Successful, but Sabotaging Myself

[Brian66 85]

Hi Guys,

I am feeling good about my weight loss - I am down about 115 pounds from my pre-surgery weight and people tell me I look great. I feel great and I am thinner now than I have ever been in my adult life.

So what's the problem? I have seen some very dangerous habits developing in the last few weeks and months. When I get home at night - I start grazing. I'll eat crackers and Cookies -- even chips and pretzels sometimes. Never many at one time, but over the course of an evening and on a weekend, the numbers are adding up. Cookies have always been my downfall and they still go down way too easily. I almost feel like, since I am so limited as to what I can eat at a meal, that I have a license to snack with abandon. I haven't been losing much weight lately and it is easy to see why. I am petrified that I will not only stop losing, but that I'll start gaining. Of course, I have a lot a guilt and it brings back a lot of negative feelings that I used to have on the "diet treadmill."

Not sure if any of you have any thoughts or words of wisdom, but I just thought it help to voice my feelings and share my "secret."

Brian

[Tiffykins 673]

I went through the same thing Brian as I realized night-time snacking was my lover of choice.

The only thing I can tell you is to stock your house with "better options". I keep ice cream, Cookies, and everything else in the house that my naturally thin, lean, husband and son eat, but they eat it rarely where I could eat it every day if I wanted. I like those little fruit Snacks, and really dig the 100 calorie pack thingies. Yes, it's 100 calories, but it's better than the 250 calories that 4 measily white powdered donuts offer, right? ? ?

I'm not justifying my eating choices. I'm being rational, and know/knew going in that I was going to have obstacles. I make the best of them by doing what is best for me. I figured out a long, long time ago that if I deprive myself, I'll binge. So, I'll take the 100 calorie pack over the 400 calorie Snickers king size bar that goes down just as easy as liquids.

[Foxbins 625]

I have urges to eat junk in the evening as well but there isn't anything in the house. Can you get rid of the junk food? If it's gone, you have to think twice before going out to get some. I think that for some of us, Cookies, pretzels, crackers and chips will always be so tempting it's better to eat them outside the house--at a party, or out to dinner. That way, they are not a constant temptation at home but not totally forbidden. Your rationalization that you are eating so little that junk will not hurt is also familar to me--I also added the thought that I might be "malnourished," although in my clear-headed moments I realize that junk is not really nourishment and that I got to be obese by overeating, in part, to prevent "malnourishment." What a trip our heads play with us!

Congrats on the 115 and keep going!

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, what Tiff said. Also you didn't mention your family situation, do you NEED to keep the stuff in the house? If there is no one there that "needs" the stuff then keep it out of the house totally. If there are no growing kids that may (or really, may not) need it then don't buy it. We pitched a bunch of stuff and took even more to the food bank so as to not provide a temptation. The wifey didn't need it either and she has lost a few pounds. Out of sight out of mind.

I also view food as an EX-lover, someone I have to be civil to but someone I don't have such an intimate relationship. We divorced because of my dependency, it was totally my fault and now we are just casual acquaintances. With this in mind it helps me to visualize the destructive nature of my previous relationship with food in a way that I cannot deny.

[fern 195]

Wow!! 115 lbs!! First of all congrats on that. As for the grazing, I found I had to find something to do with my hands. I set up my craft table and do sculpting while I watch tv ( or fold laundry- definately less fun, but my hands are busy). my mom has lapband, she took up knitting. Sometimes i find if my hands are idle, I crave munchies. If all else fails, I have airpopped popcorn around for those times. Also logging everything that goes in your mouth is a great deterent. I know if I need to log it, I definately think twice.

[Dansha 16]

Brian, I am right with you. True I still would like to see about 40 more pounds gone. But in the last few weeks, heck who am I kidding.... months the weight has come off so slow becuz I am eating the wrong stuff. I KNOW THAT.... SO WHY AM I DOING IT!!!!! I kinda feel like a failure.

Hugs to everyone.

Deb

[Luanne 32]

I have sf popsicles on hand...helps with my sweet tooth.

[Used2b575lbs 29]

I got in trouble for a 2 month period but it wasn't just at night it was in and out throughout sometimes I would be great and do what I was supposed to and at other points it would be combos, Cookies, chips, etc....

I realized that I slid back into some old habits and while I haven't totally gotten rid of them I have gotten a lot more stringent and I am much more cognizant of what I am doing. You're doing great, and now that you've realized it, you are well on your way to fixing that problem.

I believe you don't totally have to deprive yourself otherwise as mentioned above you will binge, so from time to time I do enjoy these things that are bad for me, but for the most part I stick with the plan.

[Stacy160 201]

I'm right there with ya too, buddy... I only have 10-12 lbs to get to my original goal--but that's been for the last 6 months. Thankfully I've learned that I can maintain beautifully, but dammit I'm not done!!

