Having a hard time and worried

[Bryn Dawson 9]

I'm still waiting for my surgery date to be scheduled but it probably won't be till July or maybe even August according to my surgeon. So I'm just plugging away at the preop diet and am really starting to have a hard time. The temptation to just say 'oh screw it' and have something 'bad' (too much carbs or too generally bad like a cheesesteak) is really getting to me. I fell off the wagon for a whole week last week - this week I have been fighting with myself to have the salad instead of the Pasta, or the wrap instead of the sub, but I just feel deprived and yucky.

Also, I am a big-portion eater, and I CANNOT get my portions down smaller or I turn into a raving psycho from hunger. It is literally ALL I can think about. I am beginning to realize that a lot of my eating must have been emotional to try and stave off that 'oh screw it' feeling.

I guess I'm just looking for a little support. I'm tired of obsessing about every little thing that I eat and I know that it isn't going to change when I have the surgery. I don't so much want comfort food as I do just to eat. Normally. Like a regular person.

Sorry to be so negative. Any pointers are welcome. I've tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps this week and really get back on the wagon, but it is very hard.

-Bryn

[meggiep 57]

I think part of it is having no date, right? It is hard to keep your eye on the prize when that is the case.

One thing that helps me is to have a reward goal. For me it is the cutest night shirt my husband bought me for my birthday last year- and it didn't fit me. It is the most awesome print- perfect for me! Whenever I falter I have that to hold up, maybe eve try on, and look at.

What is the specific thing you have been told to do? Diet for six months? Lose a certain amount of weight? It seems like you are kind of up in the air and that has to be hard.

Just remind yourself what your ultimate goal is- to have surgery that will be the ultimate aid in controlling your intake and helping you finally lose the weight. This is a hurdle you must do to get there.

Man, I feel for you and the main thing I can do is send a hug your way. Obviously we all share many of your problems or we would not be resorting to something so extreme.

ALso- try to eat plety of Protein to keep you full longer- and also whenever you want to blow your diet go for a walk or exercise.

[Coookies 13]

My problem is that when I have a goal I automatically try to sabotage myself. It sounds like you may be the same way. Try to take it one day at a time... cuz eating is an addiction... just like alcohol and drugs. When you fall off the wagon, don't just say the hell with it, if I've eaten this one bad thing, I might as well as eat that other bad thing, this is exactly my style, and it has been really hard to break, but it is possible. I totally agree with meggiep... you need a goal outfit. Mine is a little navy blue dress in a size 14... That may seem ridiculous to some of the losers now, but wow that is a huge goal for me!! Anyway, take your goal outfit and hang it where you can see it where you normally eat, be it in the kitchen, living room, or bedroom. When you are stuffing yourself silly and you look at it, it will make you feel sick.

[samantha209 19]

i had a 6 month pre-op and I had bad moments during that 6 months....but I also lost every month that I saw the doc...i would fall off for a week or so and re-focus rather quickly

also i started my liquid diet last monday and havent cheated once...all i can say is when ur ready ur ready...just make sure u are ready and doing it for the right reasons

[fatBgone 6]

Yes it is hard, its very hard, in fact. which is why we are all here. I agree that not having a date makes it hard to focus. But since you have time to work it start slow. Work on one thing a week, start with the cutting the cards, and I don't mean completely but set a carb goal and stick to that. then set a Protein goal the next week, then a calorie goal the next week, etc. Just keep building on your success. The biggest motivator is a scale move. But you can't weigh often, pick a set time like every Sat morning.

You wouldn't have posted if you didn't want to succeed. Good luck.

[Bryn Dawson 9]

Thank you all for your support and great suggestions. I DO have a motivational outfit - it's a dress I had when I was younger that actually fit me and looked good on me and I think I will be able to get back into it when I get closer to my goal... I really want to be able to wear that dress again, even if it's only for one day (because it's so old) and then say goodbye to it for good and on to SMALLER and better things LOL.

You all are really helping me with your hugs and positive words. I really, really appreciate it.

Yes it is hard not to have a fixed goal - the 6 month pre-op diet basically says 'have this many calories, less than this many grams of fat, try to keep your carbs low but no magic number, and keep losing'. I don't have my own scale (am going to buy one this weekend) so I only weigh in at the doc's - last month I only lost 2 lbs since the month before. It is hard to keep eating the way they want me to when it feels like it goes on forever with no end in sight and very little reward or positive acknowledgement coming in. I guess I'm like a dog that way - sometimes I want someone to pat me on the head and tell me I did good!

I'm feeling better this morning... struggling with a carb craving. I keep telling myself - salad for lunch, salad for lunch! Also having recently quit smoking is something of a motivator for me but it makes me want to eat everything in sight. I am keeping only 'safe' things in sight!

Thanks again everyone... have yourselves some lovely weekends!