Unsupportive Sister and Mother

[kpbrighton 1]

You know.. as long as your husband is 100000% behind you and willing to help you and see you through the highs and lows of this surgery.. honey that's all you need imo. Your mom & sister don't have to live your life or in your skin. Your husband shares your life so he sees your daily struggles. Someone who has always been tall & thin, in my opinion, has absolutely ZERO business giving anyone ANY opinion of theirs regarding WLS EVER. No shape form or fashion... never having DEALT with obesity or even a few extra pounds completely exempts someone from saying "no don't do it" or "it's an easy way out" BAH!.. I'm sorry but that's my opinion. You didn't mention anything about your mom except that she's against it?

Listen... it's gonna be you & your husband for the long haul yes? If you feel this is what you need to do to take your life back by the balls and be HEALTHY so you can sit in that rocking chair with your husband yelling at your grandkids to quit covering the dog in squeezy cheese... then whatever. Everyone else can go suck a big fat effing toad. Do whatcha gotta do doll. It's YOUR life & your mortality.

ok...so can you come over and talk to my sister?? kidding. But thanks for the frank comments. You're right. I am doing this for me and thank God I have my hubby with me every step of the way. Oh and my mom said she'll be really mad at me if I get it done...BUT she is going to the seminar with me Thursday. We'll see. I'm thankful she is at least going to that with me. Thanks for the support, ideas and smiles!

[DisneyAddict 10]

ok...so can you come over and talk to my sister?? kidding. But thanks for the frank comments. You're right. I am doing this for me and thank God I have my hubby with me every step of the way. Oh and my mom said she'll be really mad at me if I get it done...BUT she is going to the seminar with me Thursday. We'll see. I'm thankful she is at least going to that with me. Thanks for the support, ideas and smiles!

LOL Lemme at her Kidding. You know my sister doesn't even know about my surgery. We all decided not to tell her because of how she is. She's never been tall & skinny mind you... she's about like me... but she's got a piss poor attitude and would be totally judgemental about it...but only because she doesn't have the sack to do something about her own weight. Good luck on Thursday and I hope your mom has her eyes (and mind) opened. Let us know how it goes ok?

[jerri 1]

I posted on this forum about my sister as well. She is completely non-supportive so I understand how you feel. She is my older sister that thinks she can still influence my decisions. She has never been overweight and does not understand at all. She wants me to become a vegan (like her) and I told her that I'm tired of all the different diets. Then she got made because I called her "way of life" a diet. Geez, you just can't win. I really wished I hadn't told her at all. She lives 1700 miles away. I could have easily not said anything but I had no idea she would be like this. Try not to take to too hard (I'm not doing very good at that). I'm hoping that when I'm thinner and happier she will see that it was a great thing.

[bilka 6]

My sister and my hubby were not supportive at all My mum was ok, but terribly scared.

I went to Greece without them, I took some friends with me.

My sister is much older and overjudgemental. I was SCARED to tell her. When I did she annoyed me telling me I should start dieting again, exercising etc. She always struggled with her weight but she always got it under control. She skips meals, she practices sport and she never eats carbs. I am not like her! I really needed the sleeve.

So... I went and got it. Whatever. It is my life and it is my health. They can keep judging me if they like, but the sleeve is working and since I got it I don't really care anymore. i don't care if they think I took the easy way, I do not care. I am happy I did it. That's all what matters, I went through the same thing and I can tell you: if you think it's the right choice stop caring about them.

[Chinasl45 9]

As long as your husband is behind you (and to me that doesnt matter either) tell your sister and mom on this subject, they can kick rocks!

I just dont understand why folks need validation from other people (and that includes family members) to do something that is for you! This benefits you and the struggles that you have had before hand and will have afterwards will not be theirs so dont worry about what ANYONE thinks!

[irishprincess966 0]

My family is not supportive of me having the surgery at all, so I am just not telling them. I am not a fan of keeping secrets, but with my family I will be in a much better emotional state if they never find out. I have friends who have had WLS and they are my support group. You can do this. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself to live a long, healthy life, and their negativity is not necessary during this adventure. Good luck!

[mina 27]

AMEN!!!!, i couldn't say it better myself. i'm the 'fat' older sister and i have 2 sisters both normal size (size 8). one of them is supportive because she sees how unhappy i am, the other one feels that i shouldn't have the surgery, mostly because of fear of complication and because i "look good" eventhough i'm morbidly obese (whatever, she don't have to shop for clothes for me). the one that's not 100% on the idea still want to be there for me to take care of me post op. as of right now i've decided not to tell my parents and rest of family.

You know.. as long as your husband is 100000% behind you and willing to help you and see you through the highs and lows of this surgery.. honey that's all you need imo. Your mom & sister don't have to live your life or in your skin. Your husband shares your life so he sees your daily struggles. Someone who has always been tall & thin, in my opinion, has absolutely ZERO business giving anyone ANY opinion of theirs regarding WLS EVER. No shape form or fashion... never having DEALT with obesity or even a few extra pounds completely exempts someone from saying "no don't do it" or "it's an easy way out" BAH!.. I'm sorry but that's my opinion. You didn't mention anything about your mom except that she's against it?

Listen... it's gonna be you & your husband for the long haul yes? If you feel this is what you need to do to take your life back by the balls and be HEALTHY so you can sit in that rocking chair with your husband yelling at your grandkids to quit covering the dog in squeezy cheese... then whatever. Everyone else can go suck a big fat effing toad. Do whatcha gotta do doll. It's YOUR life & your mortality.

