Secret Sleevers

[Foxbins 625]

I am just a private person. I am like this with lots of aspects of my life and this is no different. Im not ashamed or embarassed and if I was asked outright about it i would not lie, however, what i do to my body is no body elses business.

I'm with you, Groove. I am just a private person, and I respect other people's privacy as well. What I do with my life is my business and other people can do as they like with their lives. Want to tell? Tell. Don't want to tell? Okay by me!

[Jane_J 117]

I've heard mixed answers on this one. I was not secretive about my surgery, but I don't go around announcing to the world that I chose WLS. If someone asks, I'm open about it. I think a lot of has to do with being judged, but for me, I feel like judgment came my way just because I was fat. I would rather cut them off at the knees instead of the rumor mill running rampant and people speculating on my weight loss. Gossip mongers are going to talk regardless of what excuse/reason we give them, it's an inherent trait within that person. Plus, I can spot a WLS patient in about 10 seconds. I've had 2 of them so I've been about the block a time or two.

I have zero shame in my decision. I do not carry the WLS Card that allows for cheaper meals, or being able to order off the kid's menu as I feel that's absolutely absurd. I do not hide it on my FB, nor do I deny having surgery. I do think it's a disservice and only perpetuates the negativity surrounding WLS when people are ashamed of making a life changing/improving decision. I always figured if I had found a lump in my breast and sought surgery to remove it, not one single person would question my motive, and believe WLS should be viewed the same way. I do not consider this elective surgery. I tried to lose weight and maintain my loss. However, along with the other 95% of dieters that failed miserably, I finally decided to make a permanent change.

I believe the answer of "cutting portions and exercising" is great, but I have found that being open about my surgery has led 5 of my friends to the sleeve, and they are so success and have thanked me for being open and honest because of me, my success, them being able to watch me from about 3.5 months out to now has given them hope that they can be successful as well.

I understand not wanting to hear the negative, or deal with questions, but I also believe there comes a point in our lives when we stand up for ourselves, have pride in our choices and decisions, and take responsibility for our health and future. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow them to do so. When I finally accepted that my life is my life, my health is my health, and my choice is my choice, I never allowed anyone to defeat me.

Tiff I agree with all you said. One question, how do you spot someone who has had WLS? What are the signs and give aways?

Jane x

[Tiffykins 673]

Tiff I agree with all you said. One question, how do you spot someone who has had WLS? What are the signs and give aways?

Jane x

Usually it's the skin on the upper arms, and they use the same "eating" tactics I use. I move my food around the plate, I separate food into categories etc etc. The chew, chew, chew thing is "tale tell" if you know what I mean. Plus, if it's someone I see on a regular basis, their drastic change in diet, how they eat, the food types they eat, the rapid weight loss, the mood swings etc etc.

I've had 2 weight loss surgeries and I've been around WLS patients for 10 plus years. I obviously do not say anything, but that's where my whole attitude of "we're being judged" or "people will speculate" with or without details. I'm extremely understanding that people want to keep it private, and would never ever ask someone if I had suspected they had WLS.

[myrori 55]

My reasons for secrecy...whether valid or not...

1) I didn't want people questioning me. "Am I sure I want to have this done???" I didn't want to explain 10 years worth of deciding that, yes, I'm finally ready.

2) I didn't want people talking about it when I wasn't around to defend myself.

3) What if it failed? (I know, highly unlikely) I didn't want people thinking "Wow, she's really got a problem, having surgery and still FAT!"

BUT...with that said, my surgery was done almost 4 weeks ago and I'm not so secretive any more. Some people are noticing and I've just fessed up and I haven't had one negative response. Everybody is very happy and proud of my decision. I am, too. It's all been very supportive.

Exactly how my story went, ALL POSITIVES after just fessing up. Too stressful being quiet. I get though in the beginning why folks want to keep it secret, because they have enough of their own feeling to process let alone what others feel.

[love.star 1]

I am kind of confused as to why you would tell people your weightloss was due to being "diagnosed" wth hypothyroidism? I have hypothyroidism and that is exactly why I chose to get this surgery. Neither hypo or hyperthyroidism make you lose weight, and not drastically; I have been treated for both for over six years now. I just found that interesting that you would say that since the disease makes you do the exact opposite.

I don't announce it to the general public, but the main reason for me is actually to do with money - I get lots of bursaries and a lot of super-rich kids in my class hate the bursary system and would use any opportunity to malign the people who get them and use them for "inappropriate purposes" (whatever that is). Last thing I want is to be crucified for paying $9500 to go to Mexico to have my sleeve - even though I maxed out my line of credit for this. So when a few classmates who are not friends of mine commented on my weightloss, I just said I was diagnosed and treated for hypothyroidism. And people see me in the campus gym fairly regularly, so everyone knows I obviously exercise.

But I disclosed it to friends and close family members. As far as almost strangers, I don't really see the need to broadcast it. The other day I was out to dinner with my boyfriend and his work partners and I scooped up my salad leftovers in some tupperware - everybody stared! I mentioned it to him later - I personally thought it's because they are filthy rich and aren't used to the idea of taking leftovers home, but he thought that everybody must've thought I ate too little. I felt I ate a fair bit, which is easy with salads, as they are high in volume on your plate but pack pretty tight in the ol' sleeve. He said, "Maybe we should just tell them you had weightloss surgery!" I was like, "WHY?" If these people were obese, I might have, as they could've benefited from that information, but otherwise, I just don't see the point. I told him maybe he should tell them he had an orchiiectomy, he quickly got the message.

