Why did he tell everyone??

[2*the*new*me 0]

As some of you know my sleeve date is the 23rd of Feb, this coming Wednesday. My in laws decided to come down for one of their impromtu visits (argh!) and I kindly reminded my husband not to say anything about the surgery, I have only told a select few of my friends (nurses) and my parents.none of my other family know.. turns out my husband has told every person he has had a conversation with in the past 2 weeks.... he told them i was having some band put around my stomache and ill be in hospital for a while..... so turns out my husband doesnt understand how private and important this was to me and he has no clue about what surgery I am actually having which means he hasnt listened to a single word ive said. now Im sorry for feeling betrayed.... but thats my right isnt it?? I wanted this to be private not have 4 dozen people watching me knowing that ive had the surgery. And now instead of been excited for Wednesday Im miserable knowing that all these people... some I dont even know, know about the most important thing ive ever done in my life... Sorry.. crying to myself in my room didnt help. thought this might.

xoxo Holly xoxox

[iegal 460]

Sorry you are feeling betrayed. Husbands...argh-sometimes they just don't get it. But consider this too:

Maybe husband is scared?

Maybe he is concerned that you may change if you have been overweight for a while?

Maybe he is excited and wants to brag about how you are taking charge and moving to the new you?

Lastly, maybe is is just a man and does not understand the sensitivty needed on this topic.

I did not tell my mom or kids until 3 months out. My dad still does not know. Only my husband & closest girlfriends knew prior to surgery. You can do this even with all eyes on you. The sleeve is not another fad diet. Follow the guidelines, get enough liquid, protien, limit carbs/calories (shocking to found how easy the last two item are) and you will ROCK the sleeve.

Good luck and hugs to you.

[FiloScand 0]

I feel so sorry for you, Holly!

My boyfriend (now EX) did the same thing. Or at least to 12 people!

I felt so betrayed. Now it is OK (op. 2½ month ago),

I dont care now, but still feel betrayed.

He felt that it shouldnt be a secret - he said later on, that he was sorry and gave me the list over who he told. I cant help to think that it was gossip - he needed something interesting to say.

I do not know what to say to make you better..

But in a few weeks it is probably OK with you that they know.

It was with me. But I do not tell anyone myself.

The good thing was that one of the persons he told, is going to an operation too, and I have helped her with some things.

This is your life - and your future will be so much better.

It is not that important to others, as it is to me.

I fully understand you.

Betrayal.

Lack of control.

Now is the time to try to se all the positive things that will come out of this operation.

Think about you. How good this will be.

I promise you this will soon been forgotten.

HUGS from Copenhagen

[Plumpy 1]

That really sucks, Holly - I know I would be feeling pretty gutted by something like that too. If people are going to be watching then you will just have to show them just how great this decision is for you and your health. If they start questioning and you don't want to answer, just tell them that it's something you prefer not to discuss and change the subject on them.

You WILL succeed

You WILL be healthier, fitter and even more fabulous

You WILL do yourself proud.

Now go knock the silly man's head off and then hold your head high!!

[bilka 6]

My hubby told everyone I went to Greece to get a surgery done. He didn't really say what, but nw everyone sees that I am not eating solid food and that I have lost a lot of weight. Amazing, isn't it?!

I had begged him not to tell anyone anything! I mean, he could have just said I was on a holiday with his sister without adding extra details, right? I WAS on holiday in Greece with his sister for the first few days, then I got surgery...

I was SO mad at him. And! he told me all this the evening before surgery, so I spent half of the night before surgery crying and shouting at the him at the phone! Some men are just unbelievable.

Good thing is you'll be too buy with yourself from Wednesday on and will just forget about it. And really, when you start losing weight you won't care too much.

As you can see you are not alone in this! And we survived it. People's attention gets easily distracted, so don't worry, people won't concentrate on you too long!

[Margaret 4]

Holly, Holly, Holly---lean on your closest friends and this website and your doctor's group for support at this time. The rest will be but a bad memory and YOU will come out so well ahead that this will have been just a glitch. Maybe your husband is apprehensive and scared on several fronts. Pay attention to how he behaves from this point forward! I'm sure he understands he was a jerk for telling those you wouldn't have wanted to know this. I haven't had mine yet, but wish I'd told fewer people. Now I'm just chilling, waiting on the date and reading up on diet tips, etc from anywhere I can! This week will go by so quickly that the initial anger will fade. Best of luck to you and keep us posted when you can!

As some of you know my sleeve date is the 23rd of Feb, this coming Wednesday. My in laws decided to come down for one of their impromtu visits (argh!) and I kindly reminded my husband not to say anything about the surgery, I have only told a select few of my friends (nurses) and my parents.none of my other family know.. turns out my husband has told every person he has had a conversation with in the past 2 weeks.... he told them i was having some band put around my stomache and ill be in hospital for a while..... so turns out my husband doesnt understand how private and important this was to me and he has no clue about what surgery I am actually having which means he hasnt listened to a single word ive said. now Im sorry for feeling betrayed.... but thats my right isnt it?? I wanted this to be private not have 4 dozen people watching me knowing that ive had the surgery. And now instead of been excited for Wednesday Im miserable knowing that all these people... some I dont even know, know about the most important thing ive ever done in my life... Sorry.. crying to myself in my room didnt help. thought this might.

xoxo Holly xoxox

[myrori 55]

I understand your sense of betrayal. I felt like it was a very private thing in the beginning, but that got too hard for me to keep in quiet in the sense that I felt like I would have to tell too many white lies to keep up appearances. I ended up just telling anyone who asked, what a relief! I work with some of the most judgmental people out there (cops) and no one has been waiting to see me fail, even some of the guys at work tell me how good I am looking and that even my skin and hair look better.

