newbie- excited and scared

just wanna see me again · March 3, 2011

Well, decision made- I am having bariatric surgery. My waver- not 100% sure if doing the band or the sleeve. I am leaning heavily to the sleeve but frankly it scares the hell out of me. I have never even had stitches and the closest thing to a sprain was the one I faked in 5th grade so I could get some crutches. My kids are adopted so childbirth is not in my realm of experiences. Bottom line, I am a big fat chicken. The thing is- I want to be a skinny chicken. Soooooooo- surgery is in my future. End of June, beginning of July is expected surgery date.

Here are my concerns- how likely are complications? I am generally healthy (despite the 100 lbs of extra fat I carry around) and have a high pain tolerance. BUT, am I opening myself up to health problems by doing this? (Obviously surgery has risks- I just do not know the odds.) A bigger worry floating around my well insulated brain is, what are the long term effects and risks? This is a newer surgery and there just isn't a lot of long term research. When I am 60 or 70 will I look back and still be glad I did this or will I have opened myself up to a host of complications that eventually kill me?

A more immediate concern I have is maintenance once the weight is lost. One of the reasons I got to where I am is emotional eating and caving to cravings. How do people override those after surgery? This is one of the big reasons I am leaning towards sleeve over band. From what I have read and heard from friends who have had the band, the things I need to avoid still go down way to easy with it. But with the sleeve "cheating" is supposed to be more uncomfortable, thus easier to avoid. Is this right? I do not want to go through this all and it not work.

What about dumping syndrome with the sleeve? I have found mixed reports. A nurse friend described horror stories of dumping, but most of her experiences were with gastric bypass. I have watched vidoes of people saying dumping syndrom after eating fatty foods is painful but not debilitating, thus motivates you away from those foods.

Good thing, right?

This one may sound silly, but I have to ask. What are the social effects? How do cravings impact you with the sleeve? Do you MISS foods? Do you miss food experiences? A friend told me about how hard adjusting to not eating like everyone else was because everything social seems to revolve around food. Gather with friends- and eat. Celebrate a birthday- and eat. Christmas dinner- let's eat. etc., etc., etc. How does NOT eating like the average person impact daily life? She said sometimes she felt uncomfortable in these situations and she even avoided social outings for awhile. Anyone else experience this?

All that said, in the end I know the risks and worry will be worth the gain. I desperately want to be able to shop in a regular store for a regular size. I look forward to wearing an 18, can't wait for a 12, and only fantasize about an 8 in my wildest dreams. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself. (I still imagine myself thinner, though I know I ate that person a long time ago. And her sister, too.) I want to FEEL good and regain the confidence I once had. I am tired of trying to be a wall flower so no one will notice me and think- ugh. Gross fat girl. (Realistically I know people don't normally do that, but it is that insecure voice in the back of my mind constantly trying to drag me down.) I want to be able to play with my kids, climb a flight of stairs, or even exercize without it hurting and without feeling like I am going to suck all the oxygen from the room with my panting. To be able to carry the laundry basket across the house and not need to try and hide the fact that I am out of breathe so my husband doesn't say- Are you okay? when the only answer is "Sure, other than being morbidly obese." I want to be able to wear a dress without worry the friction of my thighs rubbing together will start a fire- and maybe even see daylight between my legs when standing! I want to put on a pair of jeans and a low cut top, walk into a bar, and SOMEONE think- damn, she's hot. Okay, okay, I am a 38 year old married mom of three, so I don't imagine I will be in many bars, but you know what I mean. I want to FEEL hot. Even if only in my hubby's eyes. (yes, he loves me as me, no matter what, but seriously, what man would not be excited for his wife to go from a size 24 to a size 12????)

I guess I know I will end up going the sleeve route, but I would really like to hear from you all that have done it. Any regrets? How awesome is it to actually lose a significant amount and it stay off? Who here is the longest veteren of the sleeve- and how is life that far after? Thanks to everyone willing to share their thoughts and experiences.