Fat forever...what happens

[treequeen 13]

The thing that freaks me out the most is how I will deal with being thin.. I have absolutely NO experience in the area. Will my peronality change? Will I become a weakling? Will I recognize myself when I look in the mirror? Will I become an ego-maniac? Will I still be a people pleaser? What will change besides my size?

Where there any suprises for you when you lost the weight? Are things different than you thought they'd be? If there was one thing you wish ppl would have told you about ahead of time, what would it be?

[sunnyd 32]

I was thin before- had lost about 150lbs- unfortunately gained it all back (hence the sleeve). Anyways when I was thin I had more energy, more confidence, was eager to try new things in life, and was just a happier person. I lived life! Since I gained the weight back I left all that behind. Ready to get back to that point again. I remember during spinning classes I would look in the mirror and think- is that thin person sweating in a spinning class really me? I would love to see that person in the mirror again or should I say I look forward in seeing that person soon!

[iegal 460]

Great questions

*My personality has not changed. I no longer hide in the back of all pictures, meetings, groups.

*Weakling? Hmm, I was not one before and I did not become one.

*Do I recognize myself in the mirror? Sometimes looking in the mirror is more of a reality check. I was not a self loathing fat person, just a disappointed one.

*Ego-maniac...not by a long shot. I stick up for fat people now. Amazing how many people are free with their comments now that I am part of the "thin" group. I am very vocal about feelings, all people being human and it being fat is not all about self control. Love shopping for normal size clothes and want to wear my size label on the outside for the world to see. So that might be egotistical.

*I am still a people pleaser at times, but not as often.

*Changes- people treat me differently now that I weight less. Better, like I am somehow more intelligent or more worthy of their time. I am capable now. I can hike freely with my family, I can walk without my thighs rubbing togethter causing an embarassing rash. I like the new me.

*Surprises - how everyone views me differently. I have not changed, I am still a good person. Loosing weight allowed others to see me in a better light.

*Ahead of time - wish I new about the sleeve years ago. Walked into my surgeons office expecting to get banded. He suggested the sleeve for me, then I found this AFTER choosing to get sleeved. Hugs to this forum for reenforcing my decision for the sleeve. I love my sleeve.

[myrori 55]

From the beggining, HAPPIER in life in General. Confidant. Trying all kinds of new things, bought a bike and got on never looked back. I find a hop in my step or swagger. I know look in the mirror instead of avoiding it.

People pleaser , I am afraid it is ingrained in my essence, but starting to put me first. ENERGY! OMG tonight it is bad here so I did not get out to walk or bike so I found my self pushing several carts back into the store, AS A FAVOR TO ME! Making cup cakes, cleaning the house, serving the husband a dinner, planning for tomorrow, it is 930 I am I have been up since 5:00 and I am still going.

I LIKE the few clothes I have. Miss being obese, never! I may actually be the person who puts on the bunny costume for the kids tomorrow.

[Amanda131 214]

Hi TreeQueen-

Great questions! I am only six weeks out but already down 45 pounds so I can speak a little to this. I think one of the things I am having the hardest time coming to terms with is that I lost my "invisibility cloak". I am a social person and have a very public job but it's something I liked being able to turn off when I didn't feel like talking to others. I am still surprised by how much MORE people talk to me in the last couple of weeks particulary in the stores or running day to day errands. I don't know if before I was so unhappy with my weight and always tired that I broadcast a "Don't talk to me vibe," or if people are just more apt to converse with thinner people. Regardless, I find that I can't float along in my own little world as much and that's a little weird to get used to.

I have also noticed, like iegal, that I am taken much more seriously in my work place. I am a school administrator so I am already a commanding presence, but I've noticed that my colleagues, particularly other administators, really seem to listen more closely to me know than a few short weeks ago. Again, I'm not sure if it's the weight or the new found confidence with the weightloss that has caused these behaviour changes.

I have noticed some small, and probably needed, personality shifts in the past few weeks including less of a need to please others and more of a need to take care of myself but it's still early out for me. I still have about 100 pounds to lose. I am wondering many of the same things you are! I look forward to reading the others' responses.

Take care!

Amanda

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hi Treequeen I'll try to answer your questions as best I can!

I'm going to have to with yes, in the mirror. I'm still gyour personality will most likely change when you get close to goal and maybe even more when you get there.