My hubby is naturally thin too and at 40, wears the same size pants as he did in high school. The creep. (He's wonderful.) He also has the sweet tooth from hell and is a monster chocoholic--right now there are Hershey bars, double chocolate chip Cookies, and half a chocolate cherry cake right out there in the kitchen in plain view. *sigh*

We can do this... we're sooooo close!

[Brian66 85]

Thanks for the feedback and the suggestions, guys. That's why I love this board so much.

Tiff and Rootman - I love the description of food being a "lover of choice" and needing to change the relationship. I think's that's been very true for me, especially since my wife died four years ago, and I've used food to combat the feelings of anger, lonlieness, sadness, exhaustion. It caused me to gain 35-40 lbs following her death which were really the motivating factor in me seeking out this surgery. In the days immediately following surgery, when I really couldn't eat, I was scared because I had to face some of those feelings without my favorite "friend" or "medication." I suppose it was foolish to think that those habits, ingrained over many years, would die so easily. The good news, if there is any, is that I've become aware of the pattern before I've really started gaining. Now I really need to focus on changing my habits and making better choices.

One of the things I really need to do is to get my butt moving in terms of exercise. I have not really done any serious exercsing other than walking in the days immediately following the surgery. I'd love to lose another 10 lbs or so and I have a feeling that exercise, along with the better eating habits, will go along way towards making that happen. I really do feel like I've been given a gift in having the opportunity to have this surgery -- I could never have imagined being in the position of wanting to lose "just another 10 lbs" instead of the 100+ that I needed to lose. I really don't want to blow this wonderful opportunity.

As always, thanks for being there to listen.

Brian

[M2G 1,836]

I also view food as an EX-lover, someone I have to be civil to but someone I don't have such an intimate relationship. We divorced because of my dependency, it was totally my fault and now we are just casual acquaintances. With this in mind it helps me to visualize the destructive nature of my previous relationship with food in a way that I cannot deny.

I just wanted to point out how profound I think this statement is. What a great way of viewing our past relationship with food.

And Brian, it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what you are doing a why, so now it is up to you change your behavior before you slip back into old habits. Never easy stuff, but you are worth the effort to yourself!

[fatBgone 6]

I completely agree with the view that food should be viewed as an ex lover and that we are divorcing it! Brilliant.

Brian66, you are right there, the first step for any bad behavior is realizing that you do it!!! You know what it is, you know its bad. Now you need to reconcile how you want to deal with it. Remember, YOU have the control to deal with it however YOU want to. Make your choices and move on.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Shining the light on that "lover" sometimes makes her look a little bit worse than when the lights are out! Write down everything, with calories and carbs... it makes those choices look a little bit less delicious. When I'm in a mini binge, I HATE to write stuff down.

[MINI-Me 196]

I also have the "ex-lover" issue. I have kids and a husband in the house who like their occaisional treats.

To help me out, I also keep a lot of the 100 calorie packs in the house. Another go-to item is individual ice cream cups. Yes, they have carbs & are sweets, but I know exactly how much I am eating at a time & can't "cheat" and make myself a larger scoop. Know what I mean?

[CraftyChristie 62]

I went through this too Brian! Firstly, do away with guilt. We struggle with these things and surgery doesn't make that go away, but you CAN change it. There are two forces at work here - mental and physical. Physical is easier - which is "the carb monster". All the foods you described are empty carbs and when we eat them, our body craves them more and more and MORE!!! It also makes us feel more hungry more of the time, which causes us to eat even more frequently. Now, mentally... I went through this too... "I can eat this and that because I eat so little"... I think we all have this happen because after surgery, it's true. We lose and lose no matter what choices we make. Eventually this stops being true as our capacity increases and we have GOT to make the right choices. I stalled a lot and even gained a couple times and I said enough.

You need to "reset" your mindset again. Find that determination to make the right choices that you had after surgery... and physically you need to take a break from carbs entirely for a few days or even a week just to help your body lose its dependency on them and the craving. This can take whatever form you wish. It can be as simple as going back to all meals 100% Protein only, meats etc... or doing a "pouch test" which is where you regress back to the stages from post op... liquids, mushies, soft meats, etc over the course of 5-7 days. For hubby and I, we did Protein Shakes all day long and two small high protein meals at night for 5 days. It helped us get the junk out of our system and refocus our priorities.

I think I remember you having kids, so maybe saying "get that food out of the house" may not be an option for you. And, being a believer in Intuitive Eating, I don't usually advocate saying "NEVER" to any food. But maybe you can put some rules in place such as a little baggie with a mixture of these foods you enjoy - like a snack size baggie - and that is the amount you can enjoy. One baggie for the day, so you can dip into it when you find yourself wandering to the pantry, but once it's gone that's enough? I am not sure the best thing to suggest but I hope these ideas help. You CAN do this!!!!!!!! It is a fight to change these habits but you can do it.