Unrealistic Expectations

[morethan 4]

I told no one. Blessing in disguise for that I have been through multi surgeries for other medical reasons and each time I lost a significant amount of weight by the time I returned to work. Then as time went on I gained it back and then some. So, this time is no different. They know I had surgery, but not what kind. My losing weight is no big deal since every time I had surgery I lost weight. I just say, this time I am determined not to gain it back. No more discussion. I have seen how they talk about and treat people who have had weight loss surgery.They are beyond judgmental and overly cruel.

I was the captain of the 30X5 challenge last year (30 min of activity 5 times a week for 12 weeks). I think I will be captain again this year, and that will cover my workout and continued weight loss without all the judgment and gossip. The bottom line is for me, it's no one's business and I am a very private person.

[Beadingnurse 116]

My boss had great advice when I told her I was going to have the surgery. She said not to tell anyone at work because even if my small team of a dozen folks or so are supportive, we work in a company with over 1,000 employees. She said that the story will get retold and revised and pretty soon I will be the woman who had a face lift, boob job and Tummy Tuck while I was at it and that people I don't even know will be checking me out. She has worked at our office for a long time and said she has seen it happen. I am doing what one of the other posters mentioned and that is to take sick leave but tell everyone (except my boss) that I am on vacation.

Good luck with managing everyone's crazy expectations. You might try just laughing when they say something stupid like you are sure they must be joking.

[dlflightgirl 2]

Wow. I work with over 100 people at a major airport and never kept it a secret. It's only been 5 weeks and I've lost 35 lbs so far. Everyone says they can see a big difference in my face as I lost my double chin and they make fun of me that I I have to have my uniform taken in since they're baggy. There will always be people who are negative but those are the easiest ones to ignore. If I get asked why I choose wls I tell them the truth, I was becoming diabetic, my knees were killing me, and my blood sugar was so high I could have had a heart attack at any moment. We also have lots of bake sales to raise money for our holiday party and I get offered tons of naughty food which I politely decline or I'm told you can't eat this don't even think about it. Lol. I don't get along with all my co workers however I thankfully have never heard a negative word. Good luck with yours.

[Annis53 1]

Morning

IF YOU HAVE MAGIC Beans !!!!!!!! YOU WOULD BE VERY RICH :0)))))

THEY DON'T SAY MUCH AT WORK, BUT THEY KNOW I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THS 3 years

ONLY THE OTHER DAY SOME ONE SAID A TOP I HAD ON WAS BEAUTIFUL ???

I HAD WORN IT FOR WORK AT LEAST 8 TIMES. BEFORE BUT IT WAS VERY TIGHT AND NOW IT'S QUITE LOOSE ,,,,,,

STRANGE........

:0)))) xxx

[Chicadee 10]

I am hoping that since I am participating from now until the end of May (with surgery tucked in the middle) in the local Corporate Cup healthy team challenge that any weight loss I have I will attribute to that and then when it is over I will say I am continuing to eat right and exercise. There is a woman on the floor I work on and I know she had a bypass years ago and has now gained a bunch of weight back and is struggling. I don't talk to this woman but i know that about her cause people talk too much.

[new_beginnings_ 16]

When I had my band surgery, I was honest with EVERYONE! I was so excited and wanted to share. It was ok at first except all the " so how much have you lost?" questions. But once I started having problems with my band, I totally regreted telling anybody. They have this expectation that you are going to be barbie when you walk in the door one day. When I have my sleeve revision, I'm only telling CLOSE family and friends.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Ha, reminds me of how my boyfriend was all worried coming back from vacation 2 weeks after my surgery thinking he wouldn't recognize me at the airport. It's like, come on! Even if I dropped 10% of my weight (21 lbs!), how could I be unrecognizable!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I was sleeved 3 weeks ago, and I told everyone that I was doing it. My family, friends, coworkers, landlord, etc. I figured it would be best to just get it out there and then I wouldn't have to explain to people why I was losing weight, eating weird, etc. If people asked, I told them. However, I'm kind of starting to regret it. My landlord called to check up on me a couple days ago and said, "So, I bet you look really different by now. You've probably lost a ton of weight already." I told him, that no, since it had only been two and half weeks since surgery, you really couldn't notice a difference yet. I've also noticed people at work trying to check me out on the sly. Someone else said that it would be great that I could wear a bikini this summer. Seriously... do they think I swallowed a magic bean or something? How can people seriously think you are going to look dramatically different after only 2 and a half weeks? Or, for that matter that I'm going to lose the 140 pound I need to by this summer. I'm starting to think I should have just kept my mouth shut. I'm also starting to think that most people really are idiots. Maybe I'm just crabby.

Krista

Ahhhhaaaa!!! THIS is exactly why chose not to tell *everyone*. BTDT... with my Lap Band. Guess what, it's *more* mortifying when they see the weight go back up too. The questions get really annoying, and if that is being crabby so be it.

Since I've lost going on 70# since surgery, if someone asks I'll tell them. I just wanted my initial weight loss to be about my focus and me. It's been 6 months now, so I'm not really as guarded about the ordeal as I once was. The newness has worn off for the most part and I really only have 45 Lbs to lose. It's not that much when I've already lost 120 lbs from my highest. I didn't want to have to be under the watchful eye of others, because in all thats real, it's noneya business. I had a lot of work to do and didn't want any unnecessary distractions and feelings of inadequacy because I needed a *second* WLS.

It is what it is now though, you'll just have to make the best of it. It will pass in time, once everyone knows they end up leaving you alone after awhile. Usually once you get very small and they're used to seeing you like that.

