Obstacle 1: How to disappear for 5 days

[SandSandles 4]

Hey Honey, While I was in California I decided to jump the border and donate 85% of my stomach to the study and prevention of obesity....so thats why I have incisions and am eating differently.

Now that is a good one. He always respects generosity! GREAT idea! hahahahaha

I like you.

[TijuanaPlication 87]

BTW I'd seriously research your surgeon, there are a lot of posts on here and you can enter their surname in the search field at the top right of the field. I'm a believer in having the best surgeon you can (sadly I don't think GPS was the best surgery but that's another story).

[TijuanaPlication 87]

RE-POSTED, AS IT DIDN'T GO IN RIGHT FIRST TIME.

BTW I'd seriously research your surgeon, there are a lot of posts on here and you can enter their surname in the search field at the top right of the field. I'm a believer in having the best surgeon you can (sadly I don't think GPS was the best surgery but that's another story).

[snowfie9 6]

because of the vast number of disappearances happening to tourists.

Vast? I had not heard anything about VAST numbers of disapearing Americans in Mexico. I've heard of violence but...what?

[SandSandles 4]

because of the vast number of disappearances happening to tourists.

Vast? I had not heard anything about VAST numbers of disapearing Americans in Mexico. I've heard of violence but...what?

TEXAS border... NOT all borders.. not all tourists. I said it was the TEXAS border. It is on the Texas news almost nightly. It has never been this bad.. in TEXAS before.

[SandSandles 4]

Well... it is official. I booked the flight to San Diego on June 30th.

So now I have to come up with my story for disappearing for those 4 days. My husband would not even think about discussing it with me. He is always fearful of change in a lot of different areas. I will have to go by myself, get it done, see progress...and THEN tell him..... after the fact. I have learned that about him... and it has worked for other things so that is what I have to do.

It will be 4th of July weekend so being out of town is a lot more plausible. It will all work out.

It is funny that I am more fearful of telling my husband than the surgery itself. hahahaha

One thing about it, I have not read ANY posts from people who REGRET having the surgery. That is very encouraging. I am reading, studying, and mentally preparing.

Here we go!

[kemo46 82]

Age - 50ish

Weight to lose - at LEAST 75 pounds

*****************************************Last year I thought about doing this. ... and didn't. Didn't really have the money.

This year I wish I had followed through... and seriously looking at it again. I have a little more financial room than before.

I am nervous -- NOT about the surgery and certainly NOT about the lifestyle changes, but I am nervous about my social sphere. I want this for ME and I want it to be TOTALLY PRIVATE. The only person that I must tell is my spouse. So I am asking myself how much information do I need to give him? I do NOT want to just flat out lie to him... but he is going to be difficult. He loves me dearly and is very afraid of losing me - on a lot of levels for different reasons. I have just started planting the idea of WLS into him. At first he immediately jumped to all the negative results of people who have had WLS (one being his daughter (Run-Y) who gained all of her weight back within 1 year). I told him that we hear the same exact things from people concerning other "risk" events - motorcycle riding, flying, hiking, etc. So several weeks have gone by now and he is a little more settled with it.

NEXT he asked, "You are NOT going to do something crazy like go to Mexico to do this are you?!??!"

How do you answer that? "Uh yes honey, I'm going completely insane and going to save 50% on the surgery."

Right now all Texans are being asked to NOT cross the border in Texas into Mexico because of the vast number of disappearances happening to tourists. Not a problem... I think I want to go to San Diego and use Dr. Almanza at Mt. Zion.

So how much do I actually tell my husband?

He is a very talkative person and he tells everything he knows. He will tell his mother (she can be a little critical.. very critical). I don't want people to worry... seems like I am surrounded by a few of those types. He will tell. So I feel like I am almost stuck in a place of flat out lying to him, or knowing that I will have to deal with a lot of questions, etc. when I get home. EVENTUALLY I know it won't matter -- once the weight is off, I'll be singing it from the rooftops, but for now... I'm embarrased, and shy, and private!

I emailed the contact person about setting a date. It is all okay.... I have 3 extra days off work, coupled with a weekend - so a total of 5 days to get it done. My work is not strenuous so no problem there.

How do I disappear for 5 days?

How do I do that without notifying the people who I am in daily contact with. Again... I don't want to flat out lie to them... but I also don't want to deal with confrontation or negativeness or arguments or other peoples fear. NOR do I want to hurt or alienate the people who just love me so much they can't help giving me their opinions. lol.

Hello Sandsandles, I am going to Dr. Almanza at the end of May, I will keep you posted. Who is your coordinator, mine is Louise Johnson, she has been great. She is probably ready for my surgery to be over because of all of my questions, we communicate every day but she always takes time to answer all of my questions.

You need to get your spouse on the forum, show him the time and research you have put in, he will come around to your way of thinking about this.

[1-4-Many 2]

My boyfriend is one of only 3 people who know. I'm glad I told him as he has been very supportive.

