Help! I have a daughter that just doesn't get it!

[time-4-change 1]

Hi All!

I was scheduled for a Band to Sleeve Revision on March 1 and postponed the surgery because my eldest child pitched a fit. I was not prepared for her reaction and just cancelled knowing full well that I would reschedule. I am not scheduled for May 3 and have told her about it. I need some support from you guys and some suggested replies to her. My new mantra is that I am not asking for permission but, I AM asking for support! Any other words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Even my 81 year old mom is behind me in this!

Thanks in advance! Happy Weekend!

Barb

[new_beginnings_ 16]

Barb, I can tell you that for my band surgery, I wanted everybody's support and I though that the more people that knew about it, the more support I would have. The second time around with my sleeve revision, I only told a few close family members and friends. I guess because I realized that I don't want to depend on other people for support. It should come from with in, especially after what we have been through with the band. I understand that your daughter might not agree with your decision, my dad didn't either, but she will come around and I would not change my decision based on one persons opinions. It might take a while but she can learn to be supportive without agreeing with your decision, just like my dad was for me. Good luck and best wishes!

[Tiffykins 673]

Ohhhhhhhhhhh this is such a little hot button for me.

I personally could give 2 poops what anyone thought of me having WLS. Either you support me (quietly or cheer me on), or you can keep your negativity, jealousy, and selfishness all to yourself. Even my husband who balked a bit about me choosing WLS knew that he could speak his peace once, and then I'd do it with or without his support.

For me, there is no way that I would even bother asking for her support if you know she is going to throw tantrum.

I'm sure you are not a morbid person, but I am and my reply would be " you have 2 options; support me in my decision to make a life changing surgical decision and stand behind me, or prepare to bury me early because of obesity related disease and conditions". In all honesty, those are the only 2 choices she has so she better either buck up and support you, or keep her mouth shut. I would never in my life imagine telling my mother she couldn't do something, or throw a fit over something she wanted to have done surgically. I'm the child, it's not my place to throw a 34 yr old tantrum. Plus, I'm pretty sure my mother would have me eating my teeth if I was disrespectful enough to throw a fit.

[****** 12]

Hi All!

I was scheduled for a Band to Sleeve Revision on March 1 and postponed the surgery because my eldest child pitched a fit. I was not prepared for her reaction and just cancelled knowing full well that I would reschedule. I am not scheduled for May 3 and have told her about it. I need some support from you guys and some suggested replies to her. My new mantra is that I am not asking for permission but, I AM asking for support! Any other words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Even my 81 year old mom is behind me in this!

Thanks in advance! Happy Weekend!

Barb

Barb,

While I don't know how old your daughter is, I think she may be scared and threw the fit as a smoke screen to obscure her real reason -- her fear that you will die. Since we all will die, there's ultimately nothing we can do to prevent that. What we can do, though, is admit that drastic circumstances require drastic measures. That is scary. I understand that. What I'm not sure I understand is why you (the adult) would allow yourself to be controlled by her (the child). I mean no disrespect, but you can't let anyone control your life but you. If it were me I would have told her that I appreciate that she is afraid, but that I'm also sure that she would be just as afraid and upset if I did nothing and died of a heart attack or any of the other potentially fatal side effects of obesity because I did nothing.

My own children are grown and have families of their own. I've chosen not to tell them because I don't want them to worry needlessly. If they ask my why I didn't tell them, I'll let them know that I made this decision to save my life so that I could hang around longer. I'd also let them know that I'm sure they would prefer that over the alternative. But, this is just me, and my kids have always known that I'm the boss of me and until they grew up and got out on their own, I was also the boss of them. We are agreed that at this point in time, we're all our own bosses and will do what we deem best for our own personal lives.

Just my opinion, but I think you need to do what you need to do for you. Kids grow up and move away, parents retire and move away. You have to live in your body no matter where your kids and parents are. Ultimately you need to take care of yourself before you can try to take care of anyone else.

Again, just my opinion for what it's worth....

[iegal 460]

Hello;

I did not tell my adult children, but they saw the results. They know today but were not part of my decision or support system. I did not do this to decieve, but to keep my health issues and decisions private. I deserved to make a choice that would directly benefit me. Do not seek support where none will be offered. My families opinions are important, yet not the final word.

Previous posters all offered sound advice and viewpoints with the same conclusion. This is about you, your health, your future lifestyle.

[cwalker 12]

Hi All!

I was scheduled for a Band to Sleeve Revision on March 1 and postponed the surgery because my eldest child pitched a fit. I was not prepared for her reaction and just cancelled knowing full well that I would reschedule. I am not scheduled for May 3 and have told her about it. I need some support from you guys and some suggested replies to her. My new mantra is that I am not asking for permission but, I AM asking for support! Any other words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Even my 81 year old mom is behind me in this!

Thanks in advance! Happy Weekend!

Barb

Just tell her you're only going to say this once. It's your decision and you need her love and support and if she can't be there for you then you will still love her but you will be saddened by the lack of emotional support. Whatever happens you have us!