Saw my family, now I'm freaking out

[Roudoudou 4]

Argh, the conversations with very well-meaning loved ones! I spent the weekend at my parents' and my brother came over for dinner on Saturday night. On Friday night, my Mom had been telling me she had sll of these concerns about me getting the surgery, especially in Mexico. She said she feared I didn't realize the changes I'd need to make in my eating afterwards, that it is irreversible, that it is dangerous getting it in Mexico, etc. So, she definitely made me a little more nervous, as I'm not entirely sure I am going to get the surgery anyway.

Then my brother came over and after dinner everyone launches into the interrogation and treatises on how this is a bad idea. Basically, what my Mom said to a power of three! My brother said he thought I'd never really and truly given weight loss a try, and I have to somewhat agree wtih him. It is very hard (as I'm sure most of you will agree!) and I do tend to get discouraged pretty quickly, or I lose a good 35 pounds and gain it back with interest. And I started freaking out about missing all the things I like to eat (and the unhealthy quantities, I'll be honest).

So, I told them that before I booked my surgery, I'd commit to a healthy eating plan for six months. I'm just really not convinced I'll be successful; most very large people aren't (I'm 5'6", 295 pounds) and I just kind of feel in my gut (no pun intended!) that the surgery is the only way I'll be successful.

But, they did get me thinking and I know they only want what's best for me. Here are their major concerns and I guess mine, too:

1. What if I have complications once I'm back home? Will I be able to get treament in the US if I had the surgery in Mexico?

2. What if I'm never able to get used to the new way of eating and always feel deprived and like I'm missing out on, let's face it, one of the joys of life, which is eating?

3. What if the surgery isn't done properly? I think Dr. Aceves sounds awesome but my Mother is freaking out about me having it down there

Thanks so much for reading and your thoughts if you have time. I really want to make the best decision for myself but I hear their concerns and can't help but be nervous. I want to be healthy and if this is what it truly takes, great; I just want to be prepared.

Thanks again!

[TexasT 99]

I can't comment on the Mexico portion of your questions, but I can vouch for the part about how you'll feel about food. You WILL still be able to eat pretty much anything you want to eat after your stomach heals (more so once you reach goal), so there's no reason to feel deprived or that you're missing out. I went to Italy last year, and ate Pasta, drank wine, and scarfed down gelato to my heart's content. My hubby and I go out each week for date night, and I always have a cocktail and whatever I want to eat. The good thing is that I can only eat 1/3 to 1/4 of an entree, so I bring it home and get to enjoy it for several more days. I think that's pretty cool myself. I still get plenty of joy out of food. One thing I have noticed though is that I'm much pickier about what I eat. It's more about the quality now, instead of the quantity like before VSG.

If you feel that you'll have a problem living like this, then you might want to check into seeing a therapist. A lot of people do - just to talk things through beforehand. But from my perspective, it hasn't been an issue.

[Beadingnurse 116]

Roudoudou,

You have to make the decision to have weight loss surgery for yourself and not your family. You can take several months if you want to try to lose weight on your own if you think you haven't really given dieting a fighting chance. Who knows, maybe you will be in the reportedly 2-4% of the obese who can take weight off with diet and KEEP it off. If it doesn't work for you then you will go into the surgery knowing you tried your best. I would definitely encourage you to be sure this is the best route before you take it as this is not a reversible procedure.

I was told at my annual physical in Feb of 2010 by my PCP that I should consider weight loss surgery as my diabetes was getting worse and I have a particularly malignant family history with diabetes progressing rapidly with bad complications. I was actually very annoyed and even angry :angry_smile: that he suggested WLS for me because really, I wasn't THAT fat...so I kept telling myself! My husband encouraged me to give it some thought but I KNEW I had never really tried "hard enough" to lose weight and that if I just put my mind to it, I could do it without surgery. So...I joined Weight Watchers and I worked very hard and still only lost 14 lbs over the next 4 months. Then I gained back 16 lbs over the next 6 months. Sound familiar? I went back for my annual physical this year with a different mind set. I know now that I am very unlikely to ever lose a significant amount of weight on my own and the clock is ticking for me with obesity related complications, especially diabetes. My knees tell me on a daily basis that the weight I am carrying on my small frame is not working for them! I expect them to send me a thank you note when I lose 20 lbs!

I've done all of my prep work and see my surgeon tomorrow and expect to get a surgical date set. I have finally wrapped my head around the idea that my life depends on me having this surgery. But I totally understand that you aren't there yet and you have to do your own work. This website is fantastic to help you get answers to your questions and I don't know if I would be ready to go yet if I hadn't had it. My husband actually found it for me and maybe you could suggest that your mom and brother do some research on their own. I am sure they love you and have your best interests at heart and they may turn out to be your biggest supporters once they understand how the surgery can change your life.

