Unsupportive Sister and Mother

[kpbrighton 1]

I am new to this site - but thought I'd try a forum since I can't seem to find anything when I search for info. I am considering VSG. I have my seminar Thursday and an appointment to meet my surgeon later this month. My husband is very supportive of me having WLS. However, my sister, who is 3 years younger and has always been tall and thin is VERY AGAINST me having WLS. I have grown up being "the fat sister" and I don't want to feel that way anymore. HELP!!! Have any of you had experiences with unsupportive family members??? What did you do? How did you deal with this "judgement". I feel judges when I talk to her about this.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

I am new to this site - but thought I'd try a forum since I can't seem to find anything when I search for info. I am considering VSG. I have my seminar Thursday and an appointment to meet my surgeon later this month. My husband is very supportive of me having WLS. However, my sister, who is 3 years younger and has always been tall and thin is VERY AGAINST me having WLS. I have grown up being "the fat sister" and I don't want to feel that way anymore. HELP!!! Have any of you had experiences with unsupportive family members??? What did you do? How did you deal with this "judgement". I feel judges when I talk to her about this.

I have been very lucky with my family so far. It sound like she might be insecure about her identity. If she is not the slim sister any more, then who is she? Are you close? Explain that you are sure she wants you to have a long and happy and healthy life, and this is the tool you need to get that. Ask her to support you or at least say nothing if she can't be supportive. Its time to start a new relationship with her that changes those old dynamics. What is her reason for being against your surgery? Has she said? I have a good friend who was a little aginst it... but after talking to her, and sharing my hopes and dreams, she came around and supported me. If your sister is mature enough, and loves you, she will do the same too.

[Caitlyn_Cat 7]

I completely agree with the comments of feedyoureve, but if for some reason conversation is unsuccessful and the hurtful words continue, remember you are doing this for your health. The family dynamics will change, and if it is not for the better, just continue to hold your head up high and not allow yourself to be browbeaten. My thin sister is also very unsupportive about my surgery and has said so, but I will not allow this to affect my decision. I plan to continue acting the same toward her and if she doesn't come around, then so be it.

[DisneyAddict 10]

I am new to this site - but thought I'd try a forum since I can't seem to find anything when I search for info. I am considering VSG. I have my seminar Thursday and an appointment to meet my surgeon later this month. My husband is very supportive of me having WLS. However, my sister, who is 3 years younger and has always been tall and thin is VERY AGAINST me having WLS. I have grown up being "the fat sister" and I don't want to feel that way anymore. HELP!!! Have any of you had experiences with unsupportive family members??? What did you do? How did you deal with this "judgement". I feel judges when I talk to her about this.

You know.. as long as your husband is 100000% behind you and willing to help you and see you through the highs and lows of this surgery.. honey that's all you need imo. Your mom & sister don't have to live your life or in your skin. Your husband shares your life so he sees your daily struggles. Someone who has always been tall & thin, in my opinion, has absolutely ZERO business giving anyone ANY opinion of theirs regarding WLS EVER. No shape form or fashion... never having DEALT with obesity or even a few extra pounds completely exempts someone from saying "no don't do it" or "it's an easy way out" BAH!.. I'm sorry but that's my opinion. You didn't mention anything about your mom except that she's against it?

Listen... it's gonna be you & your husband for the long haul yes? If you feel this is what you need to do to take your life back by the balls and be HEALTHY so you can sit in that rocking chair with your husband yelling at your grandkids to quit covering the dog in squeezy cheese... then whatever. Everyone else can go suck a big fat effing toad. Do whatcha gotta do doll. It's YOUR life & your mortality.

