Unsupportive Sister and Mother

[Sadiegirl 1]

Wishing you a safe and successful surgery! Mine was December 2010 and to be honest, the surgery, even though it was not easy, was for me, the easiest part of the process. I have not shared the surgery with my family, we do not live close to each other, however, they have seen a change in me via internet photos. My sister, who has always been the "bigger sister" has never been supportive of me in any success in my life, whether it be weight or otherwise, she's very insecure. She turns everything into it being all about her. What has my weight loss done but throw a spotlight on her "overweight-ness"? It wouldn't matter if I won the lottery, she'd be the last person to say congratulations. With all that being said, she is still my sister and I love her regardless. I just have to remember to step back and consider what she says as something coming from a different place than my reality.

I found my biggest supporters were the ladies who had the surgery the same time I had mine. We met at the medical clinic and have stayed in touch, despite them living all over the world. We have all gone through our many ups & downs and have all been at different weight loss levels, we just have kept in mind that supporting one another helps each other and helps us as well. I did not share my surgery with anyone I work with either; it's none of their business and I wanted my privacy protected. I've never lied to them about the weight loss but have not provided any details either.

You need to "spoil yourself" by surrounding yourself with people who treat you with respect, love & kindness and keep the negative people as far away as possible. You teach people how to treat you. Be kind, be gentle and be your best friend. Teach people you deserve to be happy, healthy and surrounded by the same. It takes tremendous self-control but you don't need to fight with anyone, leading by example is a far stronger force.

[treequeen 13]

No one in my family was really supportive...but I keep talking about it so they know i am serious and are starting to accept it. Of course every time I give an update on my losses during the 6 month diet...Dad will make a comment like, See, you can do it on your own and I tell him I've lost and regained this weight so many times.... And don't get me started on MY sister.... talk about the C word! I have been fat my entire life...she was always thin... well until her 30s she just turned 40...she wears a 16/18....I can't talk to her about the surgery cause she Always has something horrid to say... or makes gestures pretending to be me shoving food into "my" mouth when I'm depressed or whatever... as cruel as she can make it. Now I Know for certain she will not take it well when I am thinner than her. I am already better looking! Worst case scenario... I cut her out of my life completely. (Trust me.. it wouldn't be a loss). Like others have said... you have to do what's best for you. Put yourself first for a change. Best of luck to you.

[nraeh 23]

My hubby of 40+ years was so scared of the surgery. He had been with me when I had a hysterectomy with some major surgery complications and he was absolutely petrified of me going under the knife again. Even tho this surgery was not near as comprehensive at that surgery all he could remember is that they almost lost me in that surgery. However, my recovery from that surgery was uncomplicated and pretty easy. It was hard but I finally decided I was going to do this for me and my health. I told my hubby that he didn't have to go to the hospital because I knew he would be a basket case. We talked a lot about what I'd be able to eat after the surgery etc. and he was very well informed of everything that was going to be happening. Everyone else was so supportive of me having the surgery. My son took me to the hospital and was so supportive of me. I had absolutely NO complications and came through the surgery without any problems. I have been so happy I stepped up to the issue and took control of my life. Now I know my hubby is so happy I did it although he hasn't come right out and said it. He keeps saying "where is all that weight going to?" HA HA I know he is pleased that I did this. He now says I am a cheap date when we go out to eat. Believe me it is so worth taking charge of your life and doing it.

[~winecountrygirl~ 3]

I still haven't told my family that I'm having the surgery. My husband is so supportive. He helps me plan my meals and he has read through my information binder 2 times. He is really interested in everything about it and has just been amazing. My kids also know, they don't care either way. Although it's annoying when I buy certain food for myself and they eat it or when i'm trying to measure all the Water i'm drinking and they take swigs off my water bottle. But they have been great exercise buddies. My 14 year old walks with my while my 10 year old rides her bike. I've been reluctant to tell the rest of my family because I don't want any advice or opinions. I know what I want and i'm doing it, I think I will wait until right before surgery. But I will definitely tell them at some point. I also have told my boss and my closest co-workers because I will be taking 4 weeks off work and will be missing work due to pre-op appointments and they have been supportive.