Good luck on your journey and do keep us posted on your progress!

Barb

[meggiep 57]

My family is doing some of that too. My brother is obsessed with digestion basically and is so worried about me removing part of my stomach. He also wants me to give the cpap machine I will now be getting since my apnea diagnosis a chance and thinks that will make a huge difference to my health. He wants me to eat chia seeds, give up meat, try an ayurvedic diet.....basically anything but the surgery, even HCG injections (very unlike him to even consider that ;-P)

I think this is bringing up something for him- that could be.

The thing is- my brother is , and always has been, very thin. All the men in my family, going way back, have been. It is the women who have weight issues. He just does not have a clue what living h*** that part of my life has been- how painful it is for me to have been obese much of my life.

I basically asked him to understand that- to realize that I might want this even more than I want a perfect digestive system- that I will use my brain and take pains to keep as healthy as I can, but that I am taking steps towards life again, life beyond my horrendous nerve damage in my back and knees, life beyond being bedridden. I asked him to trust me and support me.

Only you can know whether you really can lose the weight yourself. Only you can know what you stand to gain from the surgery. Has being overweight cost you happiness and or health your whole life? Is the lifestyle that has gotten you there so hard to give up when you consider what you will have in losing the weight?

Answer those questions for YOU, no one else.Also remember your family has gotten used to your position as the heavy one. They have their own things coming up that might have them wanting you to stay just as you are.

Nobody but YOU knows what is best for YOU.

p.s. luckily my husband and son are totally in my corner and cheering me on. It is my siblings who are against it.

[AutumnLily 77]

For your very same reason I chose to not tell my family until after the surgery, as they would have talked me out of it. I researched this surgery for a long time. I spent an entire year eating healthy and working out 5 days a week for an hour. You know how much weight I lost 30 lbs. I hit a stall at month 6 and then nothing I worked to get the weight to move. I kept up the better food choices and exercise for another 6 months. Until I finally got discouraged. I put that 30 lbs back on plus another 20 in as little as 3 months. I knew then that I needed the surgery. It was more to curb my appetite because when I worked out I would come home ravenous. I would eat healthy foods but large amounts of it. I could not get past the hunger. Now I have no hunger (as of yet). Have a smaller capacity to take in food. I will succeed this time.

I know your family mean well but this has to be your decision. Do try the eating healthy and exercising first and then you can decide what is right for you.

Just an FYI I felt safe in Mexicali when I went to Dr. Aceves. I walked around outside by myself with no worries.

[apw0 7]

I need to chime in too. My brother called me the other day, and he was concerned that I would stop cooking wonderful meals for him!! He said that he knew that he was being totally selfish, but it was still a concern.

But the absolute worst has been my significant other. He's very, very angry with me, because I told him several months ago that I was getting the lap band. I purposely didn't tell him that I was getting the sleeve, but he overheard me telling my daughter. He absolutely flipped!! I tried to reassure him that I've done all the research, and that I just didn't feel safe with the band, and that this was better for me because it was permanent, and I wouldn't have to worry about having a revision done if it didn't work out. Needless to say, he didn't want to hear that.

I already have my own fears and insecurities about this surgery, and now I'm really starting to doubt my decision, as you are. The bottom line is that you are the one that needs to make this decision. Not your mother, or your brother, know what it's like to be inside of your body. Nor can you live your life for them. YOU have to do what makes YOU comfortable, not what makes others comfortable. Sometimes you just need to tune out others in your head, and go with what your heart tells you.

I wish you all the best, and please keep us posted!!

Smooches!

[BajaMedGroup 6]

Argh, the conversations with very well-meaning loved ones! I spent the weekend at my parents' and my brother came over for dinner on Saturday night. On Friday night, my Mom had been telling me she had sll of these concerns about me getting the surgery, especially in Mexico. She said she feared I didn't realize the changes I'd need to make in my eating afterwards, that it is irreversible, that it is dangerous getting it in Mexico, etc. So, she definitely made me a little more nervous, as I'm not entirely sure I am going to get the surgery anyway.

Then my brother came over and after dinner everyone launches into the interrogation and treatises on how this is a bad idea. Basically, what my Mom said to a power of three! My brother said he thought I'd never really and truly given weight loss a try, and I have to somewhat agree wtih him. It is very hard (as I'm sure most of you will agree!) and I do tend to get discouraged pretty quickly, or I lose a good 35 pounds and gain it back with interest. And I started freaking out about missing all the things I like to eat (and the unhealthy quantities, I'll be honest).