[Lila21 36]

I honestly think this is something that people who have never been overweight CANNOT understand. It's something they've never experienced, so the lifelong struggle, the difficulty of being overweight, the constant uphill battle is something that they just don't know. Also, because it's a surgery, she's probably frightened something will go wrong. I think maybe if you share what you've gone through, maybe your sister will understand. I was shocked when my surgeon had me list all the diets I've been on over the years. It was a list of something like 20 diets!!! I also think if you get her to check out this site, she might see the number of very healthy and happy people who have had this surgery. Regardless, I'm sure they will come around eventually. Sometimes it takes people time to adjust.

[myrori 55]

On the surface my "always been skinny" sister was supportive. HOWEVER she was so threatened by my weight loss, fearing she would lose her "skinny one" status she has starved herself and is now anorexic.

No matter who does and does not support you, bottom line is you have to do this for yourself and no one else.

[Gayle 9]

You know, my fiance isn't super supportive of it either. But what I told him was that I appreciate his concern, but that it is my life and this is something I have to do for myself.

Now, a sister should have even less say in it than a fiance! Tell her that you know she thinks it's a bad idea, but this is something you want to do for yourself and she needs to BUTT OUT!

[thinoneday 445]

I am new to this site - but thought I'd try a forum since I can't seem to find anything when I search for info. I am considering VSG. I have my seminar Thursday and an appointment to meet my surgeon later this month. My husband is very supportive of me having WLS. However, my sister, who is 3 years younger and has always been tall and thin is VERY AGAINST me having WLS. I have grown up being "the fat sister" and I don't want to feel that way anymore. HELP!!! Have any of you had experiences with unsupportive family members??? What did you do? How did you deal with this "judgement". I feel judges when I talk to her about this.

First off, who really cares about them? Really, it's your health that must be taken care of, not them. . . And you are so lucky to have a husband who is supporting you in this. . . it is his support that matters not your family. . . you have to live with your husband not you skinny jealous sister. . . my mom still thinks I'm going to regain all my weight and be 350 lbs again. . . when she sees me eat only 4 - 6 oz at a meal she says I'm faking and just trying to show off. . . in one ear and out of the other, I don't give a flip about what my family says, they are just hurtful anyhow. . . it's me that matters not them. . . cheers and good luck!

[kpbrighton 1]

I was sure down when I got to work this morning. Thanks everyone for your inspiring, true and thoughtful comments. Can't wait till Thursday for my seminar and to get moving on my surgery date. My mom IS coming with me to the seminar Thursday. She says she still thinks its a horrible idea and will be mad if I go through with it. But, hey, at least she's coming with me. SO happy I found this site. I love the weight trackers at the bottom of everyone's comments. You all are VERY inspiring...Thanks!

HAPPY MONDAY!

[thinoneday 445]

I was sure down when I got to work this morning. Thanks everyone for your inspiring, true and thoughtful comments. Can't wait till Thursday for my seminar and to get moving on my surgery date. My mom IS coming with me to the seminar Thursday. She says she still thinks its a horrible idea and will be mad if I go through with it. But, hey, at least she's coming with me. SO happy I found this site. I love the weight trackers at the bottom of everyone's comments. You all are VERY inspiring...Thanks!

HAPPY MONDAY!

Good for you and good for mom! She is supporting you in the most nicest way, she is coming with you to the seminar! So what if she will be mad, she is supporting you! Hugs to mom!!!!

[TStew 25]

I have a big family but only my oldest sister is in San Diego (by the way, I'm from Southgate, MI and worked in Dbn for many years!).

I told my sister and she was not supportive at all (and I'm single). It didn't take her long to get the gossip machine going so I ended up just telling her I decided against it (because of health problems and the fact that I've already had two surgeries in the past year) but I got it without her even knowing! As far as she knows I just did a 21 day liquid fast (which I've done before) and now just trying to change all my bad habits to lose weight and be healthy. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it from her but I just can't take the gossip and knowing people are waiting for me to fail. I'd rather do it on my own! My doctor knows and I just started the hospital support group but this site has really made it possible. Knowing what is 'normal' and having people who have been here answer questions is more valuable than any family support.

