Obstacle 1: How to disappear for 5 days

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

Age - 50ish

Weight to lose - at LEAST 75 pounds

*****************************************Last year I thought about doing this. ... and didn't. Didn't really have the money.

This year I wish I had followed through... and seriously looking at it again. I have a little more financial room than before.

I am nervous -- NOT about the surgery and certainly NOT about the lifestyle changes, but I am nervous about my social sphere. I want this for ME and I want it to be TOTALLY PRIVATE. The only person that I must tell is my spouse. So I am asking myself how much information do I need to give him? I do NOT want to just flat out lie to him... but he is going to be difficult. He loves me dearly and is very afraid of losing me - on a lot of levels for different reasons. I have just started planting the idea of WLS into him. At first he immediately jumped to all the negative results of people who have had WLS (one being his daughter (Run-Y) who gained all of her weight back within 1 year). I told him that we hear the same exact things from people concerning other "risk" events - motorcycle riding, flying, hiking, etc. So several weeks have gone by now and he is a little more settled with it.

NEXT he asked, "You are NOT going to do something crazy like go to Mexico to do this are you?!??!"

How do you answer that? "Uh yes honey, I'm going completely insane and going to save 50% on the surgery."

Right now all Texans are being asked to NOT cross the border in Texas into Mexico because of the vast number of disappearances happening to tourists. Not a problem... I think I want to go to San Diego and use Dr. Almanza at Mt. Zion.

So how much do I actually tell my husband?

He is a very talkative person and he tells everything he knows. He will tell his mother (she can be a little critical.. very critical). I don't want people to worry... seems like I am surrounded by a few of those types. He will tell. So I feel like I am almost stuck in a place of flat out lying to him, or knowing that I will have to deal with a lot of questions, etc. when I get home. EVENTUALLY I know it won't matter -- once the weight is off, I'll be singing it from the rooftops, but for now... I'm embarrased, and shy, and private!

I emailed the contact person about setting a date. It is all okay.... I have 3 extra days off work, coupled with a weekend - so a total of 5 days to get it done. My work is not strenuous so no problem there.

How do I disappear for 5 days?

How do I do that without notifying the people who I am in daily contact with. Again... I don't want to flat out lie to them... but I also don't want to deal with confrontation or negativeness or arguments or other peoples fear. NOR do I want to hurt or alienate the people who just love me so much they can't help giving me their opinions. lol.

marymoon · April 20, 2011

Not a big proponent of hiding things from spouses but maybe you jut tell him you're going to a specialist, one of the best surgeons in the world, and must travel to CA? You're not outright lying, just omitting that after you land in CA you're heading to Mexico. I understand what you mean, though. I told everyone I knew EXCEPT my mother and my Facebook page has been in suspended animation/lockdown since she's a FB friend. She's 78, has high blood pressure and is recovering from back surgery herself and I didn't want her to stroke out with worry or worse, try and accompany me on the trip. I spoke to her last on Wednesday, flew out to CA Thursday morning and she was calling me by Saturday while I was in Mexicali recovering. I finally called her back on Sunday after she left a message saying she was worried and was going to drive to my house if I didn't call her back and let her know I was ok. I'm a 40 year old, grown-ass woman who still has to check in. We talk & see each other several times a week and are very close but I was really hoping to get away with a 5 day stretch of no contact. At least your husband will know what you're doing, just not exactly where, and I can understand that. The friends who gave me the most pushback were concerned with my going to Mexico more than I was having most of my stomach irrevocably ripped out. I thought that was strange...

Rev Me Up! · April 20, 2011

That's a tough one. No one knows about my surgery except my partner and my mom. Both of them are very private people and I trust them. Only you can answer the question. You can always say you are going on vacation, but you are going to be noticeably weak and you can't hide the incisions on your stomach (assuming you ever take your shirt off in front of your husband).

