My one year bandiversary!

[giveyouthemoon 4]

First, a celebration! Woot! :clap2:

(ok, for the record, my bandiversary is Friday, but I am going out of town tomorrow so I won't be around to post)

Ok, so I've seen other folks come in and post on their bandiversary...so I thought I'd follow the rules of etiquette! Far be it from me to break with tradition!

First of all, just wanted to stop and give my most humble of thanks to all here who have so generously shared the details of their journey to help all of us down the road. I was lucky to have found LBT before I was banded and the advice and help I got here was far above what I got from my own dr's support group.

I love how I can come here and post pretty much *anything* and someone will have good advice or experience to share. So I'm grateful and wanted to make that known.

In my first year I've lost 90lbs and gone from a size 26 to a size 14 (heck, on my way up in pounds I didn’t wear a 14 at this weight!). My blood pressure has normalized, my total cholesterol is a gaudy 150. My blood work all came back perfect (but for some low Iron but that's another story). I have more energy and verve. I feel good in my skin!

After two sorrowful years after ending a long term relationship then losing my dad to lung disease, for the first time in a VERY long time, I’m happy. I have a wonderful new man in my life (who I'm flat crazy about!) and a great outlook on my life. It has been a long uphill climb. A lot of this is due to Trink (my band). She's my little godsend! And I love her so! (a lot of it is also due to the tenacity of my amazing therapist!)

So I've seen other folks post what they learned or what they got out of their first year of being banded. Here's my list, in no particular order.

1) First and foremost...I learned just how deeply my food issues run. I post this first because it is most on my mind right now. I struggled for ten years of my life with bulimia. It was a terrible struggle. And it came on right after I had lost quite a bit of weight and then freaked out because I didn't know how to handle the "new" me. So having lost this weight (with a lot left to go) I am struggling with those same demons again. I know I'm better prepared now at 37 than I was at 25 to deal with this...but that doesn't make it an easier battle. The soldier is tired.

I have learned that these same food issues run deep with most people. I hate it when I get "food policed" with a "that's ALL you are eating??" but I always try to realize that is their issues cropping up, not mine.

I also really understand what a food obsessed culture we are. I look at heaps of food on plates and can't believe how much we, as a culture, eat on a daily basis. I certainly never thought that small bites could satisfy me, and yet they do. It wasn't an easy change but the band helped a LOT. I mean, not being able to physically eat all that crap has been both a terrifying experience and THE MOST liberating feeling I've ever known.

I still *crave* food that I know isn't good for me (a recent rampant craving for French fries comes to mind....) but a year ago...I'd crave...I'd eat...and eat...and eat.... Now, I crave...I think "I could get that"...then I think "hmmm...could I get that down? What would it take?". Then I think "ow...yeah, not worth it."

And THAT dear friends...is progress.

My band doctor calls this "surgical behavior modification...you get *instant* feedback" and he's right. Boy oh boy is he right......

2) I've learned that as amazing as the band is, you can get around it. So having a band is about being diligent and not complacent. You get complacent you get pounds back as your payment.

3) I've learned that motivation is everything. I completely lay my first year's success at the doorstep of unwavering motivation. I had never been in a hospital for my own stuff before so having surgery was a life changing experience.

Scared. The. Sh-t. Out. Of. Me.

I figured if the problem was such that I'd let a stranger, a man who I'd never let lay a hand on me in real life, cut into me....well then maybe I'd best work this program and work it hard.

Today, my motivation isn't what it was a year ago...a fact I'm struggling with. But today I see my surgeon for my one-year check up and I'm hoping to have a new fear of god blasted right into me.

4) I've learned that society's values about overweight people are frightening. I am treated significantly differently today than I was a year ago. It's a fact. Yes, I can attribute much of it to my own improved outlook on life, but there is a large percentage that cannot be denied. This particular point angers me because I think we are teaching our children conflicting messages. One the one hand, "here, eat all this fake sugary/fast food goodness" and on the other "you should be ashamed of yourself for being obese".

It's a double edged sword and it's not getting better. I don’t have a fix for it...this is just the rant portion of our show....

/rant

5) I've learned that yes, it is in fact possible to live without bread, despite all my own protestations to the contrary. Tho I do crave a nice big sandwich now and then, mostly I don't miss bread. It just doesn't do it for me anymore. Odd, huh?

6) I've learned that I can survive surgery on my own. I took myself to the hospital, had no one there at my side, did this all on my own (my sister did come down to drive me home from the hospital) even paid for it myself. Learning to stand on my own two feet and not be obsessively reliant on another person has been a big, hard, important life lesson. Yes, I credit my band for this too....getting this done for my health has been a boon for more than my body size.

7) Mainly I've learned that it's a lot more fun to be this size than it was to be that size...but none of this ever gets easy. The demons you have today in your head never go away. They can get quieter at times, but they are always there, lurking, waiting for an opening.

So I had my one year check up today. The good news is that...I've lost a lot of weight, feel great and my bloodwork is awesome. The bad news is that he looked at my esophagram and I have concentric dilation (but no slip...which is great news). He called this a prelude to a slip and spoke in pretty strong tones about what must be done.