[emilygrace 5]

Hyperthyroidism certainly can make people lose weight, it's often one of the main signs because excess thyroid hormone increases the basal metabolic rate. That is of course unless they increase their caloric intake to match, which some people do because they get hungrier.

Similarly, people who are hypo often gain weight, have trouble losing it, and then can lose some when they begin to receive thyroid hormone treatment. However - if they are treated back to "normal" levels the meds won't "make" them lose weight, just make it possible if they restrict calories & exercise.

http://www.thyroid.org/patients/brochures/Thyroid_and_Weight.pdf

[slowkat 1]

If I get WLS, it'll be the sleeve & I don't plan on telling anyone. My blabbermouthed hubby will prob tell everyone even if I ask him not to, but for me, I had been raised in a volatile environment & gained a lot of weight from emotional eating. Once I got out of that situation at age 18, I lost all the weight & kept it off w/no problem for 12.5 yrs. Then I decided to have a child, never lost the baby weight & found out I was now hypothyroid so all my hard work to lose weight & keep it off went out the window. I've been obese for 7 yrs now & after trying for a long time to lose this weight (& keep off what I lost which didn't work, I always gain it back whereas before I had no prob losing/keeping it off) & I'm at a complete loss as to how I can lose this weight on my own now. My health has declined so badly when I used to be so 'cute' & active & happy & healthy & never out of breath when exercising. Now I can't exert myself w/o feeling as though my heart will jump out of my chest or I feel as though I'm going to pass out at any moment. I am also so fatigued that I fall asleep so easily now, I find myself in constant need of a nap. I now hafta make the painful decision & accept the fact that WLS is my only option. So in response as to 'why' I'm not going to tell anyone is b/c I feel so humiliated in that I lost all my weight before & kept it off...on my own & thought I had beaten the so called odds that you always hear about..."you never lose weight on your own w/o gaining it all back plus more..." Because I'd kept it off for so long w/little effort, I thought I'd never gain it back but now I've fallen into that catagory when I thought it'd never happen to me. I don't want people to not believe me when I tell them I've lost weight on my own before, those who still think I'm "skinny". Very few ppl have seen me fat again. I feel that if I tell them I now have had surgery, they won't believe that I did it on my own before so I don't want to listen to the haters & non-believers who call me a liar behind my back. I feel bad enough as it is having become this way again w/o added comments from others. While hypothyroidism is a legit reason for gaining the weight back, I don't want to 'have to' explain all that when I can just say "I maintain my weight loss by following a strict diet".

[Lakelady 2]

I haven't told anybody and it is getting a little more difficult to evade the questions. I feel self-conscious for getting the sleeve at such a "low" BMI. I was really only 50lbs overweight but I just couldn't stand those 50lbs anymore! One of my closest friends was irritable with me for eating so much less for the first few weeks and now she seems envious. I really owe it to her to let her know how I was able to do this! I almost wish the weight would come off more slowly so it wouldn't be so striking-almost.

[Derp 3]

My answer to this is pretty simple: Because people can be terrible.

Once it works and I'm down to at least CLOSER to my goal, I'll probably be more open about talking about it, but for right now i'm keeping it close to the vest.

[Bryn 3]

I am secretive because I'm afraid of failure nor do I want others in my business.

Sure we can shout that we had something to save our lives, but how many other things do we shout out in our lives that are no one else's business? I'm a private person and i feel comfortable that way. People at my job are incredibly nosey and all they do is talk and gossip. I try to shy away from it and even i get taunted about not diving into the gossip; apparently i'm too good to gossip

I have yet though to think of what to say if someone straight up asked me if i had WLS. I'm probably 50/50 on saying yes or give another answer.

[lunarose 97]

Hi, Pre-op I told no one mostly because I get so nervous and freaked by the idea of any kind of surgery and talking about it makes it worse. But now I am very open about it. For me I just could not lie about this over the years I have tried way too many things and diets that others had succeeded on and I would fail and feel bad about myself. To lie to pretend I lost 60+ lbs in 6 months from "exercising and diet" felt so wrong of course it helps that I am at an age where I don't give a damn what people think.

[rd2010 0]

The main reason I didn't tell people, except close friends and family? Simple, I didn't want to hear a lot of anecdotal horror stories that people like to share whenever someone is having surgery or even when they have a baby. That and the naysayers. Mainly to avoid all the negativity. The people I did choose to tell I knew would be supportive and that support has been a major reason for my success.

[Derp 3]

RD2010: well said.

I want to add though, that for me, I didn't want to talk to people about it beforehand, because I wanted the decision to be 100% mine, and not tainted with the opinions of other people - especially those who would want to talk me out of it because of either their own prejudices, misinformation, or just general negative attitudes.

This has always been my choice to make and my fight to fight. The less "outside" input, the better. This is not to say that I won't cop to it later on down the line, but for now, it's private, and I don't want the input of people who's opinion doesn't matter.