I am a fan of privacy, but your husband may have to know about it either way. The California border cities are safe for tourists, especially if you are going with an organized group. Never heard of any problems with the surgery patients. I went to Mexicali and I really enjoyed it.

Good luck-

Lara

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

Not a big proponent of hiding things from spouses but maybe you jut tell him you're going to a specialist, one of the best surgeons in the world, and must travel to CA? You're not outright lying, just omitting that after you land in CA you're heading to Mexico. I understand what you mean, though. I told everyone I knew EXCEPT my mother and my Facebook page has been in suspended animation/lockdown since she's a FB friend. She's 78, has high blood pressure and is recovering from back surgery herself and I didn't want her to stroke out with worry or worse, try and accompany me on the trip. I spoke to her last on Wednesday, flew out to CA Thursday morning and she was calling me by Saturday while I was in Mexicali recovering. I finally called her back on Sunday after she left a message saying she was worried and was going to drive to my house if I didn't call her back and let her know I was ok. I'm a 40 year old, grown-ass woman who still has to check in. We talk & see each other several times a week and are very close but I was really hoping to get away with a 5 day stretch of no contact. At least your husband will know what you're doing, just not exactly where, and I can understand that. The friends who gave me the most pushback were concerned with my going to Mexico more than I was having most of my stomach irrevocably ripped out. I thought that was strange...

I KNOW! They are more concerned about Mexico than the actual surgery. lol.

It may just be a matter of feminine wiles on hubby. I KNOW his concerns are out of love. Which makes it harder to push my desire. Thanks for responding.

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

That's a tough one. No one knows about my surgery except my partner and my mom. Both of them are very private people and I trust them. Only you can answer the question. You can always say you are going on vacation, but you are going to be noticeably weak and you can't hide the incisions on your stomach (assuming you ever take your shirt off in front of your husband).

I am a fan of privacy, but your husband may have to know about it either way. The California border cities are safe for tourists, especially if you are going with an organized group. Never heard of any problems with the surgery patients. I went to Mexicali and I really enjoyed it.

Good luck-

Lara

Mexicali is another option and also a little closer. I have not completely, absolutely decided,. Thanks for your response.

kellyw74 · April 20, 2011

That is a hard one!!

I do not know how you could not tell your husband. My husband is the ONLY person that knows. Others think I am having hernia repair, which I am having that too, but just omitting the sleeve part! LOL

Best of luck to you.

Kelly

DogGroomer · April 20, 2011

I agree with Rev me up..you really won't be able to hide this from your husband. If you are going to leave the country, at least he should know. Someone needs to know. I would have a sit down with him and explain your feelings and that you would appreciate his silence about this. You don't want to do this behind his back just for the sake of privacy. He may surprise you and keep it between you two. I too am a private person and only my parents, husband and daughter knows and a few of my close friends. My inlaws do not know and that was actually my husband's call on that one. They can be "opinionated" at times. I figure when I come back and the weight starts falling off, I will tell them then...maybe. lol Go with your "gut" on this one. But please, if you are going to Mexico, let someone know.

FYI, my husband was so anti WLS so you can imagine the deer in the headlights look he gave me when I told him what I was doing...then added oh yeah, and it's in TJ. Took him a while, but he is on board now....not thrilled, but want's me to be happy

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

That is a hard one!!

I do not know how you could not tell your husband. My husband is the ONLY person that knows. Others think I am having hernia repair, which I am having that too, but just omitting the sleeve part! LOL

Best of luck to you.

Kelly

Hmmmm.... Hernia repair. You know, I have had a lot of acid reflux lately... lol .... HAHAHAHA

I've got to get it all sorted out and my ducks in a row. I honestly cannot tell a convincing lie... never could. I have to tell the truth -- BUT I have to be clear on just how much of that truth I want to reveal.

Where am I going and why? ...... San Diego for the mosquito festival... No wait, that is in Texas. lol.

ranchersdaughter · April 20, 2011

San Diego is a hot spot for mini vacations and cosmetic surgery! There's no reason why you can't be taking a vacation and having a little "cosmetic surgery" from a well renowned surgeon while you're there, now is there?

Neither is an outright lie, simply an omission of specific 'details'.

I wish you the best of luck with this. My heart goes out to you.

Christal

kellyw74 · April 20, 2011

I live in Cali and my surgery is May 9th....you could say you are coming to visit me!! LOL

Or the gay parade in San Francisco!! LOL

Just suggestions.

Kelly

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

I agree with Rev me up..you really won't be able to hide this from your husband. If you are going to leave the country, at least he should know. Someone needs to know. I would have a sit down with him and explain your feelings and that you would appreciate his silence about this. You don't want to do this behind his back just for the sake of privacy. He may surprise you and keep it between you two. I too am a private person and only my parents, husband and daughter knows and a few of my close friends. My inlaws do not know and that was actually my husband's call on that one. They can be "opinionated" at times. I figure when I come back and the weight starts falling off, I will tell them then...maybe. lol Go with your "gut" on this one. But please, if you are going to Mexico, let someone know.

FYI, my husband was so anti WLS so you can imagine the deer in the headlights look he gave me when I told him what I was doing...then added oh yeah, and it's in TJ. Took him a while, but he is on board now....not thrilled, but want's me to be happy

I've been married to mine for almost 20 years... he cannot keep a secret. Never has. hahaha... learned that about it early on. I have learned that he is on a "need to know" basis. He knows I want the surgery, so there won't be any need to hide the scars from him. It is about WHERE I am having the surgery.

He also is comfortable with "lap-band" and knows NOTHING about the sleeve. That would freak him out totally. lol. I am just calling it "Weight Loss Surgery" -- I've not said what kind. He is drawing his own conclusions. Except that I promised him it was NOT the Rune-Y like his daughter had (and failed).

This is helping me sort out this issue... THANKS for your replies and thoughts and experiences!!... I'm thinking "online" -- instead of "outloud" hahahaha

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

San Diego is a hot spot for mini vacations and cosmetic surgery! There's no reason why you can't be taking a vacation and having a little "cosmetic surgery" from a well renowned surgeon while you're there, now is there?

Neither is an outright lie, simply an omission of specific 'details'.

I wish you the best of luck with this. My heart goes out to you.

Christal

LOL... another vacation? Sure, why not?

Nevermind the fact that I will just be getting back from a Cruise on May 8th. hahahaha He already KNOWS how much I love to travel. You know what? I have a friend in LA who recently came to see me.. not a close friend and it was actually just a layover, but I wonder if she would MEET me in San Diego? Also have another friend in AZ that might give me a reason to go to SD.

But I'm getting a little closer to lining out the logistics... thanks.

SandSandles · April 20, 2011

I live in Cali and my surgery is May 9th....you could say you are coming to visit me!! LOL

Or the gay parade in San Francisco!! LOL

Just suggestions.

Kelly

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA.... yes. The old Gay Parade.

We Texas conservatives love our Gay Parades. hahahaha JUST playin' That is cute. No offense intended, ya'll. I luv everybody... in a Paula Dean kind of way! hahaha

apple-saucy · April 20, 2011

Hey Honey, While I was in California I decided to jump the border and donate 85% of my stomach to the study and prevention of obesity....so thats why I have incisions and am eating differently.

heather_bare · April 20, 2011

I am in Tijuana right now. I had my surgery here on Thursday with Dr Corvala at Hosptial Angeles. This was the most wonderful decision I have ever made in my life. The hospital here is a MILLION times better than any hospital I have ever been to in the US. I was treated like a princess! I'm at a hotel now for a few days and have been out walking around the city and haven't had even a twinge of fear. The people here are so polite and accomodating! Wow.....should I move here? Just throwing in my two cents....and a huge recommendation for Dr Corvala and staff. Good Luck!!