Sabatoge : (

[fern 195]

Well, I'm pms-ing ( sorry guys!!) and I crave chocolate like CRAZY for the first couple days. I'm 3 weeks out and this month is no different than any other month. I held off for 3 whole days. My hubby went to get gas and brought me back my absolute favorate chocolate and..... I ate it!!!!! And then I paid for it. Man did my new little tummy not like it. I won't be doing that again anytime soo. My hubby felt soooo bad about it. My question is... Does anyone elses families or friends try things like that? And how do you deal with them?

Really, I didn't have a quarter what I normally would have before surgery, but still!!! I can't do stuff like that anymore!!!

[ShrinkingChef 2]

Hello, I'm new. I also haven't had my surgery yet, soooo.

I was thinking about chocolate and maybe try SF hot chocolate.

I know it's not the same, I love Kit Kats...I can't wait to give them up.

Maybe a chocolate hard candy? Something that won't be bulky but will help with the craving.

I know if you give into sugar it makes it worse.

I think the mind is the worst thing. LOL

Good luck to you.

[KinkySlinky 3]

Do you feel like he did it on purpose? Sounds to me like he's trying to be a sweet husband and get you what you wanted.. Probably figured a tiny bit wouldn't hurt... lol.. If my husband did that I'd say, "thank you, honey, but next time can we try something a little bit better maybe something sugar free? " Now I haven't had the surgery yet, but I can assume that it can be sometimes difficult for the spouses to understand fully.

[myrori 55]

Well, I'm pms-ing ( sorry guys!!) and I crave chocolate like CRAZY for the first couple days. I'm 3 weeks out and this month is no different than any other month. I held off for 3 whole days. My hubby went to get gas and brought me back my absolute favorate chocolate and..... I ate it!!!!! And then I paid for it. Man did my new little tummy not like it. I won't be doing that again anytime soo. My hubby felt soooo bad about it. My question is... Does anyone elses families or friends try things like that? And how do you deal with them?

Really, I didn't have a quarter what I normally would have before surgery, but still!!! I can't do stuff like that anymore!!!

In the beginning my husband would ask me things like " Do you want something from Mcdonalds? or Do you want a box of candy for the movies?" At first I would say no and keep my anger to myself. After about the 15th time of him asking me this stuff I blew up and screamed at him about why in the hell would I want that crap if I put myself through a life changing surgery. I went to explain very loudly that I thought he was rude and insensitive and that I did not appreciate his attempts to change things back to the way they were.

I have not heard any of those junk food attempts lately but now he has the audacity to make comments about how often I am or am not using my Wii Fit. I finally told him that was pissing me off to no end since I have lost 91 pounds and he is at a all time high of over 400 he has no business worrying about what I do or do not do for weight loss.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

My boyfriend bought me a ton of chocolate a few months after the surgery, which led to my overeating on a couple of occasions - although nothing like the 20-piece binges I would've had before the surgery! I eventually just told him to stop buying me chocolate unless I specifically ask for it. Your husband was probably just trying to do something nice, not sabotage you. After years of treating you to food you like, he might be having difficulty thinking of non-food things he can bring (or do) to make you happy. Maybe throw out some suggestions?

As far as chocolate, I agree with the person above who said try sugar-free hot chocolate. Buy some good quality cocoa powder and brew your own hot chocolate on the stove with some milk and splenda. Cocoa is actually very good for you - lots of Fiber and antioxidants - it's all the sugar they throw in it that makes chocolate bad!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Also, I recall reading somewhere that taking magnesium supplements tends to help with chocolate cravings around PMS time. See if your Multivitamin has enough Mg in it.

[thinoneday 445]

Well, I'm pms-ing ( sorry guys!!) and I crave chocolate like CRAZY for the first couple days. I'm 3 weeks out and this month is no different than any other month. I held off for 3 whole days. My hubby went to get gas and brought me back my absolute favorate chocolate and..... I ate it!!!!! And then I paid for it. Man did my new little tummy not like it. I won't be doing that again anytime soo. My hubby felt soooo bad about it. My question is... Does anyone elses families or friends try things like that? And how do you deal with them?

