably and emotionally about the journey you are on , about how happy you are and how good you feel and speak words of love to him all the time so he knows he remains important and that good things are on the horizon for your relationship, with or without pizza.

[new_beginnings_ 16]

I am glad you are doing better.

I am in agreement with the thought that he is somehow responsible for what you eat or get tempted by is unfair. This is a personal journey. Not fair to make him change or get mad at him for not doing so when it has been years in the making. If what he eats is a temptation, it is your job to walk away from it, not his to give up stuff he likes. Believe it or not, he is grieving too. food was obviously a large part of your relationship and something you bonded over. His adjustment will take time as well. You are a different person to him now simpy from not eating the way you used to. He is going to have to get used to that. All you can do is model good behavior, praise the devil out of him when he is supportive, talk to him very vulnerably and emotionally about the journey you are on , about how happy you are and how good you feel and speak words of love to him all the time so he knows he remains important and that good things are on the horizon for your relationship, with or without pizza.

Yeah things are better now, i've come to the reality that I control my own destiny and it is always my decision to put food in my mouth. Of course my sleeve makes that decision so much easier for me. My husband was just saying last night that he was so happy that the sleeve is working so well for me. He has been the only one to really know what I went through with my band so he can see how much better I feel. I love my sleeve!

[Suzannesh 376]

I honestly think my husband is trying to sabotage me. Went to the store today and all he wanted to by was sweets. Oh and I should mention that I have a huge sweet tooth so it is really hard for me to have the stuff in the house and not eat any. Before my surgery, I had the talk with him and told him that if he wants that crap, he needs to eat it outside of the house because I can't be around it. So what does he do the week of my surgery? He goes and buys some of those Pillsbury Cookies that you bake and makes them while I'm sitting there starving and in unbearable pain. WTF? Also, he is constantly eating all the stuff that I am not supposed to be eating in front of me and then asks me if I want some. pizza, hot dogs, candy, cookies... as I am typing this he is eating a stuffed crust pizza hut Pizza Hut pizza. Yeah, a*****e, I know. I think he has no idea what I am going through right now, and how hard it is for me not to eat all this crap. Anyone else's significant other trying to sabotage them?

Hi,

I know you must be so frustrated. Did you ever think he is scared that if you lose this weight that he might lose you? It is just a thought. Sometimes if you start a conversation with him and phrase it like this. "you know when you eat or bring things into the house that you know I can't have it makes me feel"--then tell him how you are feeling--be real honest and real clear about YOUR feelings. Don't attack him and tell him how wrong he is, but tell him how he is making you feel.

He may be trying to sabotage you as you say--now is the time to find out just why???? If he is overweight the he may not want to face his problem and want to keep you fat just like he is. Sometimes people just aren't able to deal with the own problems and they want a partner in crime to continue on with the overeating. Let him know you are strong and you are not going to cave in. Tell him that this is ABOUT YOU and NO one else and you have ever intention of being successful at your weight loss. Ask him for his support and tell him you need him to understand this is about your being healthy so you have more years to spend with him. You did the right thing by coming on here and asking for advice and also saying how you are feeling.

Ask him what his fears are; he might open up. This is down right ugly if he is trying to sabotage you. I was lucky that my significant other was there 200% with me. Keep me posted. I am always here to support you.

Hugs,

Suzanne

[Heatherr 149]

I don't think its fair to ask him to change his eating habits because you have to.

^^^^ I disagree with this statement on a few levels. She's not asking him to change is habits completely, she's asking him to not do it in excess around her.

Personally, I think it's time to have a "come to Jesus" talk with the hubby because he is either the biggest jerk ever (which I doubt) or is just not full comprehending what he's doing. <<<much more likely

By the logic that he shouldn't have to change his habits, you're saying it would be ok for him to constantly smoke in her presence and buy her cigarettes and offer her cigarettes if she were trying to quit smoking? Would it be ok for him to bring her home wine and drink beer all night while he watched tv if she were a recovering alcoholic? Of course that wouldn't be considered socially acceptable, so why is his overindulgence in food and always throwing it in her face more acceptable?

If he wanted a stuffed crust pizza that badly, he could have gone out, especially considering the time frame. No, the family shouldnt have to give up everything, but there are simple manners of decency and love involved.

[new_beginnings_ 16]

Hi,

I know you must be so frustrated. Did you ever think he is scared that if you lose this weight that he might lose you? It is just a thought. Sometimes if you start a conversation with him and phrase it like this. "you know when you eat or bring things into the house that you know I can't have it makes me feel"--then tell him how you are feeling--be real honest and real clear about YOUR feelings. Don't attack him and tell him how wrong he is, but tell him how he is making you feel.

He may be trying to sabotage you as you say--now is the time to find out just why???? If he is overweight the he may not want to face his problem and want to keep you fat just like he is. Sometimes people just aren't able to deal with the own problems and they want a partner in crime to continue on with the overeating. Let him know you are strong and you are not going to cave in. Tell him that this is ABOUT YOU and NO one else and you have ever intention of being successful at your weight loss. Ask him for his support and tell him you need him to understand this is about your being healthy so you have more years to spend with him. You did the right thing by coming on here and asking for advice and also saying how you are feeling.

Ask him what his fears are; he might open up. This is down right ugly if he is trying to sabotage you. I was lucky that my significant other was there 200% with me. Keep me posted. I am always here to support you.

Hugs,

Suzanne

<FONT color=#9932cc face="Lucida Sans Unicode">Thanks for the reply Suzanne! Fortunately for him, my husband doesn't have a weight problem. He can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound.

[new_beginnings_ 16]

I don't think its fair to ask him to change his eating habits because you have to.

^^^^ I disagree with this statement on a few levels. She's not asking him to change is habits completely, she's asking him to not do it in excess around her.

Personally, I think it's time to have a "come to Jesus" talk with the hubby because he is either the biggest jerk ever (which I doubt) or is just not full comprehending what he's doing. <<<much more likely

By the logic that he shouldn't have to change his habits, you're saying it would be ok for him to constantly smoke in her presence and buy her cigarettes and offer her cigarettes if she were trying to quit smoking? Would it be ok for him to bring her home wine and drink beer all night while he watched tv if she were a recovering alcoholic? Of course that wouldn't be considered socially acceptable, so why is his overindulgence in food and always throwing it in her face more acceptable?

If he wanted a stuffed crust pizza that badly, he could have gone out, especially considering the time frame. No, the family shouldnt have to give up everything, but there are simple manners of decency and love involved.

Thanks Heatherr, I think it really hurt my feelings that he was being so inconsiderate because usually he is a very good husband. He has supported me 110% the whole way so I guess I just expected a little more cooperation from him considering we had already had the talk about him bringing junk food in the house. It's definately easier now that I am back on a regular diet because when I posted this, I was still a restricted diet. Now, if I want to eat a little bit of sweets, I do and I don't feel terrible about it because I know that I am working really hard and I deserve a treat every now and then. I think the biggest thing is that I am learing how to put myself first, which I haven't done in a long time.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I am lucky - my husband is supportive. He does eat things that I choose not to eat. I have my foods in one cabinet, his in another. We both use the fridge - but the stuff I don't eat in the fridge doesn't really bother me. If his eating something I don't eat starts to get to me, I go to another part of the house.

I have also had success getting rid of food cravings by seeing a hypnotist. Got rid of my sweet tooth that way. If you can accept hypnosis and a viable treatment / change method and allow yourself to be hypnotized - food cravings are a pretty easy thing to tackle. Talk to the hypnotist and make sure he/she works on fodd cravings.

Good luck.