[kpbrighton 1]

SO I know it was GREAT that my mom went to the seminar with me - HOWEVER - she spent the majority of the time working on something else and not paying attention. Then in the car ride home she said "I didn't like this..." and " I didn't like that" and every time my husband and I would correct her. UGH!!!!

Oh well! I am ready!!! Can't wait till the 29th to meet with my surgeon!

[kpbrighton 1]

AMEN!!!!, i couldn't say it better myself. i'm the 'fat' older sister and i have 2 sisters both normal size (size 8). one of them is supportive because she sees how unhappy i am, the other one feels that i shouldn't have the surgery, mostly because of fear of complication and because i "look good" eventhough i'm morbidly obese (whatever, she don't have to shop for clothes for me). the one that's not 100% on the idea still want to be there for me to take care of me post op. as of right now i've decided not to tell my parents and rest of family.

It's sad though isn't it? I figure I will tell my mom after I meet with the surgeon and ask if she wants me to tell her about my appointments and stuff or not bring it up. It just makes me furious because I feel the most judgment from MY family...But I am going to do it FOR ME!!! ( and my kids

[Husky2Healthy 1]

I actually dealt with this today, I just stated, this is what is happening, this is why, and bottom line, I am doing it. I also explained how this way 'not the easy way out' and how I would need to alter my life.

I took the choice away for them 'advise me' or let me know how I feel, and the large amount of people (20) I sent it too, and all the positive results I got back let them know, I have a large support system in place.

If I get more advise, I will simply tell them, something like, 'I appreciate your concern, but I am concerned with your apprehension/attitude about this surgery. This is a positive life choice for me, and if you keep trying to talk me out of it or tell me it is a mistake, then I won't be able to share this part of my life and journey with you. I need all the positive support I can get right now, I can't have this negative input in my life right now. So telll me everything you have a problem with, and let me explain my point of view. Also if you don't agree with it, it would be nice to know no matter what, you will still be here for me.'

I am all about boundaries, and calling people on their sh*t. We only have one life and only we can live it. Although, on the flip side if you keep hearing the same concerns from the same people, ask yourself if there is any truth to it, like rushing into it, ect.

[kaneohegirl 2]

I WILL NOT TELL my mother, sister or any of my inlaws till after the surgery and even then maybe not till they start thinking Im "sick" (cancer or something cause Im dropping the weight) wanna know why?

Cause they are ppl that love me and want me to loose weight but have no clue... Prime example - called to tell my mother about child #3... did I get OH thats great Congrats? hell no she said "WHY?!?!? Why would you have anymore kids? dont you know how much trouble they are?" the phone call ended pretty quick... and she wonders why I dont call her much if at all!

They think its about Portion Control and exercise... and for me it isnt... I did the gym 1-3 hours a day 4-6 days a week for nearly 4 months.... yea I lost all of 10lbs... I redistributed alot but I didnt drop any sizes.

I want the ability to go to the gym again to move without hurting to chase my kids and dieting alone and exercise isnt enough

I dont need their approval... I want it like a little kid that never got enough of it growing up but I DO NOT NEED IT ANYMORE

[Becca 108]

I had some major opposition from some family and friends, mainly because they thought something really bad was going to happen. That was before the surgery. Once the surgery was done, that all changed. Now everyone is supportive. I haven't received any negative comments, instead everyone is supportive or complimentary. It may seem difficult now to not have their support, but that will change when they see what a great thing the sleeve is. It gives you your life back. I feel so great and I am so happy. Do what is best for YOU! You are worth it!

[Lanette 124]

I've been amazed at how many comments I have gotten since losing a little weight on my 6 months with my pcp like "seeee, you CAN do it. You don't need that surgery after all!". Makes me want to scream! Mine are trying to be supportive, but when you have a tiny sister like mine that has always been the little one, I do think it makes them a little freaked out by it. Mine was okay w/ everything and then when I showed her some B&A pics on here, you could see the "OH man....you may really get smaller than me..." wheels turning in her head.

[sychadelic 10]

I've been very lucky and my family supports me, even if they don't exactly want me to have surgery. I did however have one friend (thin all her life, of course) who just would not quit. I finally told her that when she could do the dying for me, then she could live my life, until then, it was my decision. Now we just don't talk about it.

[former_vbg 198]

I can so relate to the fears and issues over family / friends not being supportive. When I had my VBG 13 years ago, I only told about 2 or 3 friends, no family members- none, nadda, zip and to this day they do not know I had the surgery. They just figured I lost a bunch of weight the "old fashioned way". I'm SOOOOO glad I didn't because it would make it even harder going into having a revision knowing they would be even more judgmental this time.

I favor more of my father's side of the family, although both my parents have weight issues as well as one of my brothers.

I won't be telling anyone at work and it goes without saying, no family will be told either. I have only told 3 of my closest friends, people I felt pretty certain they would be supportive or at least willing to listen to me without being judgmental. Even when I go for short term disability from work, my boss will likely try to get me to tell him- but all he will get is that I am having surgery to fix a past surgery that has been causing some complications". That's all he needs to know, if that even. But, to avoid being completely rude and cause an uncomfortable conversation by just flat out saying I won't say, this will be my approach.

You have made a sincere attempt to include your family. You have done what you can do and now the rest is up to them to meet you in the middle on this. Like the others have said, this is about YOU- not about THEM. Just keep focused on the goal and you will be fine. The others will have to figure out how to deal with their own insecurities on their own time.