Worried

[KinkySlinky 3]

Well, my husband and I had our first consultation recently... There was a problem with the insurance at first but I got it figured out... I doubt there will be any problem approving me or my husband since the only criteria is a BMI over 40....

I was dead set on getting the surgery, found a way around the insurance.... and now that it's becoming a little bit more of a reality (in that I don't think either of us will have to put up much of a fight to get approved) I am becoming terrified.. I am thinking things like what if I have a leak and die? Who will take care of my son? What if my husband has complications? Is this surgery really worth risking our lives?? What if I throw a PE (pulmonary embolism)? Ugh... And I get the fact that being obese has it's own problems...

I have heard absolutely wonderful things about the first surgeon I have seen, Dr. Barker... The wait to see him was a little bit long but he took his time with us (I had two pages of questions typed up lol)... I will see another surgeon, Dr. Nicholson, in a week just to decide who I am more comfortable with... The surgery itself was pretty much set... up until tonight lol..

As I continued to scour the internet for patient reviews of Dr. Barker, I decided to check the Texas Medical Board... Just to see if he has had any disciplinary actions against him...

Turns out, he has had a formal complaint filed against him in August 2010 stating that he performed the lap band procedure on a patient with a BMI of 26.... Granted, he has almost double the years of experience of most surgeons in this area... But...... it's not really making me any more comfortable with the decision to even have the procedure now....

I hope they are willing to give a prescription for xanax for about a month prior to surgery :laugh:

Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated :confused_smile:

[AutumnLily 77]

These are all natural worries. You just have to decide what will be the best course of action to take. Can you and your husband lose the weight on your own and keep it off? Or are you comfortable living the way you are? There is risks everyday that people take. Just driving down the street could end in a disaster. I would say put down on paper the reasons to get the surgery and on another paper the reasons not to get the surgery. Hopefully one will out weigh the other and help you make your decision. I know I have not alleviated your worries. Check out your doctor and make sure you are fully comfortable having him perform this surgery.

[MissyG 1]

With both of you having BMI's over 40 you are MUCH more likely to have a health issue because of your weight than to have problems with the surgery. Both my husband and I were/are overweight. We got married when I was 18 and he was 22. We balooned up together over 11 years of marriage. My husband had terrible knee and back pain, high blood pressure through the roof, and sleep apnea so bad the techs wondered how he was not already dead considering how many times he stopped breathing during the night. His older brother had a heart attack at the age of 40 and that was a major wake up call. He had surgery 18 months ago. At the time our insurance only covered band and gastric bypass so he chose bypass. He weighed 457 pounds prior to his pre-op diet. He now weighs 245. He had no complications and is now happily in maintenance and eats whatever he wants, just in MUCH smaller amounts. Pain in his joints...gone. High blood pressure...gone. sleep apnea...gone. There is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that he would have died prematurely due to one of his health issues.

Due to job changes and other circumstances I could not have my surgery yet. Lucky for me, our new insurance covered sleeve and I have my surgery on March 9th, last week. I will not sugar coat it, I had a very rough first couple of days with gas pain and some nausea. I am struggling to get my fluids, TOTALLY missing my straw! Do I regret doing it, not in a MILLION years. I know I am on my way to a healthier life. I want to jog with my husband, I want to get rid of blood pressure pills, and I want to be able to have a baby. My infertility doctor firmly believes much of my infertlity is due to my weight. Next month is my 13th wedding anniversary and we have not used birth control in 11 years. My only regret is that we did not do this earlier. That I wasted so many years of my life on failed diet after failed diet. This surgery is VERY safe, I was much more scared of not living a full life, of my husband having a heart attack or dying in his sleep, or me never knowing the joy of being a mother. THOSE things scared the dickens out of me, not the surgery. WLS saved our lives and I will never regret it.

[KinkySlinky 3]

These are all natural worries....

Yeah, I think you are right... When my husband gets home, we will come up with a pros vs cons list... My husband can lose weight like nobody's business.. He is male, afterall! LOL.. the problem comes with keeping it off... He lost like 70-80 lbs, then lost his job and gained all of it back and THEN some.. Primarily due to depression.. He was out of work for about 3 months and did nothing but lie on the couch... I am also in the same boat.. I can lose SOME (I can't even imagine losing the amount of weight that I need to lose) but if I drop down my exercise routine even slightly, I slowly gain it back.. and I can't exercise for two hours every day for the rest of my life... Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that exercise is necessary... That will NOT be a problem....