Really, I didn't have a quarter what I normally would have before surgery, but still!!! I can't do stuff like that anymore!!!

awwww, our families are so well meaning. . . they don't know. . . poor things, they love us and just want to show us love. . . however, it is still up to us to either put the food up or eat it. . .we don't have to eat it we can put it in the freezer for "later" . . . good luck they just mean well.

[fern 195]

I think I more feel like I sabatoged myself. I think he really was trying to be sweet to me. I just wish I had been strong enough to say thanks but no thanks. I will try the hot chocolate. It sounds really good. And I'm on the same page with the poster with the bigger hubby. Mine is getting larger by the day. I think he is feeling stress that I'm losing and he's not. I think it's leading him to eat, but I can't get him to talk about it. He just keeps saying he's happy for me ( while he drinks a coke and is devowering mac n cheese and hotdogs)

[dlflightgirl 2]

I hate to say this but when I was having my TOM. I had 1 of those gherridelli squares for 2 days. I just had to have something. Before I could go through a whole bag in one sitting. Now I've had a bag in my house for over a week and actually forgot it was there until I opened the cabinet. I still haven't had any. I'm waiting for next month. Lol. As far as husbands go, mine has been supper supportive and has started eating better. While ive lost 40 lbs he's lost 15. He doing great.

[meggiep 57]

In the beginning my husband would ask me things like " Do you want something from Mcdonalds? or Do you want a box of candy for the movies?" At first I would say no and keep my anger to myself. After about the 15th time of him asking me this stuff I blew up and screamed at him about why in the hell would I want that crap if I put myself through a life changing surgery. I went to explain very loudly that I thought he was rude and insensitive and that I did not appreciate his attempts to change things back to the way they were.

I have not heard any of those junk food attempts lately but now he has the audacity to make comments about how often I am or am not using my Wii Fit. I finally told him that was pissing me off to no end since I have lost 91 pounds and he is at a all time high of over 400 he has no business worrying about what I do or do not do for weight loss.

I think I more feel like I sabatoged myself. I think he really was trying to be sweet to me. I just wish I had been strong enough to say thanks but no thanks. I will try the hot chocolate. It sounds really good. And I'm on the same page with the poster with the bigger hubby. Mine is getting larger by the day. I think he is feeling stress that I'm losing and he's not. I think it's leading him to eat, but I can't get him to talk about it. He just keeps saying he's happy for me ( while he drinks a coke and is devowering mac n cheese and hotdogs)

I can't help but think that both your husbands must be hurting a lot to see you take this step towards health and leave them behind in their old habits and lifestyle. I think you need to work this through in order to safeguard your future ability to maintain your weight loss. Do neither of them want to consider surgery? Have you talked openly and honestly about how they feel about this step for you? I urge you to think about counseling , because you (Fern) will soon start really showing the big losses and it has to be hard to watch that. Myori- this has to be really hard on your husband! And if these guys are upspet and stressed by seeing you lose and move towards health it is no surprise that they are doing what we all do at those times- stuffing it with food. As the lucky (IMO) ones who have a bright future as skinny girls ;-P I think your guys need some love and compassion about this.

I know mine does! He is not heavy but he is an enabler for sure and he needs gentle reminding that I am miserable in this body. In the past when I would start losing weight he would appear with my favorite things after shopping for groveries. He really needed some confronting and some soul searching talks to get to the bottom of why he was doing that and what it meant to me to finally get rid of the weight. Now he is totally on board.

I realize that you two have way more to deal with since your husbands are obese. I encourage you (yep I'm a therapist) to work through this so that they are able to support you whole heartedly and you can support them too.

[KinkySlinky 3]

He really needed some confronting and some soul searching talks to get to the bottom of why he was doing that and what it meant to me to finally get rid of the weight. Now he is totally on board.