Good luck!

Tanya

[Rev Me Up! 75]

"She keeps telling me I don't know what I'm getting myself into. That I am just looking for a quick and easy fix."

It is important that you know what you are getting into precisely because it is not an easy fix. THe surgery is serious, the recovery is hard. It is tough physically but even more difficult mentally. It is going to force you to really change how you eat. A plate of food will not look the same again. I am not saying these things to scare you, but to illustrate the point that this is a difficult journey. But it really works. It works because of all the reasons I mentioned above.

Do your homework so that you know without a doubt that this solution is for you. After that, it won't be as important for everyone else to support you. You are very lucky to have a husband that supports you in this,

[Bryn Dawson 9]

I am dismayed, reading through this thread, that so many of you have families who are not supportive of your WLS journeys! It makes me realize how lucky I am that I DO have a supportive family and a wide circle of friends who are okay with it as well.

My mom has my '12 things' list printed out and taped to her fridge (she lives in Texas and I'm in Maryland) and she's sending me a present every time I lose another 20 lbs. My dad thinks its a great idea and worries more about my skinny sister's overexercising than my going under the knife. And my husband is so supportive it makes me want to cry sometimes when I think about it.

I notice that the OP for this thread has her surgery today, and I hope that all goes well for her. And I hope that all of you who have posted find fulfillment and support where you can.

[Papa Jack 86]

It could be no one knows anything about this. When a person hears about this they think it is a high risk operation so they are concerned. It is lack of understanding that causes people to judge.

[Papa Jack 86]

Damn You! You made my cry when you wrote about your mom...

I am dismayed, reading through this thread, that so many of you have families who are not supportive of your WLS journeys! It makes me realize how lucky I am that I DO have a supportive family and a wide circle of friends who are okay with it as well.

My mom has my '12 things' list printed out and taped to her fridge (she lives in Texas and I'm in Maryland) and she's sending me a present every time I lose another 20 lbs. My dad thinks its a great idea and worries more about my skinny sister's overexercising than my going under the knife. And my husband is so supportive it makes me want to cry sometimes when I think about it.

I notice that the OP for this thread has her surgery today, and I hope that all goes well for her. And I hope that all of you who have posted find fulfillment and support where you can.

[june13sleever 223]

First off, who really cares about them? Really, it's your health that must be taken care of, not them. . . And you are so lucky to have a husband who is supporting you in this. . . it is his support that matters not your family. . . you have to live with your husband not you skinny jealous sister. . . my mom still thinks I'm going to regain all my weight and be 350 lbs again. . . when she sees me eat only 4 - 6 oz at a meal she says I'm faking and just trying to show off. . . in one ear and out of the other, I don't give a flip about what my family says, they are just hurtful anyhow. . . it's me that matters not them. . . cheers and good luck!

Seriuosly? I would tell my mom to F OFF and never talk to her again until she had some respect. This sounds seriously messed up, and I know what our parents can do to us. I would get some therapy because her behavior is OUT OF CONTROL! Parents should be the MOST supportive and everyone else can fly a kite.

[june13sleever 223]

Skinny people will never understand - EVER. My boyfriend just said look you could have done that on your own. (Lost 17 lbs in the first week). I said sure could have and then been starving, caved and went to McDonald's to binge on everything. He said, you need to have self control. I said you can eat anything you want. I don't even care. I think now I am going to secretly try to get him fat by cooking pizza everyday and getting him McDonalds. I don't really understand why anyone would think anything about anything, especially since this surgery was positive. My best friend said some girl he was messing with, who is like 21 just got triple D implants. WTF. Do i think she is disturbed, yes. So I too pass judgement. I guess in their mind maybe they were ok with you being you. Which is cool, but they are not us. People also don't like change. And some people are dependent upon us being fat. My fat co-worker weighed me and she was upset. I totally understand her pain, and I think I am going to pay for her to have it done in Mexico. I really feel that this will be the best thing I ever did in my life!

[Bryn Dawson 9]

Damn You! You made my cry when you wrote about your mom...

I am really, really lucky - I have a great mom. She's awesome.