I had a baby in January 2010.. Lost all of my pregnancy weight, went back to work in the hospital.. I decided on maternity leave that I would find a job that would allow me to work from home... Well, I did!! Bad news is that I never realized just HOW much exercise I got from working in the hospital... My personal trainer would always tell me "the amount of exercise you get at work doesn't count!" HAHAHAHA Boy, was she wrong!!! It's impossible to make up the 36 hours I spent walking in the ER. So now I've gained all of my pregnancy weight back and a little more.. It's really depressing! I am ready to lose the weight and KEEP it off for good... I think I just have a little bit of that negative-nancy-fat-girl-syndrome where you always think the worst will only happen to you, you know? So I am terrified that even though leaks are rare, we will be the 1% or whatever the rate is...

And another thing I've been thinking about is how do you cope with family functions that are centered around food? Thanksgiving is by far the biggest holiday in my family... We gorge ourselves silly! I can understand that you don't necessarily have to limit WHAT you eat, just HOW much you eat in situations like that... But is it hard to get out of that mindset of just gorging?! I know physically you can't, but what about mentally? There are so many good things to eat at Thanksgiving that it would be pushing it to have even ONE bite of everything! Is one bite ever enough of anything?

Please tell me that you no longer look at food and WANT more than you can eat?!?!?

[KinkySlinky 3]

Thank you, MissyG... My husband's father had his first heart attack at 36, dead by 53... I am TERRIFIED of my husband being in the same position....... Ultimately, I think the benefits of the surgery far outweigh the risks... I think I do need to write the pros vs cons down so I can literally see that the benefits outweigh the risks.. Maybe that will help ease some of my fears.. I am also afraid it's going to be a constant mental battle??

And I will pray that you become pregnant just as soon as you are able to (since you just had surgery lol)... Being a mother is, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me... There are nights that I will just think about my son, cry like a little baby, go in to his room, pick him up out of his crib and just cuddle with him... There isn't even a word to describe the love a mother has for their child... And we need to do this for him.. So we can BOTH be there to high five him after he walks across the stage with his high school diploma (something my husband's father never got to do)... And so we can both enjoy the day when he finally says, "Mom... Dad... you were right about everything!" :laugh:

[MissyG 1]

Right now I don't want any food. I am not hungry. I can tell you my husband enjoys food at holidays, but that is the great thing about surgery, you physically can only eat so musc. My husband occasionally overeats, but his brain has adjusted to what his pouch can hold. His attitude has changed, the thought of gorging himself disgusts him. Right Now I am forcing myself to eat, nothing really sounds good at all. If the thought of giving up food really sounds too hard, wait, think about it. Wls is a total life change, you have to be ready for it.

[AutumnLily 77]

You can still have the Thanksgiving meal. Just in smaller portions. I really do not crave food so the smaller portions will suffice for me.

[MissyG 1]

Thanks! I am going to get to goal before trying, but I can't wait for that day. Being the fat girl is hard enough, but also being the " you've been married for 13 years and don't have kids girl" really sucks!

[KinkySlinky 3]

If the thought of giving up food really sounds too hard, wait, think about it. Wls is a total life change, you have to be ready for it.

I don't think the thought of giving up food sounds too hard really.. I can give it up, but I'm just curious if you ever feel like "damn, I wish I could have that" when you can't?? Or if you do have a bite of something around Thanksgiving and wish you could have more but you can't?? I am sure those thoughts may happen every once in a while, but it sounds like everything changes afterward.. That you no longer care if you have more of that pumpkin pie... That one bite was enough... Is that right? I think you pretty much answered it when you said your husband feels disgusted to even think about gorging himself... Which gives more insight to the post op life

I am actually more afraid of forgetting to eat since I sometimes already do that... Yesterday I didn't eat all day until about 8pm.. Too busy and didn't realize it until 8pm LOL.. Unhealthy, I know.... Which concerns me about this procedure as well... I will probably have to set a timer to make sure I eat.. Gosh..

I think a part of me doesn't like NOT knowing everything that is going to happen post op.. Or how things will change really... You know? I am just trying to get a better understanding of LIFE after the sleeve I guess?

[KinkySlinky 3]

You can still have the Thanksgiving meal. Just in smaller portions. I really do not crave food so the smaller portions will suffice for me.

Thank you!!! I've been reading that people feel that way.. Which reassures me.. I think my concern was do you FEEL like you are constantly dieting with the sleeve? Does that make sense? So I appreciate your response!!!