So, I told them that before I booked my surgery, I'd commit to a healthy eating plan for six months. I'm just really not convinced I'll be successful; most very large people aren't (I'm 5'6", 295 pounds) and I just kind of feel in my gut (no pun intended!) that the surgery is the only way I'll be successful.

But, they did get me thinking and I know they only want what's best for me. Here are their major concerns and I guess mine, too:

1. What if I have complications once I'm back home? Will I be able to get treament in the US if I had the surgery in Mexico?

2. What if I'm never able to get used to the new way of eating and always feel deprived and like I'm missing out on, let's face it, one of the joys of life, which is eating?

3. What if the surgery isn't done properly? I think Dr. Aceves sounds awesome but my Mother is freaking out about me having it down there

Thanks so much for reading and your thoughts if you have time. I really want to make the best decision for myself but I hear their concerns and can't help but be nervous. I want to be healthy and if this is what it truly takes, great; I just want to be prepared.

Thanks again!

Hi Roudoudou!

I am a physician that works directly with medica tourism in Mexico. I can tell you first hand, that very little mishaps occur in these types of procedures. If one were to happen, most hospitals and doctors work with middle/intensive care units in the city. These are well-equipped units that have everything you can imagine to ensure a patients well-being.

In my case, we work in hospitals that are either equipped with state of the art ICU's, or that are in direct contact with them. The doctors that are in our network are all board certified and have extensive training in the US and Europe. I did my medical training in the US and can honestly tell you that physicians here are just as well trained. Anyone that has had their procedure done in Mexico can back me up there.

It is definitely true that the US is equipped with amazing hospitals and top-notch physicians...but those who can afford it are few.

Basically I am saying that having a procedure done elsewhere is SAFE. Any procedure done in ANY city in the world involves risk. Your homework should be to look into who takes less risks...go with the physician (not patient coordinator) that inspires the most confidence, and makes you feel safest.

Best,

[kpbrighton 1]

OH how I can relate! I actually started my 1st thread on here about my mom and sister not being supportive. My husband is behind me 100%, my mom seems to have accepted it - even though she doesn't like it and I still have yet to talk with my sister again after our first blow out.

It is up to YOU. Find that support system outside your family if you need to! You do what's best for you! Hang in there - make your decision and take whatever else comes with a smile on your face because soon you will be healthier and happier!

[NanaNanner 7]

Argh, the conversations with very well-meaning loved ones! I spent the weekend at my parents' and my brother came over for dinner on Saturday night. On Friday night, my Mom had been telling me she had sll of these concerns about me getting the surgery, especially in Mexico. She said she feared I didn't realize the changes I'd need to make in my eating afterwards, that it is irreversible, that it is dangerous getting it in Mexico, etc. So, she definitely made me a little more nervous, as I'm not entirely sure I am going to get the surgery anyway.

Then my brother came over and after dinner everyone launches into the interrogation and treatises on how this is a bad idea. Basically, what my Mom said to a power of three! My brother said he thought I'd never really and truly given weight loss a try, and I have to somewhat agree wtih him. It is very hard (as I'm sure most of you will agree!) and I do tend to get discouraged pretty quickly, or I lose a good 35 pounds and gain it back with interest. And I started freaking out about missing all the things I like to eat (and the unhealthy quantities, I'll be honest).

So, I told them that before I booked my surgery, I'd commit to a healthy eating plan for six months. I'm just really not convinced I'll be successful; most very large people aren't (I'm 5'6", 295 pounds) and I just kind of feel in my gut (no pun intended!) that the surgery is the only way I'll be successful.

But, they did get me thinking and I know they only want what's best for me. Here are their major concerns and I guess mine, too:

1. What if I have complications once I'm back home? Will I be able to get treament in the US if I had the surgery in Mexico?

2. What if I'm never able to get used to the new way of eating and always feel deprived and like I'm missing out on, let's face it, one of the joys of life, which is eating?

3. What if the surgery isn't done properly? I think Dr. Aceves sounds awesome but my Mother is freaking out about me having it down there

Thanks so much for reading and your thoughts if you have time. I really want to make the best decision for myself but I hear their concerns and can't help but be nervous. I want to be healthy and if this is what it truly takes, great; I just want to be prepared.

Thanks again!

I just had my VSG with Aceves on Feb 11th and am doing fantastic. Please feel free to browse and share my videos on youtube and see the hospital and other parts of my adventure. Dr. Aceves was really awesome. You should have no fears regarding traveling to Mexicali. No worries.