I ended up having it in MX and they actually picked me up at home and dropped me off a few days later so it wasn't hard to do without her knowing. She tried all sorts of scare tactics to try to talk me out of it and went into overdrive when I told her about MX. She even went so far to tell me that if something happens and I'm not able to take care of myself that she would not be my caretaker and I better plan on being in a nursing home or something. (I have no doubt she got that idea from one of her friends while gossiping about me). She is also overwieght and I know it will bother her when I lose all the weight and she doesn't and I'm trying to get her motivated and focused instead of going out and buying every new magic diet pill or device or book. I hope that my motivation (and my secret tool) will also help her get where she wants to be..

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I was sure down when I got to work this morning. Thanks everyone for your inspiring, true and thoughtful comments. Can't wait till Thursday for my seminar and to get moving on my surgery date. My mom IS coming with me to the seminar Thursday. She says she still thinks its a horrible idea and will be mad if I go through with it. But, hey, at least she's coming with me. SO happy I found this site. I love the weight trackers at the bottom of everyone's comments. You all are VERY inspiring...Thanks!

HAPPY MONDAY!

[SouthernSleever 228]

My mother and aunt were very against me having the surgery. I told them that there is no doubt I will get diabetes. That the more I gain the harder it will be for me to move and then lose weight. I showed them stats and even showed my mother this site. Finally I told my mother that this was my choice and I would like to have her support. I made it clear her not supporting me wouldn't change my mind. My aunt really just wanted to make sure I had done my homework. Even if they decided not to support you, we will.

[kpbrighton 1]

I have been very lucky with my family so far. It sound like she might be insecure about her identity. If she is not the slim sister any more, then who is she? Are you close? Explain that you are sure she wants you to have a long and happy and healthy life, and this is the tool you need to get that. Ask her to support you or at least say nothing if she can't be supportive. Its time to start a new relationship with her that changes those old dynamics. What is her reason for being against your surgery? Has she said? I have a good friend who was a little aginst it... but after talking to her, and sharing my hopes and dreams, she came around and supported me. If your sister is mature enough, and loves you, she will do the same too.

She says that I haven't really tried to lose weight before. That all I need to do is exercise everyday...and that it's going to take a long time to do. She works in a hospital and I know she sees the bad side of surgery's. Growing up - like during High school - we weren't that close. I was definitely not popular, she was very popular. Also I am 3 years older than her. Once I had my 3 girls we were much closer. Now she is expecting her first baby. I don't know...I love her very much, but I feel so judged by her. She keeps telling me I don't know what I'm getting myself into. That I am just looking for a quick and easy fix.

Thanks for your comments

[kpbrighton 1]

My mother and aunt were very against me having the surgery. I told them that there is no doubt I will get diabetes. That the more I gain the harder it will be for me to move and then lose weight. I showed them stats and even showed my mother this site. Finally I told my mother that this was my choice and I would like to have her support. I made it clear her not supporting me wouldn't change my mind. My aunt really just wanted to make sure I had done my homework. Even if they decided not to support you, we will.

Thanks...I was skeptical about posting on one of "these types" of websites. But I've read the "that's how I felt", "You're not alone" and "I totally understand". It amazing what those phrases and hearing others experiences does to my confidence and acceptance. Thanks for the support!

[kpbrighton 1]

I honestly think this is something that people who have never been overweight CANNOT understand. It's something they've never experienced, so the lifelong struggle, the difficulty of being overweight, the constant uphill battle is something that they just don't know. Also, because it's a surgery, she's probably frightened something will go wrong. I think maybe if you share what you've gone through, maybe your sister will understand. I was shocked when my surgeon had me list all the diets I've been on over the years. It was a list of something like 20 diets!!! I also think if you get her to check out this site, she might see the number of very healthy and happy people who have had this surgery. Regardless, I'm sure they will come around eventually. Sometimes it takes people time to adjust.

You're completely right! She has no idea what "FAT" really feels like. Love the support here...thank you!