three's a crowd

[mamma t 0]

my husband, me and the sleeve, i think threes a crowd. me and my husband have a very common thing and that is food. we like to bbq, go out to eat, we Celebrate milestones with food, i mean food is a big connection for us. i am getting nervous that if i cant eat very much that we will become disconnected. i am scheduled for 03-07-11. he does not want me to have this surgery , he says i dont need it, but i have been a big girl all my life and i feel like i need it. so i hope this does not make three's a crowd.

[thinoneday 445]

my husband, me and the sleeve, i think threes a crowd. me and my husband have a very common thing and that is food. we like to bbq, go out to eat, we Celebrate milestones with food, i mean food is a big connection for us. i am getting nervous that if i cant eat very much that we will become disconnected. i am scheduled for 03-07-11. he does not want me to have this surgery , he says i dont need it, but i have been a big girl all my life and i feel like i need it. so i hope this does not make three's a crowd.

Wow, that is a problem. . and it could potentially cause a problem. Have you both literally sat down and discussed this? I mean the sleeve is a very restrictive tool and if your relationship with your hubbie revolves around food, well . . that may be a stickler. . . HOWEVER! if that is what y'all do, then once you come into eating food again, you don't have to stop all together. . you still can enjoy your Proteins (bbq) you still can enjoy your eating out (not as much mind you, but you can still go) you can rejoice your milestones (yogurt, Jello, popsicles, all sugarfree of course) and you can choose smart choices as well. . . just remember that this is a very restrictive tool and after 2 or 3 bites you'll be done. . . but this is something you and hubbie have to discuss in length. . . whatever you do DONT do it behind his back, have him involved all the way. . . discuss his fear too. . . this is usually why men don't want us to do this, something is scaring them, especially the part of "your going to lose the weight and leave me" They are SOOOOOOO paranoid about that. . . men are incredibly insecure about this when it comes to that. . . so sit down and discuss this. . . definately not worth break up over though. . . just my two cents worth

[Tiffykins 673]

My family celebrates, mourns, cheers, gathers with food. It's just what we do, did.

You can reassure him that after a couple of months, you'll still be able to eat out, enjoying the experience and each other's company is so much more pleasurable than shoveling hoards of food into your bodies. I promise the connection will remain if it's on a foundation of more than food. When you really evaluate your relationship, is it truly about the food, or about the experience? For me, it's about the experience, and food is now secondary.

I have social activities that also revolve around food. I'm talking 4-5 times a month I attend a function/game night/something and all of us bring yummy goodness for all of us to share. You know what I found? I realized that I could have a little bit of everything, sit around chatting, laughing, playing games (bunco and pokeno are my 2 regular monthly game nights with the girls), sipping wine, and I enjoy the experience of fellowship, friendship 100 times that of the food experience.

Many spouses are scared of change, and worried their little lives will be negatively effected by our choice to have WLS. For my husband, he realized I was doing it with or without his support, and he would have to accept the changes. I did however, make the transition very smooth for everyone involved. I didn't change what I prepared for dinner with the exception of we rarely eat processed food. I tweaked some recipes to make them healthier, and all of those changes were not only welcomed, but my husband and son both fell in love with my cooking adventures. Heck, my husband didn't realize for close to year that I was adding ground flax seed to his muffins and baked goods. But, his cholesterol improved and he loved the way things tasted.

Overall, it is a big change for everyone. But, at the end of the day, it's your future health. If he wants you to be around for many years, if he wants you to not be taking fistfuls of pills to combat the disease/conditions that are related to obesity, if he doesn't want your future health to deplorable, if he wants to enjoy your "golden years" with you not in a wheelchair, or motorized scooter, he might want to consider what all you both will gain when you lose your excess weight.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Well said Tiff. I would perhaps start looking for other activities you might like to share...movies, art shows, sports, outdoors, walks, games....My husband and I used to read to each other, we would even make up voices for the people in the books... that was a fun "us" activity.

[Rootman 1,101]

Yep, what Tiff said.

For me it was picturing my fat self in one of those motorized scooters, another lard ass American eating himself to death. NOPE, NOT ME! The only "scooter" I want to be seen on is my motorcycle!

Down 83 pounds as I write this.

Talk it over with him, assure him that there is more to your marriage than food and that you are honestly committed to the marriage to HIM. My wife had the same issues.

[Infernored 5]

My husband is against it too. There is no way he could fathom how this feels. My husband is tall and skinny. He is mostly scared because it's a voluntary surgery and why take unneccessary risks. Well, nothing else worked, and if I don't do this now, I may not be here very long. He has learned to respect my decision and we agree to disagree.

[mamma t 0]

My husband is against it too. There is no way he could fathom how this feels. My husband is tall and skinny. He is mostly scared because it's a voluntary surgery and why take unneccessary risks. Well, nothing else worked, and if I don't do this now, I may not be here very long. He has learned to respect my decision and we agree to disagree.

i think that is how it is going to be with us too, agree to disagree, but i like all the other post about finding other thing to do together

[loosing.it.in.2011 0]

I was also worried about this. Since my surgery it has not been a problem. Usually my hubby will order what he wants and I can either have a few bites off his plate or get me a bowl of Soup. It takes me the same amount of time to eat my soup as it takes him to complete his meal so we still get to enjoy being together and sharing each others company. We still go out with friends and have a great time. It is true that your focus will change. It will just take a little time for everyone to adjust.

[Infernored 5]

oooh yeah, my husband is also worried about going out to dinner and the future and how "awkward" that will be. oh please, it won't be awkward at all. It will be great. you get something small, and if necessary take it home. dinner time should be a time to reconnect with your family anyway.