And I thought he'd wonder what the heck was going on when I stopped ordering in restaurants and started eating the edges from his meals.

I've lost so much weight over the years and then gained it back that everyone else will just think "there she goes again". And I'm fine with that.

[SandSandles 4]

I have told 2 people -- my sister, and a friend who lives in another state. I'm just going to wait it out and perhaps eventually opportunity will rise to tell my husband before... or at LEAST after... lol. Forgiveness can be easier to obtain, than permission.

thanks for yall's help.

[TijuanaPlication 87]

That's funny... 'there she goes again' I'm exactly the same!!

My boyfriend is one of only 3 people who know. I'm glad I told him as he has been very supportive.

And I thought he'd wonder what the heck was going on when I stopped ordering in restaurants and started eating the edges from his meals.

I've lost so much weight over the years and then gained it back that everyone else will just think "there she goes again". And I'm fine with that.

[Coookies 13]

Easy... Your friend in CA invited you for a visit and got you both a weekend at a high-end spa for the weekend.. easy peasy.... That will explain it easily...

Oh... and CONGRATS!!!!! You are making a great decision!!! I did mine 10 days ago... I've only lost 11 pounds, but I know it will come off!!!

[SandSandles 4]

Ya know, Starygrl, that could work. A little tweaking but very close to it. I DO have a friend in CA. I HAVE gone to "girls weekend" gatherings before. Thanks.

[Just-A-Gem 86]

Today I will be playing the part of the devil's advocate:

Don't lie to your husband. If you tell no one else, you need full disclosure with your partner of over 20 years. This is a HUGE, emotional undertaking and I've seen many marriages fall apart in the process. Educate him. The more educated he becomes on the risks of staying obese vs. the way more limited risks involved with this procedure... even in Mexico. I've been on OH forum for almost 5 years and it really pains me to see the number of marriages that fail because feelings on this important subject were not ever fully communicated. Obesity is the 2nd leading cause of preventable death in the United States. This is your method of preventing it and he will/should understand this.

In this case I would not say it's easier to ask forgiveness and it looks as if you're willing to move forward without his knowing so just let him know that you don't need his permission.

[SandSandles 4]

Today I will be playing the part of the devil's advocate:

Don't lie to your husband. If you tell no one else, you need full disclosure with your partner of over 20 years. This is a HUGE, emotional undertaking and I've seen many marriages fall apart in the process. Educate him. The more educated he becomes on the risks of staying obese vs. the way more limited risks involved with this procedure... even in Mexico. I've been on OH forum for almost 5 years and it really pains me to see the number of marriages that fail because feelings on this important subject were not ever fully communicated. Obesity is the 2nd leading cause of preventable death in the United States. This is your method of preventing it and he will/should understand this.

In this case I would not say it's easier to ask forgiveness and it looks as if you're willing to move forward without his knowing so just let him know that you don't need his permission.

Oh for sure.

That was a hard one. It was my first knee-jerk response. The couple of times I brought it up he was so NEGATIVE about it -- would not discuss it, would not listen, (refuses to read about it). He finally firmly and loudly said, "WELL, IF YOU WANT THIS THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE A CHUNK OF MONEY FALL INTO YOUR LAP SO THAT YOU CAN JUST PAY FOR YOURSELF."

sigh.

So I was driving home on Sunday afternoon (had a 2 hr drive) and I got to thinking about how I had never lied to him before. Then I thought how would I feel if he did the same thing to me... etc etc etc. Oh yeah, I've omitted details or been very careful with my wording, but NEVER just blatantly told him an "untruth". (Wisdom my mom taught me! Timing is everything) Pretty much decided that somehow, someway I needed to get this settled before surgery. (pretty smart girl, lol)

That settled that. So.... I practiced on my sisters. I was unsure how one of them would respond. I was surprised at how supportive they both were - even volunteering to go with me. That gave me confidence.

yay.

So... once that was all settled, I picked a time in my mind for a good discussion with hubby. We are dealing with SEVERAL big changes right now, so it will be a couple of weeks before I know that he can handle another "stressful" thing on his plate -- but I've mentally penciled it on my calendar. Again, it is all in the timing. lol.

Isn't it amazing that when you CHOOSE to be honest and CHOOSE to do the right thing, something wonderful happens? I suddenly remembered that I am getting a HUGE commission check mid June (not that big, but enough to make up the difference in what I have so that I don't have to charge anything). DUH!! There is my "CHUNK OF MONEY" falling into my lap. I will be able to pay cash. SO... He said it! I got it! hahahahhaaha

NO harm, no foul, gemintherough - TOTALLY understood where you were coming from!

[Just-A-Gem 86]

You will be sleeved about 6 weeks before me.. I've never been so excited. (even when waiting for my children's births... shhh!!) I'm glad you'll be talking to him about it soon. I know what you mean about life changes. They have prevented me from moving forward on this twice before, but I am determined that my 25th birthday will mark the first day of the rest of my life with my beautiful family.

I hope these months fly for us.