As for men understanding or listening,,,, well here is my experience with that. My daughter had bypass last year, her husband looked it the day AFTER she had it done. My husband, to this day could not tell a soul what I had done other than I had surgery.

Most ( back down men on this board, I do not mean you) men are just plain thick. They cant emotionally grasp anything unless it is happening to them.

[RaiderRob 3]

My wife did the same thing. She told her mom and grandparents who I wanted neither to know. Her mom has the biggest f'n mouth. . I really don't care what folks think about me doing this, but I hate people in my business. Sorry this happened to you also..

[2*the*new*me 0]

Thanks everyone!! You have all been awesome support! and Raider Rob I wont hate on you since I hate people in my business too, but whats done is done and Ill take everyones advice and look to the future!!

Excited and Scared for Wednesday

Holly

[luvthe8r 4]

Holly, wondering how everything went with your surgery yesterday. I am still a few weeks away.

I am going thru exactly the same thing as you did. I just really didn't feel like telling anyone prior to the surgery and asked him to please not tell anyone. I actually thought, who really would he have to tell??? This is not about him, it is about me. Well, he told his brother he was taking a week off (but left out the part about me having surgery) and his brother decided to come for a visit during that week. I threw a fit because I really don't want to have company at my house the day I come home from the hospital and so he called and said I was having "unexpected" surgery and then said don't worry because his brother won't tell anyone anything.

I got home from work today to a message from his mother and sister wanting to know exactly what the surgery is for. About an hour later, I got an email from my sister-in-law asking the same thing (And of course, I would do exactly the same thing if I found out they were having surgery.)

I really don't want a lecture on why I shouldn't do this....and I am pretty sure I have 3 lectures coming if I tell them the truth. But at the same time don't want to lie. I honestly thought I would never have to tell them.

Such a dilemma.... do I tell them or not???

[lunarose 97]

Hi, I hope your surgery went well and welcome to the loser's bench. I am sorry you felt betrayed. My husband told everyone he knows too except in my case I wasn't keeping it a secret. I think maybe it is their way of dealing with their fears and anxiety I know it doesn't excuse his actions but you have to know he didn't do it to hurt you.

[seniorsleever 17]

Go ahead and tell them. They are probably worried about you, and may feel better knowing it is nothing serious. This happened to me--I had not told my son and DIL about it, but I couldn't have the kids over, so I told them I was having lots of tests done. My son assumed the worst, and called me very concerned and asked "Mom, what is going on with you?" So I told him. He was so relieved, and has been supportive since. Hope this helps.

Holly, wondering how everything went with your surgery yesterday. I am still a few weeks away.

I am going thru exactly the same thing as you did. I just really didn't feel like telling anyone prior to the surgery and asked him to please not tell anyone. I actually thought, who really would he have to tell??? This is not about him, it is about me. Well, he told his brother he was taking a week off (but left out the part about me having surgery) and his brother decided to come for a visit during that week. I threw a fit because I really don't want to have company at my house the day I come home from the hospital and so he called and said I was having "unexpected" surgery and then said don't worry because his brother won't tell anyone anything.

I got home from work today to a message from his mother and sister wanting to know exactly what the surgery is for. About an hour later, I got an email from my sister-in-law asking the same thing (And of course, I would do exactly the same thing if I found out they were having surgery.)

I really don't want a lecture on why I shouldn't do this....and I am pretty sure I have 3 lectures coming if I tell them the truth. But at the same time don't want to lie. I honestly thought I would never have to tell them.

Such a dilemma.... do I tell them or not???

[2*the*new*me 0]

Hello! I was sleeved on Wednesday has a bit of a reaction to the anesthetic but otherwise was suprisingly in no pain! Im still inhospital on steroids but I'm going well. Hopefully home today. This beds a bit short!! I'm six foot 1 so my feet are hanging off the end!! Just dealing with bubbles now. I've had a swallow and my new tiny stomach looks great albeit small!! I have gotten over the whole husband telling ppl I've realized that I don't care too much what they think since it's my body my life my decision and they can kiss my hopefully nice soon to be toned butt if they decide not to play nice. Any way good luck to all the soon to be sleevers xoxo holly from oz xoxo

[Disney 20]

Hello! I was sleeved on Wednesday has a bit of a reaction to the anesthetic but otherwise was suprisingly in no pain! Im still inhospital on steroids but I'm going well. Hopefully home today. This beds a bit short!! I'm six foot 1 so my feet are hanging off the end!! Just dealing with bubbles now. I've had a swallow and my new tiny stomach looks great albeit small!! I have gotten over the whole husband telling ppl I've realized that I don't care too much what they think since it's my body my life my decision and they can kiss my hopefully nice soon to be toned butt if they decide not to play nice. Any way good luck to all the soon to be sleevers xoxo holly from oz xoxo

That's great! Sounds like you have a good attitude about it!

Just sit back and let them be amazed as the weight just falls off of you. I bet more than one of them will be wishing they could have this same surgery!

Hope you're up and about soon!

[StacyS 20]

Oh, Holly!! I'm so happy you're doing well and are even able to post while in the hospital! I dont really have much to say about your husband telling a lot of people though, cuz I'm the one who cant keep anything a secret. I had gotten so embarrassed by my weight gain that I was super excited to tell everyone in my family that I was having WLS. My family is not judgemental and are very supportive so I didnt even worry about telling them. I havent been sleeved yet and everyone at work knows what I'm doing and I could careless...especially since I was the one who told everyone! LOL...

I'm glad you're doing well and please keep us all posted on your progress!