Just curious... Were you able to find a reason behind why he was getting your favorite things? I am just asking in case this were to ever happen to me with a family member or friend, maybe I can better understand where they are coming from so I can help them help me =)

[meggiep 57]

Just curious... Were you able to find a reason behind why he was getting your favorite things? I am just asking in case this were to ever happen to me with a family member or friend, maybe I can better understand where they are coming from so I can help them help me =)

My particular issue was different than those of many, I expect. My husband likes a larger body type, though he loved my body when we met and I weighed almost 100 pounds less.Remembering that helped! That was part of it. He also loved us sharing food- we would share some really unhealthy things like pints of Ben and Jerry's or strawberry custard cakes. Luckily his wanting me to be happy and to be freed from some of the physical issues that have me a near invalid, are greater than any of the things that subconsciously worked to sabotage me. I n fact,m for one thing, we are having our food sharing just as much now on my pre surgery diet- tonight we had steaed brussels sprouts, which we both love, and turkey slices with mustard. It was just as intimate and close, just not the same kind of food.< /p>

I mainly just wanted to point out the need, especially with someone as close as a husband, to work these things out for the sake of the relationship as well as your continued success.

I expect for many family and friends, even co-workers, it will be a matter of having trouble accepting you leaving the way they always saw you and becoming someone new. My siblings, for example, have gotten used to me being the fat one. They are really trying to stop me from having the surgery. I think they don't want me to vacate my role. Others will turn to subconscious sabotage.

I think with people who love you , whom you love, it is always important to say it all, work it out. A lot of the time when you talk it out the saboteur will turn it around and be your biggest supporter.

[meggiep 57]

By the way- when my husband heard my doctor say that without the surgery he saw me progressing to a wheelchair and eventually an early death- that was all it took! He adores me and wants a long life sharing brussels sprouts with me ;-P

Honestly though, I can't imagine how hard it would be to be part of a couple- both morbidly obese, and to want the surgery though your partner does not. That would be a painful situation. I feel for both ladies.

From what I have seen of the couples who had surgery together or a few weeks apart they have great success and a built in close support system.

[KinkySlinky 3]

From what I have seen of the couples who had surgery together or a few weeks apart they have great success and a built in close support system.

My husband and I are planning on having the surgery within a few weeks apart.. We figure that we will be MOST successful this way.. I can imagine that it must be very difficult to be losing weight and having to contend with your husband... That's another reason we are doing it together.. So there aren't any hurtful or guilty feelings as one of us is losing weight and not the other... My husband and I discussed beginning marital counseling just as a preventative since it is such a drastic change..

I am concerned about family members trying to do this, primarily just on my side of the family... My husbands side will support our weight loss in any way they can... Some of my family members will support our weight loss, but some will probably not and might try to subconsciously sabotage our efforts (particularly my mom and grandma)... I have no intentions whatsoever of discussing this surgery with anyone other than my husband.. No one else will know... I feel that this is a personal journey to be shared only with my husband... Just like with any other weight loss attempt, I didn't care to discuss it... This surgery will be no different, at least as of right now... That might also make it a little bit more difficult for my grandma.. My grandma loves to feed delicious things to her family like butter-soaked grilled cheese and creamy Tomato Soup loaded down with fritos.. It will be hard for her to accept that I will be turning her down now... My mom, on the other hand, will say that she is happy that I am losing weight.. But I think deep down inside, she will hate it just because she is still obese... I think I will try to urge her to have surgery on her own..

Now I am a mother, and I know there is no way a mother could possibly not be thrilled for their child... Well, not the case in my situation... My mother has a lot of hurt, anger, pain from failed relationships, childhood issues that she hasn't had any counseling for... She has even told me that she hopes my husband and I get divorced so I can experience the pain she felt during her two divorces LOL.. Yeah.... Don't worry!! I am beginning my own individual counseling for stuff like this in a week LOL!!

Gosh, after writing all of this up, maybe I don't need counseling after all hahahahahaha

To sum it up: I agree with MeggieP that you should discuss this with your husbands... If you want to seek counseling, frequently employers have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) where you can get a certain number of counseling sessions for free... Whenever you contact the EAP, make sure you let them know what type of counseling you prefer (marital)... What I always suggest is having a phone interview with the counselor to get a feel for what they are like before using your EAP visits (since they are free and limited lol)... Also, if you do use your EAP, make sure your provider is in-network with your medical insurance, so if you need more than the allotted sessions, you can continue to see them without spending tons of money for out-of-network benefits..

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

Another safe chocolate that you can have is the chocolate chewable Calcium supplements from the Vitamin Shoppe. That might meet your TOM cravings.