I STILL SEE MYSELF AS FAT

[MINI-Me 196]

Angie - maybe it's been suggested & I just missed it.

When I felt this way (and I sometimes do even today) ... I go look at my before pictures. I even kept a pair of pants that I wore to surgery. I put them on, pull them out & realize how far I've come. I'm not "perfect" & I never will be. That was not my intent when I started this journey - so why do I feel like a failure if I'm not perfect. Heck! I've had children, I weigh in my 120's, I wear size 4, I'm in my 40's ... I'm as close to perfect as I have ever been ... CELEBRATE!!!!

This being healthy and thin takes some getting used to ... don't expect it to change overnight. But, don't forget to force yourself to Celebrate. You deserve it - you've earned it!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I don't feel fat/huge (I'm a size 6-8 at 5'5"), but it definitely takes some effort to realize that as someone who's been obese, you can never have a body as firm as one that belongs to a person who's always been skinny. One time I wore super-short shorts to a dance class, and while I looked great just cruising around in them, the second I started jumping, I could see the skin on my thighs bouncing up and down like Jello in the mirror. No more short shorts in dance class for me!

[jerri 1]

"well at least up here I get the fresh air, but what you get is what i let out" . . . roflmao! That's the best story.

[KellyL 173]

We are usually taught as children to be kind to others but there's never enough emphasis on being kind to ourselves. Particularly in dysfunctional families. During my wait to have surgery, I've done a lot of research as well as soul-searching. I am finding that at least for myself, self-esteem and self-worth play a big part in my weight issues. And it doesn't just affect my health and weight. It has negatively affected me in so many other areas of my life, such as relationships and how I allow others to treat me. So no matter what size I am or how much I weigh, I will always view myself as not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not good enough. At least until I change those recordings that have been embedded in my mind for so long.

It's also interesting to read that the most beautiful and skinny women hate something about themselves. So it's not just the overweight women that do this. We have to accept and love ourselves for who we are, even with all our imperfections. It's easy to say it, but so difficult to actually do it.

Kelly

[dramagirl28 22]

I am finding that at least for myself, self-esteem and self-worth play a big part in my weight issues. And it doesn't just affect my health and weight. It has negatively affected me in so many other areas of my life, such as relationships and how I allow others to treat me. So no matter what size I am or how much I weigh, I will always view myself as not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not good enough.

I am struggling with this right now as well. I am pre-op and a therapist just told me that I need to learn to love myself now, because the weight itself is irrelevant to my self-esteem. I just feel that since I've been overweight my whole life, being the "fat girl" is part of my cultural identity. How do I strip that away? It's like asking me to not think of myself as a brunette, as a Californian, as a woman. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't even know where to begin.

[KellyL 173]

I am struggling with this right now as well. I am pre-op and a therapist just told me that I need to learn to love myself now, because the weight itself is irrelevant to my self-esteem. I just feel that since I've been overweight my whole life, being the "fat girl" is part of my cultural identity. How do I strip that away? It's like asking me to not think of myself as a brunette, as a Californian, as a woman. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't even know where to begin.

Hi Dramagirl,

You are right, it can be very overwhelming! I think you are beginning at a great place if you are in therapy. These message boards are great for research and support, so you are off to a great start.

I have heard the whole love yourself thing for most of my life. I didn't really get it. I would say, that's stupid, of course I love myself. Thats why I enjoyed letting myself indulge in the wrong foods or too much of the foods I love. I refused to "deprive" myself because I loved myself. That was how I thought. But now my thinking is, if I truly love myself, then. I shouldn't deprive myself of being healthy. I want to take better care of myself because that's what you do when you love someone else. You want to take care of them and you would not help them destroy their health. That's not to say for special occasions we shouldn't indulge in a treat now and then. But in todays society, there are so many special occasions and holidays. Everything we do revolves around food. It's difficult but that is where the sleeve can help. The Portion Control helps so much.

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

Find yourself an experienced hypnostist that will work with you on your self image. You need to re-program the tapes that play in your head, and that is what hypnosis will do. I don't know where you are located, if it is Dallas / Ft. Worth, I can help you out with a recommendation.

[MRSKOUBiK 27]

It takes our brains a little while to catch up.

I'm still fat so of course I still see myself that way LOL! But, I've lost 70 some pounds so far.

But, with clothes I think a lot of its tight because it's a smaller size then I'm used to.... and often times people will come up to me and say look.. and grab my loose pants and have TONS of room.

[dramagirl28 22]

I spoke with my boyfriend about this today and he had a good suggestion. Once the weight starts coming off, instead of trying to NOT see myself as fat, I could try to start seeing myself as thin, or at least healthy. I can do things that thin/healthy people do that I can't do now, like hiking. He suggested that we join a hiking club so that I can start identifying with a different group of people... active people, so that I can then think of myself as an active person. Sounds like a pretty good strategy to me. Ugh, I can't wait to go under the knife!!

[New Cindy 0]

Awesome quote! I'm stealing it!!

I am 5'10 and I LOVE being tall and look forward to losing weight but never want to be skinny...

I want to be strong!I think we all need to have good role models. My role model is Gabby Reece - she's 6'3 and no light weight and she's beautiful and strong!

She is fierce! http://www.joemcnall.../07/gabby_1.jpg

Lots of folks don't like how they look in pictures, even those that have never had or needed WLS. Its time to start loving the skin we're in even if we are still working to be healthier.

"Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own."

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I am struggling with this right now as well. I am pre-op and a therapist just told me that I need to learn to love myself now, because the weight itself is irrelevant to my self-esteem. I just feel that since I've been overweight my whole life, being the "fat girl" is part of my cultural identity. How do I strip that away? It's like asking me to not think of myself as a brunette, as a Californian, as a woman. I feel so overwhelmed. I don't even know where to begin.

as some here have said, affirmations are a good place to start. Look in the mirror every morning, and before bed, and have a little talk with your self. "You are a beautiful person, and you deserve to be happy about who you are and what you look like" or something like that. Our sensitive selves feel much better when I talk to "them" this way! Treat yourself the way you would treat anyone else you really love... nicely!

[Tandybo 1]

Can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. It's going to take a long time to change my self-image

[NtvTxn 1,262]

It definitely takes a while for our heads to catch up to what the doctor did to our tummies! I read in one of the forums to have our spouse, child or friend point out someone when we're at the mall or grocery store that is similar to our size. It puts it all into perspective. We do NOT see ourselves like others see us. I KNOW I'm smaller, others have called me tiny or skinny....it is hard for me to accept that....maybe some day, who knows, but never the less, I DO KNOW I'm smaller because my clothes, size 4 and 6 jeans, size S or M tops, tell me so.....when I look in the mirror, I do see a smaller person, and I know it is me. four months ago, I really had a hard time seeing me looking back. It does take time.

Thanks for everyone's feedback, this is really great! I knew I was not the only one feeling this way. I think part of my issue too is that I am NOT tracking my intake anymore and have pretty much stopped planning meals. I still need to do that, I felt better about myself and progress when I was having a direct hand in that. It is not that I am eating bad, sometimes just not eating at all and pre-surgery my body was the same, if I do not fuel it I will not lose any weight.

Resetting my attitude and my approach back to what it was when I first started this journey, I hope that will help me.

Thanks everyone and Chin Up!