For me, this is a no. I feel like I was much more weak as an super morbidly obese person. Now I'm much different. I have no problem with getting into conversations, sticking up for myself and expressing to others what I like and don't like. It comes with time and getting to know who I really am, and not the big person surrounded by the coccoon I had wrapped around me for so long. That person wasn't the real me, that was the "safe" me. That was my protection from the outside world, not having to deal with reality. It kept others away from my inside and was always the best excuse not to go out and do anything.

As I'm losing I'm finding that I'm having to take double takes of myself etting used to how I look now! My shadow, my reflection and even the new person I've become on the inside. It's all for the better though!

I hope not, confidence does not have to mean becoming an ego maniac. Lacking self esteem I would sometimes see others who were okay with being more aggressive and in the lime light as being an ego maniac. However now that I'm more like that, I just realize I was wrong. Maybe that's because that's how I really wanted to be from the onset. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself!!! Enjoy your journey and Celebrate all you are doing for yourself!!

When I was much heavier I was more of a people pleaser. I think this had a lot to do with me trying to stay out of everyone's line of fire. I had zero confidence, and you need some in order to express YOUR wants and needs. Again, every ONE of us deserves to be happy, and you cannot do this by pleasing everyone else and forgetting about yourself. I'm not saying to become totally selfish, but you have to be happy to live the life you always wanted.

There will be a lot of changes once you start losing weight. People WILL notice. At first this was a little uncomfortable for me because I never wanted to be the center of attention. I get complimented all the time now, get called skinny, etc... and I think I've finally become ok with this. I actually enjoy it a great deal now, and someday I am in hopes of giving back. I have no problems with speaking up in meetings, talking amongst others and finally being able to feel good about who I am!

Pretty much everything is a surprise for me! It's like Christmas all year long.

Well, honestly I didn't know what to expect. I'd never lost this amount of weight in my life. I was thin as a young lady and once I got out of High School and got married young I pretty much gained a lot of weight. I was able to lose at most 50 Lbs but would quickly gain it all back and then some. So all of this is new to me. It's a good new though!!!

I wish I would've known how awesome it is to be thin and healthy. It's the best feeling in the world!!!!

The thing that freaks me out the most is how I will deal with being thin.. I have absolutely NO experience in the area. Will my peronality change?

Will I become a weakling?

Will I recognize myself when I look in the mirror?

Will I become an ego-maniac?

Will I still be a people pleaser?

What will change besides my size?

Where there any suprises for you when you lost the weight?

Are things different than you thought they'd be?

If there was one thing you wish ppl would have told you about ahead of time, what would it be?

[Tiffykins 673]

I honestly didn't change at all personality-wise. It took awhile for my head to catch up with my body. I kept reaching for bigger sizes of clothes for many months after reaching goal, and when my weight stabilized, I still kept reaching for Large tops even though I was wearing a Small. It was kind of weird, but things finally changed when I really embraced my new size.

As for being an ego-maniac, or cocky, I was always cocky even at 270lbs. I never allowed my pant size to define me as a person so being skinny after always being the "pretty fat girl" nothing has changed. I'm still the same ole Tiffany. The one thing I did notice is that I'm "softer" towards people. I don't feel that I always have to be "on", being the funny fat girl, and my personality is still the one thing people love or hate about me. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I understand that one completely. I'm really outspoken and opinionated, and if someone asks me something they get the brutal truth.

I did lose some friends along the way. Pretty much those that felt threatened by my weight loss. I had some fat friends feel that I "shunned" the size acceptance world, and did it for vanity reasons since I was a "healthy fat chick" with zero health issues related to obesity. To some degree, they are correct, I was just tired of being fat. I was tired of my joints hurting, and shopping in the frumpy, fat section. But, my #1 driving force in choosing WLS was to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.

I honestly don't get hit on, or noticed any more or less than I did at 270lbs. I'm still that fun, outgoing, "dance on the table top" girl I was years ago.

[MRSKOUBiK 27]

I have been wondering the same things.

I am so close to losing 100 pounds... so I will try to answer your questions as best I can!

Will my personality change? The only change in my personality is that I am more confident. With the extra confidence I think I have become more friendly to strangers, and more open to be the silly person that I am around people I already know.

Will I become a weakling? I don't really have a lot of experience with this.

Will I recognize myself when I look in the mirror? Some days you will, some days you won't. But, it's an adventure! I never was a fan on the mirror, but now a days I find myself WANTING to look in the mirror. It's not that I'm conceited. It's that I like what I see a lot MORE than before.