So today, a year out from surgery, I'm here to renew my resolve.

It's about small portions.

It's about eating what I KNOW to be the right food to fuel this body

It's about exercise.

It's about avoiding PBs.

And it's about loving myself truly, completely, unconditionally......

See ya next year. I plan to tell you of how I made goal weight and feel even better than before....

Thanks to all who actually read through all of my manifesto (which to be honest was written more for myself but I thought I'd share it anyway)!

[PhotoNut 7]

Wow, Karen. First.. congratulations on a year of amazing accomplishments in your physical and emotional life. You should be very proud of yourself. I really understand those head deamons and the fear of being a new you. Let me know if your therapist has passed on any gems that have helped you. I'm not to proud to beg for scraps. *grins*

Secondly, congrats on your diligence and determination. It's paying off for you in a big way. Just shy of a hundred pounds. Dang, that is just plain awesome!

And last of all.. I quote you "But today I see my surgeon for my one-year check up and I'm hoping to have a new fear of god blasted right into me." Err.. hasn't anyone told you to be careful about wishing for this kind of thing? Don't you know that God is listening?! *laughs* Looks like you got just what you asked for. Did your Dr do an unfill? What's the plan for healing? Are you on liquids now? Please let us know what happens with that ok?

Thank you for sharing this. I read every word - twice. It meant a great deal to me.

A very happy Bandiversary to you. *big happy hugs*

[Dianechef 3]

Karen - I loved your post!! Thank you for sharing with all of us. I LOVE to read threads like this. I read it twice, just like P'nut! It's inspiring & makes me want to push myself harder to make my goal!!

Thank you & congratulations on a fabulous year!! Any chance of you sending over some pictures of the new you?!?!?!

[tommygirl 0]

Karen,

I have not been banded yet, but somehow I feel that I totally relate to you. Thanks so much for taking the time to write down what you feel, I have gotten so much from everyones experiences on this site, but your post made me feel like "Trink" is healing you and helping you make yourself healthier on many levels. You give me hope! Best of luck, Kristin

[barbara465 2]

Karen,

Thank you for the wonderful post. I am just starting this journey. The road is new for me having been obsese all my life. You are a treasure and your sharing means a lot to many of us.

Have a wonderful bandanniversary and please let us know how you are doing. You know what you must do to protect Trink. Hopefully, you will be successful with that and she will go on protecting you from the food demons.

[bandayed 0]

What a great place you are in now, and sounds like it will only get better! Love your outlook and your positivity! Keep on truckin' you have done an unbelievable job. Congrats to you & happy bandaversary!:high5:

[THEQUEEN 0]

Wow, Great Post!!! Congratulations!!!

[the best me 6]

I read EVERY word, and will come back again for inspiration. Especially the Motivation part...

Thanks for taking the time, and congrats on a FAB first year!!!!!

[BeacheeGirl 0]

Wow, powerful, eloquent (sp?) heartfelt. Taking the time out to share that is invaluable.

[lianna 3]

Wow! You have such a great outlook! Love to read a post like this, only pictures make them any better!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you!

[ReneBean 3]

Karen -

You ROCK! Thanks for the post. We can always use a reminder...

Congrats on the 90 lbs~!

Hugs!

[gentlespirit 1]

Karen~

Congratulations on your success! Your post was wonderful, and I know I'll will come back to it to motivate me. You should be so proud of yourself for perservering and staying motivated and for renewing that determination on this anniversary! Way to go, lady!!

Emily

[giveyouthemoon 4]

I really understand those head deamons and the fear of being a new you. Let me know if your therapist has passed on any gems that have helped you. I'm not to proud to beg for scraps. *grins*

*grin* Oh I get what you are saying...I think mostly my therapist reminds me that I'm not alone. And that the demons never go away, but I get better at living with them.

We're in this together, girl!

I'm hoping to have a new fear of god blasted right into me." Err.. hasn't anyone told you to be careful about wishing for this kind of thing? Don't you know that God is listening?! *laughs*

The good news is that God was indeed listening....my problem is just enough to scare me silly, but not so much I could lose my band anytime soon. *This* is some much needed motivation!

Thanks to all who took the time to read my post and posted their support. I got tears in my eyes reading your replies. This has really been an emotional day...in a good way.

As for posting photos...I'll see what I can do. For now, here is a recent photo of me, taken in New York in May (on my birthday)

And finally...my wonderful new boyfriend...came to pick me up after work today and gave me a box...inside was a beautiful silver and topaz Bracelet. He told me he is proud of me for the hard work I've done with my band...and it's a reminder that he's always there reminding me to go slow and take smaller bites. Wow, this amazing man might just be a keeper!!

[plumptuous 0]

Wow! Karen,

WHAT an inspiration you are to me!!! I loved every word you wrote. More more! Please keep us posted, OK?

Nanette (soon-to-be-banded)

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[plumptuous 0]

Hi Kathy,

I'm Nanette, I'm new to this board, and am still pre-band.

May I have your egg-drop Soup recipe, please? is it like hot-sour soup? (YUM)

I'd like to know your reasons for the aloe-vera too, if this is OK with you. Is the kind you take slimey-gooey thick?

Thank you,

Nanette

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