[ILKrista 36]

Thanks for all the support, everyone. As frustrated as I get with the few people with the crazy expectations, for the most part people have been supportive. I just think that some people have no common sense... even if i was losing a pound a day (which I'm not), at three weeks it would still only be 21 lbs... That's not going to make much difference to your appearance when you have over 100 pounds to lose.

In the end, I'm glad I just told people because A) a coworker drove me to the hospital and I know she couldn't have kept her mouth shut so everyone would have found out anyway, and the only reason I looked into WLS was because a coworker's husband had it and was very open about it. Hopefully someone else who has been suffering due to their weight will decide to do something about it because I was honest about it. And, hey, if nothing else I now have a great excuse for being supper bitchy... I just remind people that I'm still recovering from surgery and I'm only eating around 600 calories... They can't possibly expect me to be as sweet as I normally would be.

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

I told/tell everyone and anyone who asked! If by sharing my experience, I could help just 1 other person to take control, and make the decision to have WLS after years and years of battling obesity, depression and feeling like they're not living, all the negative comments and glances were/are worth it! My brother, who is now over 400lbs has decided to take the bull by the horns, and have VSG! See, spreading the news, and owning up to the surgery has saved the life of someone I love dearly, so all worth it! We are strong women, let's advocate for VSG.....it's an amazing tool, and gave me my LIFE BACK!

[Derp 3]

I love the wide array of views on this subject! Just to put in my $0.02...

I haven't told anyone except my mother, brother, boyfriend, and best friend. Everyone at work thinks i'm out for something else. When someone asks, i'll just be non-committal, and point at my fancy new diet and exercise regimen.

Dallas (well, specifically my circle of Yuppyville) is rife with overly-gym'd bleach blonde spray tanned judgmental A-holes, though. I'd rather talk about getting a boob job or Lipo than WLS.

[New Cindy 0]

When I decided to have the surgery, I told everyone. First my family and dearest friends and then co-workers, neighbors, etc. I mainly did it because there were two other girls in my building who did the same surgery with the same doctor and they didn't tell anyone anything. I hear the whispers and rumors and decided that I did not want that at all. For the most part they are very suportive. It has only been a month post op for me and everyday they say they can see a difference and how excited they are for me. I don't see all of the changes that they see yet in the mirror so I am unsure if they are just saying it to be positive and suportive or if they actually see it but I guess when you hear it from several people in different areas of your life, you begin to believe that a change is happening. I am excited to see what the new me will look like! I also told everyone for the support so that when things get rough or I am in a slump, they can help me dig out of it or at least listen instead of keeping it all bottled in.

I wish you luck on your journey- all of us made a decision that will forever change the course of our lives. This is not a cop out- this is a wake up and a good old push from medical science!!

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

One of my all time favorite quotes is by Robert Heinlein - the great science fiction writer "Nevery underestimate the power of human stupidity".

I started out not telling many people at work - but got more open as time passed. Now, if someone asks, I tell them. Haven't had any negativity (to my face) yet. It is hard for people to tell I have lost from baggy clothes, as I am "shrinking through my closet" of multiple sizes.

[Lam 0]

I was sleeved 3 weeks ago, and I told everyone that I was doing it. My family, friends, coworkers, landlord, etc. I figured it would be best to just get it out there and then I wouldn't have to explain to people why I was losing weight, eating weird, etc. If people asked, I told them. However, I'm kind of starting to regret it. My landlord called to check up on me a couple days ago and said, "So, I bet you look really different by now. You've probably lost a ton of weight already." I told him, that no, since it had only been two and half weeks since surgery, you really couldn't notice a difference yet. I've also noticed people at work trying to check me out on the sly. Someone else said that it would be great that I could wear a bikini this summer. Seriously... do they think I swallowed a magic bean or something? How can people seriously think you are going to look dramatically different after only 2 and a half weeks? Or, for that matter that I'm going to lose the 140 pound I need to by this summer. I'm starting to think I should have just kept my mouth shut. I'm also starting to think that most people really are idiots. Maybe I'm just crabby.

Krista

This is exactly why I told no one but my parents and sister

[warrior68 16]

What really kills me is the number of people that know everything about weight loss surgery, even though they have never had it, dont know anyone but me who has had it, and have never read a single article or viewed a forum, yet they know it all. These know it all people can tell you straight to your face that, you had surgery, life will now be easy for you, you will automatically lose the weight without trying, and that doing it the old fashioned way of working out and eating right is much better for you. When you point out to them you have been dieting, working out, counting calories, haven't had real food in over a month, and have made many sacrifies, they just dismiss it as you trying to justify your surgery. I have noticed that the few people I have told, although they think they are being supportive, each and everyone of them tells me, oh I'm watching what I eat now, and I'm gonna hit the gym and start working out again, as though its some type of contest. I was sleeved on 3/11 since then I have been walking 3 to 6 miles daily, and as soon as I am cleared I will be going to the gym and lifting like I used to 15 years ago. I have already lost close to 50 lbs, and plan to be at my goal of 200 lbs by my birthday in October, I also plan on getting back my biceps, chest muscles, flexibility, and endurance. I am very lucky to have a body that responds very quickly, any time I have dieted, or went on a work out program I get incredible results in short periods of time, of course then I stop and go back to over eating and being lazy, and gain it all back in a short time too. I feel like the sleeve is just the tool I need to keep me on course. Once October gets here at that point we'll see which one of the know it all's can tell me I haven't been working at it, and that the all the weight loss, and muscle gain is from my surgery. If I were to do this all over again I would not have told anyone, not even my mother, its been less than a month and already I am sick of the know it all friends.