Will I become an ego-maniac? No.

Will I still be a people pleaser? It's up to if you let yourself. I will agree with Irene. When I was heavy, I was a big people pleaser. Now, I am doing things to please MYSELF! I'm not worried about anyone else.

What will change besides my size? Confidence. Feeling comfortable in your own skin to try new things.. the list could go on.

Where there any suprises for you when you lost the weight? There was a million. Nothing bad.. always good. Things that I didn't think about when considering surgery. Such as WANTING to wear a dress, wearing shorts in public... little things that used to be BIG things to me.

Are things different than you thought they'd be? They're better than I thought. I say it all the time that I think I love my sleeve a little more each day. It's incredible. I am so thankful I had it!

If there was one thing you wish ppl would have told you about ahead of time, what would it be? I wish I would of known how great it feels to be COMFORTABLE in your own skin... but, no one can really tell you that.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

The big one? Confidence! I read it here over and over, and I agree. I have been taking up new activities I was afraid to do. Tango lessons are the newest one... and I have been a little phone phobic for years... I am starting to pick up the phone more... My own resistance is futile! The new me just won't take NO for an answer any more. Men are actually coming up to me and telling me I am beautiful. I am almost 58 years old! These are younger men! I would have never thought this might happen... and I think it is the confidence more than anything that is attractive. My relationship with my husband is changing a little... I think for the better. I used often just take the shit when it was dished out, now I don't so much, and it is making for a healthier relationship. If he wants the best of the "new me" he is going to have to step up. So far he seems into it, and is doing things he has always wanted to do more too. I love to see that quality in him. I want him to be happy too and dishing out shit is NOT a very good way of getting or showing happiness. I have worked for years on being happy with whatever size or age I am... I see that it is paying off now... I feel far healthier than I ever did when I was thinner and younger before...

[wishes 125]

I liked reading this. These are some of the same things I keep bouncing around in my head. Good topic.

[coops 1,790]

interesting post... I am struggling with the head and body thing at the moment... glad to read that the head will catch up eventually!

Best thing about this forum is the positive input from people with experience... the good, the bad and the (not so) ugly!!! thanks for the reassurance!

[Coookies 13]

I was heavy but not fat through college, and then I gained more, and then I dropped to 180 which for my body, is pretty good looking (i really am big boned and kinda tall, but I'm still heavily muscled from middle school & high school sports, and university lifeguarding).... i gained that back, thus the sleeve, but i think these answers still hold true....

Will my peronality change?

Possibly... it depends how outgoing you are... If you are afraid to go out now because of your weight, once you feel normal again you will probably be more active/outgoing in social surroundings...

Will I become a weakling?

At first ....right now I'm 2 weeks/2 days post-op and I have energy, but it fades quickly....but I just had 80% of my stomach cut out, so hey, its not too bad.... Plus when I was 80 pounds heavier, I probably had this much energy on a daily basis... which is so sad!!! After you start losing, you will have so much more energy!! the feeling is awesome!!

Will I recognize myself when I look in the mirror?

Yes, when you see the daily changes, when you are constantly throwing out clothes they look like tents on you ... this all makes you realize how slim you are becoming... this is my biggest recommendation, everyday look in the mirror when you are naked, and then try on something from your closet.. tell yourself that it is huge and chuck it i love this.. and then I try on things that haven't fit me in years and I see how they fit again or that I'm 10 or so pounds away from them fitting and it is a huge mental hi-5!!!

Will I become an ego-maniac?

LOL only if you want to be... and if you do, go with it!!! you are earning it!!! Having that kind of mental confidence (cuz lets face it, thats what being an ego-maniac is all about) in yourself can ONLY HELP YOU!!! Live it up... let that energy feed you!!

Will I still be a people pleaser?

It depends on your personality type... I am and I always will be... Being thin doesn't really change it... except to say that once you have more self confidence you might grow a pair and be more willing to stand up for yourself...

What will change besides my size?

YOUR WHOLE LIFE!! seriously, when you feel good about yourself, your whole outlook on life changes...

Where there any suprises for you when you lost the weight?

the only thing surprising was how HOT i felt i cant wait for that feeling again!!!

Are things different than you thought they'd be?

not yet

If there was one thing you wish ppl would have told you about ahead of time, what would it be?

That this is one of the hardest things you will ever do... but that the rewards were worth it!! (ok so maybe i read that a couple million times... but the pre-surgery adrenaline made